Imperfections (49 page)

"Cat, have you seen my silver-and-black stilettos?"

I stop playing with my iPhone and get up off the couch. I wasn't doing anything on it. I was hoping Nick would send me another text, I guess not. Ava was right when she said I would need a man on those cold, cold, lonely nights. My problem is the only man I want I can't have.

"Cat! My airplane is going to leave without me if you don't help me find them."

"I know exactly where they are."

"Well, where are they?"

"If you would stop running around here like a mad woman and relax, you would remember you put them in the bottom of your suitcase yesterday." I open her suitcase and pull them out.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"You didn't ask and I didn't know you were looking for them. All I saw was a blur of strawberry blond and red around me." I forcefully try to close her suitcase before I give up and sit on it until Ava stops spinning to zip it with me on it. "I wish you could be here for Christmas, you could be the buffer between me and my family."

"You'll be fine. I would love to stay and go to the ball with you but I told my parents I would spend Christmas with them and New Year's."

"I know. I'll be fine as long as I stay away from Nick and Kate."

"If she gives you any lip, tell her to stick it up her uptight wannabe loved ass."

"I'm not going to do that."

"I would be happy to do it for you. I wish I could. I don't know why my parents want me there. They live separate lives."

"They miss you, you're their only child. You're Daddy's little girl."

"I know, but the only time they see each other is on holidays. They have a huge Christmas dinner and an over the top extravagant New Year's Eve party. After that, we all go our separate ways and they go back to their separate lives. I don't know why they don't get a divorce already."

"Ava, you're the only person I know who wants their parents to get divorced."

"It's the truth. It doesn't make sense to me."

"If your parents got divorced and started new relationships, you would make their lives miserable."

"No, I wouldn't."

"Really?"

"Really."

"If your father brought a hot, young thing to Christmas dinner by the time you were finished with her she would run screaming into the night."

"Yes, I would. Get a damn divorce before you do shit like that, okay?"

"Okay, got it. Your father better not do that."

"You got that right. Give this bitch a hug before her plane leaves."

"Come here, bitch."

I help her drag her luggage down the stairs into the taxi. I watch her cab drive away before I turn and walk back into the building by myself folding my arms. I have a whole week to be alone with my thoughts.

The first thing I hear when I walk into my parents' house on Christmas morning is Christmas carols in every room of the house. It seems like my Christmas spirit came here this year. My mother likes the holidays but she has never been big on over-decorating the house. All around me are candy canes, mistletoe and lights. What the hell?

Going into the living room I see everyone is sitting down. My parents on the couch, Sasha in front of the tree on the floor, her parents trying to get her to stop shaking the boxes before she breaks something. Kate and Chris sitting next to each other on the other couch laughing at Sasha's antics. My favorite song is playing, Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas." They look like the loving, perfect family I remember as a child. Where do I fit in now?

"Laugh now, Kate, when you have yours it won't be so funny trying to control a three- year-old child on Christmas morning. You and Nick will see."

It's a stab in my chest when I'm reminded of Nick and Kate having a baby together.

"I'm sure we'll be able to manage a three-year-old. Our child will be well-behaved from the day he's born. He will listen to every word I say."

"You keep dreaming, sis. You're going to learn real fast. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Jay is right; she's going to learn real fast.

"Yay, Aunty Cat is here, yay!"

Sasha spots me and screams my name all excited. She pulls away from her parents, hair bouncing she runs toward me. I meet her halfway, pick her up and squeeze her little soft body in my arms.

"Merry Christmas, munchkin."

"Merry Christmas, happy birthday." She's all excited and happy. She is too cute for words.

"Oh, you remembered. Thank you." I kiss her on her chubby cheeks and wipe my lip gloss off her.

"Presents!" She squirms down out of my arms like a little monkey and pulls me by my hand toward the tree.

Everyone says, "Happy birthday" to me at once and "Merry Christmas."

"Thank you."

Vanessa and Jay make room for me between them on the floor where Sasha wants me. They both kiss me on the cheek at the same time that Sasha thrusts a gift box into my hands. I smile at her and look at her parents.

"What is it?"

Jay shakes his head and smiles. "We can't tell you. Open it, Aunty Cat, before your niece loses it completely."

"Why is she so excited other than the gifts?"

"Too much pancake syrup," Vanessa says. "Never again. This is what happens when you let a three-year-old help herself."

"Ah, I see."

"Will you open it already?" Jay playfully elbows me nonstop in my arm.

"Will you stop it? Did you OD on the syrup too?" I giggle and rip the red wrapping paper off the box. I open the box and pull out a pink cashmere sweater and look at Sasha. "I love it!  Did you pick this out all by yourself, Sasha?"

"Yes." She bobs her head vigorously.

"It's just what I wanted." I give her a big hug and a kiss. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome. Me next! Me next!" She's jumping up and down like a jack hammer.

We all laugh. "Yes, you next, have at it. I get up and make my way over to my parents.

"Merry Christmas, Mom." She gives me a hug. I hug her back and she doesn't pull away right away. She steps back and looks at me and smiles.

"Happy birthday, Catherine. Your gift is under the tree from me and your father."

"Thank you. I'll open it later after Sasha tires herself out." I look over my shoulder at Sasha.

My father gives me a big bear hug as usual. "Daddy, you're cutting off my air supply," I croak.

"I'm sorry, I can't believe my kit Cat is twenty-five. You're all grown up."

"No matter how old I get I will always be your little kit Cat, Dad."

"You got that right. Don't forget it."

"I won't, Daddy."

I look over at Kate sitting next to Chris. There is no way around it, I have to go over there and say something to her. If I don't, my father and Jay are going to notice we're not talking.

"Hi, Kate. Merry Christmas."

She tilts her head to the side and sits back in the chair with her legs crossed at the ankle with a "why the hell are you speaking to me" attitude. If she only knew how much I don't want to say a word to her. I'm only over here because I have to show everyone we're all good.

"I would get up, but I'm not feeling so good. I'm saving my energy for tonight, you know how it is being pregnant."

"No, I don't." How the hell would I know? I've never been pregnant.

"Yeah, you wouldn't know what being pregnant is like. The feeling you have knowing you and the person you love have created a new life together, from the love that you share. My God, it's a beautiful thing."

Is she for real? The only love that's between Nick and her is the love they share for the baby. I would love nothing more than to knock her off that chair and wipe that fake-ass smile off her face. "I'm sure it is, Kate."

"Believe me, it is. Too bad you won't know how it feels for a long time."

I want to tell her neither will she.

"Then again you never know, maybe you will find a man of your own tonight, a Christmas miracle."

I see she's going to keep playing the part of a bitch. There is no need for me to say another word to her. At least Mom was civil.

"I hope you feel better, Kate." I don't think it's the baby making her feel bad; it's her funky-ass attitude and bitterness.

"I will, especially tonight when I'm with Nick. He's so excited about the baby."

I'm tired of this. I can't help myself. I lean in close to her so only she can hear.

"Then why isn't he here with you? You don't need to answer, we both know why." I pull back a little to see her eyes when I say the God's honest truth. "He wants me, not you."

I lean back with a smile to make everyone think we're having a nice conversation. Her smirk is gone. Her nostrils are slightly flaring. Other than that you wouldn't know how much she wants to spit in my face.

Chris steps in front of me seeing what's going to happen. "Hey, birthday girl."

I look up and he gives me a hug and moves me over to the other side of the room.

"It's Christmas morning, can't we all get along?"

"You should ask your sister, she's acting like a real bit—"

"Big sister. You're going to draw unwanted attention if you don't calm down."

"I am calm!" I whisper angrily.

"It's Christmas Day, your favorite time of the year, forget about your issues with Kate. It's your special day. You're with people who love you, try to enjoy it a little."

I wish I could. I thought I would be waking up with Nick next to me, not alone by myself for yet another year. Being with Nick opened my eyes; before we were together I didn't mind waking up alone in my bed, now I do. "I'll try."

I sit down next to him and watch Sasha rip open her gifts and everyone else's. She's like a little Tasmanian devil, there is no stopping her. The rest of the morning is uneventful. Kate and I stay far away from each other. If she looks in one direction I look in the other one. But we play along with everyone else like we are one big happy family. When my father tells a joke he thinks is funny, we laugh and smile at each other. A few times I see her looking at me like she wants to stomp me into the floor. I don't care as long as she doesn't say another word to me, her eyes could pop out of her head and I wouldn't care.

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The only unpleasant part of the day was Kate being what I now consider her true self. We have never had a real serious argument before. I guess that's because I didn't stand in the way of her getting what she wanted, I wasn't a threat. Kate usually got what she wanted. I can't remember a time she wanted something and she didn't get it. Whether it be a brand new car on her sixteenth birthday or a twenty-first birthday party that rivaled a wedding; if she wanted it, she wouldn't stop till she got it. That was one thing I admired about her. If she was told no, she found a way to change no to yes. One thing that I do know for sure is, what is hers is hers, she does not like sharing, never did. She likes things a certain way, the only one allowed to mess with them is her.

I stand by the window looking out hoping it will snow. I don't think it will. I was hoping for a white Christmas. I might get it, the weather man did say there was a good chance it was going to snow. I should at least get something I want today. I was hoping Nick would call me today. I know I'm the one who told him not to call me, only one text a day…I miss him. Today is a day to be with the one you love, make memories to share together for years to come. He hasn't sent me a text in two days. Maybe he's changed his mind. I mean, how long can a man like Nick be by himself?

It's a terrible thing when you know there is another person out there in the world meant for you and you're surrounded by a room full of people all alone. A white Christmas is not as good as getting the man I've wanted my entire life, waking up with his arms around me, but it's better than nothing.

"Hey, baby girl."

"Hey, Dad." I look at my dad standing beside me and try to shake off the melancholy feelings taking over. I wrap my arms around his waist for warmth. It's not cold in here I just need to feel it.

"Why are you over here by yourself?"

"I was wishing it would snow. You know how much I love a white Christmas."

"I know you do, when you were little that was the first thing you would do on Christmas morning. Run to the window, right past the gifts, to see if it snowed. If it did, your little face would light up like Sasha's, ripping open those boxes."

I smile and look out the window.

"You were the cutest little thing with all your hair bouncing up and down."

He gives me a kiss on the side of my head and I lean my head against his chest. It feels like I'm his little girl again. It's a nice feeling to have right now. Loved and wanted. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull away from him to see who it is. My heart jumps when I see the name on the screen. It's Nick. "Dad, I'm going to take this call."

"Go ahead. They must be special."

"Why would you say that?"

"Your face lit up like that little girl on Christmas morning when you looked at your screen."

I smile and shake my head. I'm not going to deny it. I go upstairs to my room and call him back. The phone rings twice before he answers.

"Happy birthday."

I feel so silly by the way I'm reacting from the sound of his voice. My face is one big smile, I'm practically giddy. "Thank you."

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

"No, no, I did. I had to go to another room that's why I didn't answer. I'm at my parents' house."

"You sound happy. It must be a good birthday."

"It's okay so far."

"I would ask you if you got everything you wanted but the day isn't over yet."

"Does that mean you have something for me?"

"I do."

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you, it's a surprise. I want to see your face when you see it for the first time."

"I don't know if I will be able to open it in front of you, you should tell me now."

"It's a surprise, I can't."

"I hate surprises. They don't work out good for me." I sit down on the bottom of the bed and lie back.

"I think you'll like this one. I'm sure it will put a smile on your face."