Innocence of Love (4 page)

“And another thing why the hell did you only mention you resenting your mum for making you have an abortion, when the truth was you didn’t?”

“You asked why we had issues I told you,” she bawled.

“Half a story hey! Great seems to be a pattern emerging here.”

“What…what do you mean?” She sobbed

“Never telling the truth.”

“But I have,” she blubbered, resenting him greatly for the things he was saying.

“Admit you took the easy option. Any other woman would be knocking a rich guy’s door down.”

“What?” She wept, shocked at what he now attempted to accuse her off.

“Money.”

“What about it?” she wasn’t understanding what he was trying to tell her.

“You fall pregnant to a rich boy…most woman would be hammering his door down for financial support. But you…nooooo.”

“Hang on you’re twisting everything. I didn’t go to you because…”

“You were scared I know…” he cocked his head to the side without a care. “Yada, yada, I’m going to turn my back on you…in fact everything about you and leave. Yes, I am heading back to London tomorrow first thing. I’m not going to fuck Sabastian up by storming into his life and creating hell for him. I want him to keep his stability and grow up to be a wonderful young man, and when or if he is ready to contact me, I expect you will kindly give him my information. You know where my parents live and therefore I will inform them that one day…you will be back for my number, address, whatever he requires. Delete my number from your phone I don’t wish to hear from you.

“I’m sorry if you think I am being a bastard, but it’s my way of dealing with this mess, if I stay here I will only torture myself further, and I don’t want that for neither one of us. I hope you get everything sorted and Kacey gets better and makes you happy, giving you everything that you missed out with, with our son. I am not saying another word, but walking away. Take care…” he said stern.

He turned around to walk abruptly away from her.

Sophie struggled to see anything with the tears that filled her eyes. She sat down on the bench before her legs gave way. Her heart shattered into pieces, aware she had fucked up big time, annoyed he wouldn’t allow her to say her peace. She could see how angry he was maybe one day, one day, he’d forgive her and she would make sure soon that Sabastian was aware of his father.

She ached in every limb like never before. Her world emptying of the one person who had supported her through her troublesome times, who had listened to her on her darkest days, showed her the compassion and care she craved for over so many years. Yes, she had made mistakes when expecting Sabastian, but she did what she felt had been right at the time. She just wished Calvin knew how much she suffered back in those days, weeks, years, and still today. How the pain killed her, but she couldn’t, no-one understands the hardest decision of her life.

She would confess she had pushed all her problems to the back of her mind, hoping they would be forgotten yet…now she had hurt more people than ever first suspected, Calvin, his parents, her own mum and dad. Now the pain hit her…traumatising. How can she carry on with her life knowing Calvin suffered from her choices? She was exposed, the truth out, she had now to live with it for the rest of her life. She wished Calvin would forgive her in time, but, could he, would he? The thought of never seeing him again destroyed her. He’d been guardian angel, now…gone, walked out of her life.

Crumpled up on the bench while sobbing her heart out lifeless. Her life slipping through her finger, she made one mistake…well several but, having Sabastian adopted had been the worst.

How could she forgive herself?

****

Tears flooded ran down his cheeks while he sat in his car unable to drive, no-way he could make sense of everything that had happened. He had been through hell the last few weeks, being by her side, helping her, yet she had held the biggest secret for all those years. His son. He wondered if he could carry on with his life and wait for the one day Sabastian would contact him, either way he would be there with arms wide open. He bet there would be no end of questions, how could he blame Sophie? He doesn’t wish to ruin his son’s illusion of his mum that would be far too mean. He would have to tell the truth, tell him he’d had no idea he was alive, breathing or that his mum, Sophie had even been pregnant…

He wiped his eyes in anger, knowing he had to stop these tearful moments and man-up. He couldn’t. Everything he’d discovered broke him. Killed a part of his soul. He’d lived for many years being a man, never allowing anything to get to him, and especially never showed his emotional state and now…frigging Sophie Richards dropped the biggest bombshell on him ever to mankind. What the hell had she been thinking? In fact, he didn’t care the reality had been she’d never told him, nothing had been his fault, other than planting the seed inside her.

He’d spent all these damn long years pondering about her wondering where and what she’d been doing. Never had his thoughts been far from her. Only the stupid woman hid a massive secret. He hoped in the future Sabastian would not blame him, or resent him when they finally made contact.

Still unsure if to locate his son, but really didn’t wish to cause him grief, would that be a feasible excuse? The ache in his heart and stomach remained painful, unsure if to go to Accident and Emergency and report a broken heart. Confused heart! With his heart shattered into small pieces they might have to do open heart surgery to put it all back together, but for some reason, he knew it would take a lifetime to repair.

He wiped the tears away, disgusted to be in such a state, his nose stuffy, making it difficult for him to breathe through. His mouth developed dryness, making his mouth bitty. He needed to get away from the area, before he combusted and soon ended up in the psychiatric department, either that or banged up in prison for being crazy.

Calvin managed to calm his heart down. He wiped away the tears that had escaped. He had to get a grip and do his best to move on…no chance.

Car in motion, trying his hardest to fight the tears, the pain. He had to get the hell away from Sophie…unsure if to place a restraining order on the grounds of,
breaking my heart!

How could she?

How could she hold such information from me?

How could she get on with her life like she had no heart?

How did she get on with her days, aware their son was being brought up by others?

The tears ran down his cheeks, making it hard for him to see the road, see life, see a future.

He drove to Ross’s house, needing someone to talk to. His heart needed someone to see the reality of what had happened in the last few days.

Unsure if Ross would even be home, however he had a key. The thought of driving to his parents would break him further, aware how much his mum and dad struggled with the reality they had a grandson. He could hardly breath, panting trying to remain focused never had he felt so useless, before he would hide behind the company, kept his personal life separate, now his life whirled out of control and he could not manage it.

He pulled his car into Ross’s drive, not seeing his Range Rover. He sighed. He turned the engine off before the flood gates opened again, he didn’t want to cry anymore. He hit his head against the steering wheel. Torrents of tears engulfed unsure what his life was about to become, a man who abandoned his son.

Lifting his head, in rage wiped away the tears disgusted he suffered with such emotion. Fed-up of being full of self-pity, it wasn’t his fault, he was not to blame…he didn’t know anything! He might have let Sophie down, for not going back to her home address and checking on her the day after their intimacy, but the chances were she wouldn’t have known she was expecting that early. However, there were things he couldn’t say to her…he somehow had to try and control his feelings at the end of the day they conceived a child, and that child was living another wonderful life, being brought up in a different world…not his world, but another man’s world. How could he ever forgive Sophie for being so evil to him, not thinking about his sentiments, or how he would react to the news…selfish woman.

He climbed out the car his blood at boiling point he needed a stiff drink, a drink to wipe away the pain for a short time, even if only for a few hours…anything would help his heart right now.

Calvin walked around to the passenger side of the car getting Ross’s key out the glove compartment. He slammed the car door shut. He wanted to kick the car, release the tension he had, but knowing his luck, would break his foot.

He headed to the large front Georgian door. He placed the key in the lock. Calvin opened the door waiting and listening for the house alarm to be activated. It sounded knowing he had one minute to de-activate it before the house alerted the neighbourhood the house was being burgled. He dashed to the cupboard to quickly punch in the code. When the grief struck-down he used the wall to lean against while his legs gave way he crumbled to the floor, placing his head between his knees feeling tender and nausea.

“Bloody hell, Calvin,” a voice sounded. He lifted his head managing to make Ross out through his tear filled eyes ashamed his friend had caught him in such a state. Calvin felt drained of his self-respect. The front door slammed closed. He hurdled toward him. Calvin had no idea how long he had been sitting there feeling sorry for himself, but regardless, Ross was home so it meant a few hours. “What the heck has happened?” he asked dismayed.

“You don’t want to know,” Calvin muttered with his nose blocked and his throat so dry it cut.

“Wait there,” Ross ordered.

Calvin watched him place his suitcase in the kitchen. Calvin could hear him pottering about. Water sounded. A few seconds later Ross rushed back, holding a glass of water and tissues. “Here…”

Calvin reached up taking the tissues blowing his nose, still bunged up, he blew again. His head mush, he had no idea what the hell happened to him, other than breaking down. He took the glass of water off Ross to sip the fluid coating his throat. Once his throat cleared he gulped the water down.

“Come on, come and sit in the kitchen while I make a coffee with Brandy,” Ross suggested.

Calvin knew if he told Ross about his emotions, about Sophie and how bloody confused he was, Ross would tell him to stop being pathetic, maybe his harsh words were what the doctor ordered.

Climbing back to his feet holding his head down low, sickened to what his best friend had found. Calvin edged ever closer to the kitchen while Ross put the kettle on.

“Have you had a good day?” Calvin thought to ask.

He saw the tissue box on the island and pulled a handful out to blow his nose, needing his airways unblocked so he could breathe.

“Not too bad…but I sense yours has been very different. And I shall guess this has something to do with Sophie Richards.”

Calvin stared into his eyes while wiping his nose.

“Case closed, I guess. What has happened, my good friend?”

“Oh, you know…boy meets girl, finds out she has a dark past, keeping secrets and now chaos has happened and I’m going to do the right thing and walk away…leave York, leave my family and friends and head back to doing what I should have done a few weeks ago. But, I know you’ll give me that lecture about how,
I told you so
and
you saw this coming
. I should have walked away, but I guess my conscience got the better of me and here I am wishing I had never met Sophie Richards, good or bad, I have a son. I’m going to walk away and when he needs me my door is always open,” he stated whilst he sat on the bar stool.

“Excuse me…what did you say?” Ross said wide eyed.

“Which bit? My brain is mush, good friend.”

“You have a son.”

“Yeah…she never got the abortion and ended up having my…our son without telling me until today, nice of her hey?” he announced sarcastically.

“Are you playing with me?”

“Nope, but wish I was.”

“And you’re going to walk away?” Ross said taking a dazed seat at the island. “Is that what you really wish?”

“Yeah, it’s for the best.”

“Hang on…just allow me a second to digest this information. You have a son with Sophie who we thought she had aborted?”

“Yep, he’s adopted and running around York.”

“Are you seriously kidding me?”

“No, Ross, I’m telling you the truth.”

“And you plan to walk away? You could live with regrets?” Ross stated being the sensible one.

“I don’t bloody know what is the right thing to do? I ache, whenever, I think about it, but what can I do, go and flip Sabastian’s life upside down and wreck all his chances of getting a good education? You hear of stories where the child has gone off the rails and turned to crime. I don’t want that for him. If he’s settled and happy, why ruin it?” he had to say, flicking his fingers through his gelled hairs, making his fingers sticky.

“That’s his name Sabastian?”

“Yes.”

“Bloody hell…I think you need to explain this mess to me, as I’m more puzzled than the case I’m working on at the minute and that is very complicated.”

Calvin started to explain the mess, having Ross sitting beside him on the bar stool, shaking his head, no doubt not believing what he told him. He wasn’t happy about talking about the matter, but Ross was his best friend he trusted him with his life, unlike Sophie who appeared to tell nothing but lies and hide secrets, dark secrets.