Into the Storm (37 page)

“
I didn’t want to let you go, Rabbit. I didn’t. But I
thought
I was doing the right thing.” I opened my eyes and looked into her soft gaze, needing her to understand how I felt. “But I was wrong. So fucking wrong. From the moment I knew I was wrong, I have been working on getting you back to me. Praying it was what you wanted as well. That you still wanted me even after what I had done. The night …” my voice trailed off painfully and I had to swallow before I could continue. “The night the line rang and I knew you had figured out my card … I could hear you breathing on the other end of the line ... just breathing … and I knew you were scared and I knew you needed me. Then the next day, when I heard your voice …
God, Rabbit
, I thought I would go insane not being able to get to you fast enough. I wanted to storm the castle, so to speak. But Trevor and Frank convinced me to do this right. To do it safely and make sure we got you out carefully so you weren’t in danger … and he didn’t have a chance to hurt you again.” My fingers traced her arm and I looked at her regretfully. I hadn’t made it in time.

“
I sent that card with you in case you needed me. I told myself I wanted things to work out for you, for you to be happy. But something wasn’t right, it just didn’t
feel
right, and I needed to know you had something. Something of me that you could use if you
weren’t
happy. Some small connection to me if you needed it. I knew you would figure it out. And, once you did, it seemed safest to stay on that path. A piece of blank paper. Even if someone else looked at it, they wouldn’t know. But you would know how to find the messages. I was afraid if someone tried to talk to you, that you might not know if they were with me or not. Or, it would be noticed and then he would tighten things up even more, making it so I couldn’t get to you.” I sighed. “I was just … so afraid, Rabbit. So afraid I wouldn’t get the chance to right my wrong, to make you safe and get you back. So I went overboard.”

“
What if I hadn’t figured out the first card?”

I smiled down at her. “I knew without a doubt that you would figure it out, Rabbit. You read my books, you
know
me. You know how my mind works.” I kissed her cheek softly, and my voice became serious. “But if you hadn’t, I would have gotten to you anyway. Somehow, I would have found a way, even if I had to kidnap you to get you away from him.” I paused. “I found your purse, Rabbit. I saw the journal. I
saw
what he did to you and I was getting you out of there no matter what.”

“
You found my purse?”

I nodded. “Bear dug it out of the snow. It must have fallen out when the door opened after you hit the tree.” My arms tightened around her. “The pictures were the worst thing I’ve ever seen, Rabbit. It made me physically ill to see what he did to you. What I sent you back to.”

“
You didn’t know,” she whispered.

I looked at her and shook my head. “No, I didn’t know, but I stopped asking the right questions, Rabbit. I acted rashly and
reacted
instead of thinking.” I shook my head. “I put you in so much danger. Seeing those pictures drove that fact home.”

She looked away. “You’ve seen the pictures. So you know it all then.”

I lifted her face. “I know what the pictures showed me. I don’t know the story. You can tell me when you’re ready. You can tell me anything.”

She nodded. “I will. But not tonight. Please.”

“
When you’re ready. I’m here,” I assured her.

She smiled softly. “I liked the rabbit. How did you get it into my mug?”

I grinned. “Cecilia found the rabbits. She thought it would let you know, without a doubt, that it was me leaving you the messages. That it would give you something to hold onto for the last day. We had someone watching you. Before you got there, they dropped it in your mug. And made sure you saw it.”

She looked at me, frowning. “What if I hadn’t?”

“
Then some nice, older lady would have approached you before you left that day, thanking you for all you had done helping her son to read and would have handed you another one, and another card,” I explained. “Today, if anything had gone wrong, you would have been handed another card with a different way to get to me. If all else failed I would have come to you and taken you up those stairs myself. No matter what happened today, you were coming home.”

“
You must have bought a lot of rabbits.”

I smiled and reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful. “I think Cecilia bought out the store. She said she saw them and had a feeling we were going to need them.”

Rabbit smiled as she touched the little bundles resting in my palm.

“
You thought of everything,” she breathed.

I cupped her cheek, stroking her skin gently. “
We
did. Frank, Trevor and Cecilia were all part of this. In some way, they are all responsible for helping me get you home to me.”

She covered my hand with hers, her fingers pressing tightly. “You were
so
brave today, Joshua. You overcame so much to come and get me. I know it must have been so difficult for you. But you did it.”

“
For you,” I whispered insistently. “I’d do anything for you, Rabbit.”

She sighed and turned her face, nuzzling it into my palm. “I can’t tell you how much I love hearing you call me that.” She looked up at me. “I’ve always disliked the name Elizabeth. It seemed too formal, but … Brian insisted on calling me that.”

“
You preferred Lizzy?” I asked encouragingly.

She nodded. “It always sounded more … warm and friendly.”

I smiled. “I can do that … Lizzy.” The name sounded strange on my tongue.

She shook her head. “No. Rabbit. I’m your Rabbit.”

Leaning forward, I kissed her. “Always my Rabbit. Always.”

We were quiet for a while, just sitting close. Reveling in the comfort of being in each other’s arms again. Rabbit suddenly spoke up. “Why didn’t you pick up the phone when you knew it was me?”

“
I didn’t have that kind of line installed. It only accepted messages. I did it so fast, Rabbit. All I could think of was a way you could get hold of me. And, in my zealousness to make sure you were safe, I had an untraceable, unanswerable line installed, and I followed it up by encrypting the number on the card. I knew only you would figure out the book references. But if,
somehow
, the card was discovered and someone else called the line … there was no voice on it so no one could accuse you of knowing who the number belonged to.” I paused. “Unfortunately, there was also no way of letting you know it was me and that I was hearing you.”

“
I thought you’d given up on me,” she admitted tearfully, averting her eyes. “That you didn’t care anymore when all I got was an empty line. I didn’t know if I was talking to a machine or to nothing. I so desperately wanted to hear your voice.”

I heard the pain in her voice and gathered her closer. “I’m so sorry. I heard you, Rabbit. I cared. God, baby, I cared so much.” My lips pressed into her soft hair. “I can’t make up for what I did. I should have waited and found out more before I sent you back. Even worse, I should have listened to you and I shouldn’t have let you go. I was stupid and arrogant. I don’t even know if you can forgive me.”

“
You never thought I loved you the way you loved me, did you?”

I shook my head. “No, I knew you loved me.” I lifted her hand and kissed the warm palm and held it to my cheek. “And, I knew no one would ever love me that way again. You were such a gift to me, Rabbit. An unexpected, wonderful gift. But I thought I didn’t have anything to offer you but a half-life, cut-off from the world. Isolated here with me. Nothing outside this place. It wasn’t what I wanted for you
. He
seemed to have everything you needed to have a good life. The kind of life you deserved to have.”

Her hands came up and cupped my face. “No, Joshua. There is
nothing
there for me. You
are
all I need. Life with you is what I want. It’s what I need. You have so much more to offer than you think.”

“
Can you forgive me? For sending you back? For not being what I should have been?” I asked quietly, my voice shaking with repressed emotion.

She looked up at me, eyes awash with unshed tears. “Already forgiven, Joshua. I love you,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

I cupped her face, wiping away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. “I love you, Rabbit. If you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much.”

“
Show me now,” she pleaded.

Groaning, I lowered my mouth to hers, my tongue immediately seeking entry. Her lips parted and I was once again able to lose myself in her. I pulled her closer, tucking her into me as I shifted so she was now under me in the large chair. Again and again, my tongue explored her sweetness, delving and tasting, desperate for her. My hands traced her curves, loving how right she felt moulded into me. Her hands were under my shirt pressing me against her, soft encouraging whimpers escaping from the back of her throat when I broke away to caress and worship her neck with my lips, wanting to rediscover all of her. I moaned as I felt her hand slip under the waistband of my pants pulling me closer to her. I could feel myself losing control and I pulled back. “Not here in a chair, Rabbit. I want to love you—I want every inch of you loved and it can’t happen in a chair.”

“
Take me to our bed,” she whispered huskily.

Our bed.

No two words had ever been sweeter.

I stood, taking her with me. Her head was buried in the crook of my neck, her lips moving on my skin in silent words of adoration, her warm breath filling my senses. Swiftly, I took her to our room and laid her on the bed. I looked down at her with her hair spilled across the pillow, her eyes gazing up at me burning with a thousand emotions. She sat up, pulling the shirt over her head. “Please, Joshua,” she beseeched, her hand stretching out. “Please.” I stopped at the sound of the desperation in her voice. We were too close to the edge already; our emotions taut and so close to breaking. I needed to slow both of us down.

I shook my head and knelt in front of her, wrapping my arms around her shaking form. “Hush, Rabbit,” I crooned softly into her ear. “You never have to beg.” I held her until I felt her body calm, pulling back to stroke her soft hair away from her face. “Let me do it my way, please?” I whispered lovingly as I trailed gentle kisses along her ear and neck. I laid her back on the pillows when I felt her body shiver in response. “That’s it, Rabbit.
Feel
how much I love you.” I encouraged her as I nudged at her lips with my tongue, sweetly stroking the warmth of her mouth. Slowly, I let my hands and lips show her what I was feeling. Long strokes of my tongue on her skin had her gasping, while my hands caressed and worshipped her curves.