In Memory (40 page)

“I went to Noah’s house because I had a feeling something was going to happen… and then I heard gunshots, so I went in. Noah’s father was shooting at Noah, but he managed to get the gun. Then Noah shot his father to stop him.”

“How did you know to go there at exactly that time?” The male detective asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I just had a feeling.” I touched my lip, and aggravated the split, wincing. “So I went with it.”

“And what happened after Noah shot his father?” Detective Seam asked. (She’s the nice lady detective. She gets a name, but Mr. Grumpy guy doesn’t. Ha. I’ll just call him Mr. Grumpy.)

“That’s when I went in the room, and I got Noah to calm down, and we called for an ambulance, and well, here we are.”

Mr. Grumpy still looked stern, as usual, and Detective Seam placed her hand on mine, smiling. “Thanks a lot for the information. You’re a hero. Now, get some rest. We might talk some more later.”

As they were leaving I heard Detective Seam say something. “There’s no way that he can keep himself out of jail now.”

I smiled as I snuggled back into my cot, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before going to see Noah.

When I woke next, the reality of everything started hitting me soundly, resonating in my body. I shook as I stood, and walked very carefully out of the room, trailing my hand over available surfaces as I passed them.

That’s why I like hospital hallways,
there’s those handy rails
on either side to use as support. Quickly, I checked over the roster of patients in the nurse’s station, quickly finding Noah’s name in hasty handwriting.

Room 306, so only one floor up from here.

It was easy to find, but not so easy to enter. The door was locked when I tried it, and one of the senior nurses looked at me curiously as I struggled with it.

“What are you doing, dear?” she asked, striding across the hallway. “No one’s allowed in there.”

“Why not? This is Noah Talon’s room, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but he requested that no one enter unless it’s absolutely necessary. I think he just needs some time alone after-“

“I’m his boyfriend. Can’t you let me in?”

She looked shocked at the bluntness of my statement, but made no move to open the door. “He didn’t say anything about you… are you
sure…?”

I turned to the door, hammering on it with my uninjured arm, shouting Noah’s name, which caused several nurses to shush me from various places. I heard his voice on the other side.

“
Aerie…!”

“Let me in!” I answered, not even caring about the ‘shushes’ coming from all angles.

The senior nurse pursed her lip and unlocked the door, swinging it open and allowing me entrance. I guess it’s so I’d stop shouting through the door.

Noah was lying in bed, a white blanket covering him. There was a thick bandage across his arm, and a few bandages on his face.

“Aerie… you’re really okay.” He
sighed,
he must’ve really been doped up on some good painkillers. “I dreamed of something horrible while you were gone.” His eyelids drooped as I approached, and he took a few deep even breaths through his mouth.

“Noah, are you…” I stopped, not even bothering to ask.

“If I dream when you’re not here, I’m going to sail right into a storm.” He mumbled, and grabbed my arm. “Guide me, Aerie.”

I didn’t really feel anything
there,
he was so clouded by the drugs.

“Stay with me. Always and forever.” Noah’s grip slackened, but his request was clear all the same.

I climbed onto the bed beside him, arranging the blankets and pillows until I was certain we were both comfortable. It helps that he’s so skinny.

“Look, a sunrise.” He murmured, before relaxing in my arms.

“It’s nice.” I replied, deciding to just go with it.

We slept for a long time, and I was only awakened once, when Terra was in to change his IV. Nobody seemed to care that I was there.

After a while, I couldn’t sleep any more, so I just lay there beside him. He clung to my shirt, and kept murmuring indistinct words. I only caught a few of them, something like “Listen to the prophet, the waters.”

Noah says some of the weirdest things when he’s sleeping.

At about six this evening we went home. Back to our home, where he belonged. Terra drove us home, and had that look on her face that meant “serious business”, and that we were going to have a “talk” when we got home.

Noah was mostly silent on the way home, and stared out the window, with the white light of winter illuminating his face. His injured arm is in a sling.

As we got in, he turned to both of us with an apologetic expression, “Do you mind if I continue to sleep? I am still very tired.”

“Go right ahead, honey. Aerian, make sure his room is all ready,
alright
? I’ll put the kettle on.”

I opened the door to Noah’s room, knowing it was already tidy.
He kept it that way
,
of course it was clean
.

“Thank you, Aerie.” He took my hand, “I cannot say it enough. I…” Noah broke off, yawning widely.

“We can talk later, if you’re tired.”

He nodded, and settled into bed. In minutes, he was asleep, but I waited with him until I was sure. I had to stay with him.

Terra was just unplugging the kettle when I went into the kitchen. I took over, and made the tea, aware that a conversation was going to happen.

“So.” She looked at me seriously, “Let’s hear it.”

I sighed, and pretty much regurgitated what I told the police.

“Right, so what are you leaving out, then?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t just ‘
have a feeling
’. What aren’t you telling me?”

“The feeling was because of a dream I had. I saw… everything. I was there like a ghost, and I saw his father hitting him. But Noah was fighting back this time. Then his father got a gun out, and… well… yeah.”

“So, you had a dream about him and his father before?”

“Huh?”

“You said he was fighting back this time. Which I’m taking to mean
you’ve
dreamt of something like this before.”

“I have… of the time when he… was cut up. The first time he was here.” I cinched my eyebrows, just remembering the sights, the
sounds.

She put her hand on mine, “Honey… you don’t have to tell me that one. Now, why don’t you go and relax upstairs for a while, and we’ll sort out dinner and stuff later, okay?”

“Sure.”

Now I’m here, and it’s getting later in the evening.
I think Terra might be ordering in. I’m expecting a doorbell anytime.

I think tomorrow’s going to be difficult.

I know it, and now I’m positive I can trust my gut feelings.

29 Days, 29 January, Thursday

29 on the 29
th
.
Huh, interesting.

Last night, I had a nightmare. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, the dreams.

But this one, it shook me, and made me question my reality.

I dreamt of Noah, of course, of that night. The blood, the smell, the shine of the black pistol… and the look in his eyes…

The way the events played out last night, though, it was different. I was there, watching him helplessly.

“I won’t let you kill me anymore.”

This is where it changed. Everything moved slower, the gun tilted upward, the cold barrel resting against his neck and pointed up.

Tears fell from his eyes.

Click. Bang.

Blood sprayed against the white wall. He fell heavily to the floor, and the gun landed beside him.

Everything around me started to scream. I rushed over to him, taking him in my arms.

Blood was pouring from his skull, drenching the ground, like it is in Tobias’ classroom. It was hot and slimy on my fingers. A huge burning flower scorched his neck, distorting the shape of his jaw.

Everything was wet with his blood, it ran down the walls, and streamed from his broken body.

This was wrong. This already happened. He’s not dead.

Everything stopped.

I blinked, and I was in that empty place. Alone.

His blood was still on my hands.

Click. Bang.

I woke up.

I jumped out of bed immediately, and ran down the stairs, down into his room. I had to know he was there, and that he was alive.

Noah stirred when I turned the light on, covering his eyes and looking at me blearily. He’s alive…

Flicking off the light, I crossed the room, and stood at his bedside, my hands hovering over him, as he looked at me in bewilderment. “
Aerie…?”

As soon as he spoke, my hands fell onto him, and I pulled him close, burying my face in his bony collarbone. “You scared me. You were dead. You killed yourself.”

“Aerie… I’m not dead. You dreamt of this?”

I nodded, and he returned the hug, gently rubbing circles into my back. “Sometimes, a dream is simply a dream. It’s okay for it to not mean anything.”

“But you-“

“It was only a dream, Aerie. I… I wouldn’t kill myself.” I could hear his heart beat quicken, “Not as long as I have you.”

But, he was going to kill himself. When I got there, he was about to-

Dammit
. Tobias. He’d taken over. He was going to kill himself, and Noah, in the process. It only clicked just now. I’m so angry
with
him. I’ve always tried to help them, and then Tobias goes and does this?

“Would you like to stay here? I’ll protect you.” Noah moved over on the bed, and lifted the blanket for me.

I nodded again, sliding into bed beside him.

This is how love works. We both protect each other. I was calm again in minutes, at peace knowing he was holding me, and that he was alive.

It breaks my heart to think of him when I’m gone. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to leave him,
I
don’t want him to die because of it. He said it, didn’t he? That he wouldn’t kill himself as long as he has me.

But what about when I’m gone? Would he really try to kill himself? As this occurred to me, I felt tears slowly leak from my eyes. I held him tighter, gritting my teeth against the cry forming in my throat.

“Aerie… it’s okay if you have to cry. I’ve always been told it’s weak to cry, but I think the opposite. You have to be strong to cry, because only with weakness can you ever appreciate your strength.”

So I cried. In the dim illumination offered by the hall light, I could see him wipe the tears from my face and smear them down his face.

“I will share your tears.” He whispered, and continued to do this until I was completely spent. I fell asleep again, finding his hand and keeping a hold on it.

When I awoke next, he was already awake, “Good morning.” He said pleasantly, “Are you feeling better?”

I considered this, and then decided I was. There were still a million questions buzzing through my mind, but asking them would only make the mood serious. So I’ll write them here, and ask them another day.

Who were the kids who died?

How are you responsible for what happened to your mother?

Do you even know what you were doing that night?

Where did you go all that time you were gone?

What made you lose your voice when you came back?

After our basic morning rituals, (face-washing, shaving, hair-brushing) we got to work making breakfast. Terra emerged from her bedroom, looking grumpy and unkempt. Before she could say anything, Noah presented her with a huge cup of coffee in her
joe
mug.

Terra grinned, and sat down in he chair as we got the rest of breakfast ready.

“It’s
like
you never left, Sailor.” She smiled, sipping her coffee.

“It would be nice to pretend I never had.” He smiled back, sitting down across from her.

There was something bittersweet in that statement, but I let it go, busying myself with flipping pancakes.

Today passed quite pleasantly, probably because I had the good sense to not bring up anything that would kill the mood. Terra was obviously working under the same practice, and steered away from anything involving painful subject matter.

That paragraph seems kind of wordy.
Meh
. I think it’s clear enough anyway.

I reluctantly went to my own room to sleep. I’m beginning to become accustomed to being near him at night. Like he said, he protects me.

Being alone almost feels like sleeping without a blanket, strange, unnatural, and uncomfortable. It makes it almost impossible to sleep.

Oh well. I’ll try to sleep anyway.