In the Shadows (22 page)

The tears I’ve somehow managed to keep in check while I told them my story, knock over the floodgates and fall without restraint as I realize how foolish I’ve been and just how loved I truly am.

Jacoby pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me. I hug him in return and being in his arms makes me feel both better and worse all at the same time.                My eyes glance up to find Greyson watching me sadly and I can't help but wonder what he's thinking about me right now. 

Chapter Twenty-Three

T
he next morning I wake up snuggled against Jacoby’s chest in my honeysuckle-cinnamon scented bed. Today is the day that changes the rest of my life and I still haven’t gotten around to telling Jacoby about the decision I’m about to make. There’s so much more I need to confess to him if I want to be completely honest, but I’m a coward and I don’t know if I have the heart to.

Because I know that despite the lingering feelings of affection I may have for Grey, my heart belongs completely to Jacoby.

“Good morning, Lark,” he says sleepily, stifling a yawn. “You know, I think I deserve a medal or something.”

I crack a smile and take the bait, “For what, pray tell?”

“For unwavering self-control,” he replies with a wink. “I’m practically a saint for being able to sleep next to you all night without so much as an immoral thought crossing my mind.”

I cock an eyebrow at him disbelievingly.

He smirks and holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, perhaps the occasional immoral thought crosses my mind, but,” he says dramatically. “I still deserve a medal for not acting on such impulses.”

I smack him with one of the downy pillows, laughing, as he pulls me down towards him for a kiss.

              I hate to spoil the mood, but I know I can’t put this off any longer.

“What do you think is going to happen now? Now that the cur—”

“I'm not going to lie, things are going to get pretty ugly. It won’t even matter that we never figured out how to close off that portal. Not now anyway.”

“I keep imagining them rampaging across the world in a cloud of black dust like a stampede of horses or something.”

He scoffs. “It won’t be quite that dramatic.”

“No?’

“No. They’ll start off being discreet. They won’t want to bring attention to themselves right away. Anyway, I think he’ll start picking off his human followers first. He has no need for them anymore.”

“That doesn’t really make me feel any better.”

“Dugan only wants revenge. He blames the humans for forcing the elves into hiding during the Witch Hunts. He doesn’t just want to cohabitate the earth like before, he wants to take it over and he’ll use any means to get there—which is why he stooped to using humans for his dirty work,” Jacoby says, lost in his own thoughts. I know he’s thinking about his parents, about how they were murdered by Dugan’s followers. “But now that he and the Dökkálfar can walk the earth freely, he won’t need them. They’ll be disposable to him.”

“In that case, I guess I have no choice.”

“No choice?” he asks and I remember I haven’t told him yet.

This will be the first time I’ve talked to anybody about it and the thought of saying it out loud makes me sick to my stomach. This is not a choice I ever anticipated having to make. It’s not anything like how I imagined my life to be whenever I thought about my future.  Even after I discovered I was part elf, the idea of being immortal was never a consideration. I was perfectly content with living out my mortal life in a completely ordinary way despite the extraordinary nature of my existence in this world.

“Listen, I need to tell you something.”

He sits up, taking note of the seriousness of my tone.  “What’s up?”

I stand up and nervously pace back and forth at the foot of my bed. This is a million times more difficult than I thought it was going to be to talk about.

I tell him about the conversation I had with the Sun Goddess after I broke the curse on the Dökkálfar. I tell him how she’s offered me immortality in order to help me defeat Dugan but that by choosing to save the world, I will never be able to see my mom or my sister again. I hope that he's able to talk me through this decision because even though I know it's what I have to do, it’s not a choice that I want to make. He listens intently, his face completely void of any emotion until I finish, then his expression turns to shock.

“You’re going to do it? You’re going to choose immortality?” Jacoby asks incredulously.

“I don’t think I really have a choice. She said it’s the only way I’ll ever be able to defeat Dugan.”

“Are you sure that’s the only reason why?” he asks suspiciously, and my thoughts immediately turn to Grey.

“This has nothing to do with Grey! I’m so tired of people thinking there’s something secretly going on between the two of us,” I exclaim.

“I didn’t say anything about Greyson,” Jacoby points out. Guilt crashes over me as I take in his perplexed expression.

“I know—I mean—”

“What happened between the two of you?”

“Nothing.”

“I know you’re lying,” he says sadly. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s nothing,” I say, shaking my head, trying to squash the tears before they start flowing freely. “I swear.”

His eyes tighten in resignation and he looks completely crushed which breaks my heart even more.

“I can’t help but think that this will open up a real possibility for you and Grey to finally be together.”

“No! That hasn’t even crossed my mind. I swear! Why would you even say something like that?”

“Because the only real thing standing in the way of you guys being together before was your mortality. And now here's Sól, willing to change that for you.”

He shrugs, pretending he doesn’t care. “And obviously the thought has crossed your mind since you’re the one who brought it up.”

“No,” I declare indignantly. “I don’t feel that way about Grey any--.” The word gets stuck in my throat but it doesn’t matter, he knows exactly what I was going to say.

“Anymore,” he finishes for me. “You don’t feel that way about him anymore. But that doesn’t mean that his feelings for you have changed.” His usual cocky grin has turned into a sorrowful frown. “And this, well this changes everything.”

“Why does everyone seem to think that he has feelings for me?” I grumble, remembering Adele's advice to be ‘gentle’ with Grey’s heart.

“Grey told me he did. That’s why,” he states. “After you saved me from Dugan, we were getting ready to head back to Manhattan when he came to my room. He wanted to tell me that he was in love with you, but he knew it wasn’t fair to try to pursue a relationship with you. Not with you being a mortal. He said that you would only end up getting hurt and he never wanted to hurt you.”

I remember seeing Grey go into Jacoby’s room that day and often wondered what it was that he wanted to talk to him about. Now I guess I know.

“It doesn’t matter,” I start to say.

“No, it actually does. The one thing that was keeping him from acting on his feelings for you, the one obstacle standing in his way, is gone. What’s to stop you guys from being together now?” Jacoby’s sudden insecurity is almost as surprising to me as it is irritating. Never once has he ever acted like he was threatened by Grey and now it’s almost like he’s just been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s as though he knew all along that he’d lose me—that he was expecting it even. This all comes as such a shock to me that I don’t even really know what to say.

I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration, taking a moment to find the right words without shoving my foot in my mouth again.

“Listen to me,” I plead with him. “It’s not a choice between you and Grey. It never has been. From the moment I saved you I knew that there was only you. Yes, I might still have some residual feelings for Greyson but more in the ‘first crush’ kind of way--nothing compared to how I feel about you. Don’t you know that? Don’t you realize that? You should be able to tell from my aura even if you don’t believe my words. I love you. I only want to be with you. But this isn’t about us. Do you really think I want to do this? That I want to make this choice? Of course I don’t! I would much rather stay mortal and live a life that is full of ordinary, wonderfully ordinary, events. I want to live that life with you. But this isn’t about us. It’s so much bigger than that. We are in this mess because I was selfish. I wanted to play the hero and I screwed up. I have to make this right. Please just try to understand that I didn’t make this decision lightly. I’ll be giving up so much. My mom, Maddie, Paul, my friends. Everything. But if I don’t, they are destined for a fate much worse than losing me. I can’t let that happen.”

“I don’t know what to think right now, Lark,” he whispers, his voice laced in sadness. “This changes everything.” He then turns slowly and walks away from me.

“Jacoby wait! Just talk to me!” I call after him, but he just keeps walking away from me, leaving me feeling heartbroken and more alone than I’ve ever been in my life, but realizing that it’s nothing less than what I deserve.

I don't know why I don't break down and cry when he leaves, but instead I  just feel
numb
. I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet, that my
whole
life is changing.

There's a light tapping on my door and I know without a doubt who will be on the other side. I almost don't even want to answer, but the knocking persists.

“Mia, I know you are in there. May I please come in?” Grey's velvety voice calls out from the other side.

I drag myself over to the door and open it. “What do you want, Grey?”
              “I just wanted to make sure you are okay,” he says quietly.

“I'm fine,” I lie.

“I know you aren't,” he says with a pointed look.

“You heard everything didn't you?” I accuse. I know he probably couldn't have helped it—with his super-elfish hearing capabilities  and all, but it still makes me mad.

“Yes,” he states simply with an apologetic look on his face.

“Great. That's just great.” I throw my hands up in the air in exasperation. “So now you know. Jacoby thinks I'm still in love with you.”

“Are you?” he asks seriously and I'm taken aback by suddenly being put on the spot.

“What do you want me to say, Grey? Do you want to me to tell you yes? Do you want me to tell you that, yes, you still have the power to completely mess with my head? Does that make you feel better?” I ask, unable to conceal my frustration.

“I just want to know what's going on between us.”

“I don't know. Okay? I don't know,” I answer him honestly. “All I know is that everything is messed up right now and all I want to do is be alone.”

“I see. I will leave you alone then,” he says, defeated. “But Mia?”

“What?” I ask as he moves in closer.

“I just want you to know that I am sorry for hurting you. I never intended to and I sincerely hope you will give me the chance to make it up to you,” he says as he reaches out and gently brushes the side of my cheek with his long fingers. “Please give me that chance.”

  He pulls his hand back and leaves, closing the door quietly behind him. Once again, I'm not sure what to think or what to feel. All I know is that I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump, but not sure where I'll land.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I
pause facing my front door, hand on the knob ready to open it, but for some reason I have a sudden desire to knock. I’m not sure why I want to do such a stupid thing—after all it’s my house, not some stranger’s. I come to the conclusion that I'm just looking for a way to delay the inevitable a moment longer. Not knowing how Mom is going to react makes my stomach twist and tangle itself into a giant knot.

I decided that I didn’t want to keep any more secrets. Secrets suck. But I’m still nervous about what I’m going to tell her.

“Are you sure it’s okay to do this?” I ask him for probably the hundredth time.

“Mia, this was your idea.”

“I know, but you’re the king. If you thought it was a bad idea, you’d tell me right? I mean, what about the whole rules of secrecy?”

“I think that if you feel you need to tell them good-bye, then you should be able to. I don’t want you to have any more regrets. Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Yes.” I take a deep breath. “Okay. Wait here. I’ll come and get you when I’m ready.”

“Of course.”

I turn the door handle and brace myself as I step into my house. I don’t even have a chance to close the door behind me before my mom runs into the room.

“Mia Elizabeth Carrington, where on earth have you been?” she cries hysterically. She hesitates a moment before pulling me into her arms and squeezing me so hard that I can’t breathe.

“Can’t—breathe—Mom.”

She pulls away and tears are streaming down her face.

“Paul! Paul, she’s home!” she calls up the stairs before pulling me into another hug.  She pulls away again and brushes my hair out of my face, placing her hands on my cheeks. “Where have you been?”

“Um, it’s kind of a long story. But I—“

I hear Paul’s footsteps thunder down the stairs and before I can even turn around to greet him I feel his arms around me.

“Don’t you ever scare your mother and me like that again! Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been?”

“I can explain.”

“Well, you better young lady,” Mom says, obviously a tangled mess of every single kind of emotion it is possible to feel. “The last time we saw you, you were running from the house upset over Hannah. I thought you just needed some time to grieve but then you never came back. I had to file another missing person’s report and I’m sure Officer Drake thinks I’m a complete idiot—what kind of mother keeps losing her teenage daughter--but oh my gosh, Mia. I’m just so glad you are home. Where have you been?”

“Um, well, you might want to sit down.”

“Oh God, you’re pregnant,” she moans, covering her face with her hands.

“No! Of course I’m not pregnant!” Good grief. “Will you guys please just come and sit down. Trust me. It’s better if we’re all sitting.”