In the Fire (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jamie

I watched Ethan’s ass as he went in search of my lube. Was what we were about to do the best idea? Probably not. But I couldn’t find it in myself to regret anything. He’d let down his walls long enough for me to glimpse inside and what I saw was the Ethan I’d missed. I wasn’t going to regret finally being able to savor this moment and him.

Too impatient to wait, I followed him, chuckling under my breath as he made a triumphant noise when he found the tube of lube in my bag. I padded forward, and when he stood up I wrapped my arms around Ethan’s waist. I dragged my lips across the ink trailing over his shoulders. “Find what you’re looking for?”

He looked back at me, eyes twinkling, then nodded, holding up the lube for me to see. His breathing grew strained when I reached around to stroke his dick—slow, rough pulls, just the way he liked it. His head lolled back against my shoulder as I ground against his ass. Ethan had the ability to short-circuit my brain function and all I could focus on was feeling his skin against mine.

He had gotten new ink since I’d last seen his body like this. As I set out to discover all the new images on his skin, I let my lips trace the outline of a spectacular phoenix that curled over his shoulder and ran down his back. With my hand still slowly stroking his length, I traced each curve of the bird’s wings and claws with my tongue. Though I’d had several casual relationships and a few serious ones while I was in New York, none of them had been inked, save for Alex, who had a small ankh on one of his ankles. It’d seemed like a fashion statement, something he’d only gotten to be trendy. Seeing Ethan’s body in front of me like this, a beautiful tapestry of muscle and ink, only made me want to discover everything I had missed all these years.

My hand tightened around the base of his dick as Ethan began to rock his hips. He looked over his shoulder at me.

“If you keep that up, this will be over before we even begin.”

“And this is a bad thing?”

He spread his legs wider when I rolled his balls in my palm and squeezed gently. Ethan always made the best sounds during sex. In the beginning, I was terrified of being the less experienced one in our relationship. But his loud, and sometimes embarrassing—if Claire was home—responses when I touched him made all my nerves disappear. One groan, one hiss of breath told me how much I drove him crazy with need and desire.

He turned in my arms and dropped to his knees, pulling me close as he engulfed the head of my aching dick in his mouth. When he teased me with his tongue piercing my knees started to shake, and I buried my fingers in his hair to anchor myself. He traced the head with the metal piercing, dipping it into the slit. My whole body tensed as I tried to push back my release. I’d been without him for too long; I needed to feel Ethan inside me, anchoring me in the here and now when I lost control.

I tugged harder when he trembled at my rough touch, then almost lost it when he licked his lips and slid his tongue along my dick. He still loved driving me crazy.

“I need you. Now.” I sounded desperate and vulnerable, but I didn’t care.

He slowly stood, dragging his body along the length of mine. I gripped his chin, shoving my tongue past his lips as I pushed him back against the bed and wrapped myself around him.

I clung to his shoulders when he rolled us. Ethan yanked my legs up around his hips as he reached for the lube.

“Gonna go insane if I don’t feel you around me.” He squirted lube on his fingers, then reached down to rub his slick fingers over my balls. I bit my lip as pleasure flooded my body. My eyes slammed closed as Ethan slid the tip of a finger inside me, gently stretching and tugging. It had been over a year since I’d been with anyone like this. Years since I’d been with anyone where it
felt
like this. Eight years.

“Open your eyes, Jamie.”

I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to stay in this dream that we’d somehow stumbled into together. I’d spent more than eight years trying to fill the part of my soul that collapsed when we broke up. Knowing if I opened my eyes now, and this was all a dream, a fantasy my mind had created to have at least one part of him with me, even when I couldn’t have all of him, I’d shatter into too many pieces to be put back together again.

Ethan was still over me, his voice softer, but more desperate. “Jamie. Please look at me. This is me inside you.”

My body trembled under his and with more courage than I felt, I opened my eyes. His look was heated and possessive, both emotions forcing the truth from my lips.

“You’re always inside me. Always.” I reached up to rub my thumb along his jaw, loving how sweat-dampened dark hair fell in his face. This Ethan I knew, stripped bare and raw. This was the man I’d fallen for all those years ago.

He turned his head, nipping my thumb with his teeth as he slid a third finger inside me. My body arched and writhed as he slowly thrust them in and out as I rocked against him, helpless to do anything but hold on.

He twisted them, pushing up and in as my whole body stiffened with pleasure, vision going white behind my eyelids. He brushed a kiss over my lips and pulled back long enough to stroke himself. His low moan echoed through me as he ripped open a condom from the stash I’d tossed in my bag. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, tugging him close so I could help him roll it on.

When it was done, I reached up with my other hand and massaged his balls. Without taking his eyes off mine, he tilted his hips up, giving me more room. Ethan had always loved my explorations of his body, indulging in my need to touch, taste and savor every inch of him as if I was discovering something new each time we were together. As my fingers brushed across the smooth patch of skin behind his balls, his whole body shuddered. Neither one of us could wait much longer.

“Eight fucking years without you was too fucking long, Jamie.”

Ethan brushed my hand away and captured my lips in a bruising kiss. When we finally broke for air, he moved from between my legs and gently rolled me onto my stomach. I felt his lips on the back of my neck, lightly brushing over my shoulders. As I struggled to push back and feel more of him he nipped my shoulder blade, then continued his way down my spine. His tongue swept over the dimples above my ass, and his hand curled over my hip, slowly pulling me toward him.

I dipped my head down toward the bed when I finally felt Ethan’s length rub against me. Taking a deep breath in, I pushed back harder, the need to feel him buried deep inside me eclipsing everything else. When I felt him hesitate, I looked over my shoulder, trying to convey how much I needed this, needed him.

“I want this, Ethan. Right now. With you and no one else.”

His eyes shone with more emotion than I had seen from him in so long. I wanted to drink it up and savor it, but he slowly rocked against me, the tip of his dick pressing against my ass.

My eyes closed when he pushed harder, the head breaching my tight ring of muscle. The hiss that escaped me indicated just how long it had been since I had been intimate with anyone else. He stopped and ran his hand along my back and spine, small gentle movements to distract me from the initial pain and stretching. Taking another deep breath, I dropped my head down and pushed harder against him, relaxing my body as he slowly inched inside me.

His fingers trailed down my back to my hip, gripping it tightly as he rolled his hips. I gasped when he began to slide back out, fisting my hands in the sheets as the slight burn gave way to pleasure. My whimpers urged him on as he rocked his hips harder, sending his dick deeper inside me.

Ethan’s lips brushed the back of my neck and he breathed, “Fuck, I missed this.”

“Don’t stop. You feel too good.”

His fingers curled deeper into my hip as he thrust harder. All the frustration and sadness of our time apart fled my mind. The only thing that mattered right now was feeling as much of him as I could at this moment. We could deal with the other stuff later. Right now I just needed him to keep moving inside me, claiming me in a way no one else ever had.

When I snaked one of my hands under me to grip my dick, Ethan released his grip on my hips, reaching under me to wrap his hand over mine. I cried out when he tightened his grip and rocked harder. The drag of his teeth along my shoulders turned into biting kisses.

I closed my eyes, focusing on the pleasure coiled low in my stomach when Ethan pulled back.

I felt alive in ways I hadn’t in so long as I pushed back harder against his hips. My body began to hum with energy as I got closer to my release. I was almost over the edge when he stilled over me. Why the hell had he stopped moving? I couldn’t bite back a sound of frustration when he slowly began to pull out, leaving me empty and aching for him.

“Ethan?”

He rolled me to my back. His dark eyes were hungry as he crawled between my legs, and slowly guided himself back inside me.

“Much better.” His ragged voice sent goose bumps over my skin.

The way his teeth sank into his lip as he thrust deep was almost enough to send me over the edge. I cried out, wrapping my legs around his thighs as I pulled him closer, desperate to feel every inch of him when his mouth found mine.

I broke our kiss, pleasure flooding my body when he gripped my hips and tugged them off the bed. The angle sent him deeper and he hit my prostate over and over as his thrusts became more urgent. I scrabbled my hands over his neck and shoulders, pumping my hips as he slammed into me.

As he stared down at me, I felt our connection stronger than ever. This was the Ethan I had fallen in love with. The one I knew all those years ago, the look he had reserved for me when we were alone in bed together. The memories came crashing and merging with the Ethan hovering over me, making me ache for all those years we had missed out on.

Still deep inside me, he lowered his head and sucked my bottom lip inside his mouth. I wanted this more than anything, but the power he had over me was almost too much.

“Ethan—”

“Just be here with me. Right now. Just me. Everything else can wait, right?”

When he pulled back, he reached between us and wrapped his palm around my dick. He began to stroke me, his touch confident. I struggled to keep my eyes on his, biting my lip to stave off my orgasm as long as possible. I wasn’t sure if we would ever have this again, and I needed to make it last.

My breath hitched when he rotated his hips, pulling almost all the way out, then rocking his hips to send his dick back deep inside me. He kept up the maddeningly slow pace until I was writhing under him. I felt my balls tighten and an electric current raced down my spine.

I dug my heels into the bed when he ran his fist down hard to my base, twisting his grip as he slowly stroked back up. I cried out his name when I knew I couldn’t hold back anymore, spasming in his hand as warm jets of come striped my stomach and chest.

He stroked me through my orgasm, slowing his hips until I was spent. When I finally opened my eyes, his expression was all lust and restrained need. Digging my heels into the bed once again, I rocked up against him. He released his hold on my shaft and pulled back slightly, thrusting harder and faster, his eyes never leaving mine. A guttural sound escaped him as his body tensed and stilled, his eyes closing as his own orgasm overwhelmed him. His body shook as he emptied himself into the condom, and I arched up one last time when I felt his dick spasm deep inside me with every pulse of come.

As awareness finally crept back in, Ethan gently pulled out of me, and the loss of him was almost painful. After so long without his touch, I didn’t want him to go. As if sensing my unspoken thoughts, Ethan leaned in and kissed the back of my neck. “Don’t move.”

I chuckled softly as he crawled off the bed, muttering under my breath, “Bossy.” Chuckling was better than freaking out right now, right?

His smirked over his shoulder and disappeared into the bathroom. As the sound of running water drifted into the room, I laid my head back down. I didn’t have any regrets, but I couldn’t stop the questions suddenly racing through my head. What happened now?

A movement by the bathroom pulled me out of my head, and I looked up to see Ethan leaning against the door. How long he’d been standing there, I hadn’t a clue. The light played off his long, lean body, accentuating his muscles and angles in a way that had my body aching for more of him.

When my eyes finally stopped raking over his body and landed on his face, he tilted his head. “Stop thinking and get your ass in the shower with me. We’ll figure things out...I promise.”

I pushed all my doubts and questions to the back of my mind, then eased off the bed and followed him into the bathroom. This wasn’t the time to talk. Right now, no words were needed.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Jamie

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I was sore in a way I hadn’t been in years. I scrubbed my hand over my face and rolled over. Ethan’s back was to me, his hands curled under his pillow and his body uncharacteristically still as he snored lightly. I wasn’t sure why seeing him still in bed with me surprised me, but it did. It was horrible to admit, but when I had finally given up and closed my eyes to sleep, I wondered if I would be waking up alone.

Now, waking up with him in my bed, I wasn’t any clearer on what today or the next week would bring us. Unable to stop myself, I leaned over his sleeping body and lightly traced the ink on his shoulder and back with my forefinger. I smiled when the muscles under his skin twitched. Unable to resist, I bent down and kissed the tip of the phoenix’s tail.

My teeth had just barely grazed his skin when he rolled to face me. His green eyes conveyed a hint of the passion I’d glimpsed last night, but I also saw other emotions reflected in them. Confusion? Doubt? Hope? As wonderful as last night had been, what I’d just seen in his eyes told me we needed to talk much more than we needed to continue where we left off.

Leaning up on my elbow, I shifted my weight away from him. “Morning.”

He paused for a second, his eyes roaming over my face, searching for something. His expression softened, the wariness in his eyes lessening as he smiled shyly and pulled me back toward him. “Morning.”

My body instantly relaxed and I settled closer to him. I still wasn’t sure where last night put us, but this was a start.

My eyes closed when his fingertips began to rub small circles on my back. I would be sore for a few days, but his fingers on my skin made all the tension I’d woken up with dissipate. We stayed like that for a few moments, content with the silence between us, watching the sun slowly creep into the room through the curtains over the window. When his fingers stilled on my skin, I took a deep breath.

“Did you—”

“Are you—”

We both laughed as I rolled away from his body so I could see his face. “You first.”

“Jesus, have we always been this awkward, or is it just me? On second thought, don’t answer that.” Ethan scrubbed a hand over his face and stretched his arms and legs, rolling to his side to mirror my position. His expression turned serious as he searched my face.

“You okay?”

I looked at his neck and throat, remembering all the ways my tongue had worshipped those areas last night. “A little sore, but I’m good. Promise.”

It was difficult to gauge where his head was at. “Are you good? With this?” I waved a hand between us.

He didn’t answer and for a split second I was afraid he was going to run. Instead he nodded. “I’m fine. Well, no, I’m not. I’m scared shitless. But I’m tired of running away from this. From you.”

My heart hammered in my chest as Ethan stared at me, his eyes full of questions. I leaned forward and gently kissed him. His breath caught and he moved to pull me closer. This wasn’t just sex between us, this was more. So much more. I swept my tongue over his bottom lip, smiling when he breathed out, his lips slowly parting for me. Giving him the only answer I knew at the moment, I kissed him slowly, infusing all my longing for him into it. I had no clue where all of this would take us, but living without him in my life for the past eight years convinced me of one thing. I wanted him. All of him.

We stayed like that, gently exploring each other’s mouths, until he rolled onto his back and pulled me down against him. I rested my head on his chest.

“What are we doing, Jamie?”

When I stilled and tried to pull away, he wrapped his arms tighter around me, keeping me against his body.

“Let me try again. I guess I’m just wondering where we go from here? I mean, I don’t even know where you live right now.”

I settled back into his arms, luxuriating in the feel of them. “In Midtown, in a townhouse you would probably hate because it’s ultramodern with a lot of whites, tans and stainless steel. I haven’t really been there enough since I bought it to do much with it. Now that I think about it, it kind of reminds me of my parents’ condo. State of the art, but cold.”

He was silent, so I continued. “You’d like the location, though. Walking distance to a lot of good restaurants. And Times Square is just far enough the foot traffic doesn’t crowd my building, but close enough I can still enjoy going there when I want.”

His fingers began tracing patterns on my back again, slowly coaxing more out of me. “On Sundays, there’s an open market in Queens I like to go to when I’m in town. There’s usually live music, and even though it’s not as big as the one in Union Square, I love it because it hasn’t been overrun by tourists yet. It’s a great place to find really good local produce without the hassle of the huge crowds.”

“Is it like the one we used to go to?”

I nodded and was thankful our positions hid my sad smile as I thought back to the days where we would scour the local farmers’ markets for quality food at reasonable prices. It was a perfect place for two foodies on a budget. “I loved going there with you. Remember the feast we had on Thanksgiving? And Claire’s horror when you told her we had bought a free-range tofurkey at the market instead of a bird?”

My head wiggled as he laughed. “I thought she was going to shit right there in the living room. Then she tore through all the bags to see if I was lying. Thank god, she finally forgave me. For months I was afraid she was going to maim me in my sleep.”

I looked up at him, smirking when I saw his huge grin. “I would have protected you.”

He snickered and my amusement shifted to indignation as something clicked into place. “Hey. You made me sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door for a week after that happened, complaining about lumps in the mattress. You were using me as a human shield, weren’t you?”

He pulled me back down against his chest and continued tracing his lazy circles on my back. “She wouldn’t have hurt you. She loved you.” He paused, his hand cupping the back of my neck and then squeezing. “She still does.”

Not knowing how to respond, I turned and ghosted my lips over his chest.

“I used to go to them in Paris, you know. Farmers’ markets. It was the one thing I did while I was there that made me feel closer to you.”

He dipped his head to the side, but I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“There was a farmers’ market in the Marais not too far from my apartment. It was open most weekends, but one weekend a month, they went full out and pulled in more vendors and farmers. I used to walk the stalls on the weekends I wasn’t busy with school, just taking it all in, occasionally buying fresh fruit or a treat to bring back to make in our tiny kitchen. The Moroccan food I found there was the best I’ve ever eaten.”

I cleared my throat, trying to swallow the lump that had suddenly formed in it. “I always went by myself, so I could imagine you were meeting me there and we could walk the market together. As I got closer to the end of the stalls, my chest would ache because it was all just a fantasy and you were still back in Seattle, thousands of miles away. On the days when it was too much, I would walk over to the Seine and just look out over the river for hours.”

Ethan shifted, pulling me closer so we could see each other better. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about the market? Why didn’t you ever tell me about any of this?”

This particular conversation was long overdue. “It was already hard enough being away from you. I missed you like I was missing a part of myself, and I didn’t want it to affect your life back in Seattle. You were so happy for me when I won the scholarship, Ethan. I didn’t want to sound like an ungrateful shit for having pity parties on the weekends when I didn’t have enough going on to keep me distracted. The further I got into the semester, the farther apart we seemed to drift. We fought more, talked less, and blamed each other for the frustration we felt from being on different continents. I felt like if I told you, it would be laying a guilt trip on you.”

I closed my eyes to hide the pain that still lingered from those dark days toward the end of my stay in Paris. But Ethan’s strong hands pulled me closer.

“Come here.”

He never took his eyes off mine as I inched nearer. “Thank you for telling me, but you should know one thing. There hasn’t been a single day I haven’t missed you. Missed this.”

When I began to protest, he stopped me by putting his finger to my lips. “Yes, I was pissed off. And hurt. And I wanted to kill Trustfund on several occasions. But I never stopped missing you.”

The pain in my chest loosened a little and I lightly kissed his finger. “To answer your earlier question, I have no clue what we’re doing, Ethan. I have no idea what the rest of today will bring, or tomorrow, or next week. I know you live here and I live in New York and when I leave it will feel like we’re worlds away again. I don’t know what to do about my career. I’m ready to chuck it all away because I miss being in the kitchen more than I can ever tell you. All I do know is I want to try, harder than either of us did eight years ago. We didn’t do such a good job the first time we did this, and I think I’m finally ready. Because you’re worth it. We’re worth it.”

Ethan nodded and framed my face with his hands, his thumbs rubbing gently over my cheekbones. I leaned into his touch.

An alarm began blaring from the other room.

“Shit.” Ethan’s response to his phone’s alarm summed up exactly how I felt at being dragged out of the quiet bubble and back into the real world again.

We both sat up. I spent a moment admiring his perfectly sculpted ass as he got out of bed and walked into the front room of the apartment. I followed him out to the dining area, a wave of embarrassment washing over me when I saw the mess we had made in here the night before. He swiped his phone’s screen, then the annoying alarm went silent. When he looked at me, his expression was guarded, hesitant.

“I have to be at work soon. There’s been...let’s just say I can’t afford to miss another day of work right now.”

He paused, seeming to struggle with what to say next. I walked over to him, smiling as I kissed him gently.

“Go to work. Cal deserves a break after covering for both you and Claire last night. Plus, who else would terrorize poor Tyler?”

“Jamie—”

My phone chimed, signaling a text coming through and cutting off whatever he was about to say. I checked the message while Ethan pulled on his pants. Feeling a bit under dressed at the moment, I slipped back into the bedroom, rifling through my bag until I found a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. When I emerged, a fully dressed Ethan was in the kitchen gathering up the last of his supplies from last night. Without speaking, we quickly cleaned up the mess we’d made and I made a mental note to replace anything broken in our haste to reconnect.

I watched him as he set everything by the door, then turned back to face me. With a nervousness I hadn’t witnessed very often in him, Ethan framed my face with his hands and kissed me deeply. When he broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I’ll be at the restaurant all day. But...”

I smiled and kissed him one last time. “I’m not going anywhere yet, Ethan. I still have one more week in town.”

He pulled back. “Give me your phone.”

He held out his hand and took it, quickly typing in his number. His phone began to ring in his pants pocket. He hit End and handed my phone back.

“Now you know how to reach me besides the restaurant.”

“Okay.”

Reluctantly, he finally released me and gathered his bags at the door. I opened it for him and felt the ache in my chest come thundering back as he moved across the threshold. Without another word, he nodded to me and then walked off without looking back.

I shut the door and leaned against it, my heart pounding inside my chest as every instinct in me told me to ask him to stay. My phone’s chime saved me from making a fool out of myself. A quick swipe of my finger called up the latest text message from Trevor. I replied, then set off for the bathroom for a quick shower.

As much as I wanted to chase Ethan down and haul him back to bed, the real world and all its responsibilities had other plans for me. I had my own work to do today, things that would no doubt be nasty to deal with, but couldn’t be put off any longer.