In Name Only (38 page)

“You?  Whose idea
was this?  Certainly not yours.”

“Well, truth be
told, I feel that if we are going to be married to one another, we should be
civil. Well, more than civil.  I believe that we ought to be friendly, you
know, like the best of friends.”

“Best of
friends?” His eyebrows were raised, but he was smiling.

“Yes.  I mean,
this whole marriage arrangement does not have to be unpleasant and if we are
friendly and get along, then that will be advantageous for Kathleen, don’t you
agree?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Now, you sit
right here,” she pointed to the front section of the blanket.  She then
proceeded to serve him Jane’s lunch of fried chicken, freshly baked biscuits
and carrot sticks. She sat across from him and watched as he ate.

“Did you have a
pleasant meeting with your client this morning?”

“Well,” he said,
while putting down the chicken leg, “I don’t think I would call it pleasant,
but I accomplished what I wanted to during the meeting.”

“I see.”

“Aren’t you
having any?  It’s delicious.”

“No.  I’m not
hungry.”

He finished the
last piece of fried chicken. The grease from the chicken still on his hands, he
used one of the cloth napkins in an attempt to clean them.  Not succeeding, he
walked to the pond and crouched down to wash his hands in the water.

As Caroline
studied his back, a voice inside of her said, “Do it." She quietly crept
up behind him and pushed him in.  As his body came in contact with the cold
water, he gasped, his mouth remaining open.  The splashing water sprayed her
and she blinked her eyes.

“Why did you do
that?” he asked, now sputtering water.

“I’m. . .I’m not
sure.”  She was holding a hand to her mouth and giggling.

“The water’s
quite warm for this time of year.  You ought to join me perhaps?”

“No, I don’t
think so, I. . .”  David jumped out of the water and was now chasing her.  “No,
David, please. . .”  She screamed as he caught up to her and grabbed her with
his soaking wet body. 

“Oh, no, you don’t. 
It’s time for you to see how cold the water is.” With that, he picked her up
and threw her in. She gasped as her body reacted to the cool water.

When Caroline
came up, coughing and spitting water, she began to giggle and David jumped in
next to her.  He was laughing out loud.

“The look on your
face, David, when you came up was so amusing.”

“I didn’t expect
to spend my luncheon hour like this,” he said through his laughter.  “Usually I
only swim in the summer, but this has been quite a. . .distraction.”

All of a sudden,
they both stopped laughing and stood silent facing each other.  Caroline stared
at his wet face. After a few seconds of awkward silence, she spoke, her voice
barely above a whisper.  She was shivering. “I. . .hope this hasn’t been. . .too
disappointing a lunch for you.  I hadn’t planned on pushing you in the water. 
I’m not sure what came over me.”

“Whatever it was,
I’m glad you did.”

“You’re glad?”

He nodded. 

She struggled to
move closer to him, her water-logged gown feeling like a filled-to-capacity
sponge, and droplets continued to fall from her face and hair.

“You look like a
drowned rat,” she said, pointing to his now wet and straight dark hair.  Even
his small tie was dripping.  Caroline again tried to shift closer, but the heaviness
of her dress and undergarments prevented her.  “I can barely move.”

“I can move
fine,” he said.  His shirt was plastered to his body and she could see the
shape of his muscular arms through the shirt. He waded closer to her until he
was standing so close, his chin was practically touching her forehead.

Caroline’s heart
was pounding and she was having a difficult time breathing.  “This is quite a
peculiar moment, David,” she whispered.

“Yes, it is,” he
said so softly, she could barely hear him.

She leaned closer
to him so that their faces were only inches apart.  The two stood awkwardly,
silently, with David making no attempt to kiss her, despite their closeness.

Caroline’s heart
was beating frantically; her breathing becoming shallow. He was no longer
smiling, just staring intensely at her.  At that moment, all she could think
was that she wanted to kiss him.  She pressed her lips to his and as she did
so, he took her in his arms and kissed her softly, gently.  After a few
seconds, he pulled away.

“Why did you
stop?” she whispered.

“We have an
audience on the veranda.”

When Caroline
glanced back toward the house, she gasped when she saw that Jane and Hallie
were watching them.

“Oh dear.”  She
felt herself blush from the tip of her neck to her forehead.

“I think I will
have to assist you out of the water.  I had no idea how heavy your dress would
be if it got wet.  To be honest, I didn’t care.  I just wanted to seek revenge
against you for pushing me in.”  He winked at her.

She watched as he
lifted himself out of the water.  When Caroline maneuvered herself the few feet
to the edge of the grass, she was unsure as to whether David would even be able
to lift her out, her dress again feeling waterlogged.

“Give me your
hand,” he said, then attempted to pull her out of the pond.  He struggled for a
moment or so, then dug his feet into the dirt and pulled her out of the pond
and onto the grass.

“You’re a lot
stronger than I thought,” she responded.  “I must weigh as much as a horse.” He
didn’t respond, but appeared to be eyeing her up and down.

“You look like a
drowned rat as well, my dear,” he said. “With blue lips.”  He smiled fondly. 
“And, by the way, didn’t you say you wanted to kick me so hard?”

“What?”  His
mouth was curved and his eyebrows were raised.

“Why would I want
to. . .” Caroline stopped, then remembered the comment that she made years ago
at the Martin house, before her marriage to Liam. She offered him an
affectionate smile.  “No, I don’t think I shall be kicking you today, David.”

Then he
whispered, “Next time you decide to push me in, let me know so that I may take
off some of my clothes. It will be easier to get out of the water.”

Caroline blushed
and lowered her gaze. For one brief second, she was reminded of the old David,
the one who felt pleasure from embarrassing her.

“Come,” he said. 
He picked up the blanket off the ground, shook it, then covered Caroline with
it.

They walked side
by side to the veranda.

A cool breeze
blew against them and, despite having the blanket, Caroline shivered. “David,
you must be cold.”  She raised the blanket partially off herself and covered
him.  Immediately, she was struck by a not unpleasant feeling of intimately
touching him.

At the porch,
Jane appeared to be controlling an urge to laugh by holding her hand to her
mouth.  Hallie was giggling under her breath.  Kathleen curiously watched her
mother and father.  “Mama, wet?”

“What do you
think you were doing? I thought you wanted to have a nice lunch, Miss
Caroline.”

“Caroline pushed
me in.”

“Papa wet,”
Kathleen remarked.

“Yes, Kat, Papa
is wet.  Mama pushed me in the water.”

“Come in here,
Miss Caroline, and we’ll get you out of your wet clothes.”

“Jane, I don’t
want to wet the carpet and floor.”

“Now, now, let’s
get you in here,” Jane said, as she accompanied her upstairs.  Caroline turned
around and looked at David as he followed them on the stairs.

“I’m right behind
you.  I have a meeting in ten minutes with one of our clients who’s in town
from Boston.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not to worry. 
I’ll be dressed more quickly than you.”

He was taking
this awfully well.  He could have been angry with her but he wasn’t and for
that she was thankful.  What had gotten into her?

Chapter 44

As David got into
bed, he remembered the day’s events and his heart began to pound.  He was
delighted to discover that Caroline had surprised him with a picnic lunch. 
When she leaned up to kiss him, it took every ounce of self-control he could
muster not to take her into his arms, kiss her and let loose the suppressed
passion he felt inside for her.  Doing so would likely have frightened her.

Could it be
possible that she was growing to love him the way a wife should?  He knew that
it was too much to hope for, but he found himself laughing at the wonder of it
all.  He didn’t deserve her, but now that she knew how he felt, a great weight
had been removed from his heart.  Whether she offered anything in return, he
realized that it was a gift to be with her and for her to know his heart, even
if they continued to live as brother and sister.

Right now, it was
difficult to think of anything but how much he loved Caroline.  His longing for
her was so strong and so deep that oftentimes, it felt as if his heart were
going to burst.  He wanted her to desire him, but this was a delicate situation
and he understood that he must proceed slowly.

Everything in
David’s life now seemed to be coming to fruition. It seemed that he had only
recently begun to breathe in the richness of life.  A feeling of contentment enveloped
him and he found himself drifting off to a deep sleep.

David woke with a
start. 
That seemed so real
. His heart was thundering and his whole body
was shaking.  His breathing was shallow and beads of perspiration covered his
face like a veil.  He should have known it was a dream or, more appropriately,
a nightmare. 
Why must I be so tormented?
  It was the third time that he
had had to endure that particular dream, but the first since he and Caroline
had kissed at the pond.

He sat up and lit
the oil lamp on his bedside table. He tried to breathe more slowly, to calm
himself.  Then, slipping into his robe, he crept into the hallway.  He needed
to get to the liquor cabinet in the downstairs study. 
I’ll only have a
small amount. It will be fine.
 
Just one drink
.  He had not consumed
alcohol in more than a year and a half since their ‘wedding.’  So what could be
the harm in celebrating his accomplishments with a much needed drink to calm
him and assist him in sleeping?

A voice rose up
in his heart. 
Don’t take that drink
.  He brushed it aside.  After all,
he reasoned, he was doing so well.  He owed himself one drink. He had to calm
down, to stop his heart from thundering in his chest.  Yes, he needed just one.

David stood
before the liquor cabinet and pulled out the brandy decanter. He poured a
generous glassful, tentatively held it to his lips, sipped it, then quickly
swallowed. It burned the back of his throat, but it now warmed his body and he
felt compelled to have more. 
Just one more.  I’ll stop after this one
.
He downed another drink, then one more and soon felt relieved, dizzy and calm. 
Flask in hand, he returned to his room.  He placed the bottle on his desk and
opened the bottom drawer.  David knew that he shouldn’t even open the drawer,
but he needed to take one quick look at those pictures.  Just one peek, he
promised himself.

His hands grasped
onto them and he pulled them out.  As he looked at the postcards one by one, a
feeling of revulsion grew in him.  But they were, after all, pictures of
beautiful naked women and part of him couldn’t help but be aroused. He began to
see these young women as persons, with feelings, thoughts, needs.  He didn’t
know these girls, but their bodies were being used to tempt him. With one
motion, he grabbed the group of pictures and hurled them into the fire. As he
watched them burn, the girls’ unclothed bodies blistered in the fiery blaze.

David took a deep
breath, then extinguished the oil lamp and got into his bed.  As soon as he
closed his eyes, his mind became saturated with images from the pictures.  He
tried to banish them, then the nightmare filled his mind.

After tossing and
turning for almost an hour, David cursed under his breath and jumped out of
bed.  He threw on some clothes and made his way to the stable. He lit a gas
lamp, saddled Big Red and rode into the City. He needed to escape, although he
wasn’t sure from what or whom.  David knew that he needed to get out of the
house and get himself another drink.

*  *  *

Kathleen’s shrill
cries woke Caroline instantly.

“You’re safe,
Sweet, shhh.  It’s all right.”  Her daughter sat up and began rubbing her eyes.

“Did you have a
bad dream?”

“Bad dream, Mama.
Papa yelling.”

“Oh, dear, Papa
was yelling at you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t think
Papa would yell at you.  In fact, he doesn’t raise his voice at all anymore,
Kathleen.”