Impossible (30 page)

He had gotten drunk and made out with Kance without a thought for me. The fact that it was so easy for him killed me. It made my heart hurt to face that reality. He had promised me that he would never leave me, but all it had taken was being drunk for him to forget everything we’d shared.

It would take time—a lot of time—but I would heal. I had to heal.

There was a knock on my door, and I lifted the covers off my head. “Come in,” I called out, knowing very well that it was my mom.

The door opened a crack and Mom stuck her head in. Her eyes took in the drawn blinds, the dark room, and then finally landed on me. “Oh, Ashton, sweetie, what happened?”

She didn’t wait for a response before coming into the room and sitting down on my bed. Her eyes were full of concern as she studied me, waiting for an answer to my hermit-like behavior.

Exhaling, I sat up and stared down at my covers.

I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn’t want to burden her with my petty problems when she’d had a lot worse trouble with men in her life. My problems with Luca seemed silly in comparison.

“It’s nothing, Mom. I’m just tired.”

Mom looked me over with a critical eye. “If you’re going to stay in bed till four in the afternoon then at least think of a better reason than being tired.

I sighed, fiddling with the edge of my quilt. “Fine, I’m not tired, but I still don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Ashton, do you think I’m a fool?” she chided. “I know this has something to do with Luca, the five times he called on the home phone and the three times he came over.”

I stared at her in surprise. “He came over?” I hadn’t even noticed. I’d probably been under my quilt at the time.

Mom nodded and smoothed back my hair. “What’s going on with the two of you? Everything was going so well up until last night. Did something happen at Kendall’s party?”

My mom was way too insightful. It was too hard to keep anything from her. The events of last night were weighing me down, and all of a sudden, I just wanted to get it all out in the open. For most of my life, I’d suppressed my emotions because it was easier than talking about it. I didn’t want to seem weak, but it had turned me cold. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so heavy once I stopped bottling everything up.

I resumed fiddling with the quilt. “Luca kissed Kance last night.”

There was a long pause, and then Mom spoke. “Are you sure?”

Glancing up, I nodded. “I saw it with my own eyes.”

“No, I mean, are you sure he kissed her. Or did she kiss him?”

I shrugged. “Does it matter? It’s all the same.”

Mom’s face was very serious as she spoke. “No, sweetie, it isn’t all the same. It could be that Kance caught him off guard and you happened to see them at the wrong moment.”

“That still doesn’t change what he did.” My heart clenched painfully. “I thought he cared about me. He said he loved me…”

My voice caught in my throat, and Mom wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close. I rested my head against her shoulder, cherishing the simple moment with her. Our fight from weeks ago was forgotten and she loved me regardless of the horrible things I’d said to her. Her love was unconditional.

The way I thought Luca’s had been.

“When I was your age I was in love too, you know?” Mom said, her voice soft. “My friends told me he was all wrong for me, but I didn’t care. I was blinded by my feelings for him and I couldn’t see him for what he really was.”

I didn’t say anything. I knew Mom was talking about my biological father, a topic she never brought up. I had learned over the years that it upset her too much and avoided asking about him. It was amazing to actually hear her talk about him like this.

Mom took a shaky breath and shifted around so we were looking at each other. “I made a mistake when I was a teenager. My mistake was falling in love with the wrong guy. I don’t want you to make a mistake either. You and Luca are right for each other, I just know it. I can feel it. Two people can’t care about each other that much and not be right for each other.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “Don’t make a mistake like I did, Ashton. I chose the wrong guy, but you can choose the right one.”

As Mom’s words sank in, I started getting this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Kance had admitted herself that she’d wanted me to see her kissing Luca and that she’d been messing with us all along. As for Luca, I hadn’t given him a chance to explain himself. I hadn’t wanted to hear his lies and excuses.

Maybe that had been my biggest mistake.

Mom was right. I needed to make the right choice. And the right choice was Luca.

“Shit.” My mind was racing as I climbed out of bed and headed to my closet to find something to change into. “I have to go talk to him.”

Mom stood up and went over to open up my blinds. As I changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Mom turned to me with a frown. “Honey, I saw him leave home an hour ago. One of his friends brought around a van and they were putting their guitars in the back.”

“His gig,” I said immediately. “He has a gig tonight.”

I slumped onto my bed, letting my hair fall over my face. I was too late. He was already gone. I’d have to wait for him to come back, and I didn’t know when that would be. I had to see him now. I couldn’t let him perform on such an important night without him knowing how I felt about him. That I had made a mistake in not hearing his side of the story. That I loved him.

Mom’s fingers pushed the hair off my face, and I looked up to see her give me a reassuring smile. “Don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll take you to wherever you need to go.”

***

I was pretty sure if Mom had known that Luca’s gig was two hours away, and required us to cross the state line, she wouldn’t have offered to drive me.

Then again, she was a hopeless romantic at heart, so I wouldn’t put it past her.

Mom swerved around the corner, barely missing a metal pole on the sidewalk. Her driving had been more or less the same the entire time, as if we were in one of those movies where I had to stop the love of my life from getting on a plane.

Her bad driving had me clinging onto the edge of my seat, but I didn’t feel the usual anxiety I did when I was in a car. Maybe talking to Luca about witnessing his dad’s death had finally helped me move on.

From the backseat, Blaze giggled. He seemed to think he was on a ride at the amusement park. At least he had Mr. Rochester to entertain him on the long drive, as much as his invisible friend got on my nerves.

The car screeched to a halt and I glanced out the window, noticing that Luca’s car and Riley’s van were both parked outside the bar. Berkeley wasn’t one of those seedy looking bars that we had in our town. It actually looked new—like it’d been renovated recently—with a clean white exterior and darkened windows. There was even a security guard stationed outside.

“I’m going to find a place to eat so Blaze can have his dinner,” Mom was saying. “Call me when you need me to come and get you, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks Mom.” I slid out of the car and hastened towards the entrance of Berkeley, and the security guard.

He was large man with a shaven head. The sunglasses that he wore made him look intimidating, and I stopped in front of him, unsure what to say. He looked me and up and down. “Are you drinking tonight?”

His question caught me off guard, and I quickly shook my head. “Uh…um, no. I’m not old enough to drink. I just came here to see a band play…a friend of mine is in the band.” The words tumbled out of my mouth in a mad rush.

The security guard stared at me for a minute before pulling out a stamp and waving it at me. “Stamp means you can drink alcohol. No stamp means you can’t.” He put the stamp back in his pocket. “You carrying any weapons, drugs, or alcohol?”

I raised my hands, shaking my head. “No, and I don’t have a bag either. I only have my phone.” I took it out of my pocket to show him.

“Alright, you can go in. And don’t get your friends to buy you any alcohol,” he warned as he waved me inside.

Even though the exterior of Berkeley looked good, the inside still smelled the same as every other bar. The smell of cigarette smoke, booze and sweaty gym socks hung in the air. I scrunched up my nose at the smell, and let the crowd push to the back of the bar. Berkeley was teeming with people, all crammed in together.

Letting my eyes wander, I searched for any sign of Luca or the others, but had no luck. There was no way to pick them out from the rest of the crowd.

Then my heart stopped.

I recognized the voice that was singing. It was Luca!

Skeptic Coil was on stage performing the best that I’d ever seen. I remembered the song from one of their rehearsals, and it gave me a feeling of satisfaction to see the crowd completely entranced by them

My eyes shot to Luca and I drank in the sight of him as he strummed on his guitar with his head bent over. As the song ended, he glanced up, and spoke into the microphone with false enthusiasm.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for coming out to see us tonight. This last song is very close to my heart. I wrote it about this girl who drives me insane, but who I can’t get out of my head. I give you
Never be Through
!”

Darn. I’d only made it in time to see them play their last song. Things weren’t going the way I’d wanted them to.

Luca began playing soft notes on the guitar. He raised his head and began to sing, and I forgot everything else, everything that’d been troubling me. I only had eyes and ears for Luca and for the beautiful sound that came from him.

There is this memory

It takes me back

To that summer

I didn’t want to end

Eddie started up on the drums, and Riley on the bass guitar. They all seemed to be absorbed by what they were doing. Eddie’s head was nodding in time to the beat, and Riley had his eyes closed and looked like he was in his own world.

My eyes drifted back to Luca and the pained expression on his face as he sang. I wondered what was going through his head to make him look like that.

When your eyes

They find mine

All I want for you

Is to stay a while

But the days are gone

I’m forever alone

And I can’t let go

So I want you to know

This memory, I don’t know

How we could forget all we knew

This love will never be through

I’ll always need you

I listened in amazement as Luca sang—his voice was so beautiful, so enchanting. His words haunted me. The words that were so obviously about me. My heart hurt just hearing them. The expression on his face made sense now. He was in pain because he was singing about me.

Luca looked out into the crowd, as if searching for something, and somehow his eyes fell on me. His brows shot up and he almost stopped singing because he was so focused on me. Disbelief blossomed on his features, but he continued singing, an edge of desperation fresh in his voice.

He was calling out to me. He was telling me to come to him, and that’s exactly what I was going to do.

I pushed my way through the crowd, drawing closer to the stage, and that’s when something truly amazing happened. Luca took off his guitar, grabbed his microphone and jumped off the stage. Riley and Eddie stared at him in shock, but continued playing as if nothing had happened.

My heart beat faster as Luca approached me with long, determined strides, all the while continuing to sing. Singing to me.

But the days are gone

I’m forever alone

But I can’t let go

So I want you to know

This memory, I don’t know

How we could forget all we knew

This love will never be through

I’ll always need you

As Luca reached me, the song ended and the crowd went wild. They thought that this was part of the show and they were loving it.

Luca broke into a huge grin. “Ladies and gentlemen, we are Skeptic Coil! Good night!”

The crowd erupted into cheers and shouts around him, but I didn’t join in. I couldn’t look away from Luca. I couldn’t look away from the intensity in his eyes.

Riley hopped off the stage and walked up to us. He gave me a wink before grabbing the microphone from Luca and leaving us to ourselves.

The crowd surged around us, but neither of us cared. We only had eyes for each other. It was like no one else was here. We were somewhere else, by a creek, in our own world where only we existed.

I spoke first. “Luca, I’m so sorry. I made a huge mistake. I let Kance cloud my judgment. She was trying to make me doubt you, and I believed it.”

Luca frowned. “I can’t act like I’m innocent in all this. It was my fault too. I let it happen. I should’ve known that there was nothing between you and Oliver. I let her deceive me.”