Imaginary Grace (33 page)

I pulled into the driveway and bounced into the house without a care in the world. “Hey, dude,” Scott said from the kitchen, “Cole’s been trying to get in touch with you. He said to give him a call.”

That’s when I realized I didn’t have my phone on me. Shit. “Okay, I’ll give him a call, thanks,” I told him, but then I decided maybe I’d just stop by J.D.’s later since I had some errands to run in the area anyway.

After taking a quick shower and grabbing something to eat, I was getting ready to head out.

“Where’re you going?” Scott asked. When I told him my plans, he said, “I’ll take a ride with you. I’ve got nothing going on this afternoon anyway.”

“Okay, cool.”

Once in the car he asked me how everything had gone with Grace the night before.

“Everything went fine. She’s cool with it,” I said, and then added, “Listen, thanks for everything last night. I know you were in a bind with Gary, and you did the only thing you could’ve done. It worked out for the best anyway.”

“Any time, man,” he said. “I liked hanging with Grace and her friends. It was a nice change of pace.”

I made a few stops and did what I had to do before stopping at J.D.’s. I parked the car in the lot, and then the two of us went in through the side entrance. We found Cole, as usual, hunched over his desk in the back room.

“Hey, Tanner, Scott,” he said when he saw us. “Tanner, you didn’t have to come in. You could’ve just called me.”

“Oh, I was in the area, so I figured I’d just stop in. So, what’s up?” I asked as I took a seat.

“Oh, good news,” he said. “I was going over the receipts for the last few months and things have really picked up, mostly due to the shows. So we should have enough in the tour fund to cover a decent portion of everyone’s room, so long as we stick to mostly budget motels.”

Before I was able to process what he was saying, Scott exclaimed, “No shit, Cole, that’s great! Ya hear that, T?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s great Cole. Thanks a lot,” I said as I stood up.

“No problem. I’ll see you at the end of the week,” he said as he went back to his paperwork. We were almost to the door when he said, “Oh, and guys, do me a favor. No more underage girls at the club.”

“Oh, that was my fault, Cole,” Scott said. “I ran into a…situation, but it won’t happen again.”

“No problem. See you guys later,” he said.

We walked out of the back room and shut the door. Once we were alone in the hallway, Scott’s face slowly split into a grin. He put his hands up and started swaying and moving his hips as he snapped his fingers. He looked ridiculous, but I knew what was going through his mind. He went to high-five me, and didn’t seem to notice my lackluster response.

“Ladies beware,” he said as we started moving toward the door, “the tag-team of Scott and T is back in business!” He talked and laughed all the way to the car, oblivious to the fact that I hadn’t said one word.

“Now, I know you’re not going to be able to ditch Grace right away,” he continued as he slid into the passenger seat, “It’s going to take some time, especially after you…well, you know. Maybe in a couple weeks you can start distancing yourself. You make up some lame excuse like an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ sort of thing and then,
boom
, you’re gone. Yeah, it’ll be rough, but I’m sure she’ll get over it.”

He kept talking all the way to the apartment. When we got inside I went into the kitchen and sat down on one of the stools. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and stood leaning against the counter drinking it. Finally he said, “Hey, you haven’t said much. What are you going to do? I mean how soon are we ‘back in action’?

“I’m not going to do anything.”

“Well, of course, not
now.
” He rolled his eyes. “You’ll have to wait a respectable amount of time before you break up with her.”

I looked him square in the eye and said simply, “Scott, I’m not breaking up with her.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I was done lying. I didn’t care what he thought.

“I know, that’s what I said. Wait a few weeks before you do anything,” he said.

“Scott, you don’t understand. I’m not breaking up with her – period.”

“Ever?” he asked.

“What can I say? I like having her around,” I confessed.

“Wait a minute,” he said. “Are you…are you in
love
with her? Are you in love with
Grace?”

“Maybe,” I said curtly, and got up to grab myself a beer.

“Holy shit! When did this happen?” he asked.

“I don’t know. It just happened, I guess.”

“Wow. Well, I don’t know what to say. I guess we won’t be back in action any time soon then.”

“I guess not,” I confirmed. I waited a minute before continuing. “Scott, listen, this whole thing with Grace; how it all started – you understand that she can never find out about it, right?”

“Yeah…sure,” he said as he combed his hair back with his fingers, still obviously surprised by my admission. “I won’t say anything.”

“You’re the only one who knows, and if she ever found out, it would really hurt her.”

“Yeah, totally,” he agreed. “Well, I’m happy for you, I guess,” he said as he spun around on his stool and rested his arms on the counter.

I had to smile at Scott’s reluctant approval of my relationship. “Thanks, man,” I said as I went into the living room and turned on the TV, glad that everything was out in the open.

©

The next few weeks brought a lull in the band’s schedule, but since it was spring break Cole wanted to get in a lot of rehearsals. Now the big thing on his mind was getting ready for the summer tour. I didn’t really mind; I’d been hoping to spend the week with Grace, but her parents insisted she come home for at least part of the time. She’d be back on Thursday night, and we planned to meet up at my place and spend the rest of the week together. With Scott going home we’d have the place to ourselves.

By the time Thursday rolled around, I was dying to see her. And by the time I got home from rehearsing that night she was already at my place. At least she’d used her key this time, I thought with a smile, instead of the window.

We ordered takeout and ate in front of the TV as she told me all about her trip home. We turned in early –
obviously
– and got up late –
obviously
. On Friday, I even took her up to show her the lake house, which she loved, and we made plans to go up for a few days after school ended and the weather was warmer. I took the day off from work at the gas station on Saturday – a first for me – and we took the bus into Baltimore and walked around the Inner Harbor all afternoon – another first. After we got home we took a ride to the grocery store since we planned to make dinner together – obviously a first for both of us, judging from the overcooked pasta and wilted salad that neither of us seemed to mind after polishing off the ten-dollar bottle of wine that we’d picked up at the liquor store.

In addition to several romps in my bedroom and the living room, I was able to convince her, after much coaxing on my part, to join me for a romp in the shower. Sunday came around way too quick, and while we were lying in bed that morning I brought up the subject of the summer tour.

“Wow,” she said excitedly, “a tour! That’s so exciting.” She hesitated for a minute. “Does that mean you’ll be gone all summer?”

“No, I’ll be back and forth, but Grace,” I said as I reached over to take her hand, “I want you to come with me.” Before she could answer, I said, “It’ll be a blast, and it won’t be all summer. When there’s a break in the schedule, we can come back here or go up to the lake house or do anything we want. We’re even doing a few shows up by you, so you could show me around Jersey.” Her eyes looked as big as saucers. “So, what’d you think?”

“I’ll do it!” she said, full of enthusiasm. “It sounds great, but I’ll have to start laying the groundwork to my parents now. They might not be too keen on the idea.” She thought for a minute. “Oh, and I’m working the town’s summer rec camp for three weeks, but that should be the only time I’ll miss. I can’t give it up--I need that money to carry me through the next school year.”

“This is gonna be awesome!” I said as I playfully pounced on her.
Wait a minute. Now I’m the guy who playfully pounces?

An hour later, we decided to go have breakfast at the diner in town. I took a quick shower, then straightened up the apartment as I waited for Grace. Just as I heard the shower turn off there was a knock at the door, which I thought was odd for a Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon, actually, but still strange. Without thinking I walked over and pulled open the door to find Kristen standing there. She was all decked out in her Sunday finest with her high heels and perfectly coiffed bleach-blonde hair.

“Hey there,” she said. “Is Scott around?”

This was not good.
“Um, no, he didn’t get back yet from break,” I told her as I briefly turned my head to see if Grace was coming.

“Oh, well, do you mind if I wait?” she asked, smiling as she twirled a piece of her hair around her finger.

“Well, actually I’m heading out. Why don’t you stop by later?”

Just then I saw her crane her neck to look behind me, and I didn’t have to turn around to know she’d spotted Grace. “Ooh, I see you have company,” she said, loud enough for Grace to hear.

I had no choice but to introduce them. “Oh, yeah,” I said as I opened the door wider and Grace made her way over.

Before I could say anything Kristen said, “Hi, I’m Kristen…and you are?”

“Hi, I’m Grace,” she said, politely, “Nice to meet you.”

Grace’s hair was wet and pulled back, so it was obvious that she’d spent the night. I saw Kristen give her the once-over, probably taking mental notes so she could report back to Amber, then she said, “Well, it was nice meeting you.” She turned back to me. “Tell Scott I stopped by. See ya.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him,” I said, groaning inwardly as I shut the door behind her. I turned back to Grace, expecting the third degree, but she just smiled and said, “Ready?”

“Yeah, I’ve just got to find my shoes,” I said, relieved.

On the walk over to the diner she asked me what the relationship was between Scott and Kristen because Scott had told her he didn’t have a girlfriend.

“He’s dated her a couple of times,” was all I said, which was the truth. It just sounded better to use the word “dated” instead of “screwed” or, Scott’s favorite, “bagged”.

“Oh, so you know her through Scott?” she asked.

“Sort of. I know her from J.D.’s,” I said, still sticking with my aim to be truthful with her, and that
was
the truth. I mean, if she’d come right out and asked me: “Did you ever engage in a threesome involving her?”,
of course
I would have said yes, but since that wasn’t the case I saw no reason to bring it up.

Shit, who was I kidding?
For a moment I wondered whether I should just lay it all out for her, tell her all about my colorful past. I mean, what’s past is past, right? It doesn’t matter, isn’t that what they always say? Again, who was I kidding?

Even if I didn’t think Grace would hate me, I actually found my past embarrassing now, and I cringed at the thought of revealing it to her.

Apparently satisfied with my explanation, she didn’t bring up Kristen again, so I decided to just let it drop as well.

We stopped back at my place after the diner so that Grace could pick up her stuff before I took her home. Scott still wasn’t back, which was a relief since I didn’t feel like dealing with him at the moment. I put on the TV and lay down on the couch as I waited for Grace.

“I think I have everything,” she said as she emerged from my room with her bags. She placed them by the front door then came over to the couch, climbed on top of me, and rested her head on my chest. “I had a great time this weekend,” she said. “I hate for it to end.”

“Yeah, me too,” I agreed, then added, “Hey, the band’s playing next weekend at the Crow Bar. You’ll come, right?”

“Do you think I’d be able to get in? Don’t you have to be twenty-one?” she asked.

“Just walk in with us like you work with the band. They won’t proof you, and no one will tell. Now J.D.’s, that’s another story, though. Somehow Cole figured out that you were underage. He let it slide once, but that’s it.”

“Well, if you think it’d be okay, I’d love to see the whole show,” she said as she got up and sat astride me, resting her palms on my chest.

I rubbed my hands along her thighs. “I’m sure it’d be fine.”

“You were really something to see last weekend, you know,” she said as she slid her hands up and started playing with my hair.

“You think so?” I gave her a wry smile. She smiled back at me, but didn’t say anything.

Then I felt her index finger absently brush across my scar, and I felt myself automatically stiffen. “Ooh, sorry,” she said, quickly pulling her hand away, “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said, feeling stupid, “it’s just that…”

“Listen, you don’t have to explain. I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I wasn’t going to ask.”

“No, really, it’s okay,” I said as I took both her hands in mine. “I want to tell you.” I looked past her, thinking back to that time. “It happened back in high school, the end of junior year…”

Before I knew it, I’d told her the whole story. She listened quietly the whole time without interrupting. When I finished she asked, “Did you love her?”

“No, that was the weird thing. I didn’t love her, but I always thought about how much worse it would’ve been if I
had
loved her and that’s why…” I trailed off.

“Why what?” she asked.

I hesitated a moment. “The scar…it’s always been a reminder not to get too close to anyone, and since that time I haven’t…” and then I looked her in the eyes and said, “…until now.”

Grace looked genuinely surprised by my admission. “You mean to tell me that you haven’t had a girlfriend since junior year of high school?”

“Yeah, but…I don’t want to lie to you, Grace. When it comes to girls, I do have somewhat of a checkered past.”

Just then she stopped me in my tracks. “Tanner, I’m not
that
naïve. I mean, you’re a very good looking guy and I’d be a fool to think that you haven’t had your share of girls come on to you, but I don’t care about that. I don’t care what you’ve done in the past. It doesn’t matter. All that matters now is us, and like I told you before, since I’ve met you you’ve
never
given me any reason to doubt you…that is unless…unless there’s something else you want to tell me.” She looked at me, waiting for me to respond, and I felt guilt stab me in the gut like a knife.