In Name Only (48 page)

“A gift?”

David walked to
his bedside table, picked up the small box and handed it to Caroline. 

“We must continue
the O’Donovan tradition.”

She opened the
box and gasped at the pearl cameo pin.  “David, it’s beautiful.”

“I’ll have it
engraved with the date this week.”

“Thank you.  It’s
lovely.”

“And, of course,
you want to see the baby, don’t you?”

“Yes, David,
please.”

I must
remember to ask what the doctor said to him
.

Within a few
minutes, David brought their son to her. “He’s a fine strapping fellow, Mama.” He
laid the baby beside her on the bed and she gazed down at his sleeping form.

“He’s beautiful.”

“He is, isn’t
he?”

“I should. . .be
feeding him,” she whispered.

“I know, but
we’ve already discussed why you can’t.”

Her gaze lowered
and focused on the soft breathing sounds of their child. “I feel so useless.”

“Useless? 
Caroline, that’s far from the truth.  You need to get well so that you can take
care of our baby.  He won’t even remember this time.”

“Or the woman who
is nursing him now?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Who is the woman
you’ve employed as a wet nurse?”

“It’s. . .well,
it’s. . .Missy.”

“She’s married
now?”

“No, but she has
a baby and was available and could nurse our son.” 

“I see.”  Caroline
felt awkward as she recalled David and Missy in the henhouse.  She shuddered
and tried to banish the thought.

“David?”

“Yes?”

“What did the
doctor tell you?’

“Look, our son
has dark hair like me.”

“Yes, he does.”

“He can cry
longer and louder than any baby I’ve ever heard.”

Caroline didn’t
respond.  Instead, she studied him as he avoided eye contact with her. “What
did the doctor say to you?”

He cleared his
throat and said, “This son of ours is much bigger than Kathleen was.”

Caroline did not
respond, instead fixing her gaze on her husband’s face.

He appeared to be
studying the baby, then he quickly glanced at her face.  She was frowning at
him.

“This is not
really the. . .”

“David, please.”
He paused for several awkward moments.

“Very well.  He
said that it was my job to ensure that you did not become...with.child for at
least two years, to allow you to fully recover.”

“What do you mean
ensure?”

“That I was to
make sure I did not. . .we did not. . .share the marriage bed.” 

“Oh.”  Her head
lowered and she fixed her gaze on her child sleeping beside her. 

“Does that mean
that we can’t actually share a bed either?”

“Most probably,
Caroline.  I’m not sure if I could be trusted to not. . .well, as  you know, if
you’re lying next to me as I’m waking. . .”

“Isn’t there
something else we could do?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Until then,
please just get well.”

“I suppose you
want your bed back.”

His eyebrows
raised and his mouth curved in a smile.

“Absolutely not. 
I would much rather you sleep in it for the duration of your illness.  I would
gladly sleep in this chair next to you as long as it takes for you to get well
again.”

Small cooing
sounds and the beginning of a quiet cry caused her to gaze down at her baby. Caroline
wanted so much to pick him up and put him to her breast, but she lacked the
energy to do so.

She touched the
baby’s soft, warm cheeks.  He instinctively turned his head and opened his
mouth. Caroline’s heart ached when she realized what he was trying to do.

“Miss Caroline,”
Jane said from the doorway.  “Shall I take the baby to the wet nurse now?”

Caroline nodded,
a defeated, sad gesture as Jane gently lifted the baby from the bed.  She
stared, unfocused, as the servant walked out of the room with her baby.

“Caroline?”

She turned toward
her husband, now sitting on the side of her bed.  He lifted up her hand and
kissed it.

“Two years,
David? Two years of sleeping apart?”

“You’ve lost a
lot of blood.  The doctor told me that you need two years to recover from this. 
If you became with child before that time and had a difficult birth, your body
would not have the strength to fight it, like you did this time.”

She remained
silent.

“Caroline, listen
to me.”  He lifted up her chin so that she could look directly at him. “I would
gladly give up that entire part of our marriage just to have you healthy.
Kathleen and John need you.  And so do I.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I’m finding it
difficult to believe that you’re the same person as the David O’Donovan I first
met.”

“I’m not.  And
that’s why you love me, isn’t it?”

She nodded.

“Caroline, I love
you for you, not for what we experience in the marriage bed. And I am willing
to give that up for as long as is necessary.”

*  *  *

Several hours
later, Caroline heard her daughter’s squeals.  “Mama, Mama!” Kathleen exclaimed
as she jumped on the bed.

“Now, Miss
Kathleen, you can’t be jumping on your Mama’s bed.  She’s been very sick and
you got to be gentle with her.”

At Jane’s
comment, Kathleen stopped jumping and slowly crawled in beside her mother, who
was sitting up in the bed. Kathleen leaned affectionately toward her mother. 
Her daughter gazed at her so tenderly that Caroline almost cried.  “Mama, I
missed you. I wanted to come in here but Jane said no.”

“I know, Sweet,
and I’ve missed you too.”

“You’re white,
Mama,” she said, then with one finger softly stroked her mother’s pale cheek.

Caroline took
hold of her small hand and kissed it.  “What do you think of your brother?”

“Oh, I like him. 
He cries a lot, like Papa.”

Her high-pitched
chatter caused Caroline’s heart to become heavy with emotion, especially at the
thought of David sobbing.

“Miss Caroline,
you need to be eating again. Let me make something that you really like.  What
shall I make for you?”

“Do you have any
more consommé, Jane?”

“Yes, I do, Miss
Caroline.  Jane’s consommé coming up.  Come, Miss Kathleen, let your Mama
rest.” The servant held her hand out for the child.

“No, Jane.  Want
to stay with Mama.”

“Now, now, Miss
Kathleen. . .”

“Kathleen, Mama
does feel tired and I require a lot of rest.”

Kathleen gave her
a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon, Mama.”

“Yes, Sweet.  I
hope so.”  When Jane and Kathleen left the room, Caroline slid down in the bed
until she was lying flat, then closed her eyes.

She roused when
she heard the door quietly open, then close.  Soft footsteps came toward the
far side of the bed where she was lying. She smiled inside. She heard David
pull the chair close to the bed and felt him pick her hand up to kiss it. Caroline
drowsily opened her eyes.

“I’m sorry,
Caroline.  I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was just
resting my eyes.”  She breathed in deeply.  “I must be an awful sight, David. 
Kathleen said my skin looks very white.”

“Well, love, it does. 
You’ve been very sick.”

“And my hair must
look dreadful.”

“Actually, your
hair is beautiful.  You are beautiful.”

David wore a wide
smile.  He leaned down and picked up a book from the floor.

“What do you have
there, David?”

“A book. I would
like to read to you.”

“Really?  Which
book?  One of mine?”

“No, no.  It’s
actually one of Lee’s.” 

“That’s
wonderful. What’s it called?”

“The Life and
Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby.  It was in the study downstairs. You haven’t
read it, have you?”

“No, I haven’t. 
How delightful!”

“Shall we begin?”

“Yes, please.”

“There once
lived, in a sequestered part of the county of Devonshire, one Mr. Godfrey
Nickleby: a worthy gentleman, who, taking it into his head rather late in life
that he must get married, and not being young enough or rich enough to aspire
to the hand of a lady of fortune, had wedded an old flame out of mere
attachment, who in her turn had taken him for the same reason. Thus two people,
who cannot afford to play cards for money, sometimes sit down to a quiet game
for love.”

David was
speaking in a British accent, an excellent imitation, and his animated
recitation was amusing.  In fact, he had such a beautiful voice and convincing
accent, she wondered whether he had ever considered joining a theater group.

“David?”

“Yes?”

“When you retire
from your mercantile business, perhaps you should consider a new occupation?”

“Oh?”

“Yes.”

“And what
occupation would that be?”

“An actor in the
theater.”

He smirked at
her, then winked.  He started reading again, same animated voice, same accent. 
For the next half hour, she was thoroughly entertained.  Soon, however, she
began to close her eyes.

“It’s fine if you
wish to rest.”

“But I don’t want
to miss the story, David.”

“I’ll read to you
when you wake.  For now, it will be sufficient for me to simply be with you.”

A knock at the
door and Jane’s voice called, “Mr. David?”

“Yes, Jane, come
in.”

“Do you want me
to move Miss Caroline to her own bed now?”

“That’s not
necessary.”

“But you haven’t
had sleep in over a week, what with the baby coming, then Miss Caroline being
so sick.”

“Jane’s right,
David.”

“Caroline.”

“It’s selfish for
me to want to remain here any longer.”

“And besides, I’m
going to give you a refreshing sponge bath, Miss Caroline.  That’ll make you
feel much better.”

“Very well, then,
Jane, you may move me to my room.  David, you will visit me often, won’t you?”

“Of course, I
will, Caroline.”

Chapter 60

David stared at
his wife as she studied the board and chess pieces on the small table between
them in the parlor.  He enjoyed watching her eyes sweep from piece to piece as
she contemplated different moves.  During the first few weeks after John’s
birth, he taught her how to play chess and she had become an apt student. He
recalled their initial conversation.

“
Caroline,
it’s important for you to anticipate your opponent’s moves.”

“My opponent?”

“Yes.  Well,
in this case, that would be me.”

“You’re my
opponent?”

“Yes, that is,
when we’re playing chess.”

“Calling you
my opponent reminds me of our initial relationship.”

“Indeed.”

Chess became
their favorite activity together during her convalescence.  He found it more
difficult to anticipate her moves, as she became proficient at guessing his
strategies.  He knew that she was intelligent, and he found it entertaining to
watch her focused concentration.

Her hand hovered
over one of her few remaining pawns. She seemed to realize that if she moved it
one space forward, his rook would capture it so she withdrew it.  She moved her
hand above her bishop, then took it away when she likely figured out that doing
so would expose her queen unnecessarily. She sighed and David’s heart
quickened.  How was it that a simple game could make him want her so? He let
out his own sigh and she looked up at him.

“I’m sorry I’m
taking so long, David.  I don’t suppose I have any moves left.”

“You have two.”

Caroline raised
her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders. She studied the board again, pursing
her lips in concentration. After a few moments, her mouth opened in a wide
yawn. “I’m too tired.  Perhaps we can continue tomorrow?”

“Of course.  I
ought not to be keeping you up late.”

Caroline gazed at
him across the board.  He leaned over the pieces to place a soft gentle kiss on
her lips.  As he pulled away, she whispered, “I love you.”