Insufferable Proximity (53 page)

When Heaven saw the plane she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as reality began to set in, not only was she leaving this tropical paradise, but when she exited the plane again, their contract would be over. Julian helped the pilot pack their bags in the plane while Heaven took a dozen pictures then took her last deep breath of the floral air before boarding the plane.

***

The plane had landed back in New York in what seemed like record time. They had both been very quiet on the trip home, neither knowing how to react once they stepped off the plane. Heaven stood outside of the plane, her feet firmly planted on East coast cement as she took a deep breath of the stagnant air. With his hand on the small of her back, Julian led her over to his waiting car, watching one of the workers loading their luggage in the trunk.

“I can’t believe we’re back in New York.” she looked around at the familiar industrial landscape and felt her heart sink already missing the tropical paradise she had just left.

“We are.” his said, but his words were lacking enthusiasm. He helped her into the car then tipped the man for helping with the bags before they were on the road that would lead them to her front door.

Heaven looked out the side mirror, feeling like a different person inside. She had always been cold and distant, it was in her nature, but whereas before she strived to be colder, now she was not sure what she strove for. Over the bridge, she watched the tall buildings pass by her window, she watched a dark haired woman screaming at a dark haired man and then heard the familiar sound of sirens. She welcomed herself back to New York with a frown of disappointment.

“I can’t believe the contract is over.” she finally spoke up once they were close to her house.

“I thought you’d be ecstatic.”

“I am.”

“You don’t look it, I figured you’d be jumping up and down with joy or at least telling me to fuck off.”

“I’m trying to be a good sport, I broke into your office and I paid my dues for that mistake.” she shrugged her shoulders, “I can’t think of one good reason to be a bitch to you, if you had been the one to break into my office I would have had your head on a platter. I’m just thankful that you didn’t rat me out and my career didn‘t suffer for my incompetence.”

“Your things should be there sometime tonight.”

“What things?”

“Your clothes, make up, jewelry and whatever else you‘ve accumulated over the last thirty days.”

“You’re letting me keep that stuff?”

“It’s yours.”

“But those are expensive clothes and even pricier jewelry.”

“They’re yours, end of subject, besides your suit is in there as well.”

“You mean the suit I wore the first night I came to your house? The over-sized pantsuit?” she asked in amazement and Julian instantly longed for that first day back. He wondered if he would do things differently feeling the way that he did now. He knew if he was smart he would have called off the contract then sent her back home that first night and saved them both a lot of grief.

“Yes.”

“I thought you burned it.”

“No.”

“Well burn it, I don’t need it anymore.” she said with a grin and Julian looked at her through narrowed eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m done with those suits.”

“You’re not going to wear them anymore?” he asked, realizing it was strange that he felt a sense of comfort with her wearing those horrendous suits.

“No way.” she shook her head as she watched him pull up in front of her house and she suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to scream at the top of her lungs.

Thirty days ago all she had prayed for was this day, it had been her only hope. Now she didn’t want to get out of the car and she found she was not prepared to leave him yet. Her pride was the only thing preventing her from making a complete fool out of herself, she refused to beg and she would not allow herself to bend. Although part of her wished Julian would pull a typical Julian move and demand that she stay with him for a little longer and even force her back to his house. “I better go.” she said, willing herself to leave his car with her pride intact.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.” he said, needing to get this whole situation done and over with. He needed her to get out of his car before he did something he would regret and she would hate him for. He knew the contract was over and he no longer had any rites to her, but he was more than tempted to just lock the car doors and force her back to his house.

“Alright.” she answered, and quickly got out of the car before she changed her mind and demanded he take her back to his house. She had moved so fast that she didn‘t notice the grey, silk scarf that fell from her bag.

“Heaven.” he called her name before she shut the door and she turned to him, hoping he would ask her to come with him. “You left this.” he handed her the gray silk scarf he had used to tie her up with at least a dozen times. She wasn’t sure why she had even wanted to take it with her in the first place, but she refused to leave it behind.

“Thank you." She gave a small smile then shut the car door and headed to her front door. Julian watched her go, fighting the urge to stop her. Then just when he felt himself reaching for his door handle, he put his hand back on the steering wheel and drove away.

***

Julian sat on his couch in a stupefied trance, his eyes blindly staring at the wall before him. He had the bright idea of having a huge party to distract himself from his own feelings but quickly found himself secluded from the festivities. As his friends, family and a bevy of scantily clad women drank and partied like rock-stars around him, he sat alone on his couch, still trying to wrap his brain around everything that had happened in the last month.

There was no doubt in his mind about what he wanted, but what he wanted did not coincide with his needs. He wanted Heaven more than he ever wanted any other woman in his life, but he needed to be unattached and able to do as he pleased. His want for Heaven was selfishly motivated, he wanted more than just sex from her. He wanted her mind and soul as well as her body, but he was not prepared to give up his cherished freedom in return. He was not prepared nor trained to be monogamous, but he would demand it from her, he wanted her all for himself and was unwilling to share.

“Damn you look sexy tonight, King,” he looked to his left to see a curvy blonde whose face he knew, but name he could not recall “If you’re not busy maybe you could show me your bedroom or something.” she batted her eyelashes as he frowned.

“I’m busy.” he turned from her to look back at the wall.

“Alright.” she said awkwardly before walking away.

***

Heaven sat on her couch with a bottle of wine while the comforting voice of her favorite blues singer shot out through her speakers. She had been attempting to analyze her feelings, trying to rationalize them, but the more she thought, the more the confusion spread through her brain.

She still wanted to just scream, in fact she had wanted to scream for more than a few hours now. She also wanted to cry and then run to Julian’s house. She had become so used to him being there now, that she was actually longing for him, although she hated herself for it. She wanted to be the strong Sevigne Deville she had always been, she wanted to turn away from him without so much as a glance back. She should be happy, she should be rejoicing, her term of slavery was over, she should have thrown a party.

Instead she sat alone on her grey sofa, arguing with herself over a bottle of wine. She didn’t even drink wine normally, it was a habit she picked up while she was with Julian. She was also looking around her house, her cold, empty, grey and white house. The expensive grey furniture she never sat on, the back yard she never entertained in, the bed she had never even known how to really enjoy until the night Julian stayed with her. Her home was as lifeless as she had once been and was a true testament to the loneliness she had no idea she had felt. At the time she had too many other things to worry about then friends and having fun. She was just so driven, that her focus had actually made her blind to all else around her and she had never learned to just enjoy her life.

She felt so different now and she wanted to do everything differently then she normally would! She wanted to make a horrifically-disgusting mess! She wanted to jump on her expensive couch, she wanted to pour wine on her rug and break a few dishes, but most of all she wanted to fuck Julian King in her bed again.

“Maybe I have that syndrome where the captive falls for their captor or something.” she said aloud to herself. What else could it be? The evidence added up, she hated him, he forced her into a situation and she had been forced to succumb or be punished for it.

It would make perfect sense, if only that little cheerleader in the back of her head wasn’t screaming “Liar! Liar! Liar!” If it was some psyche-altering syndrome or some form of brainwashing, then she would not have enjoyed it so much in the beginning.

***

Julian ended the party early and sent everyone one home. His cousins and his closest friends were too drunk to notice that anything was wrong with him, but Aries knew and had decided to stay behind after everyone had left.

“So what is it?” Aries asked sitting on the sofa, clearly in no rush to leave. “Is it her?”

“Who?”

“The girl from the party?” he poured two glasses of cognac and passed one to Julian. “Did she catch you cheating? Or did she find out what a sadistic prick you really are.” he joked.

“She already knew.”

“So then let’s toast,” he raised his glass, “to women.” he grinned holding his glass forward as Julian pulled his back.

“She’s an aggressive bitch.” he swallowed the contents of the glass then grabbed the bottle and poured another. “And way too arrogant for a woman.”

“I haven’t heard you speak about a woman like that since the last time you told me about that she-devil you were fighting against for the partnership.” Aries laughed to himself, remembering more than a few drunken conversations with his friend about the tyrannical co-worker he despised.

“It should,” he took another drink of the fiery liquid, “they are one in the same.”

“What?” he looked at Julian in disbelief, “are you telling me that gorgeous creature you brought to my party is the same lawyer that you have been battling with for years?”

“Yes.”

“You’re crazy King, you should have fucked that girl three years ago.”

“Three years ago wanted to I choke that girl, you have no idea what that particular female is capable of.” he shook his head, “I’ve seen her take a man to his knees, with just her words. She‘s cold hearted and cruel.”

“But you’re Julian King, if anyone can tame her evil ways, it’s you.”

“I don’t know if I want to, I kind of like her the way she is.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Monogamy.”

“Oh, the age-old problem.” he said with understanding, “I’ve known you all of our lives and you have always been single. Being in a relationship is a major adjustment.”

“That I am not prepared for, I have to leave her alone.” he decided, feeling relief in knowing what he had to do.

“You just better hope you can still keep that composure when you see her tomorrow.”

***

Heaven had finished the bottle of wine and stood drunk looking at herself in her oval mirror, the last drink had forced her thoughts into a different direction. She was going to stop moping around and take control of her life again. Her term of slavery was over and never again would she have to bow to Julian’s every demand like a little lap dog, she was a whole new woman. Despite it all, she had learned a few valuable lessons that she would enjoy carrying with her. She felt like she had finally taken a deep breath or taken a load off her shoulders, she felt alive and anxious with her new knowledge of life. She had no idea what she wanted to do, or where she wanted to start, but she wanted to do everything, things she had never tried before, things she had previously been repulsed by, she wanted to do it all.

This was a new chapter in her life, and for now, she would enjoy it without questioning it. She walked into her closet and took a good look, on the right side were all of her ill-fitting, dowdy suits, her various prescription glasses and old maid looking shoes. Then to her left were all the clothes she had purchased over the years but had been too scared to wear in public. She had a closet full of beautiful designer suits, dresses and everything accessory ever made, just hanging there wasting away. She hadn’t worn one thing, she hadn’t even tried anything on and everything still had its original tag. She had always had a love-hate relationship with fashion, she had despised what it stood for, but loved what it looked like. Although now she even felt differently about that as well, now she didn‘t care what it stood for, she just liked the way it looked on her.

She looked from her left then back to her right and then back again. Then without another thought she ran down to her kitchen and grabbed a box of garbage bags before running back up to her room. She approached the right side of her closet like it was filled with hissing vampires. Then yanking open the garbage bag, she attacked the contents of the right side of her closet like a woman possessed.