I'm Your Man (46 page)

“I found out real life is better than anything I'd imagined.”

 

Lillith took advantage of the holiday shopping season by flooding the market with the Narcissus ads. She even threw a party at the Four Seasons, inviting a number of the soap actors who would be featured in upcoming Deity ads. Normally, I'd have been front and center, both as Lillith Allure's Creative Director and as Daniel's escort, since he was the star of the night. Frank had managed to thwart Lillith on my behalf, however, sending me with Sheila to Los Angeles to launch Zodiac's Capricorn campaign. I was sure Daniel was relieved, and Sheila and I enjoyed a few drama-free days. When we weren't touting our products, we went on a shopping frenzy, checking names off our Christmas lists like Santa on crack.

The next week, I holed myself up in the art department going over various sketches for the Deity line. The artist I normally worked with was on vacation, and I was ready to wring the neck of his assistant, Randy, who seemed to have difficulty thinking outside his art school box. He'd drawn Thor as a burly man who was pounding down on a lightning bolt with a large, carnival-type sledgehammer. It was drastically different from what I'd envisioned.

Randy groaned when I gave him a list of corrections longer than his arm. He brightened when the phone rang, offering him sudden salvation from my annoyance. He answered it, then passed it to me, saying, “It's Violet.”

“There you are. I've been calling all over, trying to find you,” Violet said.

“I told you I'd be here. In the art department,” I said.

It occurred to me that I'd left my office while Violet was at lunch and that I hadn't left her a note. The same thought must've crossed her mind, since there was a short lull, which I assumed meant she was quickly weighing the pros and cons of correcting me. Finally she said, “At any rate, Bonnie Seaforth-Wilkes and Lillith would like to meet with you.”

“Do you know why?” I asked.

“No. They didn't elaborate. They just said they need to talk to you.”

“I'm busy shaping young Randy's vision of our Thor campaign,” I said. “I'll be able to meet in a couple hours, or maybe tomorrow.” Violet's words finally permeated my brain. “Wait, they
said?
I assume they didn't conference call you.”

“No. They're waiting in your office. Together. You might want to get up here.”

“Okay.” I sighed. Randy looked relieved when I turned to go. As I walked away, I said, “Before I leave for the day, I'll be back to see those revised drawings.” I went to my office, pausing at Violet's desk before going in to ask, “They're really both in there? Just the two of them?”

“I should warn you, before you go in,” Violet cautioned ominously, “it's a real battle zone in there.”

“Oh, great,” I groaned and opened my office door.

Lillith and Bonnie were both seated behind my desk, staring with rapt fascination at my computer monitor as they pounded on the keyboard and shrieked at each other.

“That's their leader!” Bonnie yelped. “Take him out! I'll hold off the platoon.”

“I'm trying!” Lillith roared. “Use your flame-thrower, you imbecile. Don't waste ammunition!”

“I'm not the one who ran over a land mine with our tank,” Bonnie snarled.

“Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that tank right now,” Lillith mused.

“Watch out! He's got a grenade!” Bonnie screamed. A loud explosion emanated from the computer and both women sank back in their chairs, looking forlorn.

“Don't take it too hard, Bonnie. Try as I might, those boys in the shipping department always win,” Lillith assured her. Instead of laughing, I pretended like I'd just walked in and cleared my throat. Lillith jumped up and said, “There you are, Blaine. Good of you to drop whatever it was you were working on. We need a word. Rather, Bonnie does.”

I walked toward the sitting area, and they moved to join me, taking opposite ends of the sofa. They left a demilitarized zone between them, which somehow comforted me after witnessing their camaraderie against the shipping department on the company's computer system. I'd had no idea that this was one of the customs Violet brought with us from our days at Breslin Evans, but if Lillith didn't mind, it had nothing to do with me. I took a chair opposite the two women and asked what was going on.

“Have you heard of
The Robby and Rhonda Show
?” Bonnie asked.

“No,” I answered. “I don't have much time to watch television.”

“I suppose not,” Bonnie said. “It's new. It's barely made a dent in the daytime ratings, even though I've poured money into it. That's why I'd like for you and Daniel to be guests—”

“I'm sorry to interrupt, Bonnie, but no,” I declined.

“Blaine, don't be impertinent,” Lillith sternly said. “Bonnie's come all this way to make her request. The least you could do is hear her out.”

“There's really not a lot to say. I was only thinking of our boys, and how
The Robby and Rhonda Show
would be a good opportunity for Blaine and Daniel to cement their public image in a positive manner. The hosts of the show are gay, so it would be a comfortable environment.”

“Frankly, Bonnie, I've told everyone involved that I'm done with interviews and appearances.”

“Is this show on before
Secret Splendor
?” Lillith asked Bonnie, ignoring my comment.

“Yes, it is,” Bonnie said, brightening. “After that horrible meeting we all had, I pitched an idea for a gay talk show to the network. They jumped right on it, knowing we could hook
Secret Splendor
's gay viewers. We're still testing it, though, so it's only local right now. But I know it will take off.”

“I'm sure you're right,” Lillith said, peering intently at Bonnie. “I can tell by your aura.”

Bonnie looked pleased. She turned back to me and asked, “Are you sure you won't reconsider, Blaine? Even if Daniel is willing to do it?”

Daniel had been so relieved when we agreed to end our public appearances together that I felt confident enough to say, “Sure. If you can get Daniel to do it, then I'm in.”

Bonnie clapped her hands twice and said, “Perfect! I'll fax Violet with the details.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“That's very good of you, Blaine,” Lillith said, rising from the sofa. “This will do wonders for your karma. You'll see. I'll walk you out, Bonnie.”

Before they left, I collected my wits and said, “One condition. This has to be it. I'm a busy man, and I've done more than my share for
Secret Splendor
's image. Let alone another one of your shows.”

“Agreed,” Bonnie said. “I'll get back to you later today.”

An hour before I left for home, I returned to the art department, ready to be presented with another mutation of my vision. I was pleasantly surprised. Randy had done away with his original version. This time, Thor emerged from the thick haze of a cloud, his left hand holding an anvil-shaped bottle of cologne with a lightning bolt etched into the glass. Thor's other hand had lightning shooting from his fingers. It wasn't exactly what I'd described, but it was much closer to what I wanted.

“Thank you. This is a lot better, Randy,” I praised. He smiled bashfully, and as I watched him begin work on another revision, his phone rang.

“Art department,” I said, grabbing the phone so Randy wouldn't be distracted.

“Don't tell me Lillith demoted you,” Violet teased.

“Don't forget we're nearing Christmas bonus season,” I said. “What's up?”

“I got a fax from Bonnie. Are you going to be on something called
The Robby and Rhonda Show
?”

“Yes. When is the taping?” I asked.

“Wait, I just saw this. There's a condition,” she said. “Daniel has agreed, but only if you two can publicly break up.”

I was startled by the news and got a sinking feeling in my stomach. I shouldn't have been surprised that Daniel was looking for a way to put a permanent end to our farce. But the small flicker of hope that I'd had for us slowly faded.

Violet continued before I could reply, “I don't get it, Blaine. I thought the two of you were done making appearances together.”

“Bonnie and Lillith managed to railroad me into doing it.”

“It sounds like this will free you from doing any more,” Violet said. “I'll send the details to Gavin after I add them to your calendar.”

 

I took off work the following Friday and encountered Violet on my doorstep when I left to go to the studio where
The Robby and Rhonda Show
taped.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I know these appearances with Daniel can be strained,” Violet said. “I figured you could use a friend.”

I stared at her while she readjusted her scarf and tucked its ends into her black leather coat. She looked at me expectantly, perhaps waiting for me to protest and send her to the office. Instead, I put my arm around her shoulder, steered her up the block, and said, “I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have in my corner. The studio's only eight blocks away. We're walking.”

At the studio, we were ushered to the green room by a phalanx of handlers, interns, and producers. I was surprised to see Lillith standing at the end of a hallway with Bonnie, but since they seemed preoccupied, I didn't try to get their attention. When I was asked if I wanted to reserve seats in the audience for friends, I scoffed and said, “No offense, but I haven't told my friends I'm doing this show. I don't want any of them rehashing it over and over. I just want to tape this thing, then forget it ever happened. Is Daniel here yet?”

“Mr. Stephenson is around here somewhere,” a woman in horn-rimmed glasses said. “Let me see if I can find him.”

After she left, I was taken to a makeup room. When I returned to the green room, all the others were gone except for Violet, who was sitting on a leopard print sofa next to Daniel. He looked annoyed.

“I can't believe you agreed to do this,” Daniel said. “I've been up since four this morning. I had to rush my scenes early so I could come to this stupid show.”

“Hold on to that bitterness. It'll come in handy for our fake breakup scene,” I said casually. “Don't blame me. The only reason I said I'd do this was because Bonnie told me you were okay with it.”

Daniel shook his head and said, “If you're going to be a father, you need to wise up. Bonnie and Lillith played you like a ten-year-old trying to get a later bedtime. I didn't agree to anything. Bonnie let you believe I did.”

I cringed, ashamed that I'd fallen for Bonnie's ploy, until Violet said to Daniel, “For that to work, both parents have to fall for it. You're here. She played the same trick on you, huh?”

Caught, Daniel bit his lip, then said, “What could I do? Not only does Seaforth Chemicals underwrite
Secret Splendor,
but Bonnie's also one of our producers.”

Before Violet and I could discuss the merits of his contract and the benefits of his membership with AFTRA, the segment producer came in to prep us for the show. He told us to expect the same line of questioning we'd probably had from other interviews, and urged us to relax and have fun. He seemed content with our blasé agreement and left us, saying he'd return in ten minutes to escort us to the stage.

“This is stupid,” I said. “I wonder if it's too late to back out?”

“Yes, I'd say it is,” Daniel said curtly. “Besides, we agreed to put an end to this together.”

“I don't remember signing anything,” I said, turning away from him.

“Would you two stop?” Violet said. “I'm sure the only reason you're sniping at each other is because you're nervous. You've both done interviews together. This will be a piece of cake.”

“I guess so,” Daniel said quietly.

“Whatever,” I mumbled.

“Besides, this is just a local talk show,” Violet continued. “I did a little research on the Internet the other day. It's only been on the air about a month, but if the ratings don't pick up, it will probably be canceled by January. And the hosts are complete nobodies.” Violet took out her PalmPilot and read, “Rhonda Goldfarb is a psychologist and used to have an
A.M.
radio show on the West Coast. The other host—”

“We're ready, guys,” the producer said, bursting into the green room.

“The other host is a failed stage actor,” Violet hastily said. The producer frowned at her, but continued to rush us out of the green room. He directed Violet to the backstage area where Bonnie and Lillith would stand. Before he could take us onstage, someone from the crew stopped him to ask a question.

While he was distracted, I turned to Daniel and said, “Don't do it. Please.”

“Don't do what?”

“Don't fake our breakup in front of all these people.” When he stared at me, puzzled, I added, “Maybe you've forgotten that it was this time last year when we broke up. But it's been on my mind a lot, and it still hurts. I don't want to relive it in public.”

“I haven't forgotten,” Daniel said.

Before he could say anything else, the producer turned back to us, and I could hear the announcer boom, “It's
The Robby and Rhonda Show
!” There was sufficient pause for applause, then, “With Robby!” More applause. “And Rhonda!” Still more enthusiastic applause.

The producer said, “After a few minutes of patter between the hosts—”