In Too Deep (31 page)

I leaned forward and put my lips to Jake’s ear. “Through all of this, you have helped me start to remember who I once was. It’s like you’re helping me put the pieces back together even if some of those pieces are hideous.”

He turned his stool around so we were face to face. “And I will always say the hard things when no one else will. I will always want what is best for you. I am so proud of you. You don’t know it, but you are so strong, Gracie.”

It was at that moment that I could see our future. There would never be another day in my life that I would question my love for Jake. I had to go through Hell to know how beautiful Heaven was. And I would do it all again if it meant I would end up in Jake’s arms. I felt dizzy. My realizations over the past two days weren’t small ones. They were life changing. Some threatened to suck the life out of me and one promised to breathe it back in.

Two hearts intertwined.

My thoughts were interrupted by Calon’s voice speaking, not singing. I tried to follow what he was saying, but I hadn’t caught the first part. Jake leaned forward and smiled. The crowd went crazy and Jake mouthed, “New song.” I stood up and leaned forward to tell him I was going to use their new song as a bathroom break, non-customary sounds of acoustic instruments lulled me back against Jake’s legs. It was a slow song. I had never heard Alternate Tragedy sing anything that didn’t leave their voices hoarse and my ears ringing. The tune held me spellbound.

Jake gently took my hand and led me to the only empty space in front of the stage. It was the no-frills, make-shift dance floor at
Mitchell’s
. I held the back of his head in my hands and we rubbed the tips of our noses together.

“I hope you enjoy our new song about finding a perfect love. This one’s called, Fallen.”

“She spins into the darkness, she slides down the wall.

She didn’t see it coming, she wasn’t prepared to fall.

There was film on her mirror, fog on the glass

Her body torn wide open, by secrets of her past.

Down, down, down

Where there is no bottom

Down, down, down

Where the suffering begins

Down, down, down

She didn’t know she’d fallen

Now she’s searching for her wings

Her heart was frozen in time, her mind was gagged and bound

She cried a million tears, but barely made a sound

But now someone lay beside her, he was the music to her soul

He held her ‘til the demons passed, and he kissed away the cold

Down, down, down

Where there is no bottom

Down, down, down

Where the suffering begins

Down, down, down

She didn’t know she’d fallen

She’s still searching for her wings

The bad memories fade, and her scars begin to heal

New life breathed into her soul, Her heart was his to steal

He came unexpectedly, the savior

of her heart

He held her close and warmed her soul and watched her life restart.

Down, down, down

He caught her at the bottom

Down, down, down

Where the healing begins

Down, down, down

True love is where she’d fallen

Where she finally found her wings!”

Calon had just told our story in an ethereal melody only he could deliver. The band left the stage for a break and the crowd dispersed, but Jake and I stayed on the dance floor stunned by the providence of the song.

All those months of feeling guilty that I couldn’t reciprocate three simple words came barreling back through my mind. It was at that moment I knew without a doubt what my next words would be.

“I love you, Jake Rockwell.”

He sucked in a deep breath, tears came to his eyes. He wrapped me in his signature hug and lifted my feet off the ground. The brilliant smile that grew across his face was well worth waiting until I could say “I love you” without a doubt in my heart.

“Well, look what we have here. It’s the Jake and Gracie show.” There was no mistaking that sinister voice I was all too familiar with.

Noah was back. He was drunk and his fists were clenched.

Fifty-Five

“Noah, take it easy.” Jake positioned himself in front of me and slowly took a few steps back to put some space between us and him.

“Take it easy? You were my roommate, man, and now you’re fucking my girlfriend!”

“Noah! I am not your girlfriend!” I tried to step in between the two of them, but Jake’s arm shot out to hold me at a safe distance.

“Looks like you’re a little bit of everyone’s girlfriend the way you’re whoring around these days!”

“That’s enough!” Jake’s voice was cacophonous.

“Look here, asshole…” Noah staggered into Jake’s personal space like he was going to throttle him. Jake didn’t budge. I wanted so badly to run and hide because I had seen this rage in Noah once before and it ended with fists being thrown. But I would never leave Jake’s side.

“Noah, we can act like adults. No one here wants to see a fight.” A crowd started to form around us.

I squeezed my eyes closed and held on for dear life. I couldn’t make my feet move from the spot they were in, and if Noah hit Jake, I knew I was going down, too.

“Are you kidding me? Jake, you’re not that stupid. Now, walk away. Gracie is coming home with me. We need to discuss where she was when I got to her house to pick her up this morning.”

Oh shit. With everything that was exposed over the previous twenty-four hours, I completely forgot to text Noah that we weren’t coming back to school together.

“Noah, she is not going anywhere with you. Especially not when you are this drunk and this angry.”

“The hell she’s not!” And with that, he grabbed Jake by the shoulders and flung his body just enough to could get to me.

“You are coming with me!” He grabbed my wrist and twisted so hard I was sure he would break it before we got to the door.

“
Noah
! Stop! Don’t do this! Please don’t do this!” Where the hell were all the bouncers? Why was no one doing anything? I frantically looked around, and when I saw the bright yellow BOUNCER shirt as Noah dragged me closer to the exit, I yelled for help. But he was blatantly ignoring the melee. I turned to see where Jake was and if he was close enough to reach, but I couldn’t see anyone I knew in the crowd of faces.

We got to the bottom of the staircase and the bouncer turned around. It was drive-thru Hank. Noah nodded and handed him a wad of cash. “Thanks, bro. I owe you one.”

Hank had just turned his back so Noah could drag me up the stairs and out of
Mitchell’s…
and back to Sigma Chi like a caveman with his cavewoman. My wrist was throbbing and I was falling over my feet by the time we got to the sidewalk. I assured Jake that Noah had never hit me, but I was pretty sure that would only be true for another five minutes. He could do a lot of damage with one blow.

“We are going to have a little chat about the rules of the game, Gracie Jordan. This shit won’t happen again! You don’t just go fucking around behind my back and make me look like an idiot. I showed up at your house this morning and you’d been gone for three days already?”

“Noah…”

“
Shut up
! That’s Rule Number One.” He turned and scowled at me as he spoke.

I saw Jake coming toward us over Noah’s shoulder. The back door. I forgot about the back door at
Mitchell’s.
Jake knew which way Noah would head so he took a short cut through the alley to cut us off. I had to keep Noah’s eyes on me so he wouldn’t see Jake yet.

I tried to yank my arm away to keep him engaged and facing me. “Does this make you feel like a man, Noah? Huh? Dragging me up the sidewalk in the middle of the night? Taking me back to your cave? What the hell is wrong with you? Let me go!”

He twisted my wrist a little further for breaking Rule Number One.

“Ow! God, Noah, you are really hurting me. Let me go!”

Before I knew what happened, I was torn away from Noah’s grip and someone pulled me around the side of the research building on the corner, and Jake squared off with Noah.

“I asked you politely to be an adult. She is not going anywhere with you.” Jake’s stance was bold and unforgiving. “Gracie, you okay?”

I whimpered a yes and gasped for the breath that fear had stolen from me.

I was stunned. I took a split second to see who was holding on to me. It was Pete. Pete who I always assumed was going to get his ass kicked during Hell Week.

“How did you…” I spoke toward him but locked my eyes on the altercation before me.

“Not everything stays a secret at Sigma Chi. I overheard Noah and Hank earlier, I was coming to warn you.”

“You really think you can take me, Jake?” Noah stumbled a couple times, trying to keep his balance.

“Gracie! Are you okay?” Jake must not have heard my attempt at an answer.

Pete called out, “She’s good, Jake. I got her.”

“You’re dead, Pete!” Noah didn’t even look at him. He wasn’t taking his eyes off Jake.

I was breathing so hard I had to lean against the building to steady myself. Sheer terror pumped through me at a rate that was probably not healthy for extended periods of time. I tried to steady my breathing so I didn’t pass out.

Jake actually took two steps forward and looked Noah square in the face. “She is not your property, Noah. You have done enough damage. It’s time to walk away.”

“You don’t know anything! All she had to do was spread her legs and she sucked you in. Been there, done that!”

Jake lunged forward and threw his fist square into Noah’s jaw. I heard the crack just before Noah went down. Jake shook his hand and looked over at me. I knew he needed to lay eyes on me to believe I was really okay. But he should never have looked away.

“
Jake!
” I screamed as soon as I saw Noah lean forward to get up. It was too late.

Noah was up and grabbed the front of Jake’s shirt. I heard buttons hit the cement. He pulled him in so close, I was sure Jake could see the flecks of gold in Noah’s eyes. I used to try to memorize their intricate striations, but Noah wouldn’t let me stare into his eyes for too long. He said it made him uncomfortable. Now, I knew why. He was afraid I would see who he really was. I was terrified for Jake, but Pete was holding me back. He wouldn’t let me go.

Noah swayed, trying to keep his balance as he mumbled something to Jake in almost a growl. I couldn’t hear what he said, but when he let go of Jake’s shirt with his right hand and cocked his arm back slowly, I knew he had just threatened to kill him.

“Noah! Stop!”

He held his arm back, but his eyes lifted to mine. I held his gaze even though it made me shudder.

“Noah, stop,” I whimpered. “Please. If you ever loved me, please stop.” He let go of Jake with a push that made Jake stumble backwards. I made sure Jake was okay before I looked back at Noah. Jake straightened his torn shirt and winked at me letting me know he was okay, and it was time to end it. Noah rubbed his jaw, thrust his other hand deep in his pocket and lifted his gaze from the ground to me. The gold of his eyes smoldered.

“Right now, Gracie, I want to beat the shit out of him for taking you from me.”

“You lost me, Noah. Jake didn’t take anything from you.”

“Lost you? You’re mine, Gracie. Mine.” He poked himself in the chest with his forefinger for effect.

I was too far away to feel the strength I knew Jake summoned in me. I shook Pete loose and quickly bolted over to him. I stood behind him, putting Jake in harm’s way again, but I needed to catch my breath if I was going to do this the right way.

“Noah, you have hurt her enough. It’s time to say goodbye.” Jake reached back and took my shaking hand in his. He was steady. He was ready for whatever was coming his way.

“Fuck you, Jake! She’s sloppy seconds, now. She gave me so much of herself there’s nothing left for you.”

My heart frosted over and my stomach lurched when I heard his description of me. The warmth coming from Jake’s body protected me from the chill of Noah’s insults.

“She’s all used up, dude. I took it all.”

Before I knew what happened, Jake let go of my hand, took two long strides and caught Noah’s jaw in another mean right hook. Noah stumbled backwards, tripped on a lifted sidewalk square and landed on his ass with a drunken thud.

This time, Noah didn’t get up. I wasn’t sure if he could. He was conscious, but stunned.

“Dammit!” he rubbed his jaw again and thumbed away the blood that was spilling from his bottom lip. “If it’s over, she’s got to be a big girl and tell me herself. And she’s never been strong enough to do that.”

My heart stopped beating and my lungs stopped breathing. The level of anger and passion on the sidewalk was overwhelming and now I was supposed to put the icing on the cake and literally kick Noah to the curb. No pressure.

“Noah…” I don’t know what Jake was going to say, but Noah interrupted him and stood up.

“You’re going down and she’s coming with me unless I hear her dirty little mouth say she’s choosing you over me.”

Jake didn’t turn to see if I was still standing with him. He didn’t need to. He could feel me. I knew he would want me to stay behind him, but if this shit was ever going to end, I needed to stop hiding from Noah.

I took a step so I was standing shoulder to shoulder with Jake. He took my hand and squeezed. I could feel his knuckles were swollen so I didn’t squeeze back. I needed to finish what Noah started the night he blocked the back door of Murphy’s so I couldn’t leave. That night I naively gave him permission to make the decisions for me and ever since then he had me like a puppet on a string. He pushed me away and I would go. He pulled me back in and I would come. Well, not anymore. He had sliced me raw way too many times to count, and it was time to stop the bleeding once and for all.

I started to walk toward Noah, but Jake wouldn’t let go of the grip he had on me. I squeezed his hand very gently and he turned his face toward mine. “Together, baby girl. I’m not leaving your side.”

So, it was from Jake’s side and through the strength he pumped into me just by holding me tight that I, Gracie Jordan, stood up for myself and took Noah Foster down for the very last time.

“There is nothing in me that wants to be with you, Noah. You have done nothing but make my life hell since the first time you broke my heart.”

Noah sat forward and put his elbow on his bent knee. He grimaced and rubbed his forehead like he was trying to make sense of what I was saying.

“You cheated. You lied. You laughed when you knew you hurt me. But as soon as I stood up for myself and walked away you would crawl back and convince me that you just couldn’t live without me. You had my mind so warped it was scary. I gave you a piece of myself that I can never give anyone else. I think I held on to you for so long because I was afraid to let go of that piece. I thought being with you would keep me whole. But you stole so much from me.”

By this time, both his elbows were on his knees and his head was resting in his hands. I couldn’t see his face. I thought it would be easier if he wasn’t looking at me, but I needed him to look me in the eyes as I told him everything that was pouring from my heart.

“Look at me.” He tilted his head up and his eyes locked on mine. “You knew what kind of love I needed. And when you realized you couldn’t love me that way, you should have been man enough to just let me go, not lead me on to think that one day you would magically become who you once pretended to be.

“I needed you to be gentle and kind. But, the things you did to me were wrong. You hurt me emotionally and physically and did things to me that were degrading and wrong. Some of which you did not have my consent to do.”

His eyes widened and bounced back and forth between Jake and me. He knew exactly what I was referring to. It was true. Jake’s thumb rubbed my hand, and I knew he was proud of me for letting that out.

“I needed you to be honest and fair but instead, emotionally, you shredded me. You had no intention of changing. Mentally, you drove me into the ground. But you can’t touch me now. This time I get to decide. We are over for the last time, Noah.”

He didn’t move, but when he spoke his voice was strained like he was holding back more emotions he’d never set free. “Gracie, I told you why I push you away. I explained to you why I do the things I do.”

“Yeah, you did. And in that same conversation I asked you to never to give up on me—”

“I never gave up on you. Gracie, please don’t do this.” It was like he forgot Jake was even there.

I shook my head, refusing to let any pity flow from my heart toward him. “Stop it, Noah. Just listen. You said if you ever gave up on anyone, you’d give up on yourself. Well, it’s time to give up.”