In Her Mind (Mountain High Valley Low ) (19 page)

Today is the day I did everything in my power to change. Today is the day that Brian and Lexie are going to marry. My Brian—the only man I ever loved, the father of my only son. Every attempt I made at getting Brian back in my life over the past month failed sorely. What I did succeed in doing was alienating my family and finally getting out of a relationship with a man I’d never loved.

I knew Lori wasn’t the cause of my problems, but watching her get all jazzed up for the wedding caused my stomach to churn. I had been throwing up all morning. I started out by trying to think of a new game plan as my last-ditch effort, one that might have proved to be more effective than what I already had in mind.

“You aren’t dressed yet? What are you waiting for?” Lori asked.
My stomach rumbled and I braced myself for another bathroom run. This time it was a false alarm. I stepped over Brice, who was playing on the floor with his toy cars, and headed to the kitchen to put on some water for a cup of tea. Before I could do anything, I had to settle my stomach.
Lori was getting dressed all over the apartment, running to and fro, pulling on stockings, snapping on earrings, and haphazardly brushing on face powder with an oversized brush.
“I guess you aren’t leaving with me. I’m out of here in the next ten minutes and you haven’t even taken your shower yet. I can’t wait for you so I will see you there,” Lori said.
“Yes, I’ll get there. Don’t worry about me.”
“Okay!” Lori said hastily. “I don’t want to be late so I’ll get going,” she added before grabbing her clutch, which matched her shoes exactly. Lori’s too-short clingy yellow dress was almost fit for the strip club, but she thought she looked great. Her large behind and wide hips gave her look an extra sluttish flair. Her four-inch sandals topped off the “Players Club” look expertly.
“See you there!” she said, smiling before she flicked her long, silky weave behind her back and struggled to maneuver gracefully in her heels.
The moment she left the house the air seemed lighter, despite the heavy scent of the cheap perfume that seemed to settle in my throat. I let the television baby sit Brice while I headed to the bathroom to shower. As long as the TV remained on the Disney Channel, Brice was well-entertained.
The sweltering hot water beat down on my face as I stood directly under the powerful stream, hoping to erase all visual remnants of sadness. Possibly, the steam would tighten the skin under my eyes, removing the bags caused by all the sleepless nights I’d suffered over the past weeks.
Today was it. All or nothing. What was it about me that I couldn’t get Brian to see? I tried to love him enough to bring him back. Even with Brice, I couldn’t get him to see how much we needed him. I wanted to give up many times but couldn’t bring myself to walk away. Despite the fact that I wasn’t used to losing, my desire for Brian surpassed any thoughts of walking away empty-handed. Every new idea seemed like the one that would bring him back. I’d never met another man like Brian—strong but gentle, and a talented yet considerate lover.
My tears were heavy enough to compete with the large drops of water that shot from the showerhead.
And Lexie, she just wouldn’t give up. Any other woman would have walked away, but her stubborn ass didn’t budge. Her resistance made the chase more challenging; it gave me something to sink my teeth into. Victory was always sweeter when it didn’t come easy. What was so special about her?
“Shelly, get your act together, girl. You’ve got work to do. This is it!” I said, giving myself a pep talk. But my confidence was waning fast. I wanted to give up, cut my losses, and move far away from everyone.
But I had to give it one last shot. Hopefully, after today’s plan plays out, Lexie will be done with me and my tactics, and will walk away for good. Brian would be mine and we could finally live happily ever after as one big, happy family.
“Let’s do this, girl,” I pepped myself one last time.
Thinking about this last effort working filled me with the vigor I needed to carry out my plan. I massaged sweet-smelling body wash into my skin and rinsed three times before exiting the shower. The fragrant scent swarmed the steamy bathroom air.
Last night, I had gone back to my apartment to find the perfect classy-yet-sexy outfit to don for the occasion. The multicolored strapless sheath flowed gracefully from the high empire waist to the top of my perfectly polished toes. Soft blends of varying shades of pink, ivory, and gold elegantly painted the billowy fabric. I topped off the look with muted gold sandals and a matching clutch, delicate jewels, and beautiful dangling earrings. I was sure to turn heads the second I walked into that church, robbing the bitchy bride-to-be from the likely attention she’d draw.
Brice was dressed like a little gentleman in a sparkling white suit. We were going to get our Brian. Checking my face one more time, I sighed at the sight of my sad eyes. Doubt was tackling my will to follow through with my plan. I was tired of rejection and my mother’s words wouldn’t leave me alone. I straightened my back and brushed doubt off of my shoulders once again. I wasn’t desperate, I just knew what I wanted and wasn’t willing to give up until I got it. Indomitable, determined, and strong-willed. That’s what I was. Not desperate.
“No, Mother, I’m not desperate,” I said aloud, and then swiped at the stupid tears that were ruining my makeup job.
Blinking fast, I held my head up and fanned my eyes with my hands to stop the tears from causing further damage to my facial artwork. Doubt swelled in my throat again, making it hard for me to swallow. I ingested large gulps of air to remove the blockage and began encouraging myself once again. It was time to go.
Despite the Disney Channel’s entertaining exhibitions, Brice was unusually quiet, as if he understood the seriousness of the day.
“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get this show on the road!” I said to him and he kissed me with a big “muah.” It was just the encouragement I needed.
“Brice, sweetie. Mama is sorry about all the confusion over the past few weeks. I promise, from now on, everything will be different, okay?”
“Um humph,” Brice replied, preoccupied with his sleek little toy car.
Brice and I sang the alphabet while I secured him in his car seat. Moving with haste, I entered the car, threw my purse in the passenger’s seat, and floored the gas while my conscience played tricks on me. A part of me wanted to abandon this last effort all together, but the immovable side of me refused to lie down without a fight.
My mother’s voice filled my head again. Contemptible words like desperate, and statements like “he doesn’t want you” poked at my resolve. The divergent forces wore on my emotions. This time I couldn’t stop the tears.
Doubt made me slam on the brakes and hit the blinker to inform my fellow road warriors of my impending right turn.
“Forget it, Shelly. Forget him,” I said, ready to turn back.
But my stubbornness took over and nudged me back on track toward my original destination. I jerked the wheel back in the middle of my turn to continue my journey.
“It’s too late, now. I’m already dressed. This could work. I can’t live in regret wondering, what if?” I was ready now. But my tears wouldn’t stop flowing.
I pressed past my doubt and headed for the church, picking up speed. The faster I drove, the harder I cried. Brice innocently played with his cars, settled in his perfect little imaginary world, oblivious to his mother’s despair. The battle continued in my head, clouding my thoughts and my vision. Traffic lights blurred before me. All the colors mixed together like an abstract painting.
By the time I realized the light was red, it was too late for me to stop in time. I hit the brakes and swerved away from an oncoming car threatening to broadside me on Brice’s side. My piercing scream frightened Brice.
“Mommy!” he screamed and began to cry.
“Brice, baby!” I screamed. “Mommy’s sorry!” I said before the big bang.

What was taking Shelly so long, I couldn’t tell. But I knew that if she didn’t come soon, it would be too late.
The wedding was so beautifully organized it made me sick to my stomach. Brian looked more handsome than I had ever witnessed in my life. All that tall, dark chocolate draped in that untainted ivory was truly a vision to behold. To say that he was gorgeous was an understatement. Lexie looked good, too.
Women dreamed of having a man like Brian, someone who was a real man, yet considerate, fine, and a true warrior in the bedroom. The man could slay a woman in bed like a knight would slay a dragon. He was an awesome lover. Brian was four times the man most guys could ever imagine being, and Lexie had managed to snag him. She had him so wrapped up that he stopped sleeping with me completely. I was always his maintenance woman, hoping that, one day, he’d make a permanent place for me in his life.
The wedding was finally ready to start, a half hour past its scheduled time. Brian and his party of fine groomsmen had already bejeweled the front of the church. As far as his boys were concerned, not one of them could hold a match to Brian. He was more than just a good-looking man, he was a complete package with an aura that would make the ladies swoon.
My watch read 12:30. Where the hell was Shelly? She had a job to do. I hoped she hadn’t lost her gall and decided not to go through with her plans.
“Shit,” my worries quietly escaped my lips. The woman seated next to me glared at me, moved her eyes toward the large cross that hung front and center in the sanctuary, then glared at me again. I got the message. “Sorry,” I said with my head recessing into my shoulders.
Shelly is going to mess this up. I knew she would. The pianist began playing a soft tune. At first I didn’t recognize the song, then it came to me: Everlasting Love by Tony Terry. A large man dressed in a well-fitted gray suit stood at the front of the church and began to croon. His baritone floated throughout the church and settled over the guests like a soft blanket. People tilted their heads and fell victim to the depth of his rich melody.
A woman, who I assumed was Lexie’s sister because of their striking resemblance despite their different complexions, stepped into the church, her stride synchronized with the man’s profound voice and the accompanying music. After a few steps, another woman fashioned after Lexie’s looks entered, stepping in time. Next came a cute little boy wearing a suit that made him look like a mini Brian, followed by an adorable little girl. Her angelic face was framed by shiny Shirley Temple curls and she wore a beaded white dress that reached her ankles. Then in walked Brooke, Lexie’s outspoken confidant. She floated down the aisle in her own version of the champagne-colored gown the ladies wore.
The singer brought his first song to a fluttering finale and everyone applauded. He cleared his throat and cued the pianist. Slowly, he began his next selection, With You, also by Tony Terry. The pastor made a gesture for everyone to rise, and all the guests rose to their feet, awaiting the bride-to-be.
After Brooke’s entrance, the doors had been closed. When they re-opened, Lexie was poised at the center of the entrance like a ballerina on a music box, holding an exquisite spray of white lilies. The sight of her generated collective huffs from the guests. I hated to admit it, but she was absolutely radiant. Her soft brown skin seemed to glow. Her elegant-yet-daring gown fell lithely over her shapely frame. Her plunging neckline was stylishly balanced by a beaded band at the back of the dress, fastened by a charming bow. The soft silk fabric caressed the curve of her hips, loosely hugged her thighs, and opened slightly as it met the top of her feet in the front, then lingered behind her faintly in the back. She wore a simple white flower tucked into her hair, which was swept up with tendrils dancing along the sides of her face. Her lips shone with a sheer pink gloss and her makeup was natural and flawless. Her look could be described as simple elegance.
While everyone’s attention was fixed on Lexie, who gracefully floated down the aisle as if she were walking on air, I set my gaze on Brian, who was watching his Fiancée in awe. His lips slightly parted, he both admired and lusted after her as she drifted toward him. When she finally got close, his look of wonderment turned into a seductive smirk and he winked. His admiration ignited my envy.
Where the hell is Shelly! I said to myself.
Excusing myself, I carelessly stepped over a few guests in my row to go outside and call Shelly on her cell phone. No answer. I dialed her five more times back-to-back. She was running out of time.
“Damn, Shelly, the wedding has started. What is taking you so damn long? I can’t believe you are going to mess this up. Call me back.” I snapped the phone closed and paced the steps of the church. I kept my eyes on the ceremony, hoping she would arrive any minute. This was it. There would be no more opportunities after this.
Inside, the wedding was progressing. Outside, I grew more anxious by the minute. Several times, I stepped inside to see where they were in the ceremony, then stepped back out, willing Shelly’s arrival in my head.
Come on, Shelly, come on! After all I did for you. I need you here to do your part. Where the hell are you?
I punched in her number one last time. Again it went to voice mail. I stuck my head inside the church to hear what the pastor was saying. When I heard the words “or forever hold your peace,” I knew Shelly had truly suckered out. Instantly, I was angry and decided to take matters into my own hands. If she didn’t have the guts to do what she had to, then I sure did. Shelly never realized what my interest was or what I stood to gain.
I ran into the church screaming, “No! Wait!” A sea of shocked faces settled on me.
“Lori! What’s wrong with you? What are you doing?” Brian asked, looking shocked and angry.
“No, Brian, you can’t. Shelly…no, forget Shelly. She was supposed to be here to do this but she obviously isn’t.”
“Shelly?!” Lexie repeated, confused, then flailed her arms in the air. “Lori, you are ruining my wedding! Somebody get her out of here!”
At Lexie’s command, several women got up and sequestered me.
“You don’t want to make this mistake, Brian. And Lexie, I know you don’t want to battle Shelly all your married days. I know you were bullshitting the other night when you came by Brian’s apartment to talk to her.” More people in the pews gasped. Lexie’s mother stood to her feet. Everyone else was frozen in place, stunned. “After all we put you through in the past month, why the hell would you go through with this? You were supposed to bounce, leaving Brian to Shelly.”
Realization spread across Lexie’s flawlessly painted face, and she subconsciously began a slow stroll toward where I stood.
“Brian, I know you never would have stayed with Shelly, but with Lexie out of the way, you could have been mine. All of this could be yours again. I’m sure you remember what it was like. Unlike Shelly, I don’t run around playing games. I get other people to handle my dirty work. Lexie, remember, Shelly isn’t going anywhere. So what’s up? A bunch of baby-mama drama for the rest of your life? Lexie, how long are you going to deal with another woman having power and control over your man. Someone who was able to give him something you couldn’t.” More gasps filled the room.
Brooke leapt from the altar and was in front of me in two steps, pushing Lexie out of the way. Lexie stumbled but didn’t fall.
“Girl, have you lost your mind?!” Brooke spat and lurched for my neck. Her strong, heated hands closed off my air supply. My arms started flailing due to my lack of oxygen before Brian finally managed to pry her hands from my throat.
The next thing I knew, I was being carted off by one of the men in the room. He literally dumped me on the curb, went back into the church, and shut the door. When I stood to my feet, I realized that I only had on one shoe and my dress was hiked up over my right hip, exposing all my goodies. I ran back to the door and tried to pull it open but it was locked. I beat the door with my fist while cursing Shelly for screwing everything up. When I saw her again, I was going to beat her pathetic, spineless ass. All this time she allowed me to string her along like a damn puppet, and when I finally get close to getting what I’ve wanted all along, she bails out on me. I fixed my dress, took off my other shoe, and headed to my car. Shelly and I were about to have it out. Then I would go to Brian’s place and get my belongings before it was too late.