Inevitable (8 page)

The rest of the happy party wandered away from the beach and back to the house, under Ruby and Scott’s direction. The gentle roll of the waves invaded my ears as I bent down and started to gather the candleholders one-handed.

‘SHIT…SHIIT!’ I dropped the bloody thing, as the shock of the searing pain hit me, and with it I also dropped the bouquet unceremoniously onto the sand, just out of reach of the water.

‘What the fuck are you doing, Bella?’ I heard Nathan as he came running over to me, then felt him grab my burnt, throbbing hand and peel open my fingers to stare at the damage. ‘Walk,’ he demanded and he led me the few steps down to the water’s edge. I followed him as he walked us barefoot into the surf and he pulled me down to squat next to him as he gently placed my hand into the cool water.

‘Keep it in there… what were you goddamn thinking?’ he interrogated. ‘Wasn’t it fucking obvious they were going to be boiling hot? That’s why I was blowing them out first to cool the fuckers down.’ I felt him lift his gaze and for the first time that day I met it gladly. It was a relief to actually see a flicker of the caring Nathan I remembered.

The water lapped around our feet in a gentle, almost loving caress. The bottom of my bridesmaid dress was flapping around my legs, floating on the water, and the searing pain I had initially felt began to slowly ebb away. If only I could mend the pain and constriction I felt around my heart so easily.

‘Thank you for helping me, Nate…’ I stared into his eyes and saw the recognition of our mutual pain reflected in them. He was squatting down with me, holding my burnt palm in the cooling water. ‘How did we ever get into this mess, Nate… how on earth did we ever get here?’

‘You left me, Bella…you left me… or don't you fucking remember that?’ The words were accusing, but he uttered them almost soothingly.

‘You said I could come back.’ I was getting more and more emotional, and more and more annoyed with myself. I had promised myself no more tears, but the situation we were in just pulled every gut wrenching feeling from my body. My legs were now shaking with the emotion of the moment and I sat back down into the cold water, with a small splash.

‘You left me to go back to your past… and you wouldn’t fucking share why with me, Bella.’ He released my hand and stood up suddenly. I looked up and watched him run his hands through his hair. This was the Nathan I knew, this was a mannerism I recognised, it was one of exasperation.

‘Fucking hell, darlin… you heard me say I love you.’ He began to pace around and around where I was now sitting in the cold surf. He turned back to me then and pulled me up and out of the water by my good hand and into his arms. ‘I have never, EVER told anyone else apart from my mother, when I was little, that I love them… only ever you, Bella…only ever fucking you. Then you go and shut the fuck down on me.’ He gently lifted my chin up with his thumb and cupped fingers. ‘I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you wouldn’t trust me, the fact you wouldn’t and still won’t tell me the truth of what’s going the fuck on in your life, or…the fact you would never admit to yourself let alone me, that you loved me… I WILL not be with anyone who lies to me or doesn’t trust me… I just won't be that stupid fucker again!’

‘I love you, Nathan.’ I said the words he wanted to hear with such strong conviction, whilst staring straight into his eyes.

He had to believe me, I had never opened myself up so willingly. Not to anyone, please believe me, Nathan…

He exhaled slowly, his minty breath ghosting over my lips. I watched as he closed his eyes and he gripped my chin tighter.

‘Then tell me, why did you leave me, Bella?… Tell me…’ he demanded.

‘I went back to investigate something for the newspaper. It was a story that interested them and it was something I needed to lay to rest. I couldn't have you in my life while I sorted it out… you’re in the media spotlight and you didn’t need the crap that would have possibly come with the exposure of a man I thought I loved when I was fifteen years old… I needed to sort it and clear all my emotional baggage in order to move forward… with you, Nathan.’ I had spoken that so quickly I had to gasp air into my mouth before his mouth came crashing down to mine.

Oh my God could he kiss. I had missed him with every part of my being. I had missed his presence. I had missed his smell. I had missed the crooked smile he wore when teasing me and his beautiful dimples that came out to play along with his sparkling hazel eyes. Most of all though, I had missed the way he kissed me. He took command and controlled the whole of my body and mind just by placing his lips on mine. It was mind numbing and soothing at the same time. His tongue explored and lovingly caressed mine. His teeth gently nipped my lips and the whole of my body ignited, the heat of my longing for him spread quickly through my veins like mercury consuming the whole of me all at once. I hung on for all I was worth to the front of his white shirt.

It was with some reluctance I allowed him to break away and stare into my eyes.

‘Why, darlin… why couldn’t you share that with me before? … I just don’t understand.’ He bent his knees now to look at me questioningly, ‘That’s not fucking everything, is it? … I can read you like a book, so what’s the rest?’ The one arm that was around my body and pulling me tightly to him, like he was afraid I was going to disappear into thin air, started to release its hold. I willed him to hold on a while longer. I would eventually tell him, but for now I hoped what I’d already said would be enough.

Please, please let it be enough.

‘
The truth, Bella… or I walk.’ He completely released me and I stood shivering in front of him. I shivered from the cold, but mainly from the loss of his touch. I placed both of my arms around myself, to try to find a modicum of comfort and warmth. My burnt palm throbbed as it connected with my own skin. I watched as he began to walk around me, stopping every now and then to stare at me expectantly. I swallowed and summoned up all the strength I had.

‘Nathan… It was a long time ago and I was very young and SO bloody stupid… I thought I loved him… I would have done anything for him, you have to understand that.’ I paused and took stock of how he stood frozen to the spot, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes begging mine to continue.

Reluctantly his gaze was taken away from mine as we heard his name being shouted from back at the house. I followed his eye-line to a small figure making her way from the patio area and out onto the private beach. The light was fading fast, but even in the gloom I could make out the very curvaceous albeit surgically enhanced figure of Candy, another of Nathan’s fuck buddies. I had seen her in NYC when Frankie and I had first met Nathan, she wanted him and wasn’t happy when I replaced her, that was for certain. She was making her way towards us. I looked back to him and shook my head.

‘It’s not what you fucking think, Bella,’ he almost growled with anger. The tenseness of his body was palpable.

‘Oh no, of course it isn’t… why the hell would she be here… if it wasn’t what I thought, Nathan?’ My hands had found their way to my hips and my volume had increased significantly. ‘You want the truth from me… you won’t have lies, that’s what I heard you say… well that’s the pot calling the bloody kettle black, now isn’t it?’ I shook my head in disbelief. I made myself stand taller now, no way was she going to look down on me, no way in hell was I going to let her crow over me.

‘Nate, baby, there you are. I’ve brought back the clothes you left with me a couple of days ago and I couldn’t not come and see you after what we shared together, could I?’ I heard her unbelievably saccharine voice and cringed, not only at the sound she made but at the statement I had just witnessed.

Give Nathan his due, his eyes never left mine to meet hers, even though it was fairly obvious she was trying everything in her résumé to get his undivided attention. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, twiddling her hair and staring at him longingly.

‘Go back to the house, Candy,’ he almost spat out. I watched his hands fisting at the sides of his body and I watched her as she looked between the two of us, staring each other out.

‘But…’ she managed.

‘No fucking buts… go the hell back to the house,’ his voiced raised in volume.

‘I’ll wait in your room, Nate… don't be long.’ I watched her flounce back towards the house.

‘This isn’t what it seems, darlin…You have to listen to me.’

‘STOP… I’m not interested… I’m no longer interested in anything that comes out of your bloody mouth… and don’t call me that, YOU no longer get to call me that.’ I stared at the man I thought I knew inside out, with complete and utter disbelief. ‘This is bloody poisonous…’ I gesticulated between the two of us with my index finger. ‘How could I have ever thought any differently… So that’s where you got bloody showered and changed, amongst other bloody things, after you arrived home… good to know you go there to fuck so regularly that you even keep spare clothes there. You don't deserve my story, I have no idea why I ever thought you did.’ I glanced around to search for Frankie’s bouquet and saw it was now out of my reach, the tide had slowly taken it away from my grasp and it was being swallowed into the darkness. Such was the desolation I felt, it was like my very being, my soul and my whole heart was following it out into the abyss.

I turned away from him and walked back to house.

‘Bella?’ I heard from an emotional Nathan behind me.

‘I’ll be gone early tomorrow,’ I shouted back. ‘Just leave it… You were right it’s too late.’

BELLA

T
ry as I might, I hadn’t slept all night. Every time I shut my eyes, my mind took me back to the UK and to Ioan. I could see him as clear as day in my head. Unfortunately, I knew I would always be able to remember his every feature. It was as though he had burned his face into the back of my eyes with a branding iron. He was what most would call extremely good looking, unless you were perceptive enough to see his inner ugliness. He was typical Eastern European in colouring, with dark hair and dark soulless eyes, and he was well built. This was the picture he displayed to the world, it was only his inner circle that got to see the real him, the evil, twisted and almost demonic part of him. It was only in my youth and inexperience that I could have been taken for such a stupid little fool. I would forever analyse new people in my life, based on a template made after my encounter with him and his fucked up family. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine. When I had gone back six months ago, it had taken no time at all to convince the egotistical bastard that I was still in love with him. He must’ve thought I had some form of Stockholm syndrome.

I was standing on the integral wooden balcony outside my room. It was warm already, as the sun had risen almost an hour previously. Its rays had already travelled up my bare legs and to the middle of my thighs. I had grabbed something to wear quickly before I had stepped out here and was in ripped denim shorts and a grey workout T-shirt with a built in bra. It had batwing arms with keyholes cut out, exposing my skin. My legs were warm in the sun, but the exposed skin on my shoulders and arms was covered in goose bumps, it was strangely refreshing.

As sleep hadn’t come to me it meant I was up and ready to pack up my stuff. I was supposed to have stayed for a while, but not now, I just couldn’t.

My mind had constantly turned over and over with the revelation that Nathan was back seeing the ever-so-lovely Candy once again. Frankie and I had nicknamed her “the Jack Russell,” as she always seemed pleased to do Nathan’s bidding and run around after him like the dog she obviously was.

God I really shouldn’t spend a whole night without sleep, I was even more of a sarcastic bitch than normal!

Mmmm, perhaps “seeing” wasn't quite right… probably more like fucking when it suited him.

I don’t know what I had expected?

I knew just how highly sexed Nathan was, and I had left him six months ago. I hadn’t expected him to be a saint, but back with Candy, that felt like a sucker punch to the gut.

He had knocked on my door for a while last night. I hadn’t replied, quite obviously I had nothing to say to him. I knew he wouldn’t raise his voice, due to the fact it was Alex and Frankie’s wedding night, so I just ignored him until eventually he must have gone away.

‘There you are.’ My thoughts were interrupted by Frankie’s voice as she appeared at the side of me on the balcony. She matched my posture with her own and stood close to me, elbows resting on the wooden balustrade as she stared out to the sea. ‘I’ve been knocking for a while and wondered why you hadn’t answered.’

‘What are you doing up? … I’m sure Alex promised that you wouldn’t be seeing the outside of your room for a few days, didn’t he?’ I offered her an easy smile. Even feeling the way I did, seeing Frankie so happy was catching.

‘Alex is already down in the office as Edwards contacted him this morning about something really important.’ As she spoke she turned to me slightly and took hold of my hand nearest to her.

‘Well that’s not quite the honeymoon you were promised… is it, gorgeous?’ I turned and caught the worried expression on Frankie’s face. ‘What’s going on?’ I asked.