Indigo Vamporium (14 page)

“This is so long overdue,” she beckons with her hand, folding me into a tight hug.

The compassion in her embrace cracks the hold my pride has on my emotions, and I start sobbing.

“Say goodbye boys!” Selene yells over my head, hiding my face from them, giving me privacy while she smoothes my hair.

A warm hand touches my shoulder and Seithe's voice whispers in my ear, “I'm sorry. I love you, whether you believe that or not. I never want someone to hurt or use you.” He presses a kiss onto my head and I just want to vanish, to curl into a ball and cry... alone... away from them.

A hand slaps my shoulder, “Bye Ellie.”

It's Jo.

Darise, wherever he is, doesn't say anything. I feel the lurch when Selene escorts me out of my home, into hers on the other side of the world.

The enormous gap widens, my insides instantly empty. For the first time in my life I experience how hollow it is not to hear my twin's heartbeat nearby.

Dissolving in blubbering sobs, I've never felt so abandoned or alone.

Chapter 18

Seithe:

The second she's gone emotional torment stabs through my heart, doubling me over and forcing me to gasp for breath.

“You okay?” says Jo, leaning down with me.

Shaking my head, I press desperately on the point of agony, the middle of my chest. I feel like something sacrosanct was just torn out of it, destroying the bond between me and Ellie.

It hits me. I can't hear her heartbeat. Ours beat in tandem, they always have. I had no clue how much comfort hearing her pulse gave me. Slumping onto the steps I bury my head in my hands, tears falling.

My shame for doing this will never end. I broke her heart and in the process I shattered my own. We were always twins, deep in our hearts where it counts, we were joined forever, from the womb to the grave... and I broke it.

What have I done?

Shoulders shaking, an anguished sob breaks free and I howl the tears I've been burying inside; crying for my sister, for mom, for dad.... for me.

Feet stop in front of me and I can sense my brother's sanctimonious smugness roiling off him, contaminating my privacy with his unwelcome presence. “The difference between you and me, is humans are the game to me. We're the hunters. Ellie's more like me, she doesn't put her heart out there to get stomped on, she gives them the only part worth sharing, the part that includes brief pleasure.”

Launching upright, using the momentum to catch my balance, I punch Darise flat in the face, “Shut up! Just shut up!”

He laughs, spitting blood at me, “Loser. You should be gay if you want someone to hold your hand and iron your shirts.” Snorting, he sneers, “Pathetic.”

My vision distorts and he blends into the guy I found on top of Ellie, the creep who took the most precious gift of all, trust, and I start hammering, warbling like a drunk warrior fresh off the field with an overflowing cup of paranoia.

The room heaves, bucks, and I'm smashed into something so hard the bones in my hand crack. Chaotic noise filters through the haze.

“Stop it!” shouts Venix.

Cradling my limp hand, I blink, waiting for the film over my eyes to recede, quivering inside, knowing the wretched taste in my mouth is blind rage.

“Darise? Say something? Darise!” says Venix.

“No human is worthy of our love,” slurs to me, Darise's voice a delirious hiccup.

Blinking harder, I see my legs, my feet... I'm on the floor against the wall, Darise lies beyond my body, bleeding, his face mashed, blood spatter surrounding him in a diabolical halo.

His one open eye stares accusation at me, tripling my guilt.

Unable to handle it, I roll, crawling to my knees, boosting to my feet, vanishing to the only place that pops into my head.

Sitting on the low wall acting as a border for the top of the mountain I look at the blood on my knuckles, staring at my mangled hand, shuddering as the first wave of grief pulses through me.

I've destroyed us.

First Ellie, now Darise.

They'd be better off without me. I should be the one in isolation, kept away from them until I learn self-control, until I learn to keep my opinions and outrage to myself.

Hot tears blur the lights of the land scattered in star clusters, twinkling diamond brilliance into the night. Lights burn prisms into night's velvet cloak like the careless cigarette dropped in slumber, setting fire to darkness in scorched vespers, the final communion before sunrise stains the sky in bronze baptism.

Houses have smokey glass shields, hiding secrets in tinted mystery.

Curling into myself, hugging my knees, I keen a long low wail that matches the wind. The pain is consuming me. It's inside, it's growing, eating me alive like a voracious tumor, leaving me so hollow I'm a husk.

Grief swallows the night, burying me in a bottomless grave of sorrow.

*

Ellindt:

Sobbing into my pillow in a strange room of baby yellow, I'm distraught.

Since the day I was conceived I've been able to hear Seithe's heartbeat. Being so far apart the silence picks apart the seams of my sanity. I'm so alone, abandoned.

Sent away.

Unwanted.

Rejected.

His face!

Waaaaaail!

I never ever thought he'd look at me like that; be so horribly angry with me that he didn't hug me when I cried. Choking on tears, I jump violently when a hand touches my shoulder, rubbing softly.

Drawn into his strong arms, he holds me tight, caressing my back with strokes of comfort, resting his head on mine, “I'm here. I won't leave you.”

Clinging to Arelstin, I shiver, wracking brokenly, my heart so smashed by Seithe. I could count on him, always, and just because of a stupid boy my best friend had me exiled.

Arelstin tucks a finger under my chin, lifting my head, forcing me to look into his serene blue eyes, “He loves you, Ellie. He loves you so much he can see what you don't. You're beautiful and graceful, you are leagues above that boy. You can have anyone in the world and Seithe simply wanted you to be treasured and cherished. You gave yourself to someone who hadn't fostered love in his heart for you. He needed to know that whoever you end up with treats you the way he thinks you should be treated. It's so hard to explain, but in this he showed wisdom for his young age. You deserve a man who'll hold you when you cry, who holds your hand no matter what his friends say, who treats you like the most precious thing in the world.”

His words unleash a fresh storm of tears.

Held close, rocked in sturdy reassurance, he kisses my forehead. “There there. It's all going to work out for the best, you'll see.”

He rocks me until I run out of tears, until my eyes are so raw they make me sleepy. Falling asleep briefly in my guardian's arms, he's the only thing I can call home now.

He's the home I never had.

Seithe was my home, but he kicked me out.

His anger blinded him to my hurt.

Love doesn't hurt, it protects. Arelstin is a true angel, he embodies love like no other. Home is the one place you will always find love, the place where you are always welcome.

My home has a name now. Arelstin.

I miss mom.

Chapter 19

Arelstin:

The ripping of the angelic web holding this plane in a bubble of light sears my soul.

Blinking, I think to Selene,
Seithe needs you. Go to him! Quickly!

Where are you?
she telepaths back.

With Ellie. I don't want to leave her alone, she won't handle it.

Okay, I'm on my way
, she says, panic evident in her tone.

The last time I had to ask for her help, her brothers were at war, and one of them did not last longer than an hour after the conflict.

*

Selene:

Manifesting on someplace high in complete darkness, with just wailing wind for comfort, I peer into the darkness, searching for his pulse.

Finally seeing him, I rush across the concrete, bending down to wrap my arms around the tall gangly teenager.

“It's okay, honey. I'm here,” I croon, kissing his white hair, squeezing him tight.

His shoulders are shaking so much, my heart just breaks. Seithe is the proud son, the one they all look to for leadership, the one they run to.

It's left him with no one to run to when he breaks.

He's strong, his muscles straining against me when he elbows me, “Leave me alone.”

It's muffled, strained, hoarse with emotion.

Shaking my head, I just squeeze him tighter, “Nonsense. You're family, Seithe. If you think I'm going to leave my nephew to shoulder the responsibilities of the world on his own without giving him a sanctuary to run to, you can think again.”

Hiding his face in his knees, the pitch of his voice is so overwrought it doesn't even sound like him, “I don't deserve it. Just go away.”

Sighing, I sit back on my legs, holding my hands over his, “Now you listen to me young man. I don't know the full story, but what I do know is you are hurting, and what does love do when you hurt?”

In answer, I kneel, bending so I cover his side, wrapping my arms around him tight, kissing his temple. “Love holds you 'til you stop hurting. Don't pretend with me, Seithe. We all need love. Even you.”

Sniffing, he raises his head, making me raise mine, and my heart cracks so wide it bleeds across my chest at the bleak expression in his eyes.

“Oh honey. What happened? What hurt you so bad?” Holding his hand as tightly as I can, real fear trickles into my veins for the first time in a very long time.

Who did this to you? I'm going to murder Venix.

His face contorts, and he wails, “I miss mom.”

Wrapping him up against me, I rock him, “I know you do. We all miss her.”

“She would've been proud. She would've worried, and been there to warm me up and make me better.” His words stumble over each other hysterically, drenched in heartbreak.

“Shhh,” I rock, squeezing him harder. “We're all proud of you. We are. You are our shining star.” Kissing his forehead again, I press mine against his, “Hush baby boy, I've got you.”

What the hell is going on? What don't I know?

I wait it out, hushing and rocking until his sobbing subsides. This boy doesn't break for anything or anyone. How much has been heaped onto these bones of his that they crushed him?

He's just a boy still, it's too soon for him to have a man's responsibility.

Satisfied he's found some semblance of control, I sit back, handing him a box of kleenex and manifesting a mug of thick hot chocolate. “Now dry your eyes and tell auntie Selene what happened.”

His mouth twists dramatically at the hot chocolate, his pain filled eyes so bright with seeping angelfire I can see the tears collecting at my gesture.

“Now drink up,” I cover for him, rubbing his long thigh, giving him a smile of support. “We've got forever, you take all the time you need.”

Lifting his free hand, I kiss it, holding it to my cheek, wishing heart and soul I could take his pain for him. Wiping a tear for him when it breaks free from the pack, I shuffle so I'm next to him, holding his hand, facing the windswept top of Table Mountain. It's closed at night, without tourists, and I can see why he chose to hide here. No one would think to look for him on this deserted dark lofty spot. It's cold and unwelcoming.

When I've heard it all, through many rounds of tears and nose blowing, I have a fire burning in me that's about to turn into a flame thrower.

Hugging him tight to me, I stroke his back, whispering into his ear, “This is your childhood and those responsibilities should never have been thrust on you so early. Ellindt will have a blast with me, she'll forgive you as soon as she sees the wisdom of your words.”

Leaning back, sitting cross legged facing each other, I hold his knees, “Sweetheart, if you ever need to get away from that egotistical creep, my home is open to all of you.”

Patting his leg, I smile, “You know the saying you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family? Well it's true. Every family has a moron like Darise, and every family has a megalomaniac like Venix. But so what, because we also have a Seithe, a Jowendrhan, and an Ellindt. You don't have to get on with your brother or uncle, there's no cosmic law that demands it. We are all unique, each and every one of us is made to be different, and that means you're going to get givers and takers, lovers and haters.” Pointing to his chest, I smile warmly at my handsome nephew, “What matters is your heart. Yours was in the right place, every time. It's your conscience you have to live with, and they have to live with theirs. Remember that.”

He gives me a weak smile, “Thanks aunt Selene.” He nods, as if to himself, “I feel a bit better.”

Shaking my head, I lean closer, placing my hand on his chest, funneling angelfire into it, giving him a mother's warmth to chase away the cold frosting his soul.

He's missing the comfort and support of a woman in his life. This will be remedied, or Venix will crush him before he's developed his true strength.

“Better?” I ask, smiling.

He nods, wrapping his hand over mine, cradling it to his chest, “Thank you.”

“Now, you sit here for a few more minutes and get your wits about you, and then you head home to where it's safe. Tomorrow's a new day, with a girl to visit, waves to surf, and a whole lot of sunshine to start again. Okay?”

He nods, looking at his knees.

Standing up, I lean over him again, giving his head a kiss, “Take care of my nephew, I expect him to come and see me sometime next week.”

“Jo?” he says, looking at me while I catch my hair from whipping me.

“No!
You
, silly bean. You, I expect
you
to come and visit, come and hug your sister and fill my house with some noise for a bit.”

“But we're off to Croatia as soon as school goes back. So we don't raise eyebrows.”