In All of Infinity (8 page)

“Ignoring me?”

She looked up and saw Isaac looking down at
her. With how he was standing, his books in front of him in one
hand while the other hand held his wrist, he looked as if he’d been
standing there for a few minutes. He smiled when she at last
glanced at him, and then moved to sit beside her when she reclined
against the tree.

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m thinking, that’s
all,” Reverie answered honestly.

She wished that she could tell him what was
going on, but she doubted if he would be interested. As she looked
at him, staring across the lawn towards the other girls as they
walked by, giggling, she realized he was something of a prince. Why
would he be interested in what was going on in her meager life?

Isaac turned to her and realized she was in
deep thought, saw how beautifully her hair went with the red
sweater she was wearing, and wished that he was the only thing on
her mind. He knew that he wasn’t, nor would he ever be. She was a
complex girl, filled with thoughts and ideals, and he knew somehow
that being a perfect girlfriend wasn’t on her list. She was younger
than he, surely, but there was something old about her, and he knew
by her eyes that it was her spirit.

“You know, there’s a rumor going around,” he
said and reclined beside her.

The tree was a large old oak that had been
growing since before the American Revolution, or so it was claimed
by the local historians. He wondered if this little bit of
information would interest her, if she was even into history. She
was no doubt into animals. He had pet Gable last night and this
morning just thinking about that fact, wondering if the dog knew if
his intentions were good.

“The rumor about us?” she asked casually.
“Yeah. Your girlfriend told me more than once when I came to school
this morning.”

“Who told you?” Isaac asked as he turned to
her, feeling the rough bark behind his head. He looked at her hands
as they held the book, wishing they would go through his hair. He
blinked. How could he have these feelings for a freshman? He’d
never had them for anyone before, much less a fourteen year
old.

She looked at him, raised an eyebrow, and
smiled. “Who do you think?”

“Penelope,” he said and looked across from
him. As if speaking her name had conjured her, he saw her sitting
on the steps leading up to the school. “I don’t know why she would
believe that I’m dating a freshman.”

Reverie rolled her eyes, then gathered her
books together and stood. She looked down at him and raised an
eyebrow, which only resulted in a wide smile forming across his
face, then turned and began walking across the lawn. If he didn’t
want to be seen dating a freshman, surely he didn’t want to be seen
with one. She would make sure she avoided him from now on.

“I thought about you last night,” he said
sincerely, causing her to pause. “I tried to stop myself, but I
couldn’t. I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She turned around and glared at him, seeing
that he was still reclining, his head still pressed against the
bark. He met her eyes with his while a solemn expression covered
his face. Looking like this, Reverie realized that he almost looked
mature, but knew he wasn’t. There was mischief in his plans, from
the very way he held himself, the way he gazed at her.

“You are too young to know of love,” she
said, quoting her father. “We both are. These… thoughts you have…
they will pass in time. They will. Everything passes in time.”

Isaac blinked, opened his mouth to say
something, but closed it without ever saying a word. He watched her
walk away, wishing he could understand her better, but knew that
wasn’t possible. She was a girl with layers, and he was too young
to take the time to peel them all back. He glanced absently at
Penelope, watched her throw her nose into the air and march inside,
and then he turned to where Reverie had been seated. He felt the
ground, seeking her warmth.

“Does everything need to pass or be known?
Can’t it just exist?” he asked the wind.

Cool winds from his left made him stand,
realizing how cold he was becoming by her absence. He started
walking across the lawn, feeling as if he were being watched. He
looked over his shoulder and saw a bosomy brunette staring at him
from the road where the lawn ended, smiling mercilessly. He had
never met her, and he knew most of the women in York County. She
was dressed like an ordinary woman, as full of life as anyone in
black could be. But, when he stared into her eyes, he felt as if he
had never been happy in his entire life and he knew something about
her wasn’t right.

“Who are you?” he asked aloud.

She put her finger to her lips, signaling
for him to be silent, then gestured for him to come towards her.
Isaac didn’t want to, but he took one step and then another. He had
no control of his body. As he made his way, he wanted to turn from
her but he couldn’t. She was using some sort of power on him, and
he knew there was nothing he could do. Even when she pulled a knife
from the sheath on her hip, he continued on without hesitation. He
knew she was going to kill him, and there was no way he could
scream for help.

“Isaac? Isaac?”

He heard a voice calling him and turned
around. He was standing merely feet away from the road, sweat
dripping down his face, neck, and back. He saw Reverie staring at
him, her innocence as radiant as ever, and said a silent prayer.
Looking over his shoulder, he realized that the brunette was gone.
He doubted for an instant that she’d ever existed, but then he felt
a weight in his hand. The knife! How could he have gotten the
knife?

Quickly hiding it behind him, he walked
towards Reverie who was staring at him, concerned. He hoped she
hadn’t seen him with it. How could he explain himself if she did?
He didn’t understand it himself, much less explaining it to someone
else. What would he do if she saw him with it? In a flash, a vision
passed through his mind and he saw himself stabbing her over and
over again. When the frightening thought ceased, he looked at her
and forced himself to smile although he was shaking.

“I’m sorry for being such a disagreeable
person today,” she said and returned his smile. “I’m just not
really into socializing or anything right now. I’ve got a lot on my
mind. I know you think that I’m a terrible person… again… but I’m
trying not to be. I mean, I understand if you like girls that are
older than me. I don’t care about that, not really. I was just
hoping we would be friends. I’ve never had a boy for a friend
before…”

He nodded. “It’s ok. I was being a jerk. I’d
like you as my friend.”

Reverie smiled and he gulped, trying to stop
himself from crying. He succeeded and she turned around, walking
back into the school. The lunch hour was over, which meant he had
to get back to class, but he couldn’t budge. If he went in thinking
about murder, he knew he would be tempted to do something terrible.
He felt evil growing through his heart, blackening it, so he shut
off a corner of it for her. Reverie, his dream come true.

***

Emmanuel thought about the attic throughout
the day, wondering if Reverie detested him for being so cruel to
her. He didn’t know. When it came time for him to have lunch, he
drove to the house and parked, sitting in silence. He had forgotten
what was in the attic because it had been so long, only remembered
that he wasn’t supposed to go inside the room. He took hold of the
skeleton key that he kept with him and walked in, but not before he
spotted another car in his yard.

Virginia’s note had been
simple, but he detested the fact she’d given it to Reverie to
deliver to him. She was lonely and wanted to meet him. Here he was,
unintentionally, and not prepared to face her. He didn’t want to
deal with anyone, least of all
this
woman. If anyone could be an actual nightmare,
she was definitely it. Hell, he wasn’t young anymore, and she was
hardly thirty-five.

Emmanuel stepped out of the car and headed
for the house, but he knew she was already inside. Her scent clung
to the crisp air of August, overpowering it and making him want to
retch. Although he told Reverie not to criticize Virginia by her
perfume, her character was so dreadful that he wished he took his
daughter’s advice. After all, hadn’t Esme’s jasmine perfume been as
welcoming as a ray of light? He was sure he’d been right about a
life partner once, but that was long ago.

“Hello, lover.”

He saw her seated on the bench on the front
porch, wearing only a shirt and a pair of socks. The calm
expression he often carried morphed completely and he glared at
her.

“Calm down, lover. I know your little one
isn’t here,” she said and undid her hair, letting it cascade down
her shoulders. “I also know it’s your lunch hour. I cooked you
something. You can eat while I seek pleasure… in another way…”

“I don’t know what makes you think I’m
interested in you,” he said and walked into the house, slamming the
door behind him, but knowing she would follow.

Sure enough, she walked into the house and
stared up at him as he went up the stairs. She began following him,
“Remember last Christmas? A little kiss here? A little kiss there?
Well, I want more of that, and a little bit of something else.”

“What?!” he asked and turned. Virginia was
two steps behind him, almost as small as a child, but he knew she
wasn’t guiltless. He couldn’t believe she attended church! If she
embraced who she really was, he would at least accept her as a
human being! “What do you want from me?”

“I want you,” she answered. “I’ve always
wanted you. If only you would believe that…”

“Don’t you understand?!
I’m
twenty
years
older than you are! Is there no one else in this world you can
devote yourself to? Someone younger? Someone who isn’t an old man?”
he asked and reached the second floor. He realized he wasn’t going
to be rid of her, knew he wouldn’t be able to go in the attic. He
turned and looked at her resignedly. “Why can’t you “love” someone
else? Do you even know the meaning of the word?”

“Do you?”

Emmanuel looked at her blankly for a second,
“I guess I don’t.” He turned and began walking away. “Not
anymore.”

“Will you ever get over her?” Virginia
sobbed. “Will you ever know that I exist? I do exist. I can show
you what it’s like to live and continue to love, to feel alive
without ever sacrificing emotions. Even if love doesn’t exist for
you, it exists for me. Why won’t you let me exist for you?”

Virginia realized he wasn’t listening to
her. Since she was a woman who often got her way, no matter how
high the odds were stacked against her, she wouldn’t let him walk
away. She had planned on catching him ever since she’d returned to
town, after burying another husband who had made her too distant
when it came to lovemaking. Larry, her fourth, made love to her to
make himself feel alive, but never for love. Not even once. She
needed to feel loved, and knew Emmanuel Reagan was just the man to
do it. She didn’t care if he returned the emotion.

She went towards him and wrapped her arms
around him, began undoing the buckle on his belt. She whispered
passionately, “Make love to me.”

Emmanuel turned and looked down at her, not
knowing how else he could reject her. She considered three kisses
to be love, when he knew for a fact they’d both been intoxicated
when each one happened. He disentangled her arms from around his
waist and shoved her away. She began sobbing, but he would have
nothing to do with her. He walked into his room and slammed the
door behind him, hearing the volume of her crying increase.

He sat on the bedside, ran his hands through
his hair, and then pulled out a cigarette. Once he lit it, he
stared at it, watching the smoke rise from the abomination he went
to for relief. It wouldn’t help him get over Esme. It never would.
He’d tried for years to push her to the back of his mind, but she
emerged each time he tried. He remembered the way she bit her lip
when she was nervous, the aroma of her perfume, the brilliance of
her eyes, and the way light would dance across her hair. What
troubled him most was that, when he thought of her, he couldn’t
imagine her smiling. He always saw her in tears. Tears he couldn’t
and would never be able to wipe away.

After sitting in silence for a while, he
realized it was almost time to go back to work. He stepped out of
his room but paused when he realized Virginia was no longer
standing in the hall. Instead, he saw a white man-child sitting in
the middle of the floor, eyes closed and hands pressed flat against
the sides of his head. Emmanuel realized there were parts of the
man-child that was splotched with brown.

“Who are you?”

The man-child opened his eyes and Emmanuel
realized how unusual they looked, almost like a snake’s. The owner
of these eyes quickly moved so that he was standing ramrod
straight, his hands still pressed to his head.

“What is the date, year and all?” he asked,
almost whispering. “Please tell me. It is of most importance. I
will answer all the questions you may have at a later time. I have
not the time now. Please.”