Into the Lion's Den (40 page)

“I will try to get it from Repin.”

“Could I speak with him, please? He must be worried about me.”

“No. If I am satisfied with your behaviour, I will let you speak with him in the future.”

“Please, Duke, only a call to tell him I'm fine. I couldn't say good-bye to the children.”

“All right, perhaps tomorrow night, but I will be present,” he conceded.

“Thank you, Konrad,” I said softly, unsatisfied, but what else could I do?

After eating, he insisted that I remain in the library reading or drawing, as it was too early to go to bed
and he had some papers to finish. I went to my room to look for a sketch pad and some pencils and found Friederich
organizing some clothes in the closet. Back to the library, Lintorff ordered me to sit next to him on the big couch and I
obeyed him, trying to put as much distance as possible. He left me alone for an hour or more, silently reading his
papers first and then drinking and deeply thinking, probably a way to continue his war with Constantin or another
person.

I think he's a twisted bastard even if he looks great for his age. He can't be more than fifty and has very
noble, aristocratic features. His face is not symmetrical but very masculine and his ice blue eyes are very inquisitive.

Very tall, much more than Constantin, perhaps 6 foot 2 and a powerful body. I wonder if the story about him killing a
man with only one brutal punch to the face is true as Mikhail told me. There are so many stories around! They even
say that Constantin killed a woman in front of a man and forced him to eat her heart because he had betrayed him
because of her! Probably is not true. Gangsters are like children, blowing everything out of proportion. Mikhail even
told me once that one of Lintorff's men refused to behead a man and dared him to do it… and he did the three
awaiting for “execution” plus the frustrated executioner. Lord! Things they tell! He's a bastard for forcing me to come
here but come on! He looks like a prince who would have a nervous breakdown if his bespoken jacket or his Italian
shoes were stained with blood!

“Guntram, go to bed. You must be tired. Breakfast is at nine and the service at ten. Pater Bruno will
hear your confession after it.”

“Yes, good night, Konrad.”

“Good night, sleep well.”

Konrad von Lintorff was mildly upset with his Spiritual Director. He understood the sacrament of confession very well and really didn't need a lecture on it, exactly like the one Pater Bruno was giving him after lunch.

He had only asked what had transpired during the full seventy-three minutes the boy had been locked in the library with the priest and there he was getting a long speech on the matter only because he had wanted to do things right. He could have perfectly asked for the tapes and be done with it but no, he did it in the proper way and he was being told off in the best “Friederich way”. 'I swear they train this in the Jesuit seminar. Time to end this before I kill him,' he mused.

“Pater Bruno, I'm afraid I didn't express myself properly. I would never ask you to break the sacrament of confession. I'm only concerned about Guntram's lifestyle in St. Petersburg. Many disturbing news reached me about his time with that man, Repin. You're perfectly aware of who he is. I wanted to know your impression of the boy and ask for your advice on how to do the best for him. After all, he is one of us.”

“My son, Guntram is a gentle soul who will obey his Mother Church. He spent most of his youth helping those in need under a priest's guidance. Rest assured that he will follow every command issued by the Church.”

“This is what disturbs me most. How a child, because he was eighteen when he met that man, could have ended like his favourite plaything?”

“He believed all this man's lies. He's very confused about his attentions. He thinks he loved him, but not any more. He would like to return to his own previous life in Argentina and leave this nightmare behind. He has paid a very high price for his mistake, but still doesn't blame those who did, but himself. His story is a very sad one indeed, my son.”

“I took him from Russia because I feared he would try to commit that sin again. He will carry those marks on his wrists for ever.”

“He's truly repentant of it, he sees now that it was cowardice and that he should have had a stronger Faith in Christ. He will not repeat it.”

“What is your impression about him? Could his repentance or his character be faked?” Konrad asked very softly as the priest was cooperative.

“No my Duke. He has a very troubled and pained soul. He was only happy when he was helping the others; he would never take advantage of people or lie. You can see it in his eyes. He truly needs your help and support to stay away from that man and will be truly grateful to you if he gets a second opportunity to live his life as he originally thought it would be; working hard and helping his brothers. He has a real social conscience moulded after the Church's teachings,” the priest said, quickly adding the last sentence as the Duke's views on Socialism were very well-known.

“I understand, Pater. I am willing to send him back to school, but I think he should continue with his artistic career, what do you think about it?”

“Art can also show us God, I see no inconvenience or danger in that, but he will be better away from some of temptations some so-called artists can present him. Guntram is very vulnerable and easy to be influenced at the moment. I'd like to take him, if you don't oppose my Duke, to help twice per week at the depots the Lintorff Foundation has. We have so many donations and so little people helping to organize things. It would be good for him to start to relate again with good Christians. Most of the volunteers there are good women, so he would not feel threatened at all. To sit here idly can't be a good adviser for young people.”

“I think that is an excellent idea as long as his poor health condition does not suffer.”

“I will tell Friederich to arrange it. It was his idea, after all.”

'Why am I not surprised?' “What about arts, should he go back to study Art History at the University?”

“That is very far in the future my son. He needs to build his trust in mankind again, especially in men.

Perhaps some drawing lessons with not many people around.”

“It will be done as you say, Pater,” Konrad dismissed the man, but it was impossible to move him from his chair.

“Konrad, my son, there's also a lesson in all this for you,” the priest intoned seriously. “I know who he is and from where he comes from. Whatever offences committed by his family against you and the Order, he has nothing to do with them. He's truly a kind soul; the Lord has granted him with enormous patience and optimistic view toward men. He truly believes in the inner goodness of men and in salvation for all of us, even for those who offended him grievously in the past. Do not waste this chance the Lord has given you to redeem part of your sins,” Pater Bruno finished, looking at the Duke with great intensity. “Friederich also agrees with my view. Helping this little lamb can erase many of the injustices perpetrated during your rule. You have accepted him as your ward and you're his guardian. Perhaps, he will help you to close your inside void when you learn to let go offences. To love is to forgive too.”

'Those two train together, no doubts about it.' Konrad thought but kept silent just to show that he was pondering on the words. “Thank you Pater Bruno. I will do my best for Guntram and I trust you show him the way again.”

“Certainly my son,” the old man promised, thinking that once more his Duke was trying to fool him. 'As if I didn't know him since he was twelve years old. Still the same, but this time Lintorff, it won't be easy for you to get rid of this boy.'

It was strange to go to Mass again and to Confession. I thought I would never do it again when
Constantin took me to Russia and it's so good to be back. Pater Bruno was very kind to me and heard me without
judging me. I was expecting he would tell me a lot of things because of my relationship with Constantin but he didn't
seem to care about the homosexuality. No, he focused more in that night and when I tried to kill myself. It was a huge
relief to let everything out of my heart. I told him about my time in Argentina, what I was doing with Father Patricio
what had been my goals before I met Constantin and how I was attracted to him. I also told him that I was unsure
about my love for him even then, but I've accepted his proposal because I also couldn't let him go. I enjoyed his
friendship more than anything as he was the first person who really spoke with me like an adult person and as an
equal and there I said it.

“I'm not sure if I loved him as I used to think before, Father. I have him in my greatest esteem even after
he lied to me about his ventures and who he was. I'm grateful to him and would have done anything to please him, to
repay him for all his support and love. That makes me almost a prostitute, doesn't it?”

“Were you trying to take advantage of his love for you?”

“No never. He was always giving me so many things and almost forcing me to accept them that I wanted
to give him something in exchange so he would be happy. My paints, my body, my companionship, everything I had.

After the attack, he was simply wonderful to me, even if I told him that I didn't love him any more. He's not the bad
person everybody says he is.”

“Guntram, you were misguided, but not a prostitute. The best thing would have been to speak with the
truth from the beginning and be forthcoming with him.”

“I did but he kept coming onto me and I started to enjoy his touch.”

“Concupiscence is never a good adviser, my son. Do you repent of your acts?”

“I regret staying for so long. I can't shout now that I was a young deceived maiden because everything I
did with him in the bed was on mutual accord. If I could turn back time, I would not repeat it. I regret the pain I
caused to his wife or his children. I never intended to split them apart or go against God's sacrament of marriage. I
regret that I tried to take my own life when it wasn't mine at all. I wanted to escape from the memories of the attack
and his house. I felt like a prisoner there.”

“What you endured was a very traumatic experience and you have to find the way to live with the
consequences. The ways of our Lord are mysterious and we can only pray for the faith and strength to accept them.

Take this new opportunity to do your best to follow his Law. Your have to learn to carry on with your life with joy and
in service of your brothers.”

He's right. I can't spend the rest of my life in fear of that night. It can't lead the rest of my existence. The
priest said that my talent is a gift from God and it's my duty to develop it for his service. I don't think I'm talented at
all, but he's right I have to do my best to help the others.

I was happy after speaking with him. Not happy to the laughing and singing point; it was more like when
you see that even if you're surrounded by crap the sun still shines and everything is beautiful, regardless of the your
circumstances or when you see a poor child's eyes lighting up.

The Pater stayed for lunch along with Ferdinand von Kleist and his wife, a very tall blonde, who ignored
me. I suppose she knows who I'm: the former lover of a Mafia boss. One step on top of the street whore and one below
the cleaning lady. I don't blame her for despising me. A lady of her status should have never been forced to sit at the
same table as I. Lintorff, on the other hand was kind enough as to ask me if I was feeling all right with the cold
weather and if the ceremony in German had not been too much for me. I noticed that Friederich was only serving him
as the other two butlers took care of us. I got again “special food,” much to my chagrin. These Germans are too
much. I know that I have to keep a diet but a little of sauce or wine won't kill me! If only once per week.

After eating, Ferdinand (he told-ordered me to call him like that) and his wife went home and I was left
with Lintorff. Alone. I didn't know what to do and just when I was going to escape back to my room, he said: “Change
your clothes and I'll show you the forest. It's warm enough as to walk.” Going away with him was not my greatest
wish, but fighting with him was a bad idea. I only nodded and over my bed there was already laid out one casual
outfit; grey wool trousers, light blue shirt, blue jersey and a wind-proof jacket Barbour like and trekking shoes.

I dressed myself in no time as Lintorff didn't look like someone who would wait for you. He was already
standing, also casually dressed with a similar jacket and a scarf with gloves, at the bottom of the stairs. Switzerland is
cold even if we are in March, there's still some snow around. “Close the jacket, is very cold out there and the
temperature drops by two or three degrees under the trees. We even have a small stream running across.”

“Is there a park around here, Konrad?” I asked, puzzled that he was so dressed to see a few trees
around.

“No, it belongs to us. It's closed to visitors. I like to keep my privacy and avoid having people around.

The forest that surrounds the residence is about sixty acres. You should not go alone in the night because the guards
have trained dogs, but during the day you can come with Antonov and perhaps draw if you want. If you don't like it,
you can stay in the garden or in the greenhouse.”

“I understand,” I answered. He's crazier than Constantin about his security. Dogs and armed men
around? Shit! I can forget to escape on foot. My initial evaluation that this was a mausoleum is wrong. This is a
fucking fortress or prison.”