I'm Your Man (43 page)

“I don't want fish,” Daniel said.

Gwendy and Gretchen looked at each other and laughed, but wisely didn't make a joke out of that.

“It's great, isn't it,” I said, “to get that secret out in the open? I remember how I felt—”

“Wonderful,” Daniel interrupted. “When you tell our parents—”

“They've known for months,” Gwendy said. “Why do you think they joined PFLAG?”

That left him momentarily speechless. I understood. It had taken Daniel and his parents years to come to an understanding about his sexuality and be comfortable enough to talk about it to one another. “Fabulous,” he said. “They barely spoke to me for a decade, but for you, they're marching in parades.”

“No, Daniel,” Gwendy said impatiently. “They joined PFLAG because they needed support. Finding out they had two gay children left them wondering if they'd done something wrong. Why can't you ever see anything from their point of view?”

“You owe Daniel a lot,” I defended him. “He paved the way for their acceptance of you.”

“I agree,” Gretchen said. “We owe something to you, too, Blaine. The Stephensons respected your relationship with Daniel because they love you. That made things easier for Gwendy and me.”

“Gwendy and you?” I asked, disconcerted. As I stared at them, realization dawned. “You mean you two are . . . you're . . . together? How long has this been going on?”

“It all goes back to the wedding, doesn't it?” Daniel demanded. “You've been skulking around ever since Josh and Sheila got married.”

“Actually,” Gretchen said, “it all goes back to lunch at Le Madri. Remember? The day Aunt Jen met Frank?”

“I remember the lunch,” I said. “But you two barely spoke to each other.”

“We made a date right under your nose,” Gwendy said, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, how could you miss that?” Daniel asked. I looked at him, then realized that his sarcasm was directed at his sister and not me.

“I tried to talk to you about it later,” Gretchen said to me. “But you kept turning the conversation back to your relationship with Daniel.” She looked at Gwendy. “Is something burning?”

“Oh!” Gwendy said, jumping to her feet and heading toward the kitchen.

“I'll help her,” Gretchen said, following.

I took a deep breath and said, “Well,” as I exhaled.

“How could you not know this?” Daniel asked. “How many times a week do you see Gretchen? You go to doctor's appointments with her. You're having a baby together, for God's sake. You never noticed anything?”

“Don't blame me for this,” I said. I couldn't believe he was turning on me after I'd tried to be supportive of him.

“I've had enough of these sneak attacks,” he said.

“I didn't know anything about it. I was surprised to see you here tonight. I thought I was coming for a relaxing dinner with Gretchen. I definitely didn't know Gwendy was here.”

“I find that hard to believe. But I guess you have your hand in so many pies these days, you'd put Mrs. Smith to shame.”

“Look, this is a shock to me, too,” I insisted.

“I'm sorry; am I being unsympathetic? I just found out, under the pretense of having a long overdue dinner with one of my best friends, who is pregnant with my ex-lover's child, that she's sleeping with my sister, who's gone years without telling me she's a lesbian. And my ex-lover, who I seem to be saddled with on an almost nightly basis while we play America's favorite gay couple, and who I've seen enough of for one week, wants to sit here and share coming-out stories, until he finds out
he's
affected, too.”

“Would you lower your voice, please? Do I have to remind you that one reason I'm doing what I am is to protect Gretchen's health?”

He gave me a look that could freeze lava and stood up just as Gretchen came out of the kitchen.

“Dinner's almost ready,” she said, looking from me to him. When she saw his face, her pleasant expression was replaced by a look of concern. “Daniel? Are you all right?”

Daniel gave her a contemplative look and said, “Yes. It's been a long day, and I shouldn't have had two drinks on an empty stomach. Is there anything I can do to hurry dinner along?”

I had to admire his acting ability, because Gretchen stopped frowning and said, “Everything's under control. I'm sorry. I know this was a lot to throw at you. I hope after you have time to think it over, you'll be happy for me. You've always said that I need to find someone responsible, who's able to take care of me in a way that I don't take care of myself. Someone who takes her professional life as seriously as I do, but is able to relax and have fun when the day is over, so I can learn to unwind. You're the one who's—”

“The brother of your new girlfriend,” Daniel finished. “We've been friends so many years, Gretchen. You know I want you to be happy. But you have to give me some time to take all this in.”

I sat in silence, once again understanding Daniel's need to process things. I needed to process this one a little bit myself, especially as I watched the ease with which Gretchen and Gwendy finished getting our meal ready. They were obviously comfortable with each other, and I couldn't understand how Gretchen had been living what amounted to another life without my having some clue about it. Then again, after Daniel and I had begun our charade, my time with Gretchen had tapered off. We talked on the phone every day, but now that I thought about it, she'd mostly listened while I complained.

Our conversation after we sat at the table made us sound like four food critics analyzing each dish at a new restaurant. I'd almost convinced myself we were going to pull it off when Daniel suddenly spoke. “I can't believe you're a lesbian. How many years did you give me shit about being gay?”

“I did not,” Gwendy said. “I gave you shit because you're my brother.”

“You can't be gay,” he said. “This is so weird.”

“You're sounding awfully intolerant,” I said, using one of his favorite adjectives for me.

“Don't start with me.” Daniel waved his fork in the air.

“I could hardly be Gretchen's girlfriend if I wasn't a lesbian,” Gwendy said with a snort.

“I'm not finding the humor in this,” Daniel said.

“Maybe you should be?” Gwendy suggested.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Daniel asked.

“Here we are, brother and sister, gay and lesbian, sitting at a table with your ex and my current. Isn't there some humor in that?”

“I'm sure when I get home, I'll double up with laughter,” Daniel said.

“As long as you're getting used to the idea,” Gretchen said slowly, “you should also know that Gwendy's moving in.”

“What?” I was shocked.

“Blaine, you had to know that I might not stay single forever. I got lucky. I found a great woman who loves me and wants to be a part of my whole life.”

“What about the baby?” I asked.

“The baby is part of my life,” she pointed out. She looked at Gwendy and said, “We may as well put it all out on the table, along with the food no one's really eating. I know I'm not the only reason the two of you are playing the game you are. But I do appreciate the way my privacy has been ensured because of it. Blaine, you wanted me to take a leave of absence for my health. Gwendy has made me realize it's a good idea. She and I are going to distance ourselves further from the drama by going to Happy Hollow for a while. I can't turn on the TV or go to the supermarket without seeing you on some talk show or tabloid. It would be like going to a convention of gay coffee table book retailers and not seeing John and Ron on display.”

“Bob and Rod,” Daniel corrected.

“Whoever,” Gretchen said.

“Why does no one remember that they broke up years ago?” I asked. “What does your doctor say? Don't you have more frequent appointments during the next few weeks?”

“He referred me to a doctor who's less than ten miles from the resort,” Gretchen said. “I'll continue to be monitored. I'll definitely be back before the baby's born. You'll be with me during labor and delivery. I promise.”

“I have to go,” Daniel said, pushing himself away from the table.

I didn't say anything while Gwendy got Daniel's coat and Gretchen walked him to the door. All I could think of was that once again, he was walking out on me. Now that we'd agreed to no more appearances together, he'd be able to stay away from me indefinitely.

After he was gone, they returned to the table and sat down.

“Blaine, I've always liked you,” Gwendy said. “You know that. Maybe things are going to be different from what you imagined now that I'm in the picture, but try not to see that as a bad thing. I know you want to be a full-time father, and I'm not going to try to replace you in her life. She'll have more than two parents. It happens all the time.”

“You know the sex of the baby?” I asked, starting to get angry.

“No,” Gretchen assured me. She sighed. “This wasn't supposed to be a bad evening. Gwendy and I have found something special in each other, and we wanted to share it with the two of you. It was supposed to be more of a celebration.”

“I guess with all the parties Daniel and I have been to over the past few weeks, we're celebrated out,” I said. “Gretchen, could we talk? Alone?”

Before she could answer, Gwendy picked up our plates and said, “I'll be in the kitchen.”

When she was gone, I turned back to Gretchen, saying, “Look, I know I haven't been around much lately. I'm sorry if you felt neglected.”

Gretchen let out a short laugh and said, “I'm not your wife, Blaine. I didn't turn to Gwendy because you weren't around. Falling in love with her took me by surprise, but I'm happy. Just be happy for me.”

“I am happy for you. Both of you. I understand how Daniel feels, though. I need time for this to sink in. Will you keep me apprised of your plans? About going to Happy Hollow?”

“Of course,” she said.

The chilly autumn air hit me when I stepped out of her building. I watched as a couple walked quickly down the opposite side of the street. They looked like they were physically attached to one another rather than just holding each other tightly. I wondered for a minute how new their relationship was. Did they have problems?

What if Gwendy and Gretchen had problems? Would that affect the future of my child? I wanted to talk to somebody. No, not somebody. I wanted to talk to Daniel, to work our way through this news together. But of course, he'd made that impossible.

I pulled on my gloves and walked down the steps. As I turned toward home, I saw him leaning against the building, his breath making clouds in the air.

“You should have waited inside,” I said. “What if I'd been a long time?”

“I'm here,” he said impatiently. “Let's finish what we started this morning. Nothing left unsaid about our friends, the baby, the town house. No more of your secrets to catch me off guard.”

“I don't have secrets,” I said.

“The hell you don't.”

“You know about the baby. I wish you'd found out in a different way, but you of all people should understand why I wanted to wait for the right moment to share the news. God, it took you nearly a year to tell me the details about the fucking town house.”

“Blaine,” he said sharply, “I've told you everything about the town house. Maybe I should have told you sooner, but I didn't. I feel like you want me to change the past.”

“You can't. We can't. The town house is irrelevant compared to the bomb they just dropped on us. Your sister is going to be involved in raising my child. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“How do you think it makes
me
feel?”

“How does it affect you? It's not your child.”

He stared at me for a moment. The look on his face made it seem like he was lining up all his mental soldiers for one last battle. “How could you not have told me you were going to have a baby with my friend?”

“Gretchen is my friend, too. You and I were broken up. It seemed to me that we were through and I was left to make decisions for myself again.”

“You always make decisions for yourself and help yourself to whatever is available.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“It was supposed to be you and me,” Daniel said. “A baby was supposed to be what we did together.” I didn't know what to say. The look in Daniel's eyes was hard to read, and his words left me disarmed. He made a disgusted sound. “Just as I thought, no good response.”

When he walked away, my heart sank. I didn't know how he could leave now that we were finally approaching the issue that had been looming between us like the Rock of Gibraltar. I wanted to say something, anything, to get him to come back, but the words caught in my throat.

Daniel stopped four doors down from where I stood. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at the sky, as if searching the few dim stars for some kind of answer. He slowly turned around. His face reflected a renewed strength. I couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope that he would stick this out instead of running to the safety of his garden or friends.

He stopped in front of me. He looked serious, his arms still defensively folded across his chest. His voice was soft when he spoke. “Blaine, do you remember when Martin and I were fighting and couldn't stand each other after Ken died?”

“Of course,” I said.