Imagined Love (17 page)

“No, Jade, me and Katrina fought yesterday too. She was mad because I didn’t tell her you were here. So we argued and said a bunch of stupid stuff to each other. And then I told her . . . I told Katrina I hated her and I wished she wasn’t my sister,” Honor sobbed. “But I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t mean it.”

Jade embraced Honor for a while then excused herself so she could read the letter Katrina had left for her. She closed the door then ripped open the envelope hoping for an explanation. There wasn’t one. Katrina said she was sorry and that she loved her and hoped one day Jade would be able to forgive her. She also wrote that there was a box in her closet and the contents were for Jade’s eyes only. And that was it.

Jade had been so focused on her own hurt feelings that she didn’t recognize what was happening right in front of her. Loud sobs shook her body as she lay across Katrina’s bed wishing she’d been there the one time her friend really needed her. Maybe if she’d taken her call Katrina would still be alive! A knock on the door preceded Cicely’s entrance into her oldest daughter’s room.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t help her. Please forgive me,” Jade cried out. “I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at her yesterday. I should’ve taken her call and . . .”

“Umm, uh, baby, don’t you do that,” Cicely said, as she held Jade close. “Don’t you blame yourself because you not responsible for this, Jade. You hear me? You was the best friend Katrina ever had and she knew it too. We all know how much you loved that girl so don’t tear yourself apart for something none of us would’ve ever imagined. I’m her mama and I never thought she would do this! I didn’t know,” Cicely broke into tears, still holding Jade close to her. “I still can’t believe it. I just thought she was sleeping but when Raquel went to wake her up for dinner, Katrina wouldn’t wake up. The paramedics tried to work on her but it was too late. She was gone . . . just like that.”

They heard voices coming from downstairs as more friends and family arrived. Jade needed to go home because she couldn’t handle a crowd. She grabbed the box from Katrina’s closet, said a quick hello to the people gathering in the living room, then she left. Pretending not to see Alonzo and his roommate pulling up behind her, Jade sped away. She cried herself to sleep as soon as she got home.

Jade was awakened by Willa screaming and crying. Her newest boyfriend, who everybody called Parks, didn’t understand why she was so upset about Katrina. In his opinion, no one who was weak enough to take her own life deserved to be mourned! Willa was enraged and told him to get out. Then she went into Jade’s room and they cried together for a while and talked about Katrina and the things they’d loved about her. Suddenly Jade remembered the box and asked to be alone so she could go through it.

She didn’t know what to expect and was completely surprised by what she found. It was a record of their lives together. Katrina had kept everything. There were notes they’d passed to each other in class dating back to second grade. She had the ticket stubs from each of the sixteen times Jade had dragged her to see The Last Dragon. Every card she had given Katrina as well as the dried rose petals she’d given her over the years were in the box. There were also pictures of them together, some of which Katrina had stolen from Jade’s things. A memory book filled with snapshots, letters, and Katrina’s own writing where she’d documented everything they had done in all their years together. Jade was a blubbering mess by the time she got to the diary where Katrina wrote about both of their sexual experiences!

“What the hell you write about my stuff for, tramp?” Jade giggled. Most of what she read made her laugh as she was reminded of things not thought about in years. What made Jade cry, however, was feeling like she’d learned more about Katrina in those few hours of going through her things than she had their whole life together! She thought and cared about so many more things than Jade had given her credit. And Katrina was wounded by things she never would have imagined. After reading through the pages of the diary, it wasn’t as shocking that she’d committed suicide. Katrina was depressed and miserable for years and only her diary was privy to that information.

Just when Jade thought she couldn’t be shocked any further, she came across some books hidden at the bottom of the box. “Oh, lord!” she shrieked and her face turned red. There were three books, tutorials better yet, on how to drive a man wild in bed! Jade leafed through one of them but couldn’t bring herself to actually read it. She hid them in her closet with the intention of reading them when she got up the nerve. In life, Katrina had always tried to bring out Jade’s “freaky side”, so it wasn’t surprising that she’d done the same even in death.

Willa and Cicely squeezed each other’s hand as they stood at Katrina’s casket for the final viewing. They still weren’t able to comprehend what had been so bad in her life that death seemed better.

“I did love her, Willa,” Cicely sobbed, as she stared at Katrina. “I did. She was my baby,” she whispered then let out the saddest, most pitiful sound.

“Oh my god,” Willa cried, shaking her head as she began backing away. “Ooh, lord, I can’t take this. I just can’t take this,” she sobbed.

“I got you, Ma,” Landon said, half hugging, half holding her up. “It’s okay, I got you.”

The jealousy Cicely felt overshadowed her grief and she began screaming at the top of her lungs! “I’m your mother, Landon, so why you running over comforting her? It’s bad enough you staying over at her house like you ain’t got a home but then you have the nerve to disrespect me at my daughter’s funeral! Who do you think you are, boy? You ain’t no better than . . .”

“Calm down,” he grunted, through gritted teeth. “This isn’t the time or the place for that nonsense.”

“Say what? Boy, who you think you talking to? I’m your mother and you will respect me!”

“Or what?” Landon snapped. “You gone put another gash in my head with your two-by-four? Or you gone starve me again and give our food to your boyfriends? Huh, Cicely? Is that how you’re gonna make me respect you?”

“Come on, baby,” Willa said, as she tried to pull Landon away. “Let’s go.”

“No, Ma, I’m sick of her! I’m sick of watching her pretend like she actually gave a damn about Katrina when we all know she didn’t. She didn’t give a damn about none of us!”

Cicely lunged at him but Willa jumped in the way. Alonzo ran over to grab his mother and told Landon to relax which only infuriated him more.

“Let her go!” he screamed, pushing Willa’s hands away. “You jump over here if you want to and I’m a whoop your ass like I did the last time you put your hands on me! I told you I’m not that little boy you used to abuse anymore and I’ll kill you before I let you hurt me again! I wished I had before then maybe my little sister wouldn’t be lying in this damn box!” Landon cried.

Responding to all the yelling, a few people came back inside the church. As sad as it was, some folks only went to funerals for the drama which usually came with it. Jade’s head felt like it was going to explode as she sat hunched over, sobbing in the front pew. Robert had taken Honor and Raquel outside to get them away from all the craziness. Landon was still screaming and crying as Willa and Alonzo tried to control him. Jade had never seen him that way and didn’t know what to do to help him. The whole situation was a mess and all the while Katrina lay there seemingly forgotten about. In just a short time she’d be laid to rest forever and it didn’t seem to matter. From the start of the funeral right until the end Cicely managed to take the focus from Katrina and put it upon herself. Friends approached the podium to say a few kind words and Cicely screamed or fainted or whatever she could do to get all eyes back on her. Even Katrina’s final moments in the spotlight were stolen by her jealous-hearted mother.

In the midst of all the chaos, Jade sat staring at her friend remembering that the last thing she ever said to her was “I hate you!” She had kicked, punched, and screamed she never wanted to see Katrina again. And now she never would. Jade felt familiar arms wrap around her and she leaned into them and sobbed.

“I’m here,” Dion whispered, as he kissed the top of her head. “I’m right here.” Realizing that the fighting between Landon and Cicely was only upsetting her more, he led Jade to the hallway then held her as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry,” Dion said, gently stroking her hair. “I know how much you loved her.”

“Quit pretending like you were ever a mother to us because you weren’t!” Landon screamed right in Cicely’s face. “Katrina is laying here because she’d rather be dead than live another day as your daughter! Do you not get that? All of us did whatever we had to do to get away from you,” he cried. “I hate you for what you did to us! I hate you!” Landon was sobbing uncontrollably at that point then he turned to look at Katrina and touched her hand. “I’m sorry, Kit Kat. I’m so sorry.”

Willa took Landon into her arms and held on to him for dear life.

“Why did she do this, Ma? She only had a few months until she was coming to live with me. Why didn’t she . . .” Landon nearly collapsed in Willa’s arms. “Why didn’t I just take her with me like she asked me to? Katrina begged me to come get her and I told her to wait until after graduation. I’m so stupid, Ma! I thought it was more important for her to graduate with her friends when I should’ve known the hell she was going through. I should’ve come to get her. Katrina needed me and I wasn’t there. I left her, Ma! I just left her,” Landon screamed then dropped to his knees sobbing so hard he could barely breathe.

Willa knelt beside Landon and just held him as she had no clue what to say. Cicely stormed off to get into the limo and Alonzo watched silently as the funeral director rolled Katrina’s casket out to the hallway for the pallbearers to carry to the hearse. A few minutes later everyone was outside preparing to go to the cemetery.

Landon, Robert, Alonzo, their older brother Eric, their uncle William, and Mooney loaded Katrina’s casket into the hearse. Hundreds of mourners, including Katrina’s father who she hadn’t seen or heard from in eight years, paid their last respects. A fellow classmate sang “You’re So Far Away” by Carole King, bringing everyone to tears.

“Ashes to ashes and dust to dust . . .” the reverend was saying as the casket was lowered into the ground. On April 5, 1989, Katrina Sass was laid to rest.

On June 16th, Jade cried during most of the graduation ceremony as she held Katrina’s locket in her hands. Despite everything they’d been through and all the things she learned from reading the diaries, Jade still missed her childhood friend terribly. It was unreal that Katrina was actually gone and Jade thought about her

through the entire ceremony. Dion and Tawny tried to cheer her up but there was a big hole in her heart that no one else could fill.

The day after graduation Jade announced to her parents that she wasn’t going to Indiana University in Bloomington as was planned. She was going to California to live with Landon! Miles went through the roof and forbid her to go. He thought it was ridiculous for a seventeen-year-old girl to be living with a grown man. And to Jade’s surprise Willa wasn’t too fond of the idea either. She loved Landon like a son but if there was one thing she was certain of it was that he was in love with Jade. Willa feared living in such close quarters completely unsupervised might lead to a relationship she wasn’t sure her daughter could handle or even wanted. However, Willa knew Jade well enough to know she was going to California with or without their approval so she made a deal with her.

“Spend the summer with me. We’ll celebrate your eighteenth birthday together and have some mother, daughter bonding, okay?”

Willa wanted the chance to have a real heart-to-heart with her daughter since she was certain Jade wouldn’t be returning to Gary, Indiana. And she didn’t blame her for that. Willa knew it was time to let go and allow her baby the chance to find her own way in the world and become a woman. So on Labor Day Jade said goodbye to her mother and boarded the train. She cried the first few days of her four-day trip letting go of all the baggage and heartache she’d carried for years. Jade made the decision to completely let go of her childhood, the junk she’d gone through with disloyal friends and cheating boyfriends, and any remaining feelings she had towards her parents. It was her chance to start a new life. And when she hopped off the train and into Landon’s arms, Jade planned to do just that. Union City, California was the place where she would make all her dreams come true!

Unfortunately thing were not at all what Jade expected them to be. Her first dose of reality came when Landon led her inside his apartment. When he told her his rent was seven hundred dollars a month Jade imagined something luxurious and plush. However, there were no words to express what she felt when he showed her around what could only be described as a sleazy motel room! His “office” was nothing more than an old computer atop a rickety dinette table that was shoved into the corner of the smallest kitchen she’d ever seen. With only one bedroom Jade was stuck sleeping on the couch and stashing her things wherever she could find space, which was nowhere. She was so frustrated that she cried herself to sleep on what was supposed to an exciting first day of her new life.

The next day wasn’t much better. Landon introduced Jade to the girlfriend he’d been raving about for months and their dislike for each other was immediate. Cassandra, who Jade thought looked masculine, was a big fitness buff and believed everyone should adopt the same lifestyle as hers. She was a personal trainer and nutritionist and before Jade could even finish saying hello Cassandra was already telling her what she should do to get in better shape. And she was just as obnoxious and overbearing when it came to Landon. She clearly didn’t support his event planning business and constantly nagged him to do something else. Though, as the months went by Jade couldn’t really blame her. The business wasn’t exactly flourishing. They were lucky to plan one party a month. Landon had to keep his job as a department store manager just to make the rent. Cassandra was annoyed with him and the fact that he was always broke. She was mad all the time and threatened to leave Landon every other day. Jade definitely didn’t see a love connection between them and finally asked what he saw in her.

“Bow chicka bow bow,” he sang and did his little stripper pole dance. Landon and Cassandra both talked about how mind blowing the sex was. He said she was incredibly strong and free and did things in bed he’d never experienced before. So they continued in the relationship even though it didn’t really work outside of the bedroom. Arguing all the time seemed to be their foreplay.

There was no good side to Cassandra’s and Jade’s relationship. They didn’t like each other and there was no getting around it. The truth was Cassandra was extremely jealous of Jade and didn’t buy the “little sister” routine Landon kept insisting upon. She believed he was in love with the girl and it was only because Jade saw him as a big brother and nothing else that he never pursued her. Of course Landon denied it and Jade was too blind to see, but Cassandra knew better and decided to break things off once and for all. She refused to play second fiddle to anybody and left him with one last roll in the hay and “we’ll always be friends”

speech. At least it was supposed to be the last roll in the hay. Jade found out later Cassandra and Landon had been having sex from time to time even when they were dating other people. He admitted it was stupid but that he just couldn’t get enough of her. Even still there was a part of Landon that always knew Cassandra wasn’t the one for him. Incredible sex wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship—at least not a serious, long-term one.

Because the business wasn’t really making money, Jade had to find a job. There was a small shopping complex in walking distance from the apartment so she applied in some of the stores and restaurants. She got hired at Taco Bell and after only one day, she quit! It just wasn’t the job for her so she went across the street to see if any other places were hiring. Most of the stores weren’t even accepting applications, so Jade went into Quik Stop to grab an Icee and a newspaper to check the want ads. A middle-aged Black gentleman greeted her and she decided to ask if he was hiring. He stared at her for a few moments which made Jade nervous. Then he grabbed a stack of applications and gave one to her.

“You can bring it back next week and then we’ll . . .”

“Oh, I was planning to fill it out right now if you don’t mind, sir. I really need a job,” Jade said then explained where she was from and how she’d come to be so desperate for money. “Oh, I’m Jade Caldwell, by the way. I just told you my whole life’s story without telling you my name, huh?” she laughed.

“Nice to meet you, Jade. I’m Young Phillips, and I think you’ll be a wonderful addition to our little Quik Stop family. Can you start tomorrow?”

“I can start today, Mr. Phillips!”

And so she did. He took Jade behind the counter and showed her how to work the lottery machine as well as the one for money orders. She stayed over six hours learning where everything was and how Mr. Phillips expected the store to be run. A few weeks later, right before Christmas 1989, he had Jade in charge of everything! His wife was shocked because Rock, as she called him, never relinquished control of anything. However, she was grateful for Jade coming into their lives because it gave her the chance to date her husband again; which she was pretty sure the young woman had something to do with. Rock hadn’t brought Gerry Phillips flowers and special gifts since she’d known him, but soon after Jade arrived he had turned into Mr. Romance. And Mrs. Phillips loved it! She loved Jade too and they took her in and treated her like a daughter. In fact, they referred to her and Landon as the children they’d never had. After suffering several miscarriages, Mr. and Mrs. Phillips decided to keep their family at two. Sometimes they missed not having children but overall they were content with the life they’d built together. Jade loved them as well and definitely appreciated the care and concern her California parents showed her and how much fun they had. Some days she and Mr. Phillips would spend hours in the store laughing like two giddy

teenagers. He would make up stories about the most ridiculous things that made Jade double over with laughter.

“Hey, Jade, did I ever tell you about the time I was touring with the Chi-Lites?”

“What?” she laughed. “Now you know you ain’t toured with the Chi-Lites, Mr. Phillips.”

“Yes, I did. Look, check this out. These was some of my best moves,” he said then dipped and twirled around.

“Cut that mess out, Rock! Why you in here lying to that baby,” Mrs. Phillips laughed when she walked into the store and caught her husband’s latest tale.

“Hey, I had a life before you, woman. You don’t know everything I did,” he chuckled.

“Well, you would think in the thirty-five years I’ve been married to you that might’ve come up. Right, Mr. Chi-Lites!” she laughed loudly then hugged Mr. Phillips tight.

The two of them also used to give Jade advice on men and dating. Mr. Phillips couldn’t understand how someone as beautiful as Jade had such trouble in the love department. She told him about Alonzo and Damien but he got a kick out of the strange men she’d met since moving to California. She had never known men to be so crazy and was almost afraid to date . . . almost. There was a man named Richard Sullivan that she was interested in who had been coming into the store every morning for months. Jade was confused by him, though. He seemed to like her but never made a move or tried to ask her out on a date. She wished the same was true of some of the other guys who came into Quik Stop. They had no problems asking her out no matter how many times she said no. Mr. Phillips thought it was good for business, though. He said since Jade started working there business had increased by more than sixty percent. She had no idea where he’d gotten that percentage but took it as a compliment that Mr. Phillips contributed her being there to the rise in sales.

Jade may not have been getting dates while working at Quik Stop but Landon surely was. He came into the store almost everyday to grab a sandwich or hotdog for lunch and each time a woman would introduce herself to him. And the next time Jade saw her was usually on the way out of his bedroom! After his breakup with Cassandra, Landon turned into a bit of a whore and had a different woman every night. Jade kept her opinions about it to herself until she came home to find a stranger wearing her robe. When she confronted Landon about it, things got out of hand.

“Don’t trip, I’ll wash it later,” he said, dismissively.

“That’s not really the point, dude. I’d prefer not to come home and find a stranger in my things!”

“It’s really not a big deal, Jade. Why don’t you consider it a contribution to the household since you don’t pay for much else,” he sneered before closing his bedroom door in her face.

“She seems really upset,” Jade heard the woman say.

“She’ll get over it. Now come here so I can help you take that off.”

Jade was so hurt and angry that all she could do was cry. She remembered what Willa had always told her about having her own so she never had to be at someone’s mercy. At first Jade felt guilty for not telling Landon about the hundred dollars she had hidden when they could have used it for groceries or towards a bill. Yet with the way he’d just treated her, she was glad to have it. Jade took the money and packed a bag before slamming the front door so hard a few of Landon’s pictures fell to the floor.

She caught the bus to a local Motel 6 and spent the night there. Her plan was to wait until Landon left for work to gather the rest of her things and find somewhere else to stay permanently.

“Oh here she is, officer, thank you,” Landon said before slamming down the phone. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Oh, so, you don’t hear me talking to you? Give me this shit,” he screamed then snatched the duffel bag out of her hands and hurled it at the wall!

“What is your problem?”

“You’re my problem! I was worried sick about you thinking your stupid butt was lying a ditch some damn where! Where were you? The only people you really know out here are Mr. and Mrs. Phillips and they didn’t have a clue where you were. Willa hadn’t heard from you and . . .”

“What the hell did you call my mom for? Man, now I’m gonna have to hear her mouth about it!”

“I don’t care about that, Jade. I was scared to death! Why would just leave me like that?”

“Well, I didn’t wanna be a burden to you anymore since I don’t really contribute anything to your household!”

“Oh my god, Jade, are you kidding me? That’s what this is about? Since when did you get so sensitive? You know I didn’t mean that junk. I was just mad that you was making a big deal out of a robe you don’t even wear. But I was wrong and I shouldn’t have been offering anything of yours without your permission. I’m sorry, baby girl, and I promise it won’t happen again. But I need you to promise you won’t run out on me like that ever again. Where were you anyway? Oh wait please don’t tell me you went to Chauncey’s place! You said that dude couldn’t keep his hands to himself on your date so I can only imagine what he’d do if you were in his apartment all night.”

Jade assured him she wasn’t at Chauncey’s but she still wouldn’t tell Landon where she’d gone. She didn’t want him to know she had enough money to rent a motel room or where to look just in case she needed to take off again. Thankfully, things got better between them and she had no need to take off. Landon stopped having all kinds of women traipsing through the apartment after one of them proved to be a bit of a stalker! Plus, he seemed pretty smitten with a woman named Gabrielle Ventura to whom Jade had introduced him. The 5’2”, curvaceous Italian, Mexican knockout came into Quik Stop one day and Jade believed she was the perfect fit for Landon. She often referred to them as Mr. and Mrs. Campbell even though they both kept saying it was too soon to be considering marriage. Landon thought about it, though—quite a bit actually.

“Hey, beauty queen, how you doing today?”

“Hey, Tamara,” Jade giggled, “what’s up? Oh, here, I saved you a package of these chili cheese dogs. A group of guys came in and almost bought them all. I knew you’d have a fit if there weren’t any left.”

“Ooh, thank you so much, girl. That was so sweet. See, that’s how I know you ain’t from here. People born and raised in this area don’t do nothing unless they gone get something out of it. Wait, you ain’t scheming on me, are you?” she laughed loudly.

Tamara Parker was a twenty-two year old clerk who worked next door at the liquor store. She came in a few times a week for chili cheese dogs and she and Jade had become friendly.

“Hey, beauty queen, do you step?”

“Yeah, I can do a little something, something,” Jade said, showing Tamara a few of her moves.

“Okay then, heyyyy,” she smiled, doing a few steps of her own. “Won’t you come to one of the step shows this weekend if you ain’t doing nothing,” Tamara said then handed Jade a flyer. “They have a contest too if you know somebody that can step with you. First place gets five hundred dollars. It be a bunch cute dudes up in there too if you single.”

“I’m definitely single.”

“You got kids?”

“Nope.”

“I do. I got a daughter named Jamara. Me and Jamel been arguing because he wanna have this big party for her first birthday next month but I think it’s crazy. I say we bake her a little cake, sing happy birthday, and call it good. Jamara ain’t gone even remember none of it so why spend all that money? Money we ain’t got no way. But my mama and sister ‘nem and Jamel’s crazy ass mama wanna do it. So if they paying for it then cool.”

“So how long have you been married?”

Tamara looked at Jade strangely. “Oh, so you the type that still believe in rainbows and unicorns,” she laughed. “Girl, please, I’d have a easier time convincing you to marry me before Jamel would! He too busy chasing women to settle down. But he a good father, though. I can’t take that away from him. He just sucks as a boyfriend. That’s why we ain’t together no more. But I can always count on him when it come to our daughter so I’m grateful for that. Shoot, he could’ve been like my sister’s baby daddy. But that’s a whole other story there. So you wanna go to the step show?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna see if Landon wants to enter the contest.”

“Landon?”

Jade went into her usual explanation of who he was and how they came to be in California. She also let it be known he was in a relationship to avoid the “can you hook us up” requests which usually came after girls met Landon. He definitely fell into the tall, dark, and handsome category at 6’5” with a muscular, well-toned body and magnetic smile. Women went crazy over him. And whatever he did in the bedroom kept them coming back for more! Many times Landon’s lady friends told Jade he was the best lover they’d ever had. Though, it was only Cassandra he’d ever said that about. Naturally, being the nosey person she was, Jade grilled him about the things he did and who exactly had taught him to do it.