Insatiable (20 page)

She shook her head. “It’s
me
, I think.”

He shook her once because she was being ridiculous but ruined his hard edge by kissing her soundly. “You? What would your problem be then? Too beautiful? Too sexy? Please do inform me so that I may run in fear.”

Her mouth screwed into a smile. “You’re a cad.”

“That I am. But I’m not the man who’d fuck you and abandon you.”

She nodded. “Right. So . . . beautiful, huh?”

He groaned. “Go get my breakfast ready, woman! I need to change my clothes.”

“So, when we settle in Ravena, will you return home like this a lot?”

He couldn’t control his flinch of surprise, not that she seemed shaken by it. “I don’t know what will happen when I get you back safely.”

“Daniel, if you think you can make me love you and then wander away to keep getting your clothes bloody and sleep alone, or worse, with women who don’t care about you, you’re quite mistaken.”

“Carina, you don’t love me. You don’t know me.”

“Don’t insult me. I
do
know you. I have seen you pushed to your very limit. I have seen you at your worst and your best. I may not have known you since we were children, but don’t try to deny that I know you.” She put her hand over his heart. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

“This situation is extraordinary. Most people, most couples don’t have this sort of meeting. You’re just caught up in the excitement and drama of it.”

She straightened and gave him an imperious glare.
There
was the Carina Fardelle he’d met first. So strong, regal, sexy and pissed-off, too. “Now you’re insulting me again. Once more, and I will kick your ball sac up into your throat. How dare you tell me what I feel, like I’m a youngling not out of tights? You have no right. I know what I feel. I may have been a virgin, but I’m not a simpleton. You think I don’t know my own emotions? Can you stand there and say that to my face? After what we’ve shared? Think again, Daniel. I’m here to stay. Get used to it.” She kissed his chin and left the room with a flounce.

He sighed, leaning back against the basin, scrubbing his hands over his face. Love? Gods, what a surprise she was. If someone had told him that he’d end up telling cargo his last name, sharing personal details and a bed with her, he’d have called them a liar.

But her scent clung to his skin; the feel of her flesh against him still lay on his memories. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept the full night with a woman he’d had sex with. He itched for her, cared about her, wanted her, but there was a long way between that and something permanent when they returned to the Center.

The Center and the reality of their different ranks. Though she wasn’t a citizen of the Federation, there was no doubt in Daniel’s mind they’d offer her that, and she’d be treated as Ranked. Though many Houses had begun to rethink their policies and rules about marriage to unranked people, the perception remained, the
expectation
remained that Ranked married Ranked. She’d have to deal with that on top of losing her family, and he had no right to expect such a thing from her.

He was quite sure he didn’t merit such a sacrifice when he turned to see she’d left him a clean sweater near the door.

As Daniel finished cleaning up, Carina wrinkled her nose as she scrubbed at the stain on Daniel’s shirt. “Andrei?”

“If this is about Daniel’s favorite color, I don’t know.”

“Is it a requirement of you spy types to have this sort of humor?”

He sighed, and the scent of his cigarette rose on the air, sharp and spicy.

“Who are we without laughter?” His voice was quiet and filled with an emotion she couldn’t name, and she knew he wouldn’t tell her.

“Does he have someone? Back in Ravena?” she burst out, frustrated.

“I have
you
, Carina. Which is more than enough for any man to manage even without half the Imperium on our tail.” Daniel came into the room, brushing past her, pausing when he saw what she was doing. “Your hands are going to be chapped. The soap is harsh.” He took the shirt and rinsed her hands, drying them and leaving her confused again. One minute he was pretending she was just another woman, and the next he did this sort of thing. Were all men this way? Was it standard issue along with a penis?

Did that mean she was his woman? For then? For the next while? Forever? Did it mean he didn’t have a woman, but he was sleeping with her? What did it mean?

He laughed. “I have no idea how you managed to keep from getting killed. I can see everything you feel on your face.”

But she didn’t join him. “If I wanted to wear a mask with you, you’d never know anything but what I wanted you to. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I wanted to live that way. I
had
to live that way or end up being gone one day with no warning. I am an expert at lying, an expert at being whatever I need to be to keep alive.”

Andrei got up, took his mug of coffee and left the room.

“I made a vow to myself as we made the first trip to the portal. I do myself the honor of feeling and having emotions, and when those people around me deserve it, I will share that with them.”

“I apologize,” he said, bowing over her hands.

She exhaled, charmed by him again.

“I accept your contrition. You charm me, Daniel Haws. You catch me off guard, and it occurs to me that you know about as much about romantic relationships as I do. Though, more about sex, which I do appreciate.”

A grin took his lips briefly.

“Is that what we have? A romantic relationship? Am I your woman? Why are you flinching, for the gods’ sake! You act as if being with me is so terrible, but you’re not acting that way when you’re having sex with me, or drying my hands.”

“Carina, slow down. You’re right, I don’t have much experience with romantic relationships. I don’t have them at all. And being with you isn’t terrible, even though you do talk far more than I’d prefer sometimes.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

He drew his thumb over her knuckle. “I am. But I told you when I came into the room, I have you. What that means tomorrow, I don’t know. We have a lot to deal with just now, and you don’t know me.” He put a finger against her lips. “I mean you don’t know me as a person, the little things that create friendship and a relationship. The more you learn, the more your feelings may change.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you flinched like I’d hit you or something. Not that you don’t need a good smack, you smart-arse.”

“Gods, you’re violent. I flinched because people don’t talk like this. Women don’t just blurt out a demand to know what they mean to the man. It isn’t done.”

She tossed her hands up in the air with a snarl. “Who says? That’s just stupid. Why shouldn’t it be done, I ask you? The woman is supposed to stand around looking pretty and waiting for the male to tell her what he feels? She can’t say it first? Who made these rules? I’d risk a significant stack of credits, of which I have none, to say a man made them up and they suit him just fine. You listen here, Daniel Haws,
I love you
. I know you don’t think I know what love is or that I don’t really love you, that it’s just the sex talking. But I know what I feel, and I’m not afraid to say it.”

He opened his mouth only to close it again. She just scrubbed blood from his clothes, knew it was a product of his job and yet, with her, he was different. He was gentle and caring, it was like a secret she carried. She liked it even as she thought him utterly dim for not just admitting the inevitable.

She snorted. “Don’t. You don’t have to speak. You’ll only ruin it with some gruff man saying about me being young or something. This way, I get the last word, and you know I’m right.” She tiptoed up and kissed his chin. “I also think you should let your beard grow a bit. I like facial hair on men. Go sit. The food will get cold, and we should bulk up. Andrei says we’ll most likely leave today.”

She turned to make him a plate, grinning that he seemed as confused as she was, only she was better at hiding it. Ha!

“You can come back in here now, Andrei,” Daniel called out. Sometime later, Andrei strolled in and got another mug of kava before having another plate of food. She may have detected amusement in his eyes, but she couldn’t say for sure.

“I checked the routes out of the city. We should be able to keep to these back roads and arrive in three standard hours. They can take us two portal slips. That puts us back on Philos.” Andrei smoked calmly, even as Carina’s heart pounded. There were moments she nearly forgot they were in such dire circumstances, and then reality came smashing in again.

“All right.” Carina watched Daniel plan, working through possibilities. “We can get at least to Silesia from there.”

Silesia was the last ’Verse before the Edge and the beginning of Federation territory. It was their face to the public; it was clean and well run, food in good supply, a high quality of life. At least near the portal city. Go out a few clicks, and it was a totally different story. Out there things were a less picturesque. A poorly policed mess of a ’Verse where chaos reigned far more often than calm.

“Many times Timus Barley, one of my father’s ministers, would tell him to send the Skorpios to Silesia. We can’t keep settlers there, you know. They have no police to speak of. The water there is in demand, but he can’t be bothered for some reason.” It seemed a waste to her to only polish up one part of such a large ’Verse.

“The water there is rich with minerals used in convalescence. The mercs do big business in it back on our side. It prevents children in some ’Verses from intestinal sicknesses that kill so many otherwise. But we can’t get it via trade. He won’t deal with us at all.” Daniel slathered another thick slice of bread with the preserves she found in a cold box.

Nausea was leaden in her belly. Infant mortality was not a problem in a great percentage of the Imperial ’Verses. But there were those, like the ones closer to the Edge, where poverty ran unchecked. The ’Verses didn’t have any infrastructure, no potable water, health services were scant, starvation was rampant. That those children who died by the thousands of intestinal ailments could be saved with some water in their own ’Verse, but her father was too lazy or careless to have protection for those who would work to procure it, brought shame to her belly, crowding around the nausea.

“You are not him, Carina. Don’t own guilt that is not yours.” Andrei stood up. “I have weapons. I’ll load the conveyance up. New papers for you.” He tossed a packet on the tabletop.

Daniel nodded, looking through the paperwork. “Subtle.”

She packed some food in a bag. He’d be hungry again before they reached the portal, so she’d be able to offer him a snack and please him. Hopefully. She could never tell when he’d be happy she was helping or annoyed. The man really was a puzzle sometimes.

“What’s subtle?”

He looked up, surprised by her question. “Nothing. We’re married, same names, Carrie and Neil. These mercs are trustworthy enough to arrange to get us a few ’Verses down the line, but that’s it. Don’t get drawn into conversation with them. Don’t tell them anything. You can’t trust them. Just follow my lead and don’t do that thing you do. Not today.”

Her brows flew up. “
Thing I do
? Like insist I’m not slow?”

“Don’t get upset.” He slung a bag toward the doorway and began to tie his boots. “I don’t think you’re dim. You like to talk. Normally that’s one thing, but you like to share and get to know people, and these are not people to get to know. They’re criminals, some of whom would sell you to the highest bidder.”

“Upset? Listen here, you could use some lessons in making friends.” She muttered to herself about his inability to deal with being human as she put the bag with the food near the other bags at the door.

He caught up, touching her arm. “My job isn’t about making friends. It’s about keeping you alive, and that’s what I’m going to do. I make no apologies for it.”

“Grr. Well that’s a good thing. It’s not your strong point. You’re so bristly. Where’s the man who woke me up last night to love me? Hmm? I like that man better than this one.”

He moved quickly, hauling her to his body, crushing his mouth against hers until she went weak. When he broke the kiss, he pressed his forehead to hers. “Good. That man loves to fuck you in the middle of the night. But the man you need right now is the bristly one. That’s the one who keeps your pretty ass in one piece.”

Curse him and his ability to make her all trembly. “Oh.” Still, she wasn’t stupid, just love-addled. “Did you do that to shut me up?”

His lips quirked. “Yes. But that was just one of the many positives of kissing you.” And with that, he began to haul things to the conveyance.

She stomped through the house, making one last pass to be sure they hadn’t left anything behind. The expulsion of all that energy left her feeling better, though admittedly it was that kiss she attributed to most of her improvement in mood. Not that she’d tell Daniel so.

“Are you ready?” He waited near the door as she came through. He held up a coat, helped her put it on. “It’s cold out there. Even down the mountain it’s snowing.” With a kiss to her forehead, he put a hat over her hair and took the bag she’d brought down.

“Don’t think you’re out of trouble,” she warned.

He held a smile back, but she saw the quiver of his lips. “I would never dream of it. This will just make us a more convincing married couple.”

“Laugh while you can.” One of these days they
would
be a married couple; he was just too male to know it. She sailed past, letting Andrei help her up and into the conveyance. That’s when she noticed Daniel wearing a blaster in a holster at his shoulder. Today he wasn’t trying to hide his ferocity like he had thus far.

“Let’s go, Andrei.” Daniel settled in on her other side so she remained in between him and Andrei. All that competent male strength in the cabin relaxed her, but she was still glad she had her weapons strapped on.