In Name Only (54 page)

“He must be
exhausted. He’s been crying for three hours.”

“Yes, I know. I
wish there were some way I could help him.  Jane, get me that small blanket of
Will’s over there.  I tried giving it to him earlier, but he refused.  Let me
try again.”

“Certainly, Miss
Caroline.”

Caroline held the
blanket in front of Will and he pushed it away.  “No want it, no want you.”

“Where’s Mr.
David?”

“He had some
business to attend to. He promised he would be back shortly.”

“Come, Miss
Kathleen, I’m going to put you and your brother to bed now,” Jane said, taking
Kathleen’s hand.

“Mama, I want you
to put me to bed.”

“Kathleen, Will
is very upset that his mother has gone. It’s important for me to spend some
time with him.”

Kathleen’s lip
began to pout.  Her head lowered.  “Yes, Mama.  I would be sad if you had
left.”

Caroline smiled
inwardly.

“That’s very
grown-up of you, Kathleen.  Thank you for being so understanding.”

Jane and the
children left the room.  A quiet calm seemed to envelope Caroline. She studied
Will’s motionless form, his back to her, his soft cries still audible.

“Will,” Caroline
whispered very close to his ear. She turned his body to face her.  His small
face was smudged with dried tears. He kept his eyes downward. 

“I know you miss
your Mama, but she’s very sick and I’m going to take care of you.”

“No want you. 
Want Mama, want Mama. . .” he started crying loudly again.

Caroline tried to
pull him into her arms, but he pushed her comfort away.  “No want you,” he
yelled.  He rammed himself against the wall, his back again facing her.

How am I
supposed to help him and love him when he doesn’t want it?  What am I supposed
to do with this child
?

“Allow me.” She
heard David over Will’s loud sobs. He slowly approached the boy.  Caroline
stepped aside.

“Will,” he
whispered.

“Go away.  No
want to. . .”

“Shhh, come
here,” he said, then pulled his son into an embrace.

“No, don’t. . .”

The youngster
fought hard, screaming and pushing David away.

Despite Will’s
resistance, David held him close, his masculine strength forcing the exhausted
toddler to finally surrender.  Within a few minutes, David now gently held his
son and tenderly stroked the child’s hair.  “Shhh.”

“Well, you
certainly. . .”

David held his
finger to his mouth.  She gave him a knowing glance, then sat down on the nearest
chair.

After several
minutes, David whispered to Caroline, “I think he’s asleep.  Tired out, I’m
sure, from all that crying.”

“Yes.”

“Where are we
taking him?”

Caroline sighed. 
“I figured he would probably be waking a lot during the night so I told Jane to
put him in my room so that he doesn’t wake the entire house.”

David nodded and
they walked up the staircase and down the east hallway to her room. As they
entered, Caroline could see that Jane had set up a day bed next to her own. David
placed him gently down on the small bed then took off his shoes.

Caroline turned
the oil lamp down, then joined David as he sat next to the bed staring at his
son, now sleeping.

“He’s a beautiful
little boy,” she observed.  “He’s got your hair and your eyes and your nose.”

“And I wasn’t
even finished with them yet.”

Caroline allowed
herself to smile.

“You know,
Caroline. . .” he whispered. “I made a big mistake, but it’s remarkable how God
can make something beautiful from something bad.  Will wouldn’t exist right now
if I hadn’t. . .”  He stopped and made eye contact with her.  “I had a hard
time forgiving myself.  I thought that when I looked at him, that I would be
reminded over and over again how I hurt you. And that is a small part of it. 
But now, all I can see is goodness, a little boy who very much needs our love.”

Caroline
whispered her agreement.

*  *  *

A weak scratching
sound woke Caroline and immediately she sat up in bed.  She squinted, then
glanced at the small bed beside her. She patted it to find it vacant. “Will?”
she whispered.  The scraping sounds became louder, desperate.  Caroline jumped
out of bed despite the blackness and rushed to the door.

Her eyes became
accustomed to the dark and she could now see Will lying against the door, his nails
digging into the surface.

“Will?” she said
softly.

She crawled
closer to him on the floor.  Will was half-asleep, his small body worn,
exhausted.

“Will, Sweet,”
she whispered.  She gently picked him up, then a loud ear-splitting scream
filled the room.  “No, no, don’t want, don’t want you. . .want Mama,” and with
one small fist, he drove it into Caroline’s right eye causing her to fall back
on the floor.

“Hey!”

“Caroline?” She
could barely hear David through the door amidst the loud screaming.  “Is
everything fine in here?”

“No!” she yelled,
then picked herself up off the floor, moved past Will, who was kicking and
screaming on the floor and unlocked the bedroom door.  She held her hand to her
eye.

David stood at
the doorway with an oil lamp. “Uh-oh.  Did Will do that?”

She nodded.

“Will’s a
fighter, isn’t he?” He set the lamp on the dresser.

“Apparently.” 
Caroline watched Will banging his head against the floor. “Calm him, please!”

David crouched
down. “Will, it’ll be fine, shhh.”  When David gently picked him up, his small,
worn body gave no resistance. Instead, he cuddled close to David’s chest.

David finally
placed his son down on the small bed while the boy fell into a deep sleep. “I
think I know why he woke up.”

“Why?”

David moved close
to the light and there was wetness against his night shirt from where he held
Will.  “He must have wet himself.  Where did Jane put his bag of clothes?”

“Right here.” She
reached in and retrieved a pair of clean pajamas and laid them on the bed.  David
began to pull off the wet pants and Will cried out.  “No, no.”

“Shhh, Will.”  He
fought with the boy and, with Caroline’s assistance, was able to dress him in
dry clothes.  Several minutes of walking and rocking him and the boy was
finally asleep again. 

Caroline placed
Will’s blanket beside him.

David whispered,
“I was lying in bed thinking. . .”

“Really?”

“Yes.  I do a lot
of thinking in my bed.  Will’s having a difficult time letting go of his
mother.  And he’s never really bonded with a man.  Perhaps that’s why he’s so
open to my comfort.”

Caroline remained
silent, still holding her eye.

“I think we ought
to move Will into my room.”

“Very well,” she
responded.

“Don’t worry.  He
will begin to love you as much as I love you and Kathleen and John love you.” 
He removed her hand from her face and tenderly kissed the area below her eye. 
She gasped in pain.  “That hurts, David.”

“Come with me
across the hall into the study and I’ll take a look at your eye.”

“Very well.”

He took hold of
her hand, picked up the lamp and led her across the hall. He held the light
close to her eye, and gasped. “I think you’re going to have a black eye.  It
already looks slightly purple and blue.”

“I feel like I
have a gaping hole here.  Will is strong for such a young boy.”

“Wait here. I’ll
see what there is in cold storage.”

While he was
gone, Caroline held her hand to her eye and studied the room which had once
been Liam’s bedroom. She glanced at the area where his bed once had been and
was transported back to a time when she and Liam were married. 
Life
certainly was simpler then
.

A few moments
later, he returned with cold bottles of wine from the basement.  He held one up
to her eye and she winced and pushed it away. “Allow it to remain there for a
moment, Caroline.  It will feel better.  I promise you.”

With every ounce
of effort she possessed, she strived to stay motionless and allow him to keep
the cold bottle below her eye.  Finally, she shook her head and pushed it away.

“Keep it there
for a few moments.”

“David, allow me to
go back to sleep.  I shall be fine.”

He let out an
exasperated sigh.  “If you insist.” 

She turned and
stood in the doorway, hesitating.  “David?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“No, Caroline,
thank
you
.”

His eyebrows were
raised and he was smiling.  His expression was full of tenderness and
affection. How could she love and hate him simultaneously?  How could she want
to pummel his chest and embrace him at the same time?

Despite her pain
and disappointment at knowing that he had been unfaithful, at that moment,
Caroline knew that she must forgive him, not only for him and for her, but for
Kathleen, John and Will.

Chapter 66

Early the
following morning, Caroline awoke to bright sunlight streaming into her room. 
She shifted, then stretched lazily and noticed that Will was not in his bed. 
She sat up and felt a piercing pain under her right eye and the episode from
the previous night came flooding back to her.

Caroline slowly
lifted herself from the bed, her eye throbbing, and covered herself with her
robe.  In the hallway, she listened for any activity.  Where are you, Will?

Muffled giggling
drew her to the nursery several rooms away. She quietly opened the door and
peered in to see Jane, Will, John, Isaac and Kathleen sitting on the floor,
playing with blocks.

Only Kathleen
faced the doorway and when she saw Caroline, she squealed, “Mama, you look
dreadful.  What happened?”

“Oh, I. . .I hurt
it last night.”

“Miss Caroline,
that’s awful.  Why didn’t you wake me?”

“It’s fine.  I don’t
want to bother you, since you’re with child.  You need your sleep. David tried
to help with a bottle of wine.”

“Getting you
drunk isn’t the answer.”

“No, no, he was
holding it to my eye.”

Jane laughed. 
“Of course.”

Will turned
around and, wide-eyed, studied her with a newfound curiosity.  Caroline hoped
that he did not remember that he was the cause of her injury.

John was holding
out his hands to Caroline and she leaned down and lifted him up.  He stared at
her black swollen eye and said, “Ouch.”

“Yes, Sweet,
ouch.”

He puckered his
lips as if he wanted to kiss her there and leaned close to her face, but
Caroline stopped him.  “No, John, kissing it isn’t going to help.” 
Like
father, like son
.

His lips formed a
pout.

“But you can kiss
me here, on the lips,” she said, pointing.

His eyes lit up
as he planted a moist kiss on her lips.

“I’m just going
to make sure that Hallie’s started breakfast,” Jane said as she left the
nursery. Caroline turned around to see Will taking one of the larger blocks and
ramming it into Kathleen’s head.

“Ouch.  Mama,
Will’s hurting me!”

“No,” Caroline
firmly said, as she placed John down on the floor.  She grabbed the block away
from Will.  “No, Will, no hitting Kathleen.  That will hurt her.”

His small eyes
glared at her.  She watched as he tried to pick up another block.  She
intercepted it and knocked it out of his hand.  “No blocks right now, Will, not
if you’re going to hurt someone.”

“Hurt you,” he
said defiantly.

Caroline let out
a deep, frustrated breath.

“Hurt you!”

“You’re a bad
little boy, Will!” Kathleen shouted.

“Kathleen,
please.  He’s been through an awful experience.  We’ve got to be. . .ouch!”
Caroline winced as Will banged his head into her knees.

“Will, stop it.”

“No stop, want
mama.”

“Yes, I know you
do, but she’s sick and she’s. . .”

Will ran to the
book case and began pitching books across the room.  One of them hit John and
he began wailing.

Caroline grabbed
Will from behind and tried to restrain him but the little boy’s strength was more
than she could handle.

“You need some
help in here, Caroline?”  David stood in the doorway. For a brief second, she
wanted to begin pounding at her husband for bringing this child into the
family, this boy who seemed to be doing everything in his power to hurt
Caroline and her children.