Impossible (29 page)

Ashton

Oliver’s hand touched my shoulder, and I stood immobilized, my mind racing with repulsion as I stared up at him. There was no way for me to get away without making a scene. He pretty much had me cornered and was trying to get me to listen to his bullshit reasons for what he’d done at the bonfire.

The last thing I wanted to do was stand here and acknowledge his existence. Where was Luca anyway? It’d been well over an hour since he’d gone to get drinks, and I’d become distracted as I chatted with some girls I knew who were in the varsity squad at Penthill High.

Luca had texted me forty minutes ago saying that he would be back soon, but I hadn’t seen him yet. To make matters worse, I couldn’t seem to find Riley and Stacey—who I suspected were hooking up at this very moment. Eddie and Elly had also wandered off to find something to snack on.

Still, I wished one of them would walk past and interrupt Oliver. Most of all, I hoped Luca would turn up. He was the only one who made me feel safe.

“You know, I can’t apologize enough,” Oliver was saying. “What I did was wrong and, I swear, I’ll never do anything like that ever again.”

I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t care what he had to say. I was over it and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Okay, whatever.”

“So, you and Luca are really dating, huh?’ he asked, his eyes full of interest.

I heaved a sigh, wondering how many times I had to tell him the same thing over and over again. “Yes, me and Luca are dating. Nothing has changed since the last time you asked me. And the next time you ask, my answer will be exactly the same.”

Oliver sneered. “I just wanted to make sure. You know, considering how your supposed boyfriend is sucking face with your best friend.”

What? I turned my head so I was looking through the glass doors and right into the kitchen. My stomach dropped as I tried to make sense of what I was seeing. There wasn’t much to make sense of, considering how Kance was sitting on Luca’s lap, and they were locked in a passionate embrace.

My body started shaking. No. This wasn’t real. Luca would never do this to me. Yet, the proof was right in front of my eyes. He was kissing Kance—his hands roaming all over her body. The same hands that had caressed me and held me were now all over her.

I had this sudden urge to throw up, but I held it in. Instead, hot, thick tears slid down my face as I watched them, not moving.

They pulled away and Kance looked out and saw me watching them. She said something to Luca and jumped off his lap. Luca turned in my direction and our eyes locked. My feet carried me past Oliver and towards the glass doors. I slid it open just as Luca stood, looking confused.

When I entered the kitchen, he was staring at me with glassy eyes. I couldn’t form any words. I felt so broken. There was no fight left in me. What could I do? He’d said he’d wanted me, but he’d betrayed me. I’d wasted my feelings on him.

Luca stumbled forward. He was very drunk, but that didn’t change anything. He’d still made out with Kance with no concern for me. “Ashy, I…”

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” Anger was pulsing through my veins like poison. “I’ve seen enough.”

He shook his head, his eyes uncertain. “Let me explain. I’m sor-”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me! You’re just as bad as Oliver is. I can’t believe I fell for your nice guy act.” My voice shook with rage. “I am finished with you.”

Luca went quiet, probably because his drunken mind couldn’t think of anything to say. My gaze fell on Kance who was drinking in the sight of us with a smug expression on her face.

“And you,” I said, pointing to her. “You call yourself a friend? You are the lowest, most manipulative person I have ever met.”

Kance sneered. “Do you think I actually care what you think of me? You thought you were so good with your flavor-of-the-month boyfriend. Well, I just proved that he’s nothing special—just another sleaze who everyone will forget in a week.”

I wasn’t a violent person, but at that moment all I saw was red. I marched over to Kance and slapped her so hard across the face that all I heard was a resounding crack as my hand made contact with her cheek.

Kance stumbled backwards from the sheer force of the blow as her cheek quickly turned an ugly shade of red. She gave me a look that could’ve killed. “You’re going to regret this, Ashton! I’m going to make sure no one ever wants anything to do with you!”

“I’d like to see you try, you whore.” My voice was incredibly calm as I turned around.

A crowd had gathered around the glass doors as they watched the exchange between the three of us. I pushed through them, ignoring everything that was going on around me. My mind was focused on one thing, and I repeated it over and over in my head.

I was shutting Luca Byron out of my life forever, and I was never going to let anyone in the way I’d let him in.

The people I loved always ended up hurting me, and I was never going to that happen ever again.

Luca

“Is that everything?”

The voice startled me out of my deep thoughts and I glanced around, searching for the source of it. “Huh?”

Eddie was the one who’d spoken. “I asked if we got everything.”

I nodded absently. “Yeah, I think so.” I stared back towards Ashton’s house, wondering if she was home and if she’d talk to me.

“How many times have you called her?”

“What?”

Eddie sighed. “How many times have you called Ashton since last night?”

I couldn’t lie to him. “Five times at home, nine times on her cell, and I’ve been over there a few times.”

“Give me a second. Let me just tell the girls to start leaving.”

Nodding, I watched Eddie make his way over to where Riley’s van was parked
on the street. Riley, Stace
, Elly, Kendall and Yuki were gathered around it, talking and laughing. Eddie interrupted them and said something in a low voice, which made them all look over at me.

Great. They had nothing better to do than talk about me. And it wasn’t hard to guess what they were discussing either. Last night, the showdown between Ashton and me had spread quickly through the party, even before Eddie had managed to drag me out of there.

And it was all my fault.

I’d been a stupid drunk who’d made out with her friend.

“See you soon, Luca!” Elly called out.

Kendall and Yuki both waved, giving me grim smiles. They hadn’t said much to me, and I could only assume that it was due to their loyalty to Ashton that they were keeping their distance from me.

I raised a hand in response as I watched the three of them get into Kendall’s car. That was all I could bring myself to do. I was so exhausted, I felt like collapsing.

Riley took Stace by the hand and the both of them walked over to me with Eddie. It was weird seeing them as an actual couple, but I was glad that it’d worked out for them. Stace deserved a guy like Riley, not a guy like me. I was happy for them, but I was also miserable.

My chance with Ashton was over. She was done with me.

“Elly’s not going with you?” I asked Eddie once they reached me.

Eddie shook his head. “I thought you might need to talk.”

Elly hung out with us, but she still wasn’t as close as the four of us were. Still, I didn’t really want to relive the events of the previous night. My hangover was reminder enough. My head was pounding and my eyes were squinty and hurt from the light.

“Well, I don’t.”

“Will you stop acting like a baby, and get over it already?” Stace said, folding her arms across her chest. She never had patience for things like this, so I didn’t get why she was here participating in this thinly-veiled intervention.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’ve always hated Ashton,” I shot back.

I was being a total jerk to my best friend, but I couldn’t talk about Ashton. I didn’t want to. It was too painful. It was too soon.

Stace sighed and let go of Riley’s hand. She walked closer to me and glared at me. “Actually, I don’t hate her. I’m pissed at you because you acted like a complete dumbass yesterday. Any moron could tell that Kance was up to something, but you just had to keep being the nice guy, didn’t you?”

“Aren’t you glad we broke up?” She was confusing me. I thought Ash was her mortal enemy or something.

Stace looked put out. “Do I have to spell it out for you? She makes you happy, so how can I hate her for that? You messed up big time, and if she doesn’t forgive you then I can’t blame her. You made out with Kance which basically equates to selling your soul to the devil.”

I buried my head in my hands. “What have I done? She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was dumb enough to believe Kance when she told me that Ashton liked Oliver and that she’d never really changed. Why was I so stupid? What did I do?”

“You need to go and talk to her,” Eddie said.

“No, I can’t. She won’t have anything to do with me. I’ve messed up in the past, but this is completely different. I told her I’d never leave her or do anything to hurt her. I broke my promise. She’ll never forgive me.”

“I drove her home last night.” Riley finally spoke up. “All she did was cry the entire time. She never said a thing about you. Maybe you still have a chance.”

Hearing that she’d spilled tears over me made me feel a hell of a lot worse. After the amazing weeks we’d spent together, how could I do this to her? I didn’t deserve her. She deserved to have someone who cared about her more than I did.

“No,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I don’t want another chance. I want her to move on to something better. She deserves better than this. I’m no good for her.”

“Luca, you’re being incredibly stupid right now!” Stace cried. “Go over there, break down her freaking door, and make her take you back!”

“No,” I repeated. “I’m not going to make her be with a guy who did that to her, even if that guy is me. She’s better off without me.”

I didn’t want my resolve to crumble, even though every time I thought about my life without her, it was like a punch to the gut.

But I had to let her go.

She would get over it and, one day, she would find someone better. She’d forget all about me, just like she had before. I would be nothing more than the jerk that’d cheated on her with her best friend.

“Luca, don’t make her decision for her!” Stace was fuming. “Let her make up her own mind.”

“At least go over there and talk to her, man,” Riley insisted.

“She doesn’t need to make a decision. I’ve already made it.” My heart ached with each word that I said, but things were better this way. I had to focus on our gig and forget all about Ashton. “Guys, we’d better go if we’re going to make it there on time.”

“Luca, you can’t be serious about this.” Stace stared at me in disbelief as Riley wrapped an arm around her.

I ignored Stace because the matter was closed for me. This wasn’t a discussion. This was my decision. “Riley, you guys should get going. You’ve got all the equipment. Eddie and me are right behind ya.”

Riley bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet, like he wanted to say something. Finally, he shrugged. “Sure. See you there.” He guided Stace to his car, as she shot me a final look of disapproval.

I didn’t care what she thought of me. I didn’t care about anything anymore.

The one person who’d mattered to me most wasn’t in my life anymore. I’d made sure of that when I’d betrayed her with her best friend. The only thing I could do was what I did best.

I had to push Ashton away.

The only thing that was going to get me through the pain was my music. Music was the only thing I could depend on. I would lose myself in it, become consumed by it, and use it to forget about Ashton.

Whatever was left of me, whatever dark part of me remained, I was going to put it into giving the best damn performance I’d ever given. For my father. And for the girl I loved.

Ashton

I didn’t care that it was four on a Saturday afternoon. I was not going to leave my room. I was going to stay here for the rest of my life if it meant that I wouldn’t have to face anyone ever again.

Last night, I’d tried to shut everything out and act indifferent, but in the morning all that resolve had crumbled. I couldn’t get the image of Luca and Kance kissing out of my head. I couldn’t forgive their betrayal.

The worst part was, no matter how hard I tried to forget Luca, I just couldn’t do it. It was hard to imagine not being in his arms, or never kissing him again. Who would I share all my problems with? Who would ever understand me the way he did?

The answer was simple.

No one. No one knew me like Luca did. No one understood me the way he did. No one could make me laugh as easily as he could. I could spend my life searching, but I’d never find anyone like him.

I had to be honest with myself. I loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my being—with my soul. Yet, I couldn’t forgive him.