In Her Mind (Mountain High Valley Low ) (12 page)

Even as I paid the florist the final balance for the wedding package we selected, I wondered if I would actually be getting married to Brian. We were a mere two weeks away from walking down the isle and, though I went through the motions of preparing for the big day, I didn’t know if I would actually be able to go through with the whole ordeal. My gut told me to continue planning while my heart and mind questioned every action.

Brian was so pitiful when he asked me if we were still going to get married earlier today. I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Pride got in the way, just like he said. The tension that had recently built up between Brian and me felt as if it had redefined me as a person. I didn’t feel like my usual self, no longer fun-loving and full of life. I desperately needed to reconnect with my former self in order to be resurrected from my emotional rut.

The florist returned with my change and my receipt for the flowers. After scribbling my signature on the dotted line, I thanked her and bid her a nice day. I don’t even know if she responded because I was so wrapped up in my thoughts. I had more errands to run, more preparations to handle, and more decisions to make, including the one about becoming Brian’s wife.

When I walked into the flower shop, my skin was damp from the humidity, but the day’s promise was one of clear skies and summer warmth. By the time I exited the florist, dark clouds had bullied the skies. Super-sized raindrops pelted me hard as I tried to outrun their assault while dashing to the car. My vehicle was parked more than a block away and my umbrella was trapped in the trunk. My jeans and near-bare feet were drenched, and the fabric on my wedge sandals had grown a few shades darker. The baby tee that I wore looked like I’d just made first runner-up in a wet T-shirt contest.

Catching up with Brooke and my sister, Dionne, was out of the question now. I needed to freshen up and change before our Saturday afternoon powwow at Sea, my favorite Thai restaurant in all of Brooklyn. The thought of a nice, cool watermelon mojito made my mouth water.

By the time I got to Sea, Brooke’s and Dionne’s behinds were parked at the bar. The dark clouds were passing, slowing the rain down to a light drizzle. My hair had already been ruined so I simply brushed it down along the sides and threw on a deep blue denim fedora-style hat to match my midnight blue skinny jeans; a cute T-shirt with one of those silly sayings on it, speckled with glitter; and silver stiletto sandals.

“What’s up with the incognito look?” Brooke teased. “This is far from incognito. I got caught in that downpour. But nothing was going to stop me from coming here today. Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve been out? I can’t even remember the last time I tasted a good watermelon mojito. As a matter of fact, excuse me.” I motioned for the bartender and ordered my long-awaited drink as I took the available stool beside Brooke. “Now, where was I?”
“I see you like to get right to the point!” Dionne said, raising her own mojito.
“It’s been a while,” I said and exhaled.
“What’s up with your eyes, Lex? You’ve been crying, haven’t you? What’s wrong?” Dionne asked.
Her question melted my façade and caused the floodgates restraining my emotions to collapse. I thought I did a pretty good job of concealing my pain. Little did I know I was wearing it like a well-lit sign for the whole world to see. I hated being so naked. I placed my elbows on the bar and rested my head in my hands while water settled in the wells of my eyes. Heavy tears fell onto the counter.
“Let me see if our table is ready,” Brooke said, jumping up from the table.
Dionne caressed my back and sat in silence. Brooke returned seconds later, instructing us to follow her and the hostess to our table, way in the back, right-hand corner of the restaurant.
Once we were settled in, their questions came at me in soft blows.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Dionne, who was completely in the dark, asked again.
Brooke already knew most of the story and just waited for me to begin filling her in on anything she had missed since we last spoke. I pulled a piece of tissue from my bag and wiped my eyes.
“I didn’t come here for this. I came to have a good time,” I sobbed.
“We will get to that. Talk to us, Lex,” Brooke said.
“I don’t know if I can go through with it. But I don’t want to walk away,” I confessed.
“The wedding?!” Dionne nearly yelled, completely shocked. “Why wouldn’t you want to go through with it? Did Brian do something?”
Brooke remained quiet and I didn’t even want to look at her. Breaking down in front of her again was the last thing I wanted to do, but I just couldn’t help this one.
“Did you take care of the flowers?” Brooke asked as if everything was normal.
“I did that today,” I said and cut my eyes at her.
Brooke picked up her drink and took a sip, then waved the waiter over to place our orders. Meanwhile, Dionne was still fixed in her state of shock. She wasn’t aware of all the drama that had unfolded since Shelly decided to resurface.
“Is it cold feet?” Dionne asked, still trying to understand what the problem was. I figured I’d better help pull her out of the dark.
“No,” I said and adjusted myself in the seat to face her. “Shelly’s back with the baby, and for the past two weeks, she has been wreaking havoc on my patience. I’m ready to go back to high school on her, slap some Vaseline on my face, and get to kicking her ass. She had Brian arrested, she’s been popping up at the house, we had a big fight about a week ago, and she left the baby at the door and sped off. Then she shows up at my door this morning looking for Brian and the little boy. I called Brian and told him he’d better come handle her. I just can’t see me dealing with her bullshit until death do us part!” I downed a huge gulp of my mojito.
Brooke leaned over and pushed Dionne’s chin up to close her mouth. That did nothing for her eyes, which were stretched so wide I thought her eyeballs would fall out.
“Lexie, this has been going on for two weeks and you didn’t mention it to me?” Dionne asked when she was finally able to speak. I just nodded my head.
“I told Brian that I didn’t want to deal with all of that drama, and I let him know that I wasn’t exactly sure about going forward with this wedding. And since his son has been around, he’s been spending a lot of time at his mother’s house with him. He asked me this morning if I still wanted to marry him because he still wants to marry me.”
“And? What did you say?” Dionne asked.
“I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything.”
“You just left him hanging?” Brooke said with no sympathy whatsoever.
“Lexie!” Dionne said, stretching my name into a pitiful melody.
“Lexie, what!” I challenged.
Dionne looked like she was at a loss for words as she stared back and forth between Brooke and me before dropping her head. “So what are you going to do?” she asked.
I looked at Brooke, who was staring me dead in my mouth as if she were waiting for the words to fall out. Then she sat back in her chair and folded her arms like she couldn’t care less about what I was going to say.
“I don’t want a man with a baby’s mama.”
Dionne looked at Brooke like she couldn’t believe what I had said. What was the big deal about me not wanting a man with kids?
“Talk to her, Brooke,” Dionne said with pleading in her voice.
“For what?” I asked Dionne, getting indignant.
“Yeah, why should I bother? She doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. Personally, I think she’s acting like a big spoiled brat. It’s hard to find a good man, and she’s got one who’s trying to make her his wife. We are in our thirties! How many men out there don’t have kids? I’m not saying you can’t find one, but in this day and age, what are your chances of finding a man that doesn’t have at least one kid? It’s a rarity. Then, when you factor in all the other stuff that comes with finding a good man, you tell me how much sense it makes to let a man like Brian go because you can’t handle a little baby-mama drama. All Shelly is doing is trying to rock the boat to see if she still has a chance, and if you walk away now, you are giving her just that! Somebody needs to put her in her place. If you do it the right way, she’ll stop all this shit.” Brooke took a long sip of her drink, then challenged me with her eyes. “So are you going to hand Brian over to Shelly, or what?”

When Brice and I arrived at Shelly’s condo, she acted as if nothing had happened. It amazed me how she was able to flip from one emotion to another without showing any signs of the prior. One second she’s raving mad, the next she’s as sweet as candy, and you’d never know she had ever been angry.

“Oh! Hey, sweetie,” she said to me and then directed her attention to Brice. “How’s mama’s baby? I missed you so much,” she cooed. “Come on in, Brian. I don’t bite.”

“No, Shelly, that’s quite alright. Good-bye,” I said and turned to walk away until I felt her grab my arm. My eyes rolled up into my head, then I slowly turned around.

“Just need to talk to you for a moment, sweetie. I have no idea when BJ last ate or anything. Please, Brian. It will be quick. I promise,” Shelly said and turned into the condo, confident that I would follow.

I did follow but said nothing. She continued bouncing Brice in her arms and spewing baby talk. After a few beats, I finally responded.

“He had lunch just before we left. Spaghetti. He ate spaghetti. Now can I go?”
“Listen, about earlier—”
“Never mind earlier. You wanted him home so I brought

“Brian, I need to know how we are going to work things out,” Shelly said.
“How about you give me custody and see him on the weekends?” I threw that one out there to get a reaction. It worked.
Shelly looked at me as if I was nuts. She even shook her head a few times to make sure my comment registered correctly.
“Custody!” she managed to finally say.
“Yes, custody. Since you always seem to have problems finding a babysitter all of a sudden, and I’m always your only viable solution, I might as well keep him and you can pick him up on the weekends.”
“But, Brian, you work. You can’t keep him during the week. Besides, he needs his mother,” Shelly protested.
“Well, I had him all this week—since you dropped him off last Saturday. You weren’t worried about my work schedule then, and Mommy was nowhere to be found, so it appears that he can survive without you during the week.”
That crazed look of hers returned. The one she gives when she doesn’t like the way a conversation is going. I didn’t expect her to give up custody of Brice, but I didn’t want her to think she was being successful at turning my world on its end. I would take Brice in a minute and keep him forever if I could, especially if I could get rid of her annoying surprises. But then again, this was Shelly. Having Brice full time might invite more of Shelly’s lurking about.

“First of all, I would never, ever, give up custody of my son. Second of all, I do not want the woman you call a Fiancé raising my child. Did you see how she attacked me that day?” she said, holding Brice closer to her chest for a dramatic punch.

“Look, Shelly, I just came to drop Brice off. I’ll talk to you sometime soon.”
As I walked away, Shelly plopped Brice down on the couch and came running after me.
“Wait! Brian, please! I just need time to be able to handle this. It seems that you don’t want to have any kind of relationship with me. Is it because of her?”
“Actually, Shelly, it’s because of you. Not Lexie.”
“Me?!” she shouted incredulously.
“I’ve got to go.” I waived her off and began to walk away.
“Wait, Brian. I just want to know what you think will work. I love you and have never stopped loving you. I can’t help but think that if it weren’t for you running into her, we would be together. You, Brice, and me as one big, happy family. Tell me you don’t want a family, Brian?”
“I do, and I have one. My son and my Fiancé. Shelly, I don’t know what you want me to say to you.”
“Say that we can have something, that we can work something out.”
“That’s up to you, because what’s happened in the past couple of weeks does not work for me at all.”
“Tell me this, Brian. If you weren’t with her, would things be different?”
“I’m sure they would. I’ve got to go.” I said and attempted to leave once again.
“You really love her, don’t you?” Shelly asked.
I just looked at her. Why she was so obsessed with Lexie was beyond me. Even without Lexie in my life, I would never marry Shelly. I’m sorry to admit that with her being the mother of my first-born son. I love Brice dearly but should have been more careful. My mother was right. It was my mistake.
“Good-bye, Shelly,” I said, then walked over to Brice to kiss his forehead.
“So if she weren’t in the picture, things would be different, huh?” she asked again with an inquisitive stare.
“Bye, Shelly,” I said one last time before finally leaving.

Thoughts of Lexie consumed my energy for days. It even kept me from working. Losing my job wasn’t a concern since Daddy was an executive at the company, and it was time to change my game plan. I now had about a week and a half to find a way to somehow get Lexie out of the picture. It seems that wreaking havoc on their home life didn’t work as well as I thought it would. I assumed she’d be packed up and ready to go after all the things I’d dropped on them. Working through Brian hasn’t helped one bit. I need to target her directly.

In order to deal with Lexie directly, I had to find out a little more about her. I’m sure she has secrets. From what I’d found out so far, David was her last boyfriend and her schedule was pretty much consistent—work, home, gym, and church on Sundays with her sisters and mom. If she had been cheating, I hadn’t seen it for myself so far. This would be my last chance to spy on her because I really needed to get back to work.

Grabbing Brice and his bag, I headed for the door. When I opened it to leave, my impetuous mother was standing there with her hand in mid-air, ready to knock.

With a quick gesture of her chin she indicated for me to follow her back inside of my condo. She threw her oversized ivory bag, which matched her pumps perfectly, onto the couch and sat down. The glare she threw my way gave me a pretty good idea about what was on her mind. I hadn’t seen her since I ran out of my house, leaving hers and Brandon’s mouths gaping open at the realization of my lies.