Into the Lion's Den (51 page)

“A nightingale,” I whispered

“Yes, that's right. A nightingale and a duck for her friend, Claudia zu Löwenstein too. Small children are
insatiable. I'm afraid they won't let you alone till tea time.” Fortunately, all talks resumed and I saw Ferdinand taking
his wife apart. I tried to distract myself with the drawings and true to her word, I couldn't leave the table till the
children were called for their tea.

I hoped to escape this time, but Friederich caught me at the stairs. He's also a good hunter. “The Duke
asks that you rejoin him in the living room. You're very pale, have some hot tea and stay by the fire,” he told-ordered
in his polite, but “move your ass” voice.

In the living room, Konrad was standing like a king in the corner near the fireplace, Michael, Goran,
Ferdinand and two other men were with him. I warily approached them because I had a direct order.

“Guntram, this is Adolf zu Löwenstein, Head of Legal Affairs and eldest son of the Fürst and Mr.

Joachim Cohen.” He introduced me and I greeted both men. They continued to speak in German while I drank the
cup of tea a butler had placed in my hands before I could say a thing. At some point, the man and Goran excused
themselves and left our merry group. Armin is going to have a very hard time here.

“Guntram, I would like to excuse my wife for her outburst this afternoon. She never meant anything and
she is very ashamed of her words,” Ferdinand said to me and I gaped.

“Please, there's nothing to be excused. A lady is never mistaken,” I answered.

“Thank you,” he said, looking at me very surprised.

“My daughter told my wife she wants a frame for her duck. She has even named it Johannes,” Adolf zu
Löwenstein interfered.

“I'm glad it wasn't called Konrad,” Lintorff laughed.

“No, but I think one of the eagles was,” Albert decided to join the party and I had to bite my lips to
suffocate the giggles. I have never heard any of the men, not even Ivan Ivanovich or Boris Malchenko make fun of
Constantin or that he would take it so sporty because Konrad laughed at his cousin's joke.

“Did you catch the two rabbits that went inside the house?” Ferdinand asked.

“I'm afraid they're still looking for them. We have to get them soon. Tomorrow's lunch depends on it.”

Konrad said jovially. “Three years ago, one of these monsters gnawed the legs of a XVII century weapons cabinet. We
could never find the culprit but we found its debris scattered all over the house for weeks,” he explained to me.

“My cousin has a ghost rabbit haunting his house: it's white and black, long ears and there's a bounty
for his head,” Albert chortled.

“A substantial reward,” Konrad added very seriously but I noticed a mischievous light dangling from
his eyes. “One of the hardest and most cunning adversaries I've ever met.” The absurd of the situation; he, the mighty
Hochmeister versus a poor defenceless rabbit, lost the battle, made me laugh full heartedly. When my eyes met again
his, they were looking at me very kindly.

June 21st

I never thought I would be again in London but here I am. Lintorff literally kicked me onto a plane three
days ago. The only good thing was that Alexei was waiting for me in the airport and I got rid of Heindrik Holgersen
for a few days. We took a flight late Sunday 20th night and arrived to his house very late. I was very tired but Monday
morning, very early I was at the entrance of my old university to take the tests, with Alexei at my side, looking totally
bored. I passed “Methodologies”—very dull thing—and tomorrow I have a presentation for Architectural History
plus the oral examination.

Lintorff really meant to make me resume my studies.

Alexei asked me if I wanted to go around the city or visit a Museum and I refused. It's too much for me.

Konrad's house is less than three hundred metres from Constantin's and I never knew it! Fine example of the
Georgian Architecture, decorated in the style up to the last detail and all pieces are originals. I've seen outside
pictures of this house in several internal papers from the school and being inside could be considered as a privilege
for any Art History scholar. The music room is one of my favourite.

Being here forces me to consider many things over. In a way everything reminds me to that day but I also
remember the good days when I was going to school, working or painting. I saw my former classmates and they were
glad to see me and I was also. We had coffee, without Alexei's interference, spoke a bit about what I've been doing,
officially recovering from a car accident and a heart attack, how things are in Zurich, if I still paint, how fantastic
was my exhibition and almost the whole school was visiting it—I could have died right there of shame—the upcoming
exhibition in Tate's and I never realised that I had been speaking with them for over four hours! Alexei was very kind
as not to complain at all for being parked in a nearby table.

It's not the city what drives me crazy. Not at all. I nearly collapsed when the car parked in Kensington,
but this afternoon I could enjoy the place. It's Constantin's memory what freaks me out. I have to end all this. I will
not return to Russia after this year. I'm not their slave to do always what they want. I'm not a monkey either! This life
they lead is absolutely nuts!

June 22nd

This morning I passed my second test and I'm very relieved. Konrad just called me to congratulate me
for the results… in his own particular way: “I admit that I'm pleased with your grades. I was expecting that you
would pass your tests with no less than flying colours.” Is that the German Swiss version of the hooray? Reminds me
of Droopy. I really don't want to hear him when he's upset.

“Anyway, I was thinking to grant your wish of a brief face to face with Repin. If you're still interested, he
will visit you on the 24th at five o'clock.”

I could have died right there from shock. I didn't know what to answer. I wanted to see Constantin but I
feared to what all will take me, of what he would tell me, of his reactions and of my own mixed feelings for him.

“Guntram, would you be so kind as to give me an answer? I don't have the whole afternoon for you.” I
heard his voice over the phone and I gulped.

“I would like to see him. Thank you.”

“In the music room, with one of my men present.”

“Alone, please. It's very private what I have to tell him.”

“All right, but Antonov will remain in the next room. The meeting will be stopped if he deems necessary
to do so. Is that clear, Guntram?”

“Yes, Sire.”

“Do I have your word that you will refrain yourself from any kind of inappropriate contact with this man
under my roof?”

What was he thinking? That I would swallow a full bottle of heart pills and jump on Constantin, fucking
with him in front of all his goons? This man can be a real pig! “I will do nothing that could stain your house's good
name.” Victorian enough for your taste, Konrad? Jane Austen's girls had more fun than I!

“We have an understanding then. You will return to Zurich on the 26th. You should visit some exhibitions
now that you're in the city. Antonov will accompany you. Good-bye.” I swear he hung up on me.

I have to speak with Constantin. Delaying this moment will only hurt him more and could be dangerous
for him. I'm sure Lintorff is after something more than collecting his money and I fear that Constantin could make a
wrong move if he rushes to get money from his ventures. He has to understand that all is over. For his own safety. For
his children's.

London

“Can you please leave us alone, Alexei Gregorevich? I will be fine,” Guntram asked while he struggled with the lump in his throat. The blond Russian looked at him very seriously, unhappy with the request.

“If you do something that could upset him, I'll kill you right here and fuck with the consequences,” he barked in Russian to Repin.

“Aliosha,” he used his diminutive as he had done it many times in the past, “he's my angel and I swear that I would do nothing that could hurt him. You are another matter,” the man answered in Russian too.

“This is far from over. I'll enjoy your death,” Alexei spoke and left the room, closing the door behind him.

“You look much better than before, my angel. You have colours in your face again,” Constantin said, his eyes once more lost in the beauty of his lover. 'How much I missed him! I didn't remember he was so gorgeous.'

“Hello, my friend,” Guntram said very timidly, without knowing what else to tell. “I passed the tests at the University. I've recovered some of the lost time and will try to present more in December,” he quickly added, looking at a spot in the intricate parquetry design.

Constantin didn't seem to hear him because he was engulfed in his contemplation of Guntram, a Guntram he had not seen in over a year, the healthy boy, with rosy cheeks and shining eyes he had left in London, in another house, one summer day before leaving for the States, before his wife decided to destroy his most beautiful artwork. “Can I give you a hug, my angel?” he asked softly, knowing that Antonov would jump on him if he dared to touch Guntram without his permission.

“Yes, of course,” Guntram said smiling shyly and opened his arms. Constantin didn't wait for anything else and clutched his love strongly, almost crushing him against his chest till he felt Guntram's small hands pushing him away delicately and going one or two steps backwards to put some distance between them. “Should we sit, my friend?”

“Yes, of course. You should not tire yourself,” Constantin answered automatically.

“My health is much better nowadays. I can't run, but I can walk much more than before and sleep much better,” Guntram said as he sat in one corner of the sofa for three bodies and Constantin did the same.

“You indeed look much better. I'm very glad. Does Lintorff treat you well?”

“Yes, he does. He's kind although stern with me. He does not believe in “spoiling me” as he tells,”

Guntram told with a nervous chuckle. “He nearly forced me to study for the school, paint again and be with people around. I'm much better with that. I can go to places now, not as before, but it's much better. He told me to start to work again as “he has no money, time or patience for lazy boys.” The doctors changed my medications and I feel better, but I will have to take them for the rest of my life.”

“Will you start to work again?” Constantin asked not liking the idea a bit.

“Yes, sort of. I'm studying with a new teacher; Rudolf Ostermann. He's very harsh but good for me. He doesn't let me loaf or experiment. He destroys all what is bad and most of the time he knows what I should do. I could learn a lot with him. He wants to be my manager instead of Mr. Robertson, but I don't want to leave him.”

“Rudolf Ostermann is one of the most famous curators in Europe. To get a review from him is almost impossible and he has no taken a student in twenty years!”

“He has me and many ladies at his studio. He leaves my work alone most of the time now and from what I do, he suggests changes or fix things. We get along; sort of. If Konrad allowed this meeting, perhaps he will let me send you part of my work. I have something for your children, Constantin. I made it during my first month in Zurich.”

“The children miss you a lot. They're always asking about you, especially Vania.”

“I also miss them a lot.”

“Guntram, I miss you more and more with each passing day.”

“I was afraid of this, Constantin,” Guntram sighed and took a deep breath before continuing, hating himself for the pain he was certain he was going to cause to his long time friend. “You are the person who selflessly did and helped me more than any other, more than my own father. You showed me a world that I never thought could exist. I loved you with all my heart but it's over since that day. These three months allowed me to think about us in peace. You are not the person I fell in love with and I'm not that boy you loved. I'm changed and I can't deny the change any longer. I don't want to return to you and after the year is over, I will continue with my life. All I want to say is that you should not choose or plan your strategy thinking that I will be your lover again.”

“Guntram, you know I love you and things will be very different when you come home…”

“No, they won't. I'm certain of that. I need to leave all behind and start again. Away from all of you. I need my freedom to create, to live. You will put me in another golden cage, exactly as before. I didn't care before because I was blinded by my love for you, but I will not take it any more. I'm free here, free to make my own mistakes and to explore my own limits. I will find a way to survive on my own. I did it before.”

“Angel, you're very wrong if you think you can walk away from Lintorff. Freedom? Try to cross that door on your own and you'll see what he'll do to you!” Constantin started to raise his voice, making Guntram cower a little against the armrest. “I love you and you're mine. I will not let you go away like this!”

“Constantin, I want that we remain as friends. We can't be lovers any longer! Don't expect to recover what is broken!” Guntram said with a firm voice. “You were my first true love, but it was the love of a child. That child died in that hospital. I've realised that all this time, you have tried to get him back and forced me to be that person again, but I can't and I don't want. I'm different now; I know how cruel you all can be. I'm sick and bitter because of it. I'm tired all the time and I refuse to be your pet because that's what you want from me.”