Impossible Things (3 page)

             
The city seemed large and impenetrable and Lucy hoped that she would be able to find her way around. She knew it would take time to get adjusted but she wanted it to be sooner rather than later. Sam would be busy with work and she would have to find an internship herself and learn the city on her own.

             
She didn’t remember much about the different London neighborhoods but she was able to see that the houses that they were passing weren’t as nice as those at home. She had never really thought about it before, but London, like any big city, had its bad parts and as they went further and further away from the airport she realized that she and Sam would be living in one of them.

She kept her eyes on the passing scenery because she didn’t want to see the look that she knew would be on her grandmother’s face, and when they finally stopped in front of a house
Lucy gave a sigh of relief. It wasn’t the greatest neighborhood but the house itself was the best on the block.

             
They got out and as Sam helped the driver get their luggage out of the trunk she finally turned and looked at her grandmother and Rodrigo. Her grandmother’s face reflected exactly what she had expected it to. Lucy started to turn back to the house but before she could her grandmother grabbed her arm and said, “Luciana you can’t be serious! You can’t live here.”

             
Lucy turned to make sure that Sam hadn’t heard Isabella before leaning towards her. “This is what Sam found so we’ll live here and we’ll be fine.”

             
Her grandmother shook her head, “But-”

             
Lucy cut her off. “No! Sam picked this out and this is what we can afford. Don’t say anything to him.”

             
Her grandmother sighed and pulled her fur up around her neck. Isabella had a look on her face that Lucy recognized easily because it was one that she saw from time to time reflected in her own mirror-stubbornness. Lucy moved towards her and held out her arms, “Isabella I love you, but on this I won’t give in. I won’t have him feel bad.”

             
He grandmother sighed and shook her head before pulling Lucy to her. But Lucy knew it wasn’t over. As long as her grandmother had breath in her body she would fight her, but in this instance Lucy wouldn’t let her win.

              Lucy and Sam quickly settled into their flat and into their new life in London. She hadn’t been able to find an internship, they were scarce after the economic collapse, but by the beginning of the second month she had found a job as an assistant in a company that organized tours of historic houses.

It didn’t pay much but at least it kept her busy. Because of the hours that his internship expected him to work, and his need to socialize to make contacts, Lucy saw Sam for less than an hour a day. It was a lonely life
, which she hadn’t counted on. She had her grandmother to visit but she had been avoiding her because she didn’t want to hear what Isabella had to say about Lucy’s life, and about Sam.

             
Finally, unable to put it off any longer, on her way home from work one day, she stopped to see Isabella. As she made her way down her grandmother’s street the leaves were just beginning to turn and the air had a crispness to it that hadn’t been there the day before.

Isabella’s neighborhood was a completely different London from the one that she and Sam lived in
, and Lucy allowed herself to acknowledge how beautiful it was. The houses weren’t normal houses; they were mansions, huge and stately with the sheen of age and money. Because the sun was already setting she could see into one as she passed and the warm glow from its lighted windows made her wish that she lived there.

             
Shaking her head at such a traitorous thought she told herself that it wasn’t good to wish for a life that she couldn’t have. When she realized it was the same thing that her father had been telling her for her entire life she felt sick to her stomach. Her dad was a world away and yet in many ways he still controlled her.

             
“Lucy, are you okay?”

             
Startled she looked up to see that Rodrigo was standing in front of her, and the sight of him made her suddenly feel like crying. She managed not to but he saw the look on her face and reached out to her. “What is it?”

             
She shook her head and blinked to clear her eyes. “Nothing. Nothing. I’m fine.”

             
He pulled her towards him and hugged her. “My angel what is it? Tell Grandpa and he’ll fix it.”

             
Lucy laughed at that and pulled back to look at him. His dark brown eyes were twinkling and a devilish smile brightened his face. She slapped his chest and he laughed, shook his head, and put his arm around her they turned. It was only then that she realized that she had been standing in front of her grandmother’s house.

             
As they neared the front door she looked over to the right and saw her grandmother at the window looking out with a worried frown upon her face.

             
A butler in full livery opened the front door and Lucy bit back the smile that threatened as he took her coat. Rodrigo escorted her to a drawing room off to the right and the minute the door opened her grandmother was across the room and pulling Lucy into an embrace. “My Luciana what is it? Rodrigo and I were having a drink and looked up to see you standing there looking so forlorn.”

             
Lucy breathed in the scent of her grandmother’s perfume and shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong.  Nothing at all.”

             
Her grandmother pulled back to look at her face and Lucy forced a smile. There was no way that she was admitting her temporary feeling of longing to Isabella.

Her grandmother’s eyes narrowed but she didn’t say anything. Isabella turned and made her way over to the sofa. “Come
. Sit and tell us what you’ve been doing.”

             
She sat and as her grandmother handed her a glass of champagne Lucy told them about her job and about Sam’s work. She made sure that she sounded cheerful and positive as she described their new life but more than once she saw her grandmother and Rodrigo exchange a look. Lucy dreaded knowing what it meant, but it didn’t take long for Isabella to come to the point. “Lucy…”

             
Lucy felt her back go up. This was exactly why she hadn’t come to visit before; this was the conversation that she had been dreading. She bit her lip and met her grandmother’s gaze.

             
“Sam seems like such a nice boy-“

             
“He is,” Lucy interrupted her.

             
“I’m sure. He seems so sweet and gentle and I can see that you care for him-“

             
Lucy interrupted again, “More than that, I love him. And he loves me. We plan on getting married.”

             
Her grandmother and Rodrigo shared another glance and Lucy saw that Isabella’s mouth was compressed into a thin, red line. “Yes you love him, I can see that. But what I meant is that you’re a little young to settle down. You just graduated a few years ago and you need some time to be young and explore the world.”

             
Lucy quickly shook her head. “You were twenty-two when you and my grandfather met. I’m twenty-seven.”

             
Isabella closed her eyes and Lucy felt bad when she realized what she had said. Even after all these years the topic of her grandfather was still a painful subject. When Isabella opened her eyes Lucy saw that there was a shimmer of tears in them and Rodrigo put his hand out and rubbed his wife’s back. Isabella smiled at him in thanks. It was a tender moment and Lucy felt as if she was intruding on it.

             
Isabella took a deep breath and said, “Yes
that
is true, but Sebastian was different. He was a man of the world and he loved me enough to see that I still had growing to do. He let me do that, and he helped me grow into the woman that I was meant to be.”

             
“Well Sam can help me.”

             
“No he can’t,” Isabella said and shook her head, “No he can’t, and you and I both know it. He’s sweet and kind Luciana but that’s not what you need. You need a man who challenges you, who excites you. A man that you can fight with and make love with. You need passion. You’re a Lennox.”

             
“I am a Lennox, but I’m also a Jacobs. Maybe I have more of my dad in me than I have of you. Maybe I’m not like you. Maybe I’m like my mom.”

             
Her grandmother looked pained at that, and Lucy saw that Isabella had paled under her make-up. “Do you really think that your mother is happy?”

             
It was the first time that they had discussed her mom and Lucy felt guilty about that. She had promised her mom that she would tell Isabella that Rosaline missed her and she had failed to do that. “She said she misses you.”

             
Her grandmother nodded and Lucy saw Rodrigo rub her back again. “I miss her as well. Every single day of my life I miss her. I wake up in the morning and I say a prayer for her and for you. I want so much for both of you to be happy. The two of you mean more to me than anything on the face of this earth.”

             
Isabella began crying and stunned Lucy sat in silence, not knowing what to do. It was the first time that she had seen her grandmother look anything less than perfect as mascara ran down her face in black lines.

Rodrigo pulled Isabella to him and as her face touched his shoulder her lipstick left red marks on his white shirt.  “Shhh, shhh
, my darling. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

             
It was obvious from the way that he held and touched Isabella that Rodrigo loved her, and Lucy felt something turn in her stomach at the thought. She had looked at them and seen what the rest of the world saw, a woman in her seventies, married to a gorgeous young man, and had thought the worst, that Rodrigo had married her grandmother for her money. Lucy felt ashamed of herself for judging something that she didn’t understand.

             
After a few minutes her grandmother stopped crying, and Rodrigo used his handkerchief to wipe away the tears and mascara from her face. Isabella’s mouth was bare and Lucy felt like an intruder as her grandmother leaned forward, kissed her husband, and said, “I love you.”

             
He kissed her back, and it was a kiss full of passion as he said, “I love you too.”

             
Isabella slowly turned back to Lucy. “I’m sorry for that. It’s painful for me to talk about your mother. But I want you to know that I love the both of you and that I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the mother and grandmother that George wanted me to be.”

             
“Oh no!”

             
Her grandmother shook her head, and raised her hand. “Stop. I know how he saw me, how he’ll always see me, and honestly I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t for you and your mother. For years I was plagued with guilt for not at least trying to pretend around him. I told myself that I was being selfish, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lie and pretend, and I didn’t want to teach you by example to lie about who you are. Each of us can only be the person that we are, and do the best that we can by our children.”

             
“Mom loves you.”

             
Isabella took a deep breath. “I know she does and I love her but I’ll never understand the life that she’s chosen, and though I very much regret that, I cannot change it.”

             
Rodrigo cleared his throat and said, “I have not been fortunate enough to have a child but I would imagine that it is hard when you see your child…,” he gestured toward Lucy, “or your grandchild, do something that you think will make them unhappy and yet they won’t listen.”

             
Her grandmother nodded her head. “Yes, it is. I understood that Rosaline loved George. I could even have learned to accept it, but then I saw her changing who she was for him. The longer that she was with him, the less I saw of my Rosaline. She became someone else and I couldn’t stand it.”

             
Lucy asked, “Was that what you fought about that last time?”

             
Her grandmother reached out and picked up her half-full glass of champagne, and took a sip before saying, “Yes. We had gone shopping that day; you, Rosaline, and I, and we had come back late. We walked in and he started on her immediately. He was furious that she hadn’t been home, waiting on him. He hadn’t known where she was, and she hadn’t left a note. When she apologized to him I saw red. He talked to her like she was beneath him and she was the one apologizing. I was furious.”

             
She drained the rest of her glass of champagne and said, “I didn’t say anything even though I wanted to. To sit back and watch your daughter be yelled at-“