In Name Only (49 page)

“And I love you.”
This is difficult, Lord. “Come, I’ll take you upstairs.”  David turned off the
gas sconces in the parlor, then took hold of his wife’s hand.  They walked
upstairs in silence.  Despite her weakness, she squeezed his hand so hard that
it seemed as if the blood in his fingers stopped flowing. 

At the top of the
steps, they turned and passed the closed door of the nursery.  Soft whimpers
caused them both to stare at the door as they heard Missy soothing baby John. 

Caroline released
his hand and pressed her ear to the door.  Their baby was fussing and Missy was
saying “Shhh.”  In a few seconds, their son became quiet.

“Come.” David took
hold of her hand and led her toward her room.  She resisted and stood silent,
facing the door. “Caroline?”

Her sad
expression made him want to cry for her.  He gathered her into his arms. He
could tell that she wanted to cry, but instead she clung to him.

He knew that,
despite her fatigue and weakness, she did not want to go to bed alone.  Of
course, he did not want to face his room alone either.  For several long
moments, they embraced, holding on to one another.

He kissed the top
of her head.

“This is hard,
David.”

“I know.”

“Not just going
to bed alone, but. . .John is. . .”

“I know what you
mean.”

“My baby wants
her most of the time.”

“That will end in
a few months.  John will soon take milk.”

“And he will cry
when she’s gone.”

“But she’ll be
leaving soon.  I promise you that.”  David said it to comfort her, but he knew
that it would make this whole situation less awkward for him as well.  Having
Missy around, someone with whom he had history, was unpleasant, to say the
least.  Thankfully, she rarely ventured outside the nursery or kitchen.

Especially now
during this period of celibacy, Missy and Hallie tempted him like those old
French postcards he used to keep in his drawer.  Although he had disposed of
the postcards, he couldn’t tell every woman he had ever been with to stay away
from him.

“Good night,
Caroline.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Good night,
David.  I love you,” she replied, as she closed the door.

Chapter 61

In front of the
Martin household, David bid his wife farewell as he prepared to leave.

“Thank you for
driving me to my uncle’s house.” Caroline held her sleeping baby in her arms.

“It’s my
pleasure, Caroline.”  He lifted Kathleen down from the carriage.  “I’m going to
be about three hours in the city.  You’ll be fine here with your cousin?”

“Of course.  Where
is Lizzie, Patsie?”

“Ye know how she
is, Miss Caroline.  She’ll be late fer her own wake, she will that.”

David leaned
forward and kissed his wife’s cheek. 

“Bye, Papa.”

“Bye, Kat.  You
be a good girl for Mama.”

“I’m always
good.”

“Yes, of course,
you are.”

He kissed the top
of baby John’s head, still in Caroline’s arms, then climbed into the carriage. 
As he was riding away, Elizabeth ran onto the front porch.

“Did I miss David
again?”

“Yes, Miss
‘Lizabeth.  Whatever were ye doin’ then?”

“I only had a few
stitches left on my needlepoint project.  I thought I’d have enough time.”

“Don’t worry,”
Caroline offered.  “You will be able to see him when he returns to pick us up,
Lizzie.” 

“Miss Caroline,
if ye don’t be mindin’, I’ll be takin’ the babe from ye.  It’d be givin’ an old
woman like meself a great deal of pleasure ta be holdin’ a foin wee lad so
young.”

“Of course,
Patsie.”

“I cannot believe
how quickly Kathleen is growing,” Elizabeth said as she hugged her cousin.

“Look, Auntie
‘Lizabeth, I picked these for you!” Kathleen held up a bunch of dandelions.

“Oh, my, they are
beautiful.  We’ll get Patsie to put them in some water.”

“Where’s Uncle
Edward, Lizzie?”

“He’ll be back
within the hour.  He said he had some business in town.”  She paused.  “Come,
let’s go inside.”

Patsie held on
tight to little John and motioned for everyone to move into the parlor. “Miss
Caroline, sure an’ this babe is doin’ a lot o’ sleepin’.  It must be feelin’
good ta be gettin’ out o’ the house, after bein’ cooped up fer so many months.”

“Yes, Patsie, it
is.  And Missy has finally left.  The baby’s eating other foods and the doctor
said we could give him milk now that he’s nearly eight months old.”

“That’s a foin
thing, sure, it musta been busy, what with two babes bein’ in the house, yers
an’ Missy’s?”

“Well, yes, but
we hardly saw little Will at all since he’s a quiet baby, never fussed.” 
Caroline paused. “But I must say, it feels good to have John all to myself.”

“Ta yerself?”

Caroline nodded. 
“John had really become attached to Missy.  He’s been crying a lot the last few
days because he’s not nursing any longer. It doesn’t seem to matter that I’m
his mother, though.  I’m finding it difficult to soothe him.”

“Niver ye be
worryin’ ‘bout that, Miss Caroline.  It’ll pass.”

“Mama, Mama, can
Auntie ‘Lizabeth take me for a walk? Please, please, Mama?”

Caroline looked
at Elizabeth to gauge her reaction.  Her eyebrows were raised waiting for
Caroline to answer.

“Is that all
right?”

“Of course it
is.  It’s not often that I’m able to take you for a walk, Kathleen.”

“Hooray!”
Kathleen squealed, then skipped out of the parlor, Elizabeth following close
behind.

“Miss Caroline,
would ye be mindin’ if I was ta be goin’ home with ya?  Himself is sayin’ I
could be havin the night off ta visit with me Jane.”

“Of course,
Patsie, that would be fine.”

A short while
later, Elizabeth and Kathleen returned.

“Mama, Mama, I’m
back.  Auntie ‘Lizabeth and I went for a walk and we saw a pretty red fox,
‘cept he wasn’t really red, he was more brown.” Smiling at her daughter,
Caroline responded, “Well, that must’ve been quite exciting.”

“Carrie, you need
to find other children for Kathleen to play with.  She can’t grow up only
playing with a servant’s child.”

“There’s certainly
nothing wrong with her playing with Isaac, Lizzie.”

“No, no, I’m not
saying that, but you need to make sure she has some. . .well, you know, upper
class friends. Kathleen’s four years old now and she needs to be around. .
.well, proper young ladies.”

“She’s four, not
14.  I think there is plenty of time for that sort of affiliation later.”

Her cousin shook
her head.

*  *  *

Later that day,
on the veranda at the O’Donovan house, Caroline swayed back and forth in an
attempt to calm down baby John.

“You want me to
take the baby, Miss Caroline?” asked Jane.

“I need to become
accustomed to this now with Missy gone.”

“Of course.”

Amidst the baby’s
screams, Caroline watched with interest as David played with Kathleen.  “You
can’t catch me, Papa!”  David pretended to be running as fast as he could, yet
it seemed that Kathleen was always able to escape.

The baby
eventually settled and began to drift off to sleep.

“Miss Caroline,
I’ll take the baby and put him in his crib, if you want to join in the game.”

“Very well,
Jane.” She carefully placed him in Jane’s arms.

Caroline stood
before David who had finally caught up to Kathleen, who was now on the ground,
rolling around.

“May I play this
game, too?”

David looked up
at her with raised eyebrows and a half smile.

“Of course,
Mama.”

He pulled her
down to a sitting position on the ground.  For a moment, his eyes were fixed on
hers, regarding her with an expression of near reverence.

“Mama, play,”
they heard Kathleen say.

David kissed
Caroline’s cheek, then slowly moved to her lips. Caroline so relished the
feeling of his lips on hers, but within a few seconds, he stopped and
whispered, “I miss our nights together.”

“And I do as
well.”

“Papa, this is no
fun anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Kat. 
I was just showing Mama how much I love her.”

“Well, you kiss
me too, ‘cause you love me.”

He pulled her to
a loving embrace and kissed her small cheek.  “You are certainly right about
that.”

“I think Jane is
preparing our favorite dinner, David.”

“Ah, perfect, fried
chicken and biscuits?”

“I believe so.  I
wanted to make sure she cooks your favorite vegetable.”

“Potatoes and
lots of them?”

She nodded then
kissed him lightly on the lips.  “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Caroline walked
across the lawn and alongside the house to the back door leading into the
kitchen in the basement.  She stopped just outside the open door when she heard
Patsie’s loud voice.

“Now then, Jane,
ye got to be after tellin’ Kip ta be pullin’ it out, or I’m tellin’ ye, it’s a
baby ev’ry year fer ye.”

“Now, Ma, I don’t
know about that.  All the time I nursed Isaac I didn’t get my monthly so I
don’t expect I’ll be having a baby every year.”

“Sure, when I was
married to yer Da, God rest his soul, and after I was done havin’ ye, I was so
sick, I’m tellin’ ye, with the sept’cemia, sure ye know, I almost met me Maker,
I did.  I’m tellin’ ye we was so scared after that, well. . .then yer Da
always. . .well, ye know, always came out. . .well, he always, as  me old ma
used ta be sayin’, if ye don’t be wantin’ butter, sure then ye best be pullin’
the dasher out in time.”

Caroline couldn’t
hear Jane’s response, if any.

“Sure then it
worked, I’m tellin’ ye.  It worked. We niver had no more babes after ye.” 
There was silence for a moment or two. “Sure then yer Da died when ye were but
six, an’ ye were bein’ all I had, no other little ones.  When he was gone, I
was after, ye know, regrettin’ that ye didn’t have no sisters or brothers.” 

The two women
remained silent for a moment.

“There’s always.
. .a riding coat.”

“A riding coat?”
She heard Jane ask.

“Sure.  The man
uses it on his. . .”

“Ma, I think I’ve
heard enough.”

Caroline waited a
few moments before entering the kitchen.  Jane and Patsie were peeling
potatoes.

“Jane, you’re
making David’s favorite?”

“Mashed potatoes,
Miss Caroline.”

“That’s fine. 
Are you having a good visit?”

“Why, sure we
are, Miss Caroline.  Ye must be knowin’ that we always have a good visit, Jane
an’ me an’ me wee grandson.”

“Yes, yes, I
certainly know that.” She returned to the front of the house.  She paused and
watched David and Kathleen continuing to run around on the front lawn. 
Speaking of such intimate matters seemed to come so naturally to Patsie.  And
what Patsie had said to her daughter made some sense to Caroline. She decided
that she would speak to David about the conversation she overheard.

Later that
evening, Caroline, dressed in a nightgown and bed robe, stood outside David’s
bedroom door.  Kathleen and John were fast asleep and she wasn’t sure when she
would get another opportunity to speak with him.

She reached her
hand out to knock on his door, then pulled it back.  The light and moving
shadows beneath the door confirmed that he was awake. 

She again reached
her hand out to rap on the door, this time, knocking three quiet times.

“Yes?”

“David, it’s me.”

Within a few
seconds, he opened the door, his shirt unbuttoned to the waist and his pants
loosely pulled on.

“Is something
wrong?” he asked.

She slowly walked
in, pulling her silk robe tight around her middle.  She closed the door, then
leaned up to kiss him, a long lingering kiss.  He started to respond, then
broke away from her.

“Caroline,
please.  This is difficult for me.”

“And for me as
well.” She fixed her eyes on the floor. “But I love you. . .and we are
married.”

“And you almost
died after John’s birth.  We need to wait so that you can fully recover.”

A glint of metal
caught Caroline’s eyes and for a few seconds, she stared at the silver medal
and chain around David’s neck. She reached out and took hold of it and squinted
to read the writing.  “What is this?”