In Memory (17 page)

First, Noah has an amazing ability to play the piano, something he claims is from years of discipline under the most accomplished pianist in this side of the country. It was awe-inspiring to listen to him play, and Terra was thoroughly impressed, and went on about just stealing him away and keeping him here. We exchanged glances as she hugged him enthusiastically. This past month, however, he seems in high spirits, and our classmates are less rud
e to him than usual. D
on’t think his home life is terrible right now
either,
he’s almost completely healed.

Second, I fell down the stairs last weekend in my haste to answer the door, and my ankle is all gimped up now. It’s all black and blue.
Urck
.

Third, we tried kissing again, just last night, so the memory is fresher in my mind.

We were just watching my supernatural-type show, and there was one of the inevitable make-out scenes. I blushed instantly, my mind immediately going into the gutter.

He was as composed as ever, and kept his face completely blank as he watched the writhing couple on the screen.

I paused it at a nice dark screen, making him look over to me curiously.

“We could try that again… if you want.” I said softly, trying not to sound like a creep.

“Try what?”

“That…” I gestured at the television, blushing intensely. I could feel the heat radiating off my face.

“A display of osculation?”

“
Wha
-?
No?!
I don’t want- wait, what does that mean?”

“Osculation means to kiss. It is also used in a mathematical sense, although I don’t think that definition is appropriate in this context.”

“Oh, yes, kissing. That’s what I meant.”

“If you like, I shall certainly participate.”

C
huckled, and ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah… okay.” At this point, I was kicking myself for how I in
itiated the whole situation. S
hould h
ave just kissed him without
all
this
weird precursor.

“Shall I turn a bit so it is more comfortable?” he asked, completely scientific about the whole thing.

“If you like.” I turned too, facing him. He leaned forward, and placed the tiniest of kisses on my lips. With his eyes open.

“Was that satisfactory?” he asked, leaning back.

“
Er
, it was a little… emotionless.”

“I see. How shall I improve?”

“Remember how happy you were when we were in the park? Try and think about that.”

“I understand.” He leaned forward again.

“Oh, and close your eyes. It’s weird if you don’t.”

He complied, and as I closed my eyes, I felt his hand on my knee. We
kissed,
this one lasted longer than any of the other ones. He broke it off and leaned back.

“This is a unique experiment. Do all friends study this act as a part of their friendship?”

My mouth dropped open. “Uh, no… not exactly.”

“We are an exception then?”

“No, well, yeah…
er
, don’t you know what it means?”

“
An act to show mutual care
between friends.”

G
uess he completely misunderstood the kissing in the rain. He thought it was just
some kind of platonic thing. F
elt the blush in my face get even darker, now I was kind of embarrassed.

“It’s more than… It’s to show a romantic interest in people. It’s to show love for people. More than caring.”

He was silent for too long, staring at me intensely. Then he shook his head, shuffling away from me on the couch. “You can’t. You can’t love me. I’m dangerous. Haven’t you heard it from anyone?”

“People say you’re unlucky, but-“

“It’s true. Everyone important to me dies, or gets hurt, or something terrible happens to people they love. We have to remain friends, simply that. Anything more means we are connected more, and you are in danger.”

“What- why?”

“I am a curse. People around me get hurt, and they all die. Eventually, when everyone that matters to me is gone-“ he stopped, and looked away, swallowing. “I will not allow you to love me. I forbid it. You are too good to be a victim of my curse.”

G
aped, taken aback by his sharp tone. “But- but I, I want to-“

“You cannot.” He sto
od up, and grabbed his coat. G
ot up slowly, following him to the door.

With his hand on the doorknob, he turned around, “I wish-“ he shook his head and made to open the door. His face, it was expressionless, as usual, but I could feel more misery than ever before.

That’s when I decided.

P
laced my hand on the door and pushed it shut, pinning him between me and the door.

“I won’t let you go. I’ll take your curse and beat it. I- I love you, Noah.”

At this, he almost looked furious. “Don’t you understand?” He
pushed me off, “You can’t!” C
ould tell he was close to crying, just from the tone of his voice. “You’re just going to die like the rest of my friends!”

He leaned against the wall beside the door, sliding down. His shoulders shook as he rested his forehead against his knees. “I don’t want- it. I want you to live… I wished… I just want to be… happy.”

K
nelt down in front of him, and grabbed his hand. “Is happiness for a short time better than n
ever knowing it at all?” Knew
I could make him happy for another 105 days before I died. It was a small guarantee, but I had been brought up to believe the whole ‘
Tis
better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ shtick.

Maybe it applies here as well.

He looked up, his eyes glistening. “Yes… you make me happy. I enjoy being around you. These past months were wonderful with you as my friend.”

“Then, why? We can be friends for longer than this!”

“You’ll get killed, don’t you understand
??”
he grabbed my shoulders, gripping them almost painfully. “You’ll die, and it’ll be my fault. I can’t do that again. Too many people have died because of me, and I will do anything to prevent that from happening again.”

“What if I can live? I could stay alive and then it would break your curse!”

I was play
ing with fire at this point. D
on’t know for certain if I’m going to live or die on 27
th
February. If I do, it’ll break him. It’ll break another promise.

He closed his eyes, and slumped in his place beside the wall. “It would be remarkable if you do.” His eyebrows cinched together. “I just don’t want you to fail. I cannot live through the death of another important person.”

I wanted to make a promise,
wanted to guarantee
my survival. It’s so unfair. J
ust want to love him without problems! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO
ASK???

“I’m so tired… of having my heart broken.” He mumbled, wiping his eyes.

“It won’t break again.” I said, thinking immediately of the b
lue heart he gave me. P
ulled it out from inside my shirt, and let it
hang
between us. “I’m keeping it safe, remember?”

He smiled sadly, and touched the glass surface. “You are. I had forgotten.” He moved his hand to the side of my face, smiling more sincerely now. “I will try. You have convinced me.”

We stood up together, and he sniffed, scrubbing at his face. “I was easy to convince. I want to love you so much it is interfering with my common sense.”

“Love has that effect on people.” I smiled, “That’s why it’s tricky to get it right.”

“I will try my best to get this right.” He kissed me softly, hesitantly, “You are worth it.”

I
smiled, hugging him tightly. D
idn’t have any words for him. All I could do then was hold him, and feel his happiness all around me.

He did leave not long after that, though, but on better terms than if I hadn’t stopped him.

104 Days, 15 November, Saturday

H
ad one of the freakiest dreams ever last night.
What the hell.
It w
as terrifying. S
till all shaky when I think about it.

It was a normal school day, but in fast-forward, Math and Physics flew by, and then I was walkin
g alone in the main hallway. T
urned down a hallway that doesn’t actually exist in the school, which had a door at the end of it.

When I opened the door, I was in an unused classroom in the old wing of the school.
A weird way to get here, but whatever.

T
ook a step, and something splashed. Weird. I kept walking without looking down, very aware that whatever I was stepping in was getting deeper.

F
inally looked down, and immediately freaked out
. I was ankle-deep in blood. J
umped onto a nearby desk, horrified and grossed out by it.

Heard splashes behind me.
T
urned around quickly, meeting the ice blue gaze of Noah.

Except… he looked… different.
His normally raven black hair was bright white, and there was no
colour
in his skin.
At all.
He was a sort of ashy grey. It wasn’t
him,
it was some weird shell of him.
Like a terrible reflection.

“You’re… not…” I mumbled, thoroughly confused.

He looked at me sadly, and then bent down. He cupped a large quantity of blood in his hands, and threw it in his face.

“There!” he yelled, bending down and repeating his actions over and over. “I look like him now! You cannot tell the difference, can you?” He was drenched in blood now, so the dissimilarities between him and Noah were completely obscured by the blood. It really was hard to see the difference.

He approached me, the blue of his eyes even more intense amidst the crimson blood covering him. It was dripping off his face and clinging to his eyelashes, and almost made me ill.

Couldn’t move; think I was frozen in fear. S
till remember the sensation of the rapid beating of my heart.

He kissed me, slowly and
softly; c
ould feel blood running down my chin. I wiped my mouth, instinctively moving as far from him as I could from my perch on the desk.

“But this kiss is wrong, you are wrong.” He walked away from me, heading toward the exit.

“You are wrong
!!!”
he yelled, slamming his hand on the door. He fell to his knees, smearing his bloody handprint all the way to the floor, crying softly, “You are wrong… why do I have to wait here so long? I want to die, it is not fair…”

I got off the desk, hesitantly putting my feet in the blood again and walked over to him.

“Who- who are you?” I asked, standing above him.

“You know me,” he splashed more blood in his face, rubbing it into his hair and making sure to cover his whole face. “I am Noah. That is
me
.”

S
hook my head, “No… you’re different. You’re someone else entirely.”

“I am not!” he yelled, getting up and rushing at me. Before he could reach me, however, flames burst up from the ground and grabbed him, pulling him away.

F
ell back, landing in the huge pool of blood. I cringed, pulling my hands out of it, disgusted by it. He was gone when I looked back up.

S
at up, awake, in my own bed. Visions of the drea
m overlapped reality, blood. J
umped out of bed, sickened by the cold wet crimson tide bursting out of my sheets.

Horrible. I blinked, and my sheets were clean and cr
isp, the normal pale yellow. S
hook off the dream, shakily getting back in bed.

Felt really alone in my bed;
wanted someone here with me. I’ve never had a nightmare so bad that I wanted someo
ne to help me before. W
ish Noah had been there with me.

W
ish he
was
there to hold. I made do with holding a pillow and pretending it was
him
.

103 Days, 16 November, Sunday

Today was uneventful. W
ish there was something significant I could put in her so that there would be a recording of something interesting for every day. But I guess that’s impractical, because there’s no way for every day to have something amazing or interesting to report.

All I did today was watch television and make cookies. Maybe there’s significance in the mundane.