Imagined Love (15 page)

“I got your whore, dike!” Katrina screamed right in her sister’s face. “I’d rather bang every dude I meet than to be sniffing up in some woman’s coochie, you nasty bitch! And I wish Jade would’ve beat the hell out of you when you tried to put your filthy hands on her!” she spat. “Even if she was funny, she wouldn’t want no trash like you!”

No longer able to contain her rage, Honor slapped Katrina in the mouth and screamed for her to do them all a favor and kill herself. All hell broke loose! They were punching, kicking, and slamming each other all around the living room. Tawny tried to break it up but the sisters were intent on hurting one another. She cried out for Jade’s help, completely unaware of the fact that Jade was calling out for hers a few rooms down the hall!

Jade had just walked out of the bathroom smiling as she daydreamed about Damien when Alonzo snatched her from behind. He carried her into his bedroom and threw her on the bed. He’d already locked the door and removed his sweater and t-shirt before she could even comprehend what was happening. Jade screamed out for her friends as she tried to make a run for the door but Alonzo picked her up and threw her back on the bed. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he unfastened his belt, undid the button and zipper on his jeans, and took them off. Smiling, he slowly and seductively removed his underwear, revealing himself to her.

“Alonzo, please don’t,” Jade begged, lifting herself off the bed as he walked towards her. She made another run for the door but he grabbed her. “Wait, Alonzo. Just talk to me and . . .”

“Sh,” he said, putting his finger up to his lips. “Ain’t nothing for us to talk about, baby girl. I just want you to get undressed and spread your legs for me like you did for Old Boy.”

“But I didn’t . . . Alonzo, wait,” she pled, trying to push his hands away. “Please, don’t!” He pulled Jade by the back of her head and kissed her hard on the mouth. “Alonzo, stop!” she shouted, trying desperately to push him away.

Amused, he snatched Jade by the collar and slammed her against the wall. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt her, though. Alonzo just wanted to prove he was stronger and could have his way with her if he chose to. He used his massive body to press her against the wall and pent her arms above her head. The fact that Jade kept squirming to get free of his grasp only made Alonzo laugh.

“I like it when you fight,” he smiled then planted soft kisses on her neck. “It turns me on, but there’s really no point in it. You can only get away from me if I let you and I want you too bad to allow that,” he whispered, pinning her wrists with one hand while wrapping the other around her waist.

Jade tried to stay composed, but there was something in the way Alonzo spoke which let her know he wasn’t going to take no for an answer! And she began to cry so hard that her whole body trembled. Jade knew the whole situation could have been avoided if she’d just left like her instincts urged her to do.

“Oh, come on now, baby girl,” Alonzo cooed. “You weren’t crying like this when Old Boy had his hands all over you. In fact, you seemed to like it a lot. At one point I actually thought you was gonna screw him right outside! So help me understand something, Jade, ‘cause I don’t get it. What’s so good about Old Boy that he can have some and I can’t? Why does pretty boy get to bone you?”

“Alonzo, I swear I didn’t sleep with Damien,” Jade cried. “He and I . . .”

“Don’t say his name to me!” he roared, pushing her harder against the wall. “And don’t talk to me like I’m stupid either because I saw you! It’s funny how you start crying when I touch you but Old Boy can come here, to my house, and damn near bone you right in front of me!” Alonzo fumed through gritted teeth. “Ooh, I should’ve killed that fool! And you . . . you must be crazy if you think I’m just gonna sit back and let him come in and take what’s mine!”

“What’s yours?” Jade yelled, as her fear turned to rage.

“That’s right, what’s mine! You belong to me, dammit!” he yelled back at her. “I had you first and I’ll be damned if I let some little boy come and take you from me! You’re mine, Jade. You’ve always been mine and I won’t let you go. I’m the one that loves you and I’m the one that . . .”

“Shut up, Alonzo, you don’t love me! You never did! You just hate that Old Boy is gonna get what you couldn’t,” Jade shouted, instantly regretting her words. The last thing she needed was to anger him any more than he was already.

“Is that right?” Alonzo snarled. Then he ripped the buttons from her shirt with such force that her head hit the wall and she bit her tongue!

Initially she was too stunned by the pain to react, but the rage and frustration Jade felt gave her the courage to fight Alonzo off. She started wailing on him like a madwoman but stopped abruptly when he just stood there taking it instead of retaliating or at least trying to shield himself. And once Jade realized he was crying, her anger was replaced with confusion.

“I’m so sorry,” Alonzo cried, gently stroking her cheek. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, baby. I just wanted to get your attention but I swear I was never planning to hurt you,” he said with tears pouring down his face. “I just wanted you to be with me. I wanted you to love me again. Whether you believe it or not I do love you, Jade, and I miss you like crazy. It hurts to be without you.”

Jade didn’t know what to think. A minute before, she’d been angry enough to fight her way out of his bedroom. Then, as if betrayed by her own emotions, she actually felt sorry for Alonzo. You better not fall for this, she thought then made a move for the door.

“Please, baby,” Alonzo said, as he blocked Jade’s exit and embraced her tightly. Loud sobs escaped his mouth and his entire body shook. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered. “I don’t wanna lose you again.”

“I just wanna go, Alonzo . . . please,” she cried. Jade reached out for the door handle again and he pulled her hand away. “Please, let me go. I don’t wanna do this, Alonzo, please.”

“Kiss me,” he whispered, gently caressing her breasts. “Please, Jade. Kiss me the way you used to,” he pled with his lips inches from hers. “Kiss me like you did when you loved me.” Then he leaned in to kiss her passionately. Before long, Alonzo had Jade undressed and in his arms carrying her to his bed!

Twenty minutes later, with him snoring at her side, Jade got up to put on her clothes so she could finally go home. Tears were pouring down her face as she ran down the hallway trying to hold her ripped shirt in place.

“What the hell is wrong with you, hooker?”

Jade ignored Katrina as she grabbed her coat and purse from the couch then bolted out the front door. Both of her friends ran after her but it was clear Jade wanted to be left alone. She sped off without so much as a look back, leaving Katrina and Tawny standing out in the cold—speculating on what had happened.

“How am I supposed to get home now?” Tawny pouted.

You stupid, selfish bitch, Katrina thought, and would have said had it not been for the favor she needed from the girl. “Just call your mama to come get you,” she stated instead.

Jade was relieved to find the house empty. Willa would have sensed something was wrong and Jade didn’t know if she could talk about it. Not that she didn’t want to. It was just difficult to speak when every thought of Damien and how she’d betrayed him made her dissolve into tears. And the truth of why she had given in to Alonzo only made Jade feel more upset and disgusted. At the time it made sense, but as she stood in the shower trying desperately to scrub his scent from her body, Jade knew she’d made the worst decision of her life! The truth was it was too painful to accept that the man she’d loved most of her life was actually capable of hurting her that way. So Jade chose to stop fighting as she recognized that Alonzo had no intention of letting her out of that room. After the fact, however, she was left with nothing but the ugly truth, the guilt of her actions, and the potential for even bigger problems.

“Ugh! You are so stupid,” Jade sobbed, as she collapsed on her bed and eventually cried herself to sleep.

It wasn’t until a few hours later, with Willa shaking her awake, that Jade finally got up. She was shocked to see Katrina and wondered why she was there. Willa’s phone rang and she left to answer it leaving the two girls alone.

“What are you doing here?” Jade frowned.

Katrina explained that she had come to make sure Jade was okay behind whatever had happened in Alonzo’s room. Jade told her everything and began to cry again. They hugged and Katrina reassured her friend that everything would be okay. She promised Alonzo would get what was coming to him for what he did. Then, after thirty minutes of talking and crying, Katrina asked the question which had been going through her mind for hours.

“Okay, so I don’t know if this is crass or not, but how was it? I mean, did he get you off at least?”

Jade looked at Katrina like she was crazy. What happened with Alonzo wasn’t a romantic encounter that someone would want to talk about with her girlfriends. And Jade felt like it was inappropriate to act like it was. Then she wondered what harm could come from telling the truth about what she felt.

“If what Alonzo did was all there is to it, I could go the rest of my life without ever doing it again.”

“Really? So it was that bad? I mean, was it just because it was your first time and it hurt or did he just not know what the hell he was doing?”

“Well, it’s not like I have anything to compare it to but I just can’t imagine people going crazy for that. And to be honest it just got . . .”

“Got what, girl? Tell me,” Katrina demanded with her eyes wide with anticipation. “Tell me.”

“It just got gross! First of all it was like being under a hot waterfall because he was dripping sweat everywhere! My body was drenched and it was falling all in my eyes and mouth!” Jade said, shuddering. “And if that wasn’t bad enough, he did this one thing. Ugh, I can’t even tell you.”

“Heifer, yes you can!” Katrina shouted. “What he do?”

“Okay,” Jade sighed, as she shook her head in disgust. “He let a bunch of spit collect in his mouth and then let it drop in mine! UGH,” she said then began to dry heave. “I was spitting and gagging like a fool trying to get that out of my mouth! That’s like the nastiest junk in the world! Who taught him that mess? I can’t imagine any girl finding that sexy.”

Katrina really thought she was going to throw up. “Oh. My. God! UGH!” she wretched. “That’s so damn nasty!”

“Well, it gets worse because after that nasty crap, he did it.”

“Did what?”

“That thing we always said is the nastiest, most disgusting thing somebody could ever do?”

“Girl, you lying! He actually went down on you? Ooh, I ain’t gone never be able to look him in his face again,” she laughed. “So did you like it? From what I hear it feel good as hell! But men don’t do that to just anybody. Shoot, if they did I’d always have some dude’s head between my legs! I guess they be saving it for they main woman or whatever. So unless Alonzo just some nasty ass freak, he must really be in to you. I mean, yeah, he went about it in a real jacked up way but how he was acting after you left make me think he do love you. Keep in mind that’s the fucked up version of love we learned from Cicely. So anyway, girl, did you like it?”

“To be honest, I was too freaked out to enjoy it. And I don’t think he really knew what he was doing. I’m serious,” Jade said in response to Katrina’s ferocious laughter. “I always thought Alonzo would be an excellent lover because of all the girls he’s been with, but he seemed as inexperienced as I am. And then when he told me to do him I . . .”

“Whoa, wait a minute! You did him too?”

“Katrina, please! You know dang gone well I didn’t do . . . wait, hold up a minute,” Jade said as she noticed the guilty look on her friend’s face. “You did it before, didn’t you? Eeewww!”

“Oh shut up, hoe! It ain’t that bad once you get used to it.”

“Once you get used to it! How many times have you done it? And on who?”

“Look, this ain’t about me. So finish your story, tramp.”

Jade went on to say how she just didn’t get what the big deal was about sex. And to know she’d ruined her relationship with Damien made Jade start crying again. Katrina didn’t understand why Jade thought her relationship was over until she realized the girl planned to tell him what happened.

“You can’t be that crazy!” Katrina said, flabbergasted by the whole idea of confessing. “Ain’t no reason Damien need to know nothing about it! I’m willing to bet money he been getting a little on the side until you come around. Boys do that crap all the time, so why can’t we? Plus, what if Damien is good in bed? You always saying how passionate he is and how he be having that coochie revving to go. What if he got skills in the bedroom? Trust me, when you get the right one you gone finally see what the big deal is. I promise you that. Then you ain’t gone be able to get enough. Next thing you know, you’ll be Jade the super hoe!” she laughed loudly. “So don’t let Alonzo’s poot butt ruin what you got with Damien ‘cause you know he ain’t gone stop boning every woman he meet.”

“So you know something about Damien being with somebody else?”

“Well, I didn’t see him do it if that’s what you mean. But he a young, sexually healthy guy, Jade. He got needs and if they ain’t getting met by you then somebody meeting ‘em. And if he hasn’t confessed who that somebody is then why should you? Shoot, we young, Jade. We got our whole life to be faithful and all that junk, but not now. Your teenage years is for experimenting and being with whoever you want. You ain’t gotta be tied down to nobody. You just . . .” Katrina paused once she saw Jade about to cry. “What’s wrong with you? I know you ain’t tripping about Damien, are you? So what if he been with somebody else? It’s just sex, Jade. You can’t really expect a boy who been having sex for years to just stop all of a sudden because you don’t wanna do it yet. That ain’t fair.”

“It’s not really that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Before Alonzo went to sleep he kept talking about how he never felt that way before and that it was different with me. And then he asked me what I wanted to name our baby.”

Katrina stared at Jade for a few moments. “Jade, I know you not sitting here telling me y’all didn’t use nothing! Please tell me you ain’t that stupid!” she shouted. “Do you know how many girls Alonzo been with? Ain’t no way in hell you shoulda slept with him without a rubber! And how come you ain’t on the pill?” she snapped. “I know you wasn’t planning on being with Alonzo but you and Damien been getting close to the bedroom for months. So you don’t have no excuse not to be on some kind of birth control, Jade.”

Katrina left the room for a minute and she returned with a handful of condoms. “Here,” she said, thrusting them into Jade’s hand. “You keep these in your purse, your pocket, or even your book bag and don’t ever let me hear about

you being with somebody without one! You hear me? And you need to go down to Planned Parenthood or somewhere and get on the pill,” Katrina stated, as she hugged her sobbing friend. “Look, I know I play around about a lot of stuff but this ain’t one of them things. You too smart for this, Jade. Neither one of us is gone end up like Cicely’s ass on welfare with a bunch of kids by different men! Now where your calendar?”

“My calendar?”

“Yeah, so we can track your periods and see if it’s even possible for you to be pregnant. Now where is it?” Katrina barked, impatiently.

Jade got the calendar then Katrina showed her how to find out which days she was ovulating. Jade was quite impressed with her friend’s knowledge on the subject. She had always thought Katrina was careless and irresponsible, but when it came to safe sex she most definitely was not. Thankfully, it wasn’t possible for Jade to be pregnant. And later that night, the spotting she thought was from having sex for the first time turned out to be her period. They both breathed a sigh of relief and the whole experience seemed to bring them closer.

“I know this ain’t the way you dreamed of it happening, but it only seem right Alonzo woulda been your first. I mean, he has been chasing you for like three years now.”

“Try six.”

“What?”

“Okay look, Katrina. I’m gonna tell you something but you can’t be in here laughing about it, you hear me?”

“Okay,” she said, with a half smile on her face.

“Remember how I used to spend the night at your house all the time then all of a sudden I hated staying there? And then a few nights I slept in Cicely’s bed?”

“Yeah?” Katrina frowned.

“Well that was because Alonzo used to crawl into our room in the middle of the night. I don’t know how but he always came right to me even in the pitch dark. He would try to snatch my panties off and then laid on top of me and start humping and . . . see that’s why I didn’t tell your stupid butt! Idiot,” Jade snapped, as she watched Katrina laughing on the floor. “I was traumatized by that mess and here you are laughing! Get your butt up!”

“Ooh, girl, I’m sorry,” Katrina panted, as she tried to stop laughing.

“Well, I guess I shouldn’t have been all that surprised by today. Alonzo’s been gearing up for that moment for years.”

“So wait a minute?” Katrina asked, suddenly becoming very serious. “Did Cicely let you sleep in her bed because she knew what Alonzo was doing?”

“Yeah, I told her and . . .”

“And she didn’t do shit, did she? See that’s what I’m talking about. If Landon or Robert had done something like that she woulda hung them! But the golden boy can rape you right under her nose and she just let him get away with it! I bet she’ll make excuses for what he did today too. I can’t stand that old raggedy heifer! She treat Alonzo like a god and the rest of us like dirt!”

Katrina went on ranting about how much she hated her mother. Jade regretted mentioning anything about what happened all those years ago. She didn’t expect her friend to get so upset about it.

Damien noticed a difference in Jade but didn’t quite know what to make of it. At first he thought she was just nervous about having sex. However, after a few weeks of her being distant and cold Damien knew something else was wrong. So one day after school he drove to Jade’s house and waited on the porch for her.

“What are you doing out here in the freezing cold?”

“I came to find out what’s the matter with my girlfriend?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on now, Jade, I know something’s wrong. We normally talk about everything but lately you barely say two words to me. A few weeks ago you were ready to make love to me but now you flinch if I even look like I’m gonna touch you. So please explain to me what’s happening because I don’t get it. Did I do something wrong?”

“You tell me,” Jade said, as she crossed her arms in front of her.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking,” Damien stated, instantly annoyed by her attitude.

“If I ask you a question will you tell me the truth no matter what?”

“Of course I will. You know you can ask me anything.”

“Okay, so have you slept with anybody since we’ve been together?”

“Are you serious?” Damien frowned. He was completely shocked and thrown off guard. “Why would you ask me that, Jade? Do you really think I’m that kind of guy?”

“So that’s a no then?”

“You really have to ask? I can’t believe . . . wow! That hurts, Jade. That really hurts.”

“Not as much as you refusing to answer the question!” She pushed past him to unlock the front door. “I guess I’m the idiot for thinking you were any different than every other guy.”

“Jade, wait,” Damien said, pulling her back towards him. “You obviously need to hear me say the words, so I’m telling you that I haven’t had anybody in my bed since we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend, okay? I don’t know where all this is coming from but that’s the truth.”

“Humph. That’s interesting.”

“What is?” Damien snapped.

“The distinctions you made. I asked if you slept with anybody since we’ve been together and you said nobody’s been in your bed since we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend. So what exactly does that mean, Damien? Because it sounds like a bunch of double talk to me.”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Jade! But if you think you know something then I wish you would just say it instead of playing these games with me because I don’t like it!”

“You’re the one playing games! I asked you a simple question that required a simple yes or no, but you out here talking in circles like I’m too stupid to understand what you’re really saying!” Jade snapped. “Yeah, whatever,” she said in response to the disinterested look on his face. “As far as I’m concerned you can go back to whoever you were with before we became boyfriend and girlfriend!” Jade tried to slam the door but Damien pushed his way inside. “Get your hands off me,” she screamed and nearly knocked him over when he grabbed her coat and pulled her to him.

“Listen, Ms. Caldwell, as far as I’m concerned you were my girlfriend when I kissed you at the skating rink that night. So what that means exactly is I haven’t even thought about another girl because I only wanna be with you. Even if it means being humiliated by telling you how often I, uh, take care of myself,” Damien blushed. “My mama must think I’m the ashiest boy in the world with all the lotion I’ve used up lately.” They both laughed really hard. “It’s embarrassing to admit, but I swear that’s all I’ve done, Jade. I’m in love with you,” he smiled, entwining his fingers with hers. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and I don’t wanna lose you. I know how you’ve been hurt and I would never do that to you. I love you.” Damien kissed her with such passion that her body ached for him! “So what time will your mom be home? I got an early Christmas present for you,” he smiled.