In Name Only (33 page)

David had seemed
so sincere.  If anyone else had suggested that Kathleen be baptized Catholic,
she probably would not have been so contrary.

Was it possible
that she really had hardened her heart towards God?  It wasn’t really the
Almighty’s fault that Liam had been injured, but it was His fault that Liam
died, wasn’t it?  He could have saved Liam, but He did not.

Since her husband
died, Caroline could focus only on the fact that Liam had been taken away from her.
She was furious with God and held fast to her anger and grief like a shield. 
Yet part of her husband lived on in Kathleen, who was a great gift from the
Creator.

When she
reflected on it, Caroline realized that she had prayed fervently while Liam was
unconscious that God would allow him to wake. He did regain consciousness and
she was able to tell him how much she loved him. Why couldn’t she be thankful
to God for the answer to that prayer?

Caroline opened
the top drawer of her dresser and picked up the Bible. She opened it, randomly
– perhaps because it was the center of the book – to the Song of Solomon.

A grin crept
across her face as she remembered the first time she discovered this section of
the bible. 

“The Song of
Solomon. . .”

“No, Carrie,
you need not read this part.”

“Why?”

“Move on to
Isaiah.”

“But why,
Papa?”

“Well, I. .
.already. . .I know this one well enough
.”

Caroline shrugged
her shoulders and paged through to Ecclesiastes.

Caroline recalled
that as soon as she had finished reading to her father, she had rushed back to
her room.  “Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth.” She had blushed, but
continued reading until she had finished the entire section.  “Thy two breasts
are like two young roes that are twins.”  The sensual words and imagery made
her uncomfortable then and now.  The imagery certainly was all symbolic as it
couldn’t have much to do with what a husband and wife do to create a child,
could it?

She lifted her
head and stared into the darkness beyond her bed. Perhaps David was right. 
Maybe she had hardened her heart against God’s voice.

She closed the
Bible and set it on her night table.  Then she turned off the lamp and got into
bed. She whispered, “Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy
Kingdom com. . .

Chapter 36

David stared out
the carriage window.  Caroline had finally agreed to allow Kathleen to be
baptized. And she was being civil and polite to him and for that, he ought to
be doubly grateful. 

He recalled their
conversation from last week, when she asked him questions regarding the
Catholic faith. 

“
Aren’t
Catholics idolaters, David?”

“No. 
Catholics worship the one true God.”

“So Catholics
don’t worship statues?”

“Of course
not.  Catholics use statues as a reminder when praying
.”

In the heat of
the carriage, he wiped his brow with a handkerchief, and longed for a tall
glass of cold, sweet tea.  David tugged at his cravat, loosening it.  He cast a
quick glance at Caroline, whose gaze was directed downward.  She had also begun
to perspire; her daughter’s sleeping body lying against her chest.  He searched
the carriage with his eyes, then noticed Caroline’s wood-silk fan on the seat. 
He stretched across the carriage, picked it up and began to fan her and Kathleen. 
She lifted her gaze to meet his, at first without expression, then the corner
of her mouth rose in a half smile.  She closed her eyes and accepted his gift.

*  *  *

When the carriage
stopped outside the Cathedral, Caroline handed Kathleen to David, and he
assisted her as she stepped out.  The heat inside the carriage had been still
and unforgiving.  But David’s kind act of fanning her made the ride more
bearable.  Now that Caroline was on the sidewalk in front of the Cathedral, the
afternoon sun was stifling.  Kip held the parasol above her, yet Caroline was
finding it hard to breathe.  Kathleen began to cry in David’s arms.

“I’ll take her,
David.”

Handing her to
Caroline, he offered, “It will be cooler inside the church.  Come.”

She followed him
up the steps.  At the tall outer doors of the church, Kip took the parasol from
above her and stepped back to allow the three of them to enter.  “Mr. David,
I’ll be waiting at the carriage.”

“Very well, Kip.”

Inside the
vestibule, there was another set of doors.  David opened one door and began
walking down the aisle.  Caroline’s shoes clicked on the shiny tile floor and
she lifted her heels so she wouldn't disturb anyone.

She relished the
cool air inside the church.  Kathleen was quiet in her arms, but she held on to
Caroline tightly.

Up ahead in the
pews, she noticed a few people here and there. 

In contrast to
the rest of the darkened church, the front area was brightly lit with numerous
gas lamps and candles.  Caroline stared at the enormous brightly-colored
paintings behind the altar as well as the side walls of the cathedral.  She
found this church an odd design, with no windows on either side wall.

Directly in front
of her, countless flickering candles illuminated the two marble columns
surrounding the altar area. A breathtaking stained glass window lit up the
center wall with deep blue, red and green glass. David walked quietly until he
reached the front. He made a quick kneeling movement, blessed himself then
turned to glance in her direction.  He waited for her to catch up to him, then
directed her to a smaller room where a priest, whom Caroline supposed was
Father Flaherty, was standing.

“David, it’s good
to see you.  This must be Mrs. O’Donovan?”

“Yes, Father,
allow me to introduce Mrs. Caroline O’Donovan.”

“It is a pleasure
to finally meet you, Mrs. O’Donovan.  David has told me a great deal about you
and your daughter.”  Caroline had to stop herself from cringing and she
attempted to smile.  Had David revealed to the priest the true nature of their
relationship, that they were nothing more than brother-in-law and
sister-in-law, despite their marital status?

“Thank you.”

“We’re waiting
for your sponsors to arrive.  Dr. and Mrs. Carver were delighted to hear that
your daughter would be baptized and that they would be serving as godparents.”

A tall older
bearded man, accompanied by an attractive, well-dressed middle-aged woman
approached the group.

“Good day,
David.”  The man shook David’s hand.

“Dr. and Mrs.
Carver, this is Mrs. Caroline O’Donovan.”

Caroline nodded
toward them. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Dr. Carver, Mrs. Carver.  We
should like to thank you for coming here today.”

“It is our
pleasure, Mrs. O’Donovan,” Mrs. Carver replied.

In the carriage
on the way home, Kathleen again fell asleep.  The child’s warm body against
Caroline’s chest made it nearly impossible to breathe.  David had already
picked up the fan and was attempting to cool them once again.  This time, she
offered him a more obvious smile.

Caroline brushed
her daughter’s blonde hair away from her face and wiped the sweat from her
small forehead.

She wondered
whether there was any way in which she could inform Elizabeth that Kathleen had
been baptized. Elizabeth, her cousin/sister, had assumed that she would be
godmother to Kathleen, and Caroline had never thought to contradict her.  They
had only spoken of it perhaps two times in the past year, but Caroline had
simply dismissed the topic.  She decided that no information was prudent for
the time being.  However, when Elizabeth eventually discovered that Kathleen’s
christening had taken place, she would be terribly hurt and for that, Caroline felt
regretful and melancholy.

“Thank you again,
Caroline.”  David’s voice jolted her.  “This was very important to me.”  He
paused.  “Do you wish me to take Kathleen?”

She shook her
head.  “It’s fine.”  She paused.  “Thank you for trying to cool us with the
fan.”

“I am happy to do
it.”

The rest of the
carriage ride was spent in silence.

Chapter 37

Jane held several
linen-covered dresses across her arms.  “Would you like me to bring these to
the attic?  You haven’t worn them in nearly a year and a half.”

Caroline cocked
her head to look at the top of the dresses peeking through the linen. “I’m not
sure.”

“I’ll lay them
across the bed and you can have a look.” Jane carefully placed each dress
across Caroline’s bed and lifted the linen up.

For a moment,
Caroline drank in the sight of the bright blue cotton dress, the one she wore
on her first outing with Liam to the Centennial Exhibition.  She closed her
eyes and recalled the joy and awkwardness of that day.

She watched as
Jane stood over a blue-gray dress.  “This is a pretty dress, Miss Caroline.”

“I wore that when
I stopped wearing black after my father died.”

“Why don’t you
try it on?”  Jane began to remove it from the covering and hanger and she
handed it to her mistress. 

“Very well, if
you wish.”

With Jane’s
assistance, she removed her black dress and slipped on the blue-gray dress but
stopped as she attempted to pull it over her waist. “I believe I wore a corset
with this dress, Jane, so I don’t think it will fit.”

“I think you are
smaller than when you first wore this dress.”

Caroline raised
her eyebrows in disbelief.  “I have birthed a child since then.”

“And you’ve not
been eating proper.”

Caroline pulled
the dress over her waist and bosom.  It was a snug fit, to be sure, but she
straightened and stared at herself in the mirror.

“You look so
pretty, Miss Caroline.  This shade shows off your fair complexion and red
hair.”

“I just imagined
wearing black for the rest of my life.”

“You’re still a
young lady.  There’d be no shame in at least wearing different shades of gray
for a few years, now, would there?”

She stared at her
reflection.  This dress certainly was not too bright.  Subtle and subdued. 
“Yes, I shall wear this dress today.”

*  *  *

“Sure an’ ye be
lookin’ pretty, Miss Caroline. I’m glad ye finally stopped wearin’ all that
black.” Patsie and Jane stood in front of the O’Donovan house next to the
larger carriage.

“Thank you,”
Caroline said. “How long will you be able to visit, Patsie?”

“Oh, now, only a
few hours I’m thinkin’.  Jane, will ye be tellin’ that husband of yours to
fetch the last of Mr. David’s bags to put them up on the carriage?”  Patsie
headed toward the back of the house with Jane’s son, Isaac on her hip.

“Yes, Ma’am.” 
Jane took hold of Kathleen’s hand and walked her toward the house.  The front
door opened and David stepped onto the porch.  “Papa!” Kathleen yelled as she
let go of Jane’s hand.

“Kat, you be a
good girl.”  David lifted her up and kissed her cheek, then set her down.  He
turned toward Caroline and nodded.  “Good bye, Caroline. I’ll be gone a week.”

“Good bye,” she
said, now facing him.

Kip kissed Jane’s
cheek and hopped into the driver’s seat. David climbed into the carriage and it
rode away.

“Papa come back?”
Kathleen asked, in her high-pitched voice. Caroline lovingly scooped her
toddler into her arms. “In a few days, Sweet.”

Her daughter’s
mouth curved in a pout. She squirmed until her mother set her down and the
child scurried away. Caroline smoothed out the skirt of her blue-gray dress. Wearing
this color and fabric made her feel light and airy.

“Miss Caroline,
you want me to run after her?”

“Thank you,
Jane.  Your mother has Isaac?”

“Yes, Ma’am, she
does.  She’s in the kitchen.  And you know how much she likes to indulge him. 
I mean, he’s her only grandchild.”

“I know.”

Jane ran after
Kathleen, and the little girl was now playing a game of trying to get away from
her.

The servant
stopped running and glanced at Caroline.  “Miss Caroline?”

“Yes?”

“You look
fatigued. Perhaps you ought to be taking a rest upstairs.  I’ll keep an eye on
Miss Kathleen.”

“Very well.”

“Would you like
me to feed Miss Kathleen her luncheon?”

“Of course, thank
you.”

Jane took off
after Kathleen toward the back of the house.  After pondering about it for a
moment, Caroline realized that the servant was right.  She felt exhausted on
these warm autumn days, somewhat relieved that David wasn’t around. He was
tolerable enough as of late, mostly ignoring her as usual, but striving to be
an attentive father to Kathleen.  He occasionally asked her if she wanted to
join him in attending Mass at the Cathedral.  Although she agreed to have
Kathleen baptized, she really wasn’t interested in attending any sort of church
service at the present time.