In Loving Memory (9 page)

Chapter 4

1814

Sheena had been working at the Silk Mill now for over three years.

Each day on her way to or from work, whether by accident or design, she always seemed to meet up with Rab Bell, a young miner who lived with his aunt in the same row of cottages as Sheena.

As Sheena made her way towards the mill, she thought, Rab always seems pleased tae see me, but it begins and ends there; mibbe all his nonsense masks the fact that he is too shy and too backward at coming forward tae ask me tae walk out with him. We’re both old enough now tae be at that next stage of our lives.

Uch tae hell with too shy young men. There’s plenty more fish in the sea and Ah’m the very girl that wants tae catch one of them. To be married, a guid-goin husband, then it’s ta-ta tae the Silk Mill and me workin my fingers tae the bone for a pittance. That’s it, get the wedding band firmly in place, then it’s hello tae a new life, life as mistress in my very own wee but-n-ben.

So ran her thoughts of a rosy future and not looking where she was going as she rounded a corner she all but collided with Rab, a workmate of his and Rab’s brother, Fergus. At once Rab grinned his obvious delight at the unexpected encounter.

Perhaps it was the unexpectedness of their meeting that gave him courage to blurt out, “Uch, hello there, it’s yersel, Sheena Craig, we seem tae pass each other every day, but never get a chance tae speak.”

Before he could utter another word, his workmate broke in, “Aha, so this is the lassie ye’ve been harpin on aboot tae me, Rab. Ah was beginning for tae think she didnae exist, unless in yer heid.”

The miner gave her an appraising look. “Say one thing for ye, Rab ye’ve got helluva good taste, if this is yer lassie.”

Sheena drew back in surprise. “Listen ye, whoever ye are and whatever yer name is, Ah’ve known Rab and Fergus all my born days, but that doesnae make me Rab’s lassie, so get that right, pal.”

And even though she protested at such an assumption, still she could feel her cheeks burn with the unexpected compliment... more than either of her two childhood friends had ever managed. At the same time a sense of embarrassment made her blurt out, “Nobody asked yer opinion, so Mister, whoever ye are, just keep yer comments tae yersel, thanks all the same.”

Fergus Bell laughed. “Listen Ronnie, she’s a fiery one is, oor Sheena, that red hair seems tae come with a quick temper, so Ah’d watch out if Ah was ye.”

Drawing herself to her full height Sheena said, “This gets worse by the minute. Since when did Ah become ‘oor Sheena’? Cheek o ye, Fergus Bell.”

Not in the least put out, Fergus gave a hearty laugh. “Can ye no recognise and appreciate a compliment when it’s flung at ye, hen?”

Sheena pouted. “What Ah can understand is, if Ah’m late again the day, the gaffer will dock my wages and fiery or not, try explaining that tae my Auntie Annie. Anyway, the colour of my hair is no concern of yours or anybody else’s. And ye’d all dae well tae remember that.”

With that parting shot, she hurried away from the three young men. But even as she rushed along, her inner thoughts were even then racing ahead of her.

It’s a long time since Ah’ve seen Fergus ever since he went tae work with that old weaver over in Harmony Row... come tae think of it, Ah don’t know that Ah’ve ever seen Fergus at such close quarters even in all the years of our growing up. Quite a handsome man he’s turning out tae be and mibbe even a wee bit sensitive about his red hair. Not that he can dae much about that.

She gave a secret smile as she turned in the gates of the Silk Mill as she thought. No, but there is something Ah can dae in my search for a husband... forget the shy tongue-tied Rab. Ah don’t think he’ll ever get up the nerve tae ask me out with him, but his brother now... he’s a different kettle o fish altogether. Ah’ll hae tae see what Ah can organize there, shouldnae be too hard tae arrange.

With the help of a few womanly wiles, by the time year’s end had come, somehow or other, without Fergus planning anything, he and Sheena were walking out, recognised by friends and family as a courting couple and Sheena counted herself the luckiest girl alive. One thing did rather spoil her idyllic romance was that Rab, so clearly out of the running, had become ever more silent and morose. With a shake of her head, Sheena brushed aside such gloomy thoughts and instead cheered herself up by thinking, It must hae been fate that day when Ah met Fergus at such close quarters, Ah’d never really studied his face before then, but glad am Ah that Ah did.

At the memory of their shared encounters Sheena could feel a warm glow of happiness.

Aye, love is all and more than Ah could ever hae imagined. And walking out with my very own gingernut handsome man, is heaven on earth. Ah jist hope we havenae gone too far those times we’ve taken shelter from the wind and rain in that derelict old boat-house. Uch tae hell with worrying, Fergus, my very ain Fergie, he loves me. Ah Love him and what we done, it’s natural, the law of nature, so it is. Anyway, if things dae turn oot tae be a bit more result than we’d ever expected... let’s face it, we widnae be the first head-over-heels-in-love couple tae make it in-the very nick o time tae God’s holy altar.

No sooner had the thought of childbearing occurred to her, then with the non-appearance of her monthly ‘curse’ Sheena found the mental image to be an unasked-for reality.

As she adjusted her thinking to this turn of events, before drifting off to sleep, Sheena’s last thought was, Ah’m sure my Fergie will be as delighted as Ah am, after all he does love me.

When Sunday afternoon, their next walking-out day, came along Sheena could hardly contain the excitement she felt.

Jist wait till Fergus hears my news he’ll be so pleased and we can start planning a date for oor wedding.

As she brushed up her hair, secured it with bone clasp and draped herself in her best shawl, Sheena was completely unaware that as she bustled about the cottage, she was all the while humming a jaunty tune. Turning from the mirror, she caught Uncle Eck and Aunt Annie exchanging a meaningful glance.

It was left to Eck to voice their thoughts. Pointing an outstretched thumb towards Sheena, he chuckled and said, “Love’s young dream, nothing else like it in the world, is there?”

Annie laughed with rather less jollity than her husband had evinced.

“Ah wonder ye can remember that far back, Eck.”

He raised his eyebrows at this comment and Annie grinned over at him, in some way taking the barb out of her words.

Then turning to Sheena she said, “Now then, Sheena, be off with ye, no need tae keep yer Fergus waiting.”

It was all Sheena could do to stop herself from shouting out her delight that to all and sundry her young man was now duly accepted as ‘yer Fergus’.

Yes, she thought. That is exactly what he is, my own, my very own Fergus. Ah can hardly wait tae see him.

By the time she reached the end of Water Row, Fergus was already standing at the water’s edge, staring into the middle distance and clearly lost in a world of his own. Approaching him, she called out his name only to find that when he turned around, he seemed to be somewhat startled, looking through her and not in the least happily anticipating her arrival by his side.

A few minutes silence, then as if shaking himself into the here and now from some distant dreamland, he stared at her and said, “Oh, so it’s ye, Sheena.”

She tilted her head and although rather puzzled by his greeting, she somehow managed to say, “It is indeed myself, none other... but then who else were ye expecting? Just tell me that.”

Ignoring her joking question and decidedly flirtatious manner, he turned away from her to resume his intensive study of the waters of the Clyde.

When eventually he again turned to face her, with a strange look on his face, he said, “Ah’ve been standing here thinking aboot the best possible date for ma wedding.”

Her heart soared, she giggled like an enchanted schoolgirl and gazing up at him, she grasped his arm.

“Ah take it ye mean oor wedding, no just yer marriage, it will be mine as well. Oh, Fergie, my darlin boy, so ye’ve guessed already, wonderful. Ah didn’t even need tae tell ye and already ye’re ahead o me, planning oor wedding day.”

He shook off her hand from his arm, took a step away from her and said, “What in God’s name are ye on about, woman? Ma marriage and Ah repeat ma marriage has nothing whatever tae dae with ye.”

Sheena could feel her eyes widen in amazement.

“Sorry, Fergus, but Ah just don’t understand... we’ve been courtin now for months on end... and what we’ve shared together... those times in the old boatshed, surely ye must know...”

With one irritable movement of his arm, he threw aside her words.

“What Ah dae know is that was then, this is now. Things change. The past is over, the future lies ahead and, like Ah said, that means ma marriage no oors.”

“Fergie, my own dearest Fergus, Ah don’t understand... are ye feeling unwell in some way ... what is it? Ah jist don’t ...”

As her words trailed off, his face contorted with a strange mixture of emotions, he said, “Ye’re making this much more difficult than it need be, but if ye still don’t understand let me spell it out for ye ... as of now, there is no longer us. We, ye and me, we’re finished as a couple, it’s over, done with.”

Feeling that the raw emotions and floods of tears were already engulfing her, Sheena somehow managed to blurt out, “But why, Fergus, why? Ah thought we had oor future all mapped out. And aye, Ah dae mean a future for ‘us’.”

He plunged his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he prepared to go, and said, “Ye might hae planned the way ahead, Ah most certainly did not. And no only is oor friendship over –”

She gazed at him through her tears. “Oh, friendship is that what ye called it ... tell me at what point in ma life did Ah suddenly become so very stupid? There’s another word for what we had together, what we did together and it sure as hell was a lot more explicit than friendship.”

Totally ignoring her outburst and clearly refusing to discuss the matter any further, he finished by saying, “And so that there’s no further misunderstandings, ye should know that as of now, Ah am promised tae another. Ah am officially betrothed tae another lassie, a girl called Maggie. The auld weaver Ah work for, Maggie is his adored only grandchild.”

Then without another word being spoken, he walked away from the riverbank, and away from her.

As she watched him make his way up Water Row, she felt as though in a nightmare, bereft, alone and mouthing words which had meaning but no actual sound.

“But Fergie? But Fergie what about my news? Ah listened tae your news, horrendous though it was. But my news? What future now for our bastard bairn?”

As Sheena came back into the cottage, she knew that the carefree young girl who had danced out the door so recently was gone for ever. Now feeling like a tired, spent old woman with all the cares of the world on her shoulders, she gave a howl of anguish when feeling Aunt Annie’s eyes on her. She knew the last thing she could now stand would be compassionate concern, interested questions and a loving arm around her shoulders.

As Sheena cried and went on crying, she was dimly aware of her Aunt saying, “A lover’s tiff, by the look of it. So, Eck, if ye fancy a wee dauner for a breath of air, Ah’ll soon get tae the root of this. Lovers’ tiffs, always hae been around, always will be, nothing new or world-shaking in that. Just wait, by the time ye get back, Eck, Ah’ll hae this wee lassie all smiles again, ye see if Ah don’t.”

Chapter 5

As Annie mopped up the tears and gently patted a soothing vinegar rag against Sheena’s temples, gradually the story ... or as much of it, as Sheena was prepared to divulge at that point came into the light of day. The moment Annie heard about Fergus’s latest romantic attachment, she was every bit as stunned as Sheena herself still was.

A puzzled frown on her face, Annie who always tried to have a kind word for everybody said, “Ah can scarcely believe this of Fergus Bell. Ah’ve known him since he was a wee boy, always thought him tae be a decent enough lad. But surely there’s more tae this story than ye’re telling me.”

Sheena drew back in surprise. “Jist how dae ye mean, Auntie?”

“Well, surely at some point recently ye must hae had a big row with him. Otherwise why else would he go and get betrothed in such haste tae another lassie?”

Unable to explain matters to herself, far less give a detailed account to someone else Sheena said, “No, Auntie, we had no row, no disagreement big or otherwise. Surely ye must realise that. Ye saw me all but dancing oot the door earlier today on ma way tae meet him ... remember ye and Uncle Eck, the pair of ye joked about the wonder of love’s young dream ... surely Ah didnae imagine that?”

Silence greeted this. More to break the uneasy silence rather than by way of any sort of explanation, Sheena said, “Anyway, her name is Maggie ... the girl he’s now promised tae.”

Annie frowned. “It’s ye he should be promised tae. Everybody roonaboot here already knows ye both for a courtin couple, so what’s all this nonsense about a girl called Maggie? Anyway, Maggie who? There’s mony a girl by that name here in Govan, dae we know her?”

“All Ah know is that she’s called Maggie ... Maggie something or other and she’s the adored only grandchild o the old weaver Fergus works for.”

As tears again threatened to overwhelm her, Annie held her close and murmured, “Cry as much as ye like, ma wee chookie hen, ye’ve had one helluva shock this day. He wisnae ma lumber, but truth be told, Ah’m as much in shock as ye yersel, hen.”

Finally when Sheena thought she could cry no more, Annie said, “Best face facts, hen, if he’s that fickle and free with his affections – mind ye, Ah’d hae thought better o Fergus Bell – but if he’s already changed his mind like the weather, it’s better noo before he puts the ring on yer finger and chains ye doon for life. Surely ye see that, hen? Better the heartbreak noo, rather than later, with a womanizing man playing fast and loose and with ye, his legally-wed wee wifie chained tae the hoose wi a dozen screaming, mewling, pukin bairns. That’s the reality o it, the other side of the coin, surely ye can appreciate that, Sheena?”

By the time Eck came home, Sheena had dried her tears.

Some days later and still holding to her secret, Sheena thought, Ah’m bound tae show at some point, but right now Ah still feel the same as Ah always hae done.

Later that week on her way to work, again by the recognised route as opposed to the back roads she had taken of late to avoid meeting up with Rab, that particular early morning, she again met Rab on his way home from a night shift at the mine. Not even his tired, coal-dust blackened face could hide his huge delight at seeing her.

He stopped her. “Ah’m no a great one for words, Sheena, no like my silver-tongued brother, Fergus, but if ye’d hear me oot ... noo that ye’re fancy-free again ... word on the street is that ye and Fergus had a blazing row and split up ... anyway, noo that ye’re fancy-free would ye mibbe … would ye like like … tae take a wee walk noo and again down by the riverside?”

Ah’ve had all Ah ever want of riverside walks and wet afternoons in derelict boat sheds, Sheena thought. But anxious to escape any awkward questions, or decisions to be made, Sheena nodded quickly.

“Aye, Rab, that would be real nice, thank ye, and thanks for asking.”

As she hurried off to work Sheena thought, Why not? Ah know Rab has always favoured me. Ah’m going tae need a husband of some kind and sooner than later, so ... who knows ... why not let fate take a hand and devil take the hindmost? Aye, Fergus Bell, two can play at this game.