In The Company of My Sistahs (22 page)
Read In The Company of My Sistahs Online
Authors: Angie Daniels
Chapter 39
RENEE
“
A
ll right, little sister, it's just you and me.”
A
ll right, little sister, it's just you and me.”
I bit into my lasagna to stifle a groan. I knew with Kayla and Nadine being gone I was going to have to hang out with Lisa. There wasn't any point in trying to hide because she would have tracked my ass down. It's not that I don't like my sister, because I love her. I just don't feel like hearing her lecturing me about my life.
I hate to say this, but the best thing to ever happen to me was the day she decided to move to Texas. I was so happy I gave her ass a going-away party. Finally I no longer had to look over my shoulder to find her somewhere watching and shaking her head at me.
Lisa raised her glass to her lips and asked the question I had been dreading all week. “When are you joining John in Delaware?”
I was silent for a moment, pretending to chew my food longer than was needed. “I don't know.”
“You are still planning to join him, right?”
I cut my eyes at her. “I don't remember those words ever coming out of my mouth.”
“No, but I assumed you would make the right decision.”
“And what is the right choice?”
“Joining your husband, of course.”
“Lisa, you seem to have forgotten, but only I would know what is right for my life. Right now I don't think moving to Delaware is the thing for me to do. It would be completely unfair to him.”
Lisa shook her head and gave me a pitiful look. “Unfair is that man living in that big house all alone, waiting for you to make up your mind.”
“Lisa, John is a grown-ass man. He knew what type of woman I was when he married me and I'm still that same person. Only now I feel like we are moving in two completely different directions.”
“That's because you keep running away from him.”
“Then there must be a reason why.” I raised my fork to my mouth and took another bite. “I want to have what you and Michael have.”
“But you already have that.”
I shook my head. “No, I don't. If I did, I wouldn't even dream of letting John go. I would fight for our relationship with everything I got. Instead, I dread his phone calls. I can't stand the sight of him naked. I want a man whose smile brightens my days. Who I just want to be close to just so I can smell the natural scent of his skin.”
Lisa looked at me as if I had lost my damn mind. I knew she wouldn't understand because she's had only one man in her life. She has already found her true love.
“You know you're talking crazy. Relationships are what you make them. Don't think for a minute Michael and I don't have to work at ours, because we do. You might find this hard to believe, but I've thought about leaving him many times.”
Yeah, I do find that hard to believe.
“But once I take the time to weigh the good with the bad, the good outweighs everything else. You have to be willing to fight for what you have, and I think John is worth fighting for.”
“How would you know?”
“Because I know that you like to set yourself up for failure. Every relationship you have been in you've found some way to sabotage it because you are afraid that if you really try and give it your all, in the end you are going to get hurt.”
I resented her trying to analyze me. “I do not!”
“Yes, you do. And I blame Daddy for that.”
I was mad now. “What the hell does our stepfather have to do with my marriage?”
“Everything. He turned his back on you when you needed him most. Ever since, you've been afraid to give your heart to a man for fear of the same thing happening to you again.”
I gave a humorless laugh. “You're crazy.”
“No, I'm not, and you know it. Daddy wasn't there for you when you needed him most and you have never forgiven him for that. But he's truly sorry and wants to tell you himself if you'd allow him to.”
I cut my eyes at her. “I'd rather not.”
Lisa shook her head. “You can't keep on running away from your problems. At some point you are going to have to face them. If you don't, you will never be able to have a healthy relationship with a man.”
I sat there reluctantly and listened to her lecture. Lisa really thinks she knows me. It's time like this that I can't stand my sister. Call it sibling rivalry, jealousy, or whatever floats your boat. However you want to look at it, Lisa gets on my last nerve.
For as long as I can remember she has always tried to act like my damn mama. Now I know my mother is a fruit loop and our stepfather never cared much for my ass, but damn, who appointed her my guardian? Now, I know I should be grateful, but I was not. Instead I regret her trying to run my life.
I have always resented her meddling in my life, but the part that bothers me the most is that she is always acting like she knows me better than I know myself. Every time I do something wrong she is right there to correct me. Then, three years ago, right after she had a hysterectomy, everything got increasingly worse. Now, I tried being sympathetic because I know how badly she and Michael had wanted children. Unfortunately, she started having problems with fibroids and was bleeding so hard and heavy and became so anemic that she had very little choice. So when she first started on me I felt that maybe she just needed to lash her pain out at someone, so why not me. But here it is three years later and she hasn't let up yet. It was like she was determined to straighten my ass out if it was the last thing she did. Lately, I wished she'd just leave me the hell alone.
Our father is the furthest thing from my mind. Not being part of my life is his loss, not mine. I was a good kid. All I had wanted was to feel accepted by him. All I had ever wanted was his love. For years I had believed that maybe I had done something wrong, that maybe I truly was a bad child and didn't deserve to be loved.
I remember spending hours crying following one rejection after another. When I was broke, he would dangle money in my face that was mine as long as I did exactly as he said. The second I fucked up,
poof
, he and his money were gone, and I was struggling, trying to find another way. I remember mailing letters to my sister and brother that were returned unopened. I remember calling the house and being told never to call there again. In my thirty-six years, I remember every single thing that man has done and said to me. I haven't forgotten, nor will I ever forgive.
poof
, he and his money were gone, and I was struggling, trying to find another way. I remember mailing letters to my sister and brother that were returned unopened. I remember calling the house and being told never to call there again. In my thirty-six years, I remember every single thing that man has done and said to me. I haven't forgotten, nor will I ever forgive.
On second thought, maybe he is the reason I am the way I am today. And if he is, then he has fucked my head up. I shy away from failure. I don't set myself up for rejection. I try to control every situation and if I feel that I am losing control then I leave it alone. But my marriage with John I feel is in a separate class all of its own.
Damn, I don't want to think about this right now. Why can't Lisa just leave me the hell alone?
Chapter 40
NADINE
I
f she'd had any idea they were going to be sitting at separate tables she would have refused the invitation to dinner.
f she'd had any idea they were going to be sitting at separate tables she would have refused the invitation to dinner.
Nadine tossed her braids over her shoulder and stared down at her strawberry margarita. RD had been going on for the last fifteen minutes about how many tackles he had made in his last game. She was so sick of listening to him brag about himself that she was ready to scream. In the limo she had almost thought that maybe she had been too quick to judge him, but as they neared the restaurant and were quickly escorted to their tables, she realized she had been right from the start. Kermit the Frog was an arrogant self-centered jackass.
Turning her head, she tuned him out and glanced out the window, admiring the view. The restaurant was a hut surrounded by mango trees, located right off the bay. As soon as they had stepped out of the limo the tantalizing smell of island cuisines teased her nose and reminded her she had missed lunch. Food and Kayla were the only two reasons why she hadn't kicked RD's ass to the curb.
Turning away from the window, she reached for her glass and took a sip of her drink. To get through a night with RD she was going to need something much stronger.
“So, Shorty, tell me about yourself.”
Her brow raised and she gave him a long hard stare because she knew good and damn well he could not care less about what she had to say. “I'm an attorney.”
“Oh, damn!” he replied as he fell back against his chair. “I dated an attorney once. That crazy bitch stalked my ass. I ended up having to get a restraining order on her.”
“Well, you don't have to worry about me stalking your ass.” As a matter of fact, he wouldn't have to worry about seeing her the rest of the trip.
RD cocked his head to the side. “Shit, a pretty honey like you, I might enjoy you stalking me.”
He gave her what she guessed he thought was his Denzel smile; instead his ass looked like Urkel somebody. Why couldn't he look like Clayton? she asked herself.
She took another sip of her drink. “I don't run after men.”
He had the nerve to look offended. “Shit, I ain't just any man. I'm RD Davis, linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs.”
Whoop-de-do. “And is that supposed to mean something to me?”
He laughed. “Damn, baby, why you got to be so hard?”
“Men made me the way I am.”
“What your husband do, leave you for a white woman?”
She reached for her drink again and took a long swallow. “You hit that shit right on the nail.”
“Dayu-um! No wonder your ass is bitter.”
She nearly slammed her glass down, causing the drink to slosh over the edge and onto her hand. “I ain't bitter. I'm mad.” She paused to shrug, glad that the conversation had finally steered away from the great RD Davis, although she would rather they not discuss her failed marriage. “But I've moved on since then.”
RD leaned forward. “So, you got a man in your life?”
“Nope.”
He looked stunned by her answer. “Then how you get your freak on?”
“I don't need a man for that.”
“Shit, don't tell me you like pussy?”
“Hell, nah!” Nadine spat all too quickly, then tried to correct her mistake. “I mean, I just haven't found a man interested in a no-strings attached relationship.”
He cupped his chin and grinned. “Then I'm just what the doctor ordered.”
She pursed her lips and decided not to respond to his statement. Men like him were used to women throwing themselves at them and she wasn't the one.
While he signaled their waitress for a refill, Nadine allowed her eyes to wander across the restaurant. Kayla and Clayton were sitting close and smiling across the table at one another. She smiled. She was glad to see Kayla happy. Her happiness was worth the torture of sharing a meal with RD. The last thing she wanted was for her to be sitting around moping over Reverend Brown's trifling ass. Nadine had several choice words for him the next time he came smiling down in her face.
Movement caught her eye and she glanced to the table on the other side of Kayla and spotted the woman from the club. Her heart accelerated with excitement. She was sitting with the same woman she had seen her with before. The other woman was equally beautiful, only there was something about her mystery woman that she was drawn to.
She was dressed in a short pink seersucker dress that left her long lean legs visible. On her feet were three-inch heels that laced around her legs up to her calves. Suddenly, she realized why the woman intrigued her so much. Her smile reminded her of Jordan.
Nadine wasn't sure how long she was staring before the woman turned and their eyes locked. The intensity burned right through her and she wanted so badly to get up and go over and touch her just to find out if she was real.
“Hey, Shorty, did you hear what I said?”
She shook her head, clearing her arousing thoughts, and focused on RD. “What did you say?”
“Damn, am I that boring?”
Hell, yeah. “Nah, I was thinking about something.”
He leaned across the table. “I can give you something to think about.”
The meaning of his words was clear but she faked ignorance. She also leaned forward and licked her lips. “Something like what?”
“Shit, a little R&R, or should I say, a little RD?” he laughed at his choice of words.
She gazed over at him trying to find something attractive about the man. He had big beady eyes and thin lips and resembled a frogâwhat could possibly be attractive about that? The only thing that was appealing about him was his body. He did have a body.
Out the corner of her eye, she peered over at the woman, who to Nadine's disappointment was no longer looking her way. She sighed. It was probably for the best. She had come to Jamaica to forget about Jordan and here she was staring at a woman that resembled her. She was looking for a man to prove to herself that she wasn't a lesbian, and here was one sitting right across the table from her. Leaning back in her seat she stared at the arrogant bastard and decided in that instant that RD was exactly what she needed.
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