Insatiable (13 page)

“I’m not a chem-head, and I don’t serve tyrants because I’m a slave to a craving. However, you
are
correct that at the time I entered the military, it was a choice between that and something worse. But I
choose
to be here now. I
choose
to do my job. I don’t do it for more chems; I don’t do it for credits. I do it because it’s what I do. I do it because it’s what I’m good at, and I make a difference. I did not make a purely free choice when I entered, but staying? That’s my choice, and that is what makes me different from the Skorpios. It’s what makes
you
different, too, Carina.”

She wished she had the courage to ask him to tell her that story. “I . . . I’m not like you. You’re a soldier. You do this every day while I had a maid just for my hair. I left them all behind. Sure, I’m giving you information, but I’m saving myself from a horrible marriage. I’m not noble or brave, just desperate.”

Those green eyes focused on her. His gaze roved over her features, and she felt it like a phantom caress. She struggled not to get lost in him. He was so very much more than anyone she’d ever met. She bet it would be easy to lose herself in a man like Daniel. Realized it had already begun.

“You can’t believe such a thing, can you? You’re allowed to want out of what your father had planned by marriage to Alem. You had helped before, and if this provides us with a way to stop a weapon he’s developing before he can do any damage with it, it can tip the balance in our favor. As for my job, sure, I risk my life all the time. And you don’t, not in this way. Which is why it means more that you’re doing it.”

He snorted a laugh and shoved another slice of flatbread into his mouth. “You’re special. You’re risking everything to help people. Yes, I know it gets you out of marrying that pig. For that alone your father should hang.” He glared at a faraway thing before turning his attention back to her. “You’re doing the right thing. The brave thing. Millions of lives on both sides may be saved because of this information you have. Don’t let yourself underestimate the importance of what you’re doing.”

He stood and began to take the plates from the table, running them to the basin nearby as she reeled, still sitting. “I’ll clear up from the meal. It’s only fair. Go and wash up. There’s soap near the basin. The water is relatively warm. I found some clothing you may want to change into as well.”

She was dismissed as he began to work, turning his attention elsewhere. She was partly relieved. Being in his focus was confusing. He was hard to figure out.

She undid the braid he’d given her before. The color was beginning to fade back to her normally pale tone. The stone floor beneath her bare feet was warm as she managed to get wet enough to soap up.

The rinse water made her realize just how dirty she’d been, had cleaned her skin and in the offing, had made her more sensitive to the air around her naked body. There was no door here. Just an alcove around a corner from the main room.

She could hear him move around as she bathed. As she stood totally naked, her nipples hard, her pussy aching as it never had before, he was close enough for her to hear his mumbles as he turned things over in his mind.

Or she figured that’s what it was; she couldn’t make out words, just the feel behind them.

He’d understood her in a way she wasn’t sure if she could trust. She wanted very much to to do the right thing. Knew her father had done a lot of damage in the name of the Imperial ’Verses, and as a Fardelle, she wanted to mediate that, wanted to make it better. How she could do so and not be a traitor, or at the very least, accept that she was a traitor, but for the right reasons, she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure if she would ever not feel as if she was betraying everyone she was supposed to protect.

The air had cooled, so she dried off, dressing quickly. She decided against relieving the sexual ache in her gut, not with him just steps away, right around the corner. She may have needed to be touched and to come, but she wasn’t so very bold as that.

What she was, was lonely and desperately in need of some understanding and company.

With a sigh, she headed back out into the main room.

“Tell me about yourself, Daniel,” she said, settling on the bed, gathering the blankets around herself.

Surprise skittered across his features. “Like what?” Instead of coming into bed with her, he grabbed a chair and moved it nearby.

“Do you have any brothers and sisters?” His nearness settled and unsettled her all at the same time.

He smiled, and she knew there was a man beneath this facade who loved people.

“I do. I’m the oldest. I’ve got two sisters and a brother. I have two nephews by marriage; both are adults. Good boys. My sister is carrying a baby now.” He paused as if he’d been caught doing something naughty. “What about you?”

“I imagine you know most of the details.” She shrugged, far more content to listen to him talking. His voice made her feel safe.

“I’ve read a number of reports, yes. But that’s not the same as you telling me about them.”

She swallowed hard around the truth of that. “I have a new baby brother. He’s beautiful and very cheerful. We joke between ourselves that he got his temperament from his mother. She’s younger than I am, my second mother. I had a brother who was several years younger than me. He died of a fast-spreading illness. We still don’t know what it was.”

The warmth in his eyes was gone in just one breath. His face closed off. Alarm raced through her.

He knew something about Petrus.

“What? Tell me. Tell me, you said you’d teach me. What?”

He didn’t bother to pretend not knowing what she was talking about. “I’m sorry, Carina. Our reports indicate your brother was infected by a bioagent he’d found by accident in your father’s chambers. They . . . well, that’s our report of what happened.”

Her eyes burned. “You’re saying my brother was poisoned by something my father left lying around? He’s not a good man, but he’s not careless. Something like that would be valuable; he wouldn’t just toss it aside for someone to find.”

“Right.”

She looked at him and realized what he had hinted at, what she’d said. Instinctively, she recoiled. “No. No, no, no. He wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t
. My brother was the only heir. Even if my father hadn’t cared for him on some level, he needed an heir.”

“I . . . I’m not even supposed to be giving you this much detail. But if it were me, I’d want to know.” He nodded as if finishing an internal argument. “Your little brother wandered into a lab near your father’s office. According to the official report, he’d been following your father around. The syringe had been put in a receptacle near where it had been used earlier to test on animal subjects. There was only a very small amount. But your brother was young, and he’d recently been ill, so it took hold.”

Ice frosted through her, but she couldn’t stop asking. “The rest?”

He sighed. “Once he’d been infected, they decided to study him. He was worth more to them dead than alive. There wouldn’t have been time to save him anyway, I don’t think. They watched the disease ravage him and studied it. The data they got enabled them to inoculate Imperial soldiers. He’s built a biological warfare unit, and this was a huge breakthrough for them.”

“This can’t be true. It’s just not. It’s not even rational.”

He started to speak and then shook his head before saying anything else. “Okay. You’d know better than me.”

“Are you patronizing me?” She got to her knees, crawling directly in front of where he sat next to the bed. “I’m not stupid. But not everyone in the Imperium is evil either. We’re not all soulless, child-killing monsters.” She choked on a sob she hadn’t expected.

He wasn’t lying, he wasn’t even misinformed. She knew it was true. Oh, she hadn’t known before just moments ago, but she’d always felt the situation surrounding Petrus’s death had been odd. The way her father had responded had seemed off. But he was odd anyway, and she couldn’t have imagined this. Who could have imagined such a thing?

But her father did have new labs. There were rumors of people being sick with things no medic could ease. What if this thing he was building was part of it?

“I’m not patronizing you.” He cupped her cheek gently, surprising them both, if the look on his face was any indicator. “I’m sorry if I upset you. That was not my intention at all.”

“What are you?” It tumbled from her mouth even as her brain screamed at her to stop it.

He smiled just a little. But when he did, she caught a glimpse of the man he was when he wasn’t on a mission. A glimpse of the Daniel beneath the uniform and weaponry. Without thinking, she reached up to trace his lips, and he allowed it for longer than she thought he would, finally pulling back.

Carina swallowed hard, feeling exposed, grief-stricken, confused and alone. “I apologize. That was rude. All of it. I shouldn’t be surprised my father would have used my brother’s death to profit from. I remember the vaccine. It was released with much fanfare. But he never said.” She let out a long sigh. “It’s very hard to realize your whole life is a lie.”

There was no pity on his face, just sorrow and understanding. “I’m sorry.”

“I have another brother,” she said, needing to fill the quiet space. “He escaped. I believe he’s still alive out there on the Edge. I hope he’s happy and doing something to stop my father. My mother is a good person who never had a chance. And you’re familiar with my father. I could spin a tale and tell you he was once a good man who changed slowly. But I’d be lying. He’s always been small, petty and self-centered. Vicious. Deceitful. Brutal when bored, cuttingly cruel. There were no stories about when he took time from his schedule to come listen to me when I sang or danced in the youth troupes.” The ice had settled in her chest, achingly cold and sharp. She pressed the heel of her hand there. “He let Petrus die. Who could do that?”

Daniel wished with all his heart that he hadn’t told her the truth about her brother. She wore so much pain on her features he felt it as if it were his own. “I don’t know. For what it’s worth, my father isn’t on the best father in the ’Verse list either.”

Her brows knit in consternation, and he fought a smile. Better to be annoyed with him than hurt.

“Really? Aside from him obviously not being as big a villain as a man who’d plunge billions into war because he can and because he wants to, what’s he so bad at? Did he toss your mother aside so he could rut upon a woman barely into adulthood to replace the sons he so casually tossed aside?”

The truth wasn’t so very far from that. “He’s had numerous affairs. Most of them my mother knows about. She has her room in their house, and he has his own. They rarely speak. My father was willing to toss my sister to the wolves for more attention from the media. He’s not a good man, no. He’s not your father, but I wish to seven hells he wasn’t mine either.”

Daniel stood and paced a bit. He hadn’t meant to reveal any of that. She got to him, and he wasn’t even aware of it until he was doing it. This was not the way for a top-notch operative to act.

“Why do you run?” She was closer than she should have been.

“I don’t know what you mean. From the compound? We had to get out of there.”

“As you may have noticed, I’m not the most sophisticated when it comes to men. But I’m not stupid. Several times after you and I have shared something, a depth of emotion, you push back to put space between us. Why?”

He didn’t turn. If he had, he’d have lost his resolve and gathered her to him the way he’d been wanting to all day. His control was slipping, and he was not about to embrace the weakness.

“I have a job to do, Carina. You’ve had a hard time, I know. I suggest we get some sleep. We might have to leave here once night falls.”

She growled, surprising him enough that he turned to catch sight of her heading back around the corner. “You’re lucky you’re handsome, because you’re not very bright,” she muttered, stomping away.

He wasn’t bright? He may not have been raised in a compound, but he wasn’t stupid! He was set to tell her so when he realized she’d baited him, and he grinned again. She was surprising, Carina Fardelle. That might just keep her pretty little ass alive.

H
e awoke at the time he’d set his body clock, a talent he’d discovered and then honed over his time in the military. She huddled against his back, and while he knew he needed to just get up and dress so they could leave, he lay there for a while, enjoying the soft feel of her there, snuggled against him. This was new and, he reluctantly admitted, pleasant.

She smelled good, even if she’d refused to say another word to him once she’d come back into the room after her comment about him not being smart. He’d stripped to his long underwear and she’d settled in behind him.

“Are you married?” she asked, her voice sleepy.

“Why?”

She pinched him, and he rolled away, laughing.

“Because if I’m in your bed and you’re only barely dressed, I should know if you have a wife. It’s only fair.”

He got up, heading around the corner to clean up. “One would think it was my wife who’d deserve to know about that.” He smiled, knowing she would be flustered. “So I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not married.”

He pulled a shirt on and tucked it into his pants before returning to the main room where she still lay beneath the nest of blankets on the bed.

“I’ll return shortly. I want to check in with my people to see what’s going on.”

Before she could argue or worse, try to go along with him, he ducked back into the entrance to the communications array.

The news wasn’t encouraging. They’d need to stay in place for another day or two. They’d discovered the dead soldier and had left a garrison behind. He wasn’t worried they’d find this place, but he couldn’t take a chance and be out in the open with her either.