Insanity (16 page)

The glass syringe falls from his fingertips shattering on the floor. He wipes the spit from his face and then with a growl, backhands me. Pain shoots through my cheek and trails down my jaw and I think about crying out in pain, but I don’t. Instead I start laughing. I laugh so loud that my laughter bounces off the walls and fills up the entire hall.

“Fucking lunatic,” Dr. Morrow says through gritted teeth. He’s back on his feet and I rest my cheek flat against the cold floor. The icy temperature puts out the fire from his slap. For some reason I can’t stop laughing and my whole body vibrates.

The soles of Dr. Morrow’s shoes squeak against the floor. Just when I think he’s going to turn and wander off to retrieve another vile of drugs to inject into me, I hear a faint gasp from Marjorie, followed by, “Dr. Morrow, no!”

I turn my head for a second.

Just in time to see Dr. Morrow’s right heel, rubber sole and all, crushing my fingertips.

Chapter 19

~BEFORE~

That hot night in July, underneath the weeping willow Damien, and I came up with a plan. He’d go away for his first semester of college, and when he returned for winter break, we’d pack our things, and by December 29th, we’d be gone. Far away from, Iowa. Far away from his mother, and my daddy.

Damien told me he’d like to live in a city. Possibly Los Angeles. Or maybe even Seattle. I don’t care where we go as long as we’re together.

Tonight is my last night with him. He leaves for college in the morning. I’m lying in his arms beneath the willow tree, my ear against his chest. The gentle strum of his heartbeat fills my ears and I take in a deep breath, breathing in the scent of his body and musky cologne. I open my eyes, stare up at him, and trace the buttons on his white shirt that practically glows against his tanned skin with my fingertips. “I’m going to miss this.”

He places two fingers beneath my chin and places a soft kiss against my lips. “Me too.” He shifts and we both lie down on our sides facing one another. The wet grass tickles my skin and the radiant smile on Damien’s lips melts my heart. “Come here,” he whispers. I start scooting closer, but before I can get all the way over to him, he slides his hand over my hip and pulls me the rest of the way.

“I was lost before I met you,” he tells me. Then he crushes his mouth to mine and the warmth of his lips sends a zing through my core all the way down to the pit of my stomach.

But what this beautiful man doesn’t know is that I was the one who was lost. Not him. Me. I had no hopes for a future and had been led to believe that no one would ever love me the way he does.

For the longest time I felt like I was wandering aimlessly through my life. The only thing I could look forward to were my morning walks and dreams of getting out on my own someday. Then Damien came along.

Damien brought me hope. Brought love into my life. He lit up my darkened world with a bright smile. Filled my mind with beautiful images and memories.

He came up with a plan.

We will have a future together. We will.

And in my eyes, our future is bright. Our future is beautiful. It’s long and happy. I can envision it in my mind. Damien will come home from work and I’ll be in the kitchen making dinner. He’ll kiss me on the cheek, hold me in his arms, and our two children, one girl, one boy, will be sitting at the dinner table laughing. We’ll be a big happy family. Something I’ve never had but always wanted.

Damien plays with the hem of my dress, his fingertips lightly brushing my thigh with each twist of the fabric. Every time his heated skin connects with mine a warm shiver of delight circulates between my legs. I look up at him earnestly, so full of love, so full of passion, so full of bliss that it pours out of me. I trail my fingers along his cheek, fanning them out, marveling in the softness of his sun-kissed skin. His right hand moves up my dress and the tips of his fingers dig into my thigh. My fingers find his silky midnight hair and I pull his face closer with a gentle tug. “Make love to me,” I murmur against his lips.

A slight twitch and he lifts his face away a few centimeters. “Are you sure?” Worry is etched on his features, a straight line on his lips.

I press my lips against his and as he opens his mouth I can taste a mixture of coffee and chocolate. “I’m sure.”

I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.

He raises his eyebrow. “Are you sure, you’re sure?”

I let out a soft laugh and playfully slap his shoulder as he buries his head in the crook of my neck. “Yes.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I know what they say about girls when they, well, you know?”

I know what they say too. They call those types of girls
loose girls
. Daddy calls them harlots. It’s the same thing, different words. But I’m neither a harlot or loose.

Sometimes I think I love Damien so much that I feel like just our time together is never enough. I want him to have more of me and I want more of him. “Damien, I love you. I want to.” This isn’t some cheap one night fling. It’s raw, real, and true. It’s the kind of love you only experience once in your life, if that, and I don’t want to waste any aspect of it.

Damien’s lips touch mine and he begins gently caressing my lips with his. I return his kiss eagerly and throw my head back with a gasp when he moves away from my mouth and his tongue traces a line down my neck to my collarbone. Bright white stars beam down from the heavens and fill my gaze as Damien’s hands slide up my thighs and spread my legs apart, his needy fingers brush against my stomach as he removes my underwear. Then he sits back on his knees, lifting his shirt over his head. I suck in a breath and bite my lip.

I’ve seen him shirtless on a few occasions. But there’s something about this moment. Something about the way the moonlight ripples over his chiseled abdomen and illuminates his entire body that makes him look completely breathtaking. Intensity burns in those blue blue eyes and as he helps me remove my dress an overwhelming anxiousness bursts through me at the thought of our bodies melting together. I want it. I need it.

I widen my legs and Damien hovers on top of me, his fingers curling around my narrow shoulder blades, his thumbs rubbing back and forth against my flesh. “Addy?” There’s a husky tone to his voice and as I lock eyes with him, I swear I can see the depths of his soul.

“Yes?”

“I want you to know something.”

“Okay.”

He lowers his head, placing a soft kiss on my lips. “I just want you to know that you are my sun, my moon, and my stars. My heaven, my hell, and my earth. I’d do anything for you. I’d go anywhere for you. If you ever left me, I’d follow you.”

“You’ll never have to follow me because I’ll never leave you.”

The love for him burns inside of me like a roman candle. The flame is vibrant, smoldering, and the smoke unfurling from the tip is suffocating. And even though I feel like I can’t breathe, if this is the way Damien makes me feel, I hope I never breathe again.

With a gentle thrust of his hips he enters me. I choke on a gasp and whimper as Damien’s hips sway back and forth, pressing between my legs, softly, rhythmically. He tangles his fingers in my hair and breathes heavily in the curve of my neck. His warm breath floods over my skin in currents and I let out a moan that I’ve been holding in my throat. Damien grunts and the tip of his tongue sticks out between his lips, a determined look is on his face. I glide the tips of my fingers across his muscled back, feeling the muscles clench and release with each thrust. When he begins thrusting harder, I arch my back, letting out soft groans and lift my hips to meet each pleasureful grind of his hips against mine.

Picking up my head, I place my lips against his and allow his roaming tongue to invade my mouth. My nails bite into his skin. I’m gone. So far gone. Riding on a wave of passion. Swimming in a sea of delight. Sparks of fire hiss inside of me. Flames lick the area between my legs. Damien moans, “You’re mine,” into my mouth. I answer him with a gentle flick of my tongue.

It’s true. I am his.

Forever.

Always.

Because no other man will ever have this part of me.

Chapter 20

~AFTER~

Words can’t accurately describe the amount of pain that plummets through my hand before charging up my arm.

I let out a silent scream and choke on air. Afraid to move my fingertips, I lie still against the floor and scrape my teeth against the tile. Marjorie is in front of me and her heavy breathing fills my ears. Then she stutters, “Was that…Was that necessary, Dr. Morrow?”

I can’t look at Dr. Morrow, but I hear him crack his neck and I imagine what it would be like to grip it and twist until it snaps. He clears his throat and says with a stern tone to his voice. “I wanted to break her.” There’s a moment of silence then he says to Marjorie, “I’m going to get more of that sedative. Keep her still.” Squeaks unfurl beneath his feet and echo down the hall as he walks away from me and turns a corner.

His words throb in my head like the pain in my hand.
I wanted to break her.

I get what he meant by that. He didn’t just want to break my bones. He wanted to break my spirit. He wanted to teach me a lesson. He wanted to make sure that I got it through my head that he’s in charge and that he’ll never let me escape.

Another voice is added to the equation. “What is going on?”

Dr. Watson.

His footsteps plod onto the floor and I see his brown loafers an inch away from my face. I want to look into his eyes, but I can’t. The pain is swallowing me like a boa constrictor. It’s devouring every bit of my body inch by inch, one small section at a time. My chin is against the floor, but my hair is in my face and I can’t see Dr. Watson clearly. I try to blow the hair from my face with a soft breath, but it goes nowhere.

“Tell me Marjorie!” he snaps, his voice laced with a blossoming rage. “What happened?”

While Marjorie explains everything I steal a glimpse at my fingers that don’t look like fingers at all anymore. They’re bent up, crooked, and remind me of dead tree branches. Dr. Watson’s loafers are in my face again and now he’s crouched down in front of me. A mixture of worry and rage, swirl around in his radiant honey eyes. “Oh Adelaide.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard so much emotion in his hard voice. “Are you all right?”

I swallow hard, shake my head and wince. I try to wiggle my pinky finger, but a pain so intense stabs my hand so I decide that I don’t care if I ever have use of that hand again. I’ll keep it still forever just as long as I don’t have to feel pain like that ever again.

Dr. Watson brushes my hair away from my face and when his flesh connects with mine, for some reason a wave of calm rushes through me. I meet his gaze and his eyes sear into mine with a gaze so overwhelming and so intensely beautiful that it nearly knocks the wind out of my lungs. He inserts his hands under my arms and helps me up, positioning me against the wall. I would have tried to get up myself, except I’m not sure how much force I’d be able to use with one hand.

“Her roommate told me that she’s been refusing her morning medication. I don’t know if she repeats the process of pretending to take her medication the other two times a day she has to take them, but I know she hasn’t been swallowing them in the morning.”

Dr. Watson’s soft gaze hardens to and accusing glare. “Is this true, Adelaide?”

As if it’s an act of defiance, I lift my chin, refusing to meet his eyes, and remain indifferent. Inside a betrayed feeling floats through me and I’m torn between being angry, feeling guilty, and more than anything I’m upset at myself for trusting Aurora. How could she do this to me? I didn’t even do anything to her to deserve this.

After Dr. Watson strands straight, Dr. Morrow comes up behind him with a new syringe. “Ah, Dr. Watson,” Dr. Morrow greets him with a snarky tone. “I see you’ve decided to join us.”

A vibrant shade of crimson flushes in Dr. Watson’s cheeks and in a flash, he lunges for Dr. Morrow, his forearm against the old doctor’s neck, pinning him against the wall. “What the fuck have you done?” Dr. Watson shouts, pressing his arm harder against Dr. Morrow’s neck.

Dr. Morrow makes a gurgling noise and raises his hands, the syringe slipping from his grasp and once again shattering on the floor. “Can’t breathe,” he croaks in a raspy tone.

Dr. Watson does not relent and my eyes go wide at the sight of Dr. Morrow’s purplish colored face. His veins pop out at his temples. I can tell he’s trying to breathe, but he’s not having much success. I think Dr. Watson might kill Dr. Morrow. I cover my eyes with my good hand and a nanosecond later Dr. Watson shoves himself away from the wall, heavy breathes leaving his throat. I drop my hand and Dr. Watson paces back and forth in front of a weak Dr. Morrow, and runs a hand through his perfectly coiffed gold hair.

After a moment he stands directly in front of Dr. Morrow, a vicious gleam in his eyes. He clenches his shaking fists, clears his throat, and exhales, “Next time you use those measures on my patient without my authority, you’re going to have bigger issues than trying to catch your breath, old man.”

Dr. Morrow stands with a growl and scowls at me. “That crazy little bitch was having an episode.” He straightens up, massaging his throat. “She needed to be sedated,” he coughs out, his breathing returning to semi-normal. “And then she spit in my face.” His head snaps toward me and I’ve never seen so much hatred in someone’s eyes. “She’s lucky I only broke her fingers.” I cast my eyes downward knowing that Dr. Morrow secretly wishes he could have broken every bone in my body.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Call. Her. That. Again.” Dr. Watson pauses after each word. There’s grit and a rasp in his voice and for once I think he sounds like a lunatic.

Dr. Morrow opens his mouth, but Dr. Watson doesn’t let him get a word in. “I didn’t authorize you to give her any barbiturates. I don’t want her to have them. Didn’t we discuss this already Dr. Morrow? You can treat your patients and use whatever treatment methods you prefer and I’ll treat mine using the methods I prefer.” Dr. Watson takes a few loud steps toward Dr. Morrow. “Are we clear Matthew?”