In the Shadows (23 page)

I motion for them to follow me through the entryway toward the living room where Maddie is playing on the floor with her My Little Ponies.
              When she sees me her whole face lights up and she reaches her chubby little arms up for me to hold her.

“Hi Maddie-girl,” I say as I nuzzle my nose into the side of her head. Her feathery-soft girls smell like baby soap and sunshine.

“Mia....” Mom starts to say.

Yes, I’m definitely delaying the inevitable once again. Who would have thought it would be this difficult? I set Maddie back down on the floor and turn to face my parents.

Mom and Paul take their places on the couch but I’m too nervous to sit. I pace in front of them until I can’t wait any longer.

“Okay, this is hard for me to explain. I’m not even really sure where to begin. But I –”

“Maybe I can help?” Alberico’s voice interrupts me.

A sharp intake of breath from my mom causes my chest to tighten in response. This wasn’t exactly how I wanted to break the news to her but obviously Alberico heard how flustered I was and decided to help me out. Or maybe he was just growing impatient on my front porch. Either way, he definitely wins the prize for Most Dramatic Entrance.

The blood drains from Mom's face and I’m sure she’s wondering how it's possible that he looks exactly the same now as he did almost nineteen years ago. She hasn’t seen my father since their fateful summer together, but seeing her look at him with such wonderment makes it obvious that he still holds a place in her heart.

“Alby?” My mom stands up unsteadily, turning to me, then to Paul, and finally back to Alberico. She takes a hesitant step toward him and reaches out to touch his face. “How—? I mean—why? What's going on”

He places his hand on top of hers and peers down upon her affectionately.

“Kate?” Paul says, clearing his throat, causing Alberico to drop his hand and my mom to step back from him. Her cheeks redden as she returns to Paul’s side.

“I know that this may seem rather shocking. But I assure you, I can and I will explain everything to you both. If you will let me?” Alberico addresses them both respectfully.

“Kate, who is he?”

My mom seems tongue-tied so I answer for her. “Paul, this is Alberico, my father.”

“Your...? That means he’s...? Um, wow. Well, I’m not really sure what to say,” Paul stammers. “This is unexpected.”

“You have no idea.” My mom mumbles under  her breath. “I think I'm going to need a drink.”

“Yes, I am Mia’s biological father, but that isn’t the only reason I am here.”

“Please sit down.” Paul gestures kindly, and Alberico thanks him in return as he takes a seat beside me on the loveseat. “Should I get us some coffee?”

“That would be lovely. Thank you,” Alberico answers graciously. Paul stands up to go make a pot of coffee and I suspect he just needed an excuse to leave the room for a moment. “Is this Maddie?” Alberico asks me.

I nod and he says “She's adorable.”

“I know,” I tell him with a smile. “Cutest baby in the entire world.”

“What’s going on, Mia? Is this why you’ve been acting so differently lately?” my mom asks me.

“It’s part of it. But it’s much more than that,” I start to explain but I’m at a complete loss for words. “Dad?”

Alberico turns to me with the look of pride on his face that I’ve become accustomed to. He pats my knee  then looks up at my mother. “She’s amazing. You did a wonderful job raising her.”

“Thank you.” The words are barely a whisper as water pools in the corners of her eyes.

“Kate, there’s so much I need to explain to you. You deserve to know why I left all those years ago without saying good-bye. There’s so much that you don’t know and so much that you won’t be able to understand.”

“Why won’t I be able to understand?”

I stifle an inappropriately timed laugh. “Sorry,” I apologize. “It’s just, you have no idea just how crazy  the story is that he’s about to tell you.”

Alberico begins to explain everything to Mom and Paul. Everything about the Light Elves, the Dark Elves, where I really was last Christmas break, why I was always disappearing and coming home late, and where I’ve been the last three days. I watch Mom’s face carefully, trying to discern what she is feeling while Alberico lays it out for her. For the most part she handles it better than expected. Sure, at first, she thought it was an elaborate hoax I put together in an attempt to avoid being grounded again, although she apparently keeps forgetting I’m technically an adult now so she can’t really ground me anyway.

While Mom and Paul took it all in stride, after the initial shock anyway, I don’t think they really believed us until Alberico demonstrated some of his Fire abilities causing Paul to squeeze his coffee mug a little too tightly, breaking the handle off and slicing his hand, which I then promptly healed much to his astonishment.

I was a little worried that Paul might have a heart attack after that. Luckily, if he did I have no doubt I’d have been able to heal him quickly, but the experience would still suck all the same.

“Is she in danger?” Mom asks.

“Yes,” Alberico tells her truthfully, and her face whitens. “It’s part of the reason why I’ve come to talk to you. It’s important that Mia remain in Álfheimr until everything has been resolved.”

“How long will that be?”

“We can’t say for certain.”

“But—”

“Mom, it’s okay, I want to go. I need to stay there and learn more about that part of me,” I try to explain.

She sighs with a defeated expression. “It’s not forever though, right?”

“Of course not,” I assure her, even though I know I can’t promise her that.  Even if I somehow, miraculously survive, I will be accepting Sól’s offer and I know that I won’t be able to come back. She won’t remember me anyway. Before we leave my family tonight, Alberico will manipulate their memories of me. They will have no idea that any of this ever happened. She won’t remember him, she won’t remember me. She, Paul, and Maddie will move on and continue their lives in blissful ignorance. I only hope it’s enough to keep them safe.

“Okay.” She puts on a brave face, but I know she’s falling to pieces. I know this because I am too. She turns to me and says, “This doesn’t feel real.”

“I still have a hard time believing it myself sometimes and I’ve actually been living this dual existence for months now.”

“Will I ever be able to see it? The kingdom?” my mom asks.

I turn to Alberico, uncertain how to answer that.

“There are certain rules we must follow to maintain our secrecy,” he starts to explain. “But I’m sure that can be arranged sometime in the future. These are unusual circumstances after all.”

“I’d like that.” Mom smiles and Paul clears his throat uncomfortably again. I sort of feel bad for the guy, even though I know that Mom loves Paul very much, it has to be awkward being in the same room with your wife’s first love.

“Mia, perhaps your mother and Paul would like to take a look at that book? The one Greyson gave you last year.”

“What book?” Mom asks.

“It is a collection of our history,” Alberico answers her before asking me, “Do you still have it?”

“Um, yeah. It’s upstairs. I’ll be right back.”

As I leave the room, I can’t help but look back over my shoulder at a sight I never thought I’d ever witness: Mom, Paul, and Alberico sitting in my living room, talking over a pot of coffee and my baby sister playing on the floor at their feet.

The sight is bittersweet and tears start to well up in my eyes.

I always hated having to lie to my mom, but at the same time I thought it was better for her if she remained ignorant. Now she knows everything, well almost everything, and I don’t have to lie to her anymore, but it doesn’t even matter.

Now that I finally feel complete—like I’m no longer trying to split myself into two pieces—everything’s about to change. I have a decision to make. A decision that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life—and if I choose what Sól wants me to choose, well, the rest of my life will be a really long time. 

I know what I need to do and I know what I want to do, but unfortunately those are not the same thing.

I'm searching through the piles of books on my desk that don't fit on my bookcase when I stumble across a picture of Hannah and I from Homecoming. Seeing that picture is like twisting the knife that has been permanently wedged in my gut since I first found out that she was gone. I have so many questions. What is she doing there? Did Ethan lie to get her to go with him willingly? Is Seth there too? Does she hate me so much now that she wants to help the Dark Elves defeat me? Or do they have some sort of spell on her and she has no idea what she's doing? So many questions and I have no way of knowing if I'll ever find out those answers.

I know the moment he arrives soundlessly in my room—like a pull from a magnet I can't help but turn around to face him.

He's leaning up against the window frame, obviously trying to appear nonchalant, but I can see the sadness in his green eyes.

“Hey Lark,” he says with that heart-melting smile of his that always turns me into mush at his feet. My heart skips a beat and my chest tightens in response to him being in such close proximity, but I don't let myself move. I don't trust myself. I know all it will take is one single touch and I will forget everything.

“What are you doing here?” I ask quietly, not wanting to attract the attention of my parents downstairs.

“Attempting to use my infamous powers of persuasion to convince you that you don’t have--” he starts.

I hold my hand up to stop him because I don’t want to let him finish.

I don’t want to hear anything else. Because even though all I desperately want to do right now is throw myself into his arms and let him hold me as my world falls apart in hopes that maybe his arms can keep the pieces of me together until I can find the strength to do it myself, I know I can't do that.

“I needed you and you just walked away.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I didn't mean to act like such a jerk. I don't know what came over me,” he tries to explain. “I just got scared.”

“Don’t you think that I’m scared? That I’m not completely heartbroken over this choice? Because I am. I feel like I don’t even have a choice. I screwed up—big time. Sól has offered me a chance to right my wrong. To make up for the mistakes caused by my selfishness. And yet, here I am, still acting selfish because all I want to do is tell her no. All I want to do is stay here, in the mortal world with you and my family, and never think about elves ever again. But I can’t do that.

“I’m going to accept Sól’s offer. Tonight, after I’ve said good-bye to my family, I’m going to do it. I know that it’s going to change everything but I also know that even though she’s offering me a choice, there isn’t really one to make. And I know that you can’t accept that, that you think there’s another way, and believe me, I wish there was one but there’s not. As scary as it is, I have to do this, Jacoby. I don’t have a choice. I know you don’t understand that but I don’t really know if there can be an ‘us’ anymore.”

“But--”

I’m trying to hold back the tears as I tell him goodbye because I know if I lose it, he’ll pull me into his arms and I won’t be able to resist him. “It’s just better if we end this now, before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?” His voice cracks and it almost breaks me.

“Don’t you see? There isn’t going to be a happily ever after for us. It’s not in the cards.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“Lark—” He takes a step toward me, his outreached hand pausing mid-air for only a moment before lightly grazing my cheek, wiping away the traitorous tears that have started to fall beyond my control.  With a look of determination he says, “I'm never going to give up on us, Lark. This isn’t over yet.”

Oh, how I wish that were true.

“Good-bye, Jacoby.”

I know that no matter how much it causes my heart and soul to ache just thinking about losing him, I don't have a choice. Despite what he may stubbornly think, it has to be over between us—otherwise, how will I have the strength to do what I know what is right?

I don't want to do this. I don't want to live forever. I just want to live a normal life. I want to get married, have kids and grow old just like everyone else.

This isn't anything like what I planned for myself. But I need to accept this hand I've been dealt, own up to my responsibility in the matter and do everything I can to make it right, even if it breaks my heart in the process.

The next chapter of my life is just beginning and it’s going to be the biggest challenge I've ever faced. I’ve barely dipped a toe in the shadows of this world. Now I’m about to delve head first into the darkness and I can only hope to surface on the other side in one piece.

The End

Acknowledgments:

First and foremost I have to thank my husband, Zach. For not only working so hard for our family that I am able to stay home, care for our children and get lost in the fictional worlds that exist inside my head but for also being my biggest fan—despite the fact that you still haven’t finished reading Lark yet (Yep, I just called you out on that). But the fact that you have so much confidence that it’s amazing without even reading it, says a lot about what you think about me so I guess that makes me pretty lucky that I get to spend forever with you.

I have been so lucky to have so many people willing to help me mold In the Shadows into what it is but the following deserve an extra-special shout out.

Maya Bentley, for your exquisite attention to detail. I seriously don’t know what I would do without you!

Captain Matt Brown for answering my questions about police protocol in regards to filing a missing person report.

Autumn Doughton (author of In this Moment) for beta reading and being so supportive. I love that you love my stories because I seriously adore yours!

Michelle Flick (author of The Owens Legacy), who was willing to help me edit as I wrote despite how chaotic it seemed—AND she did it with a brand new baby!  You rock, my friend! Thank you for assuring me that my story didn’t suck when I had my doubts.