In Memoriam (6 page)

“You’re all ready!”

“Annabelle heard the phone ring,” she said. “Who else would dare to call this early? The old lady was up all night, by the way.”

Pam frowned, looking over at Annabelle. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Me? Oh, yes. I take drugs for sleep,” Annabelle said, smiling.

Oh great, my mother’s assistant is a doper.

“I guess I’d better get dressed, then,” Pam said, ignoring her.

They would leave the house within the hour, two women ready to face what should be a happy, joy-filled occasion.

“Are you going to be okay?” Nelda asked, looking at her daughter, knowing how difficult what they were doing must be for her.

“What choice do I have, Mother?” Pam was giving the steering wheel the death grip.

Nelda turned to the windshield. “None, I guess. This reminds me of having to take care of Marie when she was sick.”

Shocked, Pam turned to her. The quick look at her mother said volumes. She might be well dressed and made-up, but she was still an elderly woman, eighty years old. Like a small bird sitting in the front seat, her gloved hands folded over her brown leather pocketbook, Nelda’s frail countenance brought tears to Pam’s eyes.

“Oh, Mother, I’m sorry. How awful,” she said.

Nelda had cared for her daughter Marie when she was at the end stages of a severe brain infection caused by AIDS. Pam alternately felt responsible and angry. Now, she just felt regret. “It must have been so difficult.”

“Well, you know how it feels to lose a child. It’s the absolute worst thing that can happen to a person. I can see how you wouldn’t survive it. I often wonder what the purpose of my own life is, having outlived her. I better make the best of it; I better not waste a second.”

Pam didn’t reply. She wasn’t thinking clearly enough yet about Brent being gone to wonder anything about her own life. She was still asking
why.
The idea that she’d have to make the best of it was too dynamic to dwell on for long. Taking a nap was more her speed.

“Please, please let’s change the subject,” Pam begged. “I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Nelda said. But it wasn’t okay. Nelda knew her daughter was saving her grief for something big. She could feel it. A big explosion of sorts, a catastrophe. She hoped she wasn’t around when it happened.

“So in a few hours we’ll have another baby in our life. Are you ready?” Nelda asked.

Pam snorted. “No! I’ll never be ready for Dan’s baby.”

“You better try, Pam. You don’t want the little guy to suffer because you dated his father for a few months.”

Pam pulled the car over and put the brakes on hard. “Are you kidding me? Did I just hear you correctly? Mother, for god’s sake! It’s so much more than that.”

“I don’t think it is,” Nelda said. “I think you got your face slapped and have made the choice not to get over it. Make peace with your daughter. She’s all you have now. Lisa and her children. Dan can go straight to hell, but you have to tell
him
that. Don’t take whatever this is out on Lisa.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Pam was still reeling from her comment, but it had lost its momentum.
What if Nelda is right?

~ ~ ~

While the women helped Sandra and the children get situated, Pam realized that, although possibly short-lived, she had a new sense of peace. Back in the birthing room that morning, she’d had a moment with Lisa in which she’d been able to move past what had happened with Dan. She’d taken her mother’s advice and more or less told him off, and now she was getting the opportunity to hold Brent’s son, if what Sandra said could be true. She put Miranda down and reached for Thomas Brent. Baby Brent. The annoying singsong of
baby Brent, Brent’s baby
, echoed in her head. Why did it make her angry? Everything had the potential, she guessed.

Propping him up on her lap, she examined his face. He had cheeks that almost rested on his chest they were so chubby. Spiked white-blond hair and huge blue eyes screamed
I am Brent’s baby.
He jammed a very chubby fist in his mouth and started to gnaw on it. Suddenly, the awfulness of it, that Brent wouldn’t know him, didn’t even know he existed or that the idea of him existed, that the baby would never know his own father, hit Pam in the face. She burst out crying, blubbering more like it.

“He really is Brent’s,” she exclaimed, hugging him to her. “Oh, how sad.”

Nelda went to her, wondering if this was going to be
the
meltdown she envisioned Pam having. Sandra hovered close by, frightened. She’d never seen Pam react like this, through so many tragedies. It was amazing the power a small baby had over the emotions.

But not yet for her. Sandra was like an automaton. Losing Ellin may have been the catalyst for the transformation. Finding out what kind of awful man Jack was, leaving her with HIV was bad enough. She’d slowly watched as her relationship with Tom deteriorated, allowing it to happen. Brent had raped her, but she didn’t do anything about it, either. Being pregnant, living with a man who showed no interest in her or the baby for all those months sealed something within her, some power to self-preserve in spite of his treatment of her. But Pam’s show of emotion de-iced her, and she could feel her physical body and mind coming to life again as she watched the women make a fuss over her son. He was Brent’s. A dead man’s child. The impact of what effect that might have on him if she didn’t pull it together hit her.

“Isn’t he amazing?” she said, hoping to reinforce something positive.

“Oh, he is,” Pam replied. “He looks exactly like Brent did. Look at those cheeks!”

“He looks like you did as a baby, too, Pam,” Nelda said, not going to allow Bernice to upstage her again.

“He’s a very nice combination of you and Brent,” Bernice said. “After all, he was my grandson!”

“Mine too, you old witch,” Nelda said.

Bernice laughed, wiping her eyes. “Yes, let’s not get too maudlin,” she said while Pam gasped, laughing through her tears.

“Mother, you do have a way,” she said.

“I can’t stand it anymore,” Nelda replied. “Pull it together. Honest to god, we have this happy occasion and all we’re going to do is pass the kid around crying.”

Pam handed him back to Sandra, going in search for a tissue. She had to admit to herself that what had just happened was therapeutic.

“What a day,” she said. “Let’s eat, shall we? I’m starving.”

They started to chatter again, about Lisa and Dan and baby Marcus, Gladys coming through for Lisa, and now this.

Brent’s baby, baby Brent.

Chapter 6

Walking to his mother’s place after he had it out with Sandra, New York cop Tom Adams’ anger was spent. He’d loved Sandra. He’d waited his entire life to commit to someone special and thought, in spite of her history, she was the one. What he hadn’t expected was that history would find a way of repeating itself. He didn’t feel right about her being pregnant from the very beginning. He didn’t love the baby. Nothing good could have come from Brent Smith. He was as bad as his father had been. When Tom discovered Brent was coming to work with Sandra, his radar burst into action, and what it was telling him was not good. He’d left a trail of bad press behind in California. Even his social media presence was negative.

Sandra admitted Brent was at his father’s apartment the Saturday she’d met Pam there. Now he wondered if he’d been there the other times Sandra went to visit. He was too proud to dig for the
wheres and hows
, and besides, he didn’t think he’d survive a confession. Now his main concern was telling his mother. She loved little Miranda, but chances were iffy that he’d get custody once Pam discovered Sandra gave birth to her grandchild.

Virginia Adams knew what Tom was going to say before he said it. “I figured it out,” she said, pulling a tissue out from under her bra strap and wiping her eyes. “My question now is what will I have to live for?”

Sisters Ellie and Faith huddled around her, trying to console her.

“Mom, I’m going to ask Pam for custody, at least joint. We’ve taken good care of Miranda; I can’t believe she’d deny me that.”

“Oh, I can,” Virginia said. “She’s a vindictive one, she is.”

Faith nodded her head. “I think Mom’s right. We need to get an attorney.”

Tom dreaded a big legal mess. It was like taking on a hobby for which he had no desire. “I’ll ask around, but I don’t think we have any grounds. We went into this knowing we were doing custodial care without rights. Pam more than took care of every monetary need she could have, including paying your salary.”

“I would do it without the money now,” Virginia said.

“It might look like we were taking advantage of Pam,” Tom said. “She gave us money, took care of all of Miranda’s monetary needs, and bought us that house. What did it cost us? All we had to do was provide a family for her.”

“And we did that,” his mother said.

“Such as it was,” Faith said.

Everyone’s heads turned to look at her.

“Well, think about it. Sandra couldn’t keep her legs together even if it meant destroying her family. What’s up with that?”

“That was lovely, Faith. Thank you,” Tom said, disgusted.

“I only speak the truth.”

“Okay, this isn’t going to resolve anything, you two,” Virginia said. “Let’s try to think of a way to keep that baby in our lives.”

“All I can think of right now is how I can get through the weekend. Is it okay if I move in for a while?” Tom asked.

Virginia thought of her tiny apartment and her six-foot-six son sleeping on the couch. But how could she say no? “I wish you would reconsider before moving out,” she said, hopeful he’d think about it at least. “An attorney will tell you your leaving the house might represent abandonment.”

Tom frowned. “How would you know something like that?”

“Well, not to dredge up the past, but if you’ll remember, your sainted father left me for Gwen. Not that I hold her responsible.”

Her children murmured apologies to her.

“It sucks. It really does,” Ellie said.

“Oh well, it’s so much water under the bridge. He seems so much happier. I’m glad for him,” Virginia said softly. “And she is really very nice. I’ve enjoyed talking with her.”

“Well, now that Sandra and I are finished, you can forget about being forced to see them or going to the beach again,” Tom said, bitterness rife.

“Oh gosh, it would be worth it for you to stay in a shitty relationship just to have that beach house,” Virginia replied.

“Mother! You are kidding, correct?” Faith asked, surprised. Virginia cursing was a novelty.

“You’ll have to buy your own house, then,” Tom said. “I hope I never see anyone from the Smith family again, especially Pam. I hold her responsible for the end of my relationship with Sandra.”

“What does she have to do with it?” Faith asked.

“If Sandra didn’t have Pam to run off to for support every time she got bored, she might have tried harder to stay faithful.” The admission of betrayal hit his pride, and he turned away from their prying eyes. But once what had been done to him was revealed, they went into protective mode, transferring their animosity from Sandra to Pam. No one, not even Pam Smith, would escape their wrath. So once again, Pam had more bad energy directed at her.

~ ~ ~

Gladys stood aside, holding the door open for Lisa and Dan and the new baby. The big living room suddenly felt much smaller with the family gathered there, and Gladys had the first feeling that her presence may be intrusive.

“Let me take the bags up for you,” she said, but Dan wouldn’t relinquish them.

“No, you stay and visit. I’ll take care of it.”

Lisa smiled at him as she reached for Megan and handed the baby off to Gladys.

“It’s amazing to me that you just had a baby and you’re walking around with a flat stomach!” They kissed cheeks.

“Oh, thank you so much,” Lisa said, distracted, pulling the blanket aside so Gladys could see the little face. Marcus’s hair was the topic of conversation.

Megan was intrigued with the new baby, knowing instinctively that he was going to usurp her position of importance in the household if she didn’t act right away.

“Momma,” she said, looking at Lisa.

Lisa hugged her tightly. “Don’t worry, Megan. You’re still my baby,” she said softly. To Gladys, she gave a warning. “I’m sure Dan’s family is on their way. My concern is your comfort, and I want you to know that you’re more important to me than any of them.”

Gladys patted Lisa with her free arm. “Thank you, dear. Don’t worry about me. Little Marcus is as important to them as Megan and you are to me. I won’t be driven away.”

“Good, because right about now I’m feeling like you are my first line of defense,” Lisa said.

“Did Pam make it to the birthing center?” Gladys asked gently.

“She did, but you should have seen the look of relief on her face when I told her we were soon leaving for home. She couldn’t have gotten out of there faster.”

“Well, I guess I can’t blame her. She’s been through a lot this year,” Gladys replied.

“No more than you and Big Ed have been,” Lisa answered, frowning. “My mother tends to avoid any situation in which she isn’t the center of attention.”

Gladys was worried Lisa was going to get on a negative roll about her mother. “Let’s let her find her place here again,” Gladys said softly. “She’s probably intimidated by Dan’s sisters because of the way they treated her.” Gladys didn’t add, “When they found out she had AIDS.”

“It won’t happen,” Lisa said. “She was never that comfortable in the first place.” Lisa was sure now that Gladys was here, she’d see even less of her mother. No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the phone rang.

Gladys reached for it. “They just arrived!” she said into the phone, smiling at Lisa. “It’s your mom.” She handed the phone off.

Lisa said hello and listened for a bit before saying good-bye and hanging up.

“The entire beach community is on their way, including Sandra and the kids,” Lisa said. “I guess I was wrong.”