Imperative: Volume 2, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (98 page)

“If you do not eat your dinner again, you will have a nurse at your bedside who you cannot order away.”  Judy said pointedly.  “Mr. Darcy will not tolerate your being ill.”

“I would like to see him order illness away.  That would be a laugh!”  She smiled at the thought of him sternly addressing her belly.  “Mr. Darcy can tolerate a great many things if he is forced to.  Besides, the tea helped.”  She stood and smoothed out her skirt.  “But I need exercise.”

Judy attempted not to sigh, “Mrs. Darcy . . .”

“Walking helps me through my courses; I see no reason why exercise cannot help me through this.”  Elizabeth gave her a smile as she disappeared into the washroom.  “I can imagine your eyes rolling even if I do not see them, Judy.”

Walking down the stairs, she consulted with Mrs. Reynolds, confirming that everything was in place and since there was absolutely nothing left for her to do; she set off to walk in the garden. 

“Elizabeth?”  She turned as she stepped outside to find Georgiana waiting with her handkerchief in her hands.  “Are you well?”

“I am, truly.  I just needed to rest for a few moments.  This week has been exhausting.”  She took her hand and squeezed.  “Please do not worry.  Will you join me for a walk?” 

Georgiana looked at the garden and then back to the house.  “No, you can be seen from Fitzwilliam’s study.”  

“I know.  I thought that if he saw me walking he would stop worrying about me.  Do you not want to be seen?”

“Mr. Ferguson is with him.”

“Fitzwilliam sent me a note that you had met.  It went well, I think.”  She smiled and tilted her head.  “May I tell you that I was worried about the meeting?  Fitzwilliam was supremely confident that it would go well. He trusts Mr. Ferguson, and his trust is very well placed.  He protected you, did he not?”

“Yes.”  Georgiana closed her eyes.  “But he knows.”

“He always did.”

“He knew about . . .
her
.  Not me.” 

“Oh, Georgiana . . .” Elizabeth said softly.

Georgiana looked at her pleadingly.  “He was always so kind to me.  He is the first gentleman who was ever so kind.”

“That is not true; Samuel is very attentive and kind.”

“He is family, he has to be.”  She said to her clasped hands.

“Now, think about that statement again.  How many members of our family would disagree and demonstrate their feelings?”  Elizabeth held her hands.  “That brought no comfort did it?”

“No.”  Georgiana sighed but managed to find a smile.  “I am glad Fitzwilliam did not warn me that Mr. Ferguson was coming.  I would have been a bundle of nerves and would have said something stupid.”

“From what I understand, you spoke well, and he was supportive.  There is no need to fear another encounter, I doubt that you will see much of Mr. Ferguson over the remainder of his stay.”

Georgiana’s face fell.  “Will he not come to the ball?”

“Georgiana!”  Elizabeth laughed.  “Of course not!  If this was the harvest ball for the tenants, that would be a different matter, but this one . . . well it is still up for debate if
you
will attend.”

“Really?”  Her expression was a mixture of relief and disappointment.

“I want you to, but my opinion is ruined by being put out at fifteen.  I am sure that your aunts will enjoy the discussion.”  She watched Georgiana glance back at the house.  “Yes, there is an excellent view of the garden from Fitzwilliam’s study window.  And no, you do not have to join me.”

“Thank you, Elizabeth.”  She smiled and shrugged.  “I guess that I . . . just want him to keep liking me.  That was so nice to . . . have him be nice to me.” 

“I am certain that nothing will change that.  Go on, relax, we will have company soon.”  Georgiana gave her a quick hug and disappeared back inside of the house. 

Shaking her head, Elizabeth continued on her walk,
I wish there was a way that we could invite Mr. Ferguson to the ball.  He is a good man, and he accepts her.  Will any other man ever do that?  Would Fitzwilliam accept such a man as his brother?
  Elizabeth shook the thought away.  “Do not be silly, Lizzy.  It will be a very long time before she marries. 
If
she marries.  And it will not be a steward, not if I know Fitzwilliam.   Only for the very deepest love.”  Entering the garden, Elizabeth felt tears welling up as she thought of her sister’s future.

“Do you never have a handkerchief?”  A soft deep voice asked.  Surprised, Elizabeth smiled and took the offered cloth. “I know precisely what to give you for Christmas this year.”

“That would be lovely, and much appreciated.”  Elizabeth looked at the cloth and opened it.  “You need a lady to embroider your initials.”

“Ahhh.”  Samuel smiled and shrugged.  “Someday, I suppose.”  

“I will set Georgiana to the task.  She needs something new for her workbasket.”

“No more baby clothes?”  He tilted his head.  “Her punishment is completed?”

“Was it a punishment?”  Elizabeth said thoughtfully, and keeping the cloth, she clasped her hands behind her back and walked beside him.  “I am sure that she probably thought that it was at first, but in the end I think that she appreciated it for the lesson it was.” 

“To teach her how fortunate she is.”

“And how fortunate Hope is.  She has a safe and loving home with your parents.” 

“Yes.”  Samuel said quietly and hesitating, he looked to Elizabeth and down to his boots.

“Out with it, Mr. Darcy.”

He laughed softly, “You see through me easily.”

“I care about you, so of course I do.”  Their eyes met and nodding, he looked down again.  She smiled to see his shyness appear and Samuel looked up with surprise when Elizabeth slipped her hand around his arm. 

Gently, she asked, “How do you come to be creeping upon me in my garden?” 

“I stopped inside and your husband sent me here to walk with you.”                   

“How did he know?” Elizabeth closed her eyes and smiled.  “Of course he knows.” 

“I think that he was mad to come join you, he seemed worried.” Examining her closely, his brow creased, “You look so very tired.”

“Samuel, a bit of advice, when you do find a girl to woo, remarking on circles under her eyes will not impress her.”  Laughing, he blushed.  “We are friends and family, so I will excuse you.” She squeezed his arm.  “This time.” 

“I am hopeless.”  Smiling at her again, he studied her face.   “Why do I always seem to find you in tears, and never when you are full of joy?”

“Did it occur to you that sometimes tears are happy?”

“Not in my experience.” 

“Well, now you have had a new experience, besides the one of not answering my question.  So, Mr. Samuel Darcy, you need to talk and you are willing to speak to me about it, not your cousin or your father, so it is an issue where you wish for a woman’s opinion.  And you do not approach your mother, so it must be something that involves her . . . unless you have met someone . . .” Elizabeth bit her lip and watched his eyes crinkle in the identical way that Darcy’s did.  “Is it about Hope?”

“I will not make it a game. It is about Father.  He is a man I do not know anymore.  I find that I . . . I do not know how to take him anymore.”  He sighed and looked down at her hand on his arm.  “It seems that as long as I can remember, I was forever working to win the slightest bit of approval from him, or acknowledgment.  I feared him, not in the sense of him injuring me, but as you fear God.  Does that make sense?”

“Certainly.”  Elizabeth nodded and held his gaze. “And now this baby arrives and he is different?”

“Transformed.  I am not jealous of her, after all, her sole contribution is . . . well all she does is . . .”  His hand waved and Elizabeth was hard-pressed not to laugh as again she saw her husband.  “I am
not
jealous of an infant!”

“Good, because she will only grow and earn more of his attention.  Of course, by then you will be married with a child of your own.”

“I doubt that somehow.”

“You will find someone wonderful, Samuel.  Someone to love who loves you dearly.”  Elizabeth promised.  He nodded and did not look at her.  “Now as for your father, his change from the man I first met in December is remarkable.  I cannot imagine the struggle he endured to become the . . . gentleman who presents himself to the world now.”  Samuel’s head turned back to her.  “Should you not be celebrating that change?  I sense that he wants very much to be close to you, but it is you who shies away.  Do you want that demanding man back?  I think that he felt deeply for you, but he held you at arm’s length, treating you more as a spectacular student rather than a son he loved, simply because he could no longer open his heart.  It was more comfortable to be that way than to love you openly.  I believe that he would have smothered you otherwise.  He was doing his best to give you the wings to fly.  And now . . . well, he has come through the desert and through the wilderness, and you are meeting the man that your mother accepted with all of her heart.  Did you ever wonder why your mother would marry such a hard man?”

“Yes.”  He sighed and shook his head.  “I pondered that too many times to count.  They are so different from each other . . . why would she?” 

“It was because he was not always hard.”  She saw the disbelief in his eyes and squeezed his arm.  “I think that you feel guilt that you were unable to make him feel himself, and now you feel . . . maybe a tad resentful that Georgiana’s child can?”

“I feel like an absolute failure!”  His eyes brightened as he cried out angrily.  “What was wrong with
me
?” 

She clutched his arm and spoke sincerely, “Nothing!  Not a thing!  You know what my father wished for me, do you not?”

“Yes.” 

Elizabeth pressed his handkerchief back into his hand. “That was not my fault, was it?  It was his selfishness, entirely.  Your father grew up . . . I have read your grandmother’s journal, your father was always seen as weak, imperfect . . .” Samuel’s eyes opened wide.  “Is that how you felt?”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps when your brothers and sisters died, he reverted to what he knew.  But what matters is not the past, but the present.  He wants so much to be a better man.  Fitzwilliam and I talked about him at length recently.  Whatever sins he committed in his past, he is attempting to atone for them.  I think that he would love dearly if you would give him that chance.”

“I would like to.”  Samuel bowed his head.  “I do not know how, and expressing emotion is unacceptable.”

“That is ridiculous.  You are not a soldier on the battlefield trying to show the enemy that you are strong.  You are a son afraid of opening your heart and being hurt again.”

Samuel nearly barked at her.  “Were you not devastated when you learned your father’s plans?”

“Yes, and I never returned home again to see him off to heaven.”  She said heatedly.

Samuel’s mouth opened and closed, and then he asked gently, “Do you regret that?” 

Elizabeth spoke honestly, “I truly do not.  We found our peace and he was too ill to ever come and see what Fitzwilliam has given me through his love and devotion.  Our end was as it had to be, even if nobody else in my family understands that.”

“But I have the opportunity to forgive and trust, and repair the damage.”  He said slowly.

“Damage that occurred through
no fault of your own
.”  She said emphatically.  “He is atoning for his mistakes, whatever they may be.  He may not ever succeed to his, yours, or God’s satisfaction, but the fact is that he is sincerely trying, and it is your soul that is saved by letting him do so.  Accept his tentative advances and see what comes of it.”

Samuel nodded and drawing a deep breath, swallowed down the lump in his throat.  Eventually, he found his voice again as he looked out over the land.  “I love this place as dearly as he does, maybe even as much as William does.”

“Is that really possible?”  Elizabeth smiled and squeezed his arm.

“Probably not.”  He relaxed.  “I wonder if I should leave, and take up rooms in Lambton.”

“To create distance between you and your father?”

“Perhaps I will appreciate him more that way?  If I do not see him daily, I will see the changes more clearly?”

“I cannot answer that.”  She said softly.

“Why not?  You answer everything else.”  He teased gently.  

“We were talking about absent fathers, that subject I know well.” She smiled at the face that was so similar, but still so different from the man she loved.  

 “I should have stolen you away when we met.”  He said only half-jokingly.

Elizabeth’s head shook.  “No.  You were not the man for me.”

“I look like him.”  He said defiantly, but with a smile. 

“That is not what I meant; you were so different when we met.  I liken it to what Fitzwilliam experienced after his father died, what a transformation that must have been to witness, but it left him as a man for me to meet, and that is who I wanted.”

Samuel laughed, “You are so good at rebuffing my admiration in the nicest of ways.”

“That is because I love the compliment of your affections, but I know that you would never act upon them, and I know that I am not the girl for you.”

“Besides being married already?”

“An important point, but yes.”  She laughed.

“Why then?”

“Because I believe in fate.  This entire year, everything that has happened, good or bad, has to be fated.”  Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled.  “Fitzwilliam knows all about your admiration and he tolerates it because he knows that he has nothing to worry about, and because he hopes that you find someone as wonderful as me one fine day.”

“As wonderful as you, eh?”  Samuel’s smile grew.  “How big is your head, Mrs. Darcy?”

“Must I list out my accomplishments?  Fitzwilliam only knows six other women as well-educated.”  She said with feigned boredom.

“I suspect that he made that number up to tease you.”  Samuel chuckled and grinned when her eyes widened in surprise.  “I believe that I am too young for you in any case.”

“It is true, you are.  I like my men with a bit of gray at the temples.”

“Oh Lord, do not tell William!”