Invisible (9 page)

I took in the anger on Jax’s face. “How could he do that? Selfish bastard.” He reached for my hand, but I pulled away, knowing if I let him hold me now I’d never tell him the rest.

“The next guy was Ethan, and I had shown him my scars before we got any closer. He left without saying a word and never came back.”

“Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?” He looked at me with a strange expression on his face. “You’re still a virgin?”

I wished I had my long hair back to hide behind because the blush immediately rose and my face was hot to the touch. My voice had deserted me so I just nodded. Jax pulled me down onto his lap and held me close. I leaned against his chest and let the beating of his heart calm my soul. I felt something drop on the top of my head, so light I almost didn’t notice it. I looked up and saw tears running silently down his cheek.

Jax

It was difficult to control my emotions after hearing the hurt in Lainie’s voice. How could those guys treat her that way? They couldn’t see past the scars to the wonderful woman screaming for them to love her. I pulled Lainie into my lap so she wouldn’t see me cry, but that backfired when she noticed my tears in her hair.
One bright spot, I will be the first one to show her what it means to have unconditional love.

We sat there on the porch out in the middle of nowhere and let the river’s voice speak to us, telling us that no matter what someone puts in our way, we would find a way around it. It was time to tell her how much I still loved her.

“Show me, Lainie. Let me prove how I’m different from those unfeeling bastards.”

I got up and set her on the glider, kneeling in front of her. Looking up at her face, I reached down to pull the leg of her sweatpants up. She was scared. The fear registered all over her face and in her body language, but she gave me the go ahead to look.

I pulled the pant leg up, but my eyes focused on her face. She closed them to avoid my initial reaction. Most of the scars were around her ankle and knee. God, what that bastard put her through. At that moment, I wanted him to find us so I could put a bullet in his head. Lainie’s eyes were still closed as I started to trace them with my hand. She sighed with a hitch in her voice, the way you would when you’ve been crying for a long time. After I had traced all of the damaged skin, I bent over and started kissing her leg, wanting to show her that I loved her, imperfections and all. When my lips kissed every inch of every scar, I straightened up and pulled her pant leg back down.

“You never have to hide anything from me, Lainie. Those marks are part of you. We all have them; mine are just on the inside where no one can see them, but they’re there, and you still care for me. When I saw you, I realized why I never could commit to anyone else. I was still in love with you.”

“How can you still be in love with me? I’m not the same girl I was back then.”

“I can see that girl in the woman sitting here. Her heart and her courage haven’t changed. I see the girl who looked at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes and made me want to be more than just a dumb jock; convinced me that I could be more and have more out of life.” I stood and pulled her up to stand in front of me.

“I will go slow and let you see for yourself how I feel. Only when you are convinced will we take this relationship any further. I’ve waited ten years; I can wait ten more if you need me to.”

Chapter 10

Lainie

We’d been at the cabin for two days, and I was going stir crazy. I continued to write about our experiences but felt isolated from the rest of the world—there was no television or radio here. We were so far away from civilization that we wouldn’t get a signal anyway. Jax hadn’t touched me other than casual hugs and kisses. He was honoring his promise to give me the time I needed.

Yesterday, he gave me a shooting lesson, showing me how to load and shoot his service revolver and the shotgun that hung over the fireplace. I hated guns, but Jax insisted, telling me that it was important for me to be able to defend myself. My first few tries were way off the mark, but I got better after he stood behind me and demonstrated how to hold the gun and aim it. When he was there, I relaxed and was able to hit the target with the rest of my shots. He even taught me how to clean both guns, not that I planned on shooting either one, but it was something to pass the time.
Hopefully, this will all be over soon, and we can go home and forget that I needed to learn how to shoot.

After the breakfast dishes had been done, Jax pulled on his jacket and headed outside. Within five minutes, he was back with a giant grin on his face. “You ready to get out of the cabin for a while today, Lainie?”

“Yes. I’m going stir crazy.” He handed my jacket to me as he pulled me out the door.

We headed to a shed that was hidden from the cabin by some shrubs, and he pulled out a canoe with a couple of paddles in the bottom.

“Have you ever been in a canoe?” he asked as he selected two life jackets from hooks on the shed wall.

“Yes, my dad used to take me camping all the time when I was a kid. It’s been quite a while, but I’m sure I remember how to paddle.” I smiled and put on one of the lifejackets, eager to be out on the water.

Jax held the vessel near the shore so I could get in without getting my feet wet. It was more difficult now with my knee, but I managed. Jax stepped in, and we were off, paddling upstream. It was a beautiful day, sunny and not too cool. After we’d been on the water for about half an hour, we shed our jackets; the exercise warmed us.

The sound of the river was so relaxing; I was glad to let it wash the stress away as it flowed past. My mind drifted as I daydreamed about what my life could have been like if Mom hadn’t gotten into drugs. I would have been a cheerleader and one of the popular girls at school. Jax and I would have hung out with the same people, but I wouldn’t have gotten to know this part of him. We might have dated—so cliché, the cheerleader and the basketball star. Would he have shown me the caring Jax, the opposite of the jock? Somehow, I didn’t think so. I probably wouldn’t have been the same either. Maybe I’d have been more worried about clothes and parties like some of the shallow people I disliked. I frowned at the thought of how things would have been different but not necessarily better. Did Dad have to die so I could become the person I was? What about Jax? Did I have to go through all this pain and trauma so he could become who he was meant to be?

I was lost in thought and hadn’t noticed that the river current was now faster and that it was getting more difficult to paddle upstream. Jax’s voice cut through my daydreams. “Lainie, we need to turn around, sounds like rapids up ahead.”

The paddling had become such a mindless action that I was sweating and starting to get out of breath without realizing it. Once I came back to reality and we had maneuvered ourselves back in the direction we came from, it was nice to lay the paddle across my lap and let the force of the river carry us along.
Wow! That felt good.
Other than the laps I swam in Las Vegas, I hadn’t been able to do any type of exercise for almost a week, and I was beginning to feel sluggish. We’d been out on the river for over two hours, and it was exhilarating. The sweat on Jax’s face a testament to how hard we were paddling. Every day that passed it was getting impossible to deny my true feelings about him.

“You ready to stop for some lunch, Lainie?”

My stomach answered with a loud rumble. “Does that answer your question? I’m starving.”

“We passed a place that looked good a while ago. I think it’s just around that bend.” Jax steered us to the riverbank while I paddled. After he had secured the canoe, he lifted me out and put me on my feet. My knee had stiffened while we worked our way on the river, but I did my best to conceal it from him.

“I didn’t think about bringing your cane. Guess I’ll just have to carry you.” He picked me up before I had a chance to protest and set me down in a shady spot at the edge of the meadow. “How did I get so lucky to find you again?” The kiss that followed seemed to go on for hours as my heart pounded, feeling like it was going to beat right out of my chest and into his hands. I hoped he held it gently. It was fragile and wouldn’t take much to break it again.

His arms were still wrapped around me as he whispered, “I love you, baby. Forever.” He released me and started to turn away, but I couldn’t let him go this time.

“I’m not fighting it anymore, Jax. I love you so much it hurts.”

He enveloped me in his arms, and his mouth claimed mine again. The kiss went on until we were both out of breath and I grabbed hold of his shirt to keep from falling to the ground. He looked into my eyes. “You sure?”

“I’ve never been so more sure of anything in my life. My heart just had to catch up with my brain.” Then my stomach interrupted and reminded us that we had stopped to eat lunch. How embarrassing.

“I guess that means I’d better feed you before we finish this. But I’d rather do that back at the cabin in the bed anyway.” Jax stared into my eyes as I blushed. “There it is. I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you blush when you looked down at your feet in the principal’s office. Because I was a stupid kid, it took me a while to figure out what I was feeling.”

He held my hand and led me to the backpack where he started pulling out sandwiches and chips. I smiled when he unpacked a bottle of Dr. Pepper. “You remembered. It’s still my favorite.” We sat and enjoyed our lunch, holding hands as if we were afraid the other would disappear if we didn’t hang onto them. “Was that thunder?” I hadn’t seen the lightning, but just then the wind picked up, blowing the grass around into a crazy dance. “I think we’re going to get wet, Jax. We’d better hurry.”

“Good thing we’re going downstream.” Our paddling propelled us even faster down the river. The wind picked up more, blowing leaves and twigs in our faces.

I saw the porch of the cabin just as the rain started pelting us, soaking us in seconds. It was coming down in sheets. I shivered as I bowed my head to keep the rain out of my eyes. We probably looked like cartoon characters paddling in
fast forward
.

By the time we reached the riverbank, my teeth were chattering so hard it was embarrassing. Jax jumped from the canoe onto the ground, and we pulled it back towards the shed. The rain was too heavy, and I wasn’t much help, so Jax just flipped the boat over, and we hurried to the safety of the cabin.

When we reached the porch, I could barely grab the doorknob my hands were so cold and stiff. Jax opened the door, and I tripped through the entrance, dropping the backpack and blanket as I limped to the bathroom for some towels. He went to the living room unbuttoning his jeans. Having already taken off his jacket and t-shirt, I stopped to stare as I tried to unzip my own. The sight of his bare chest and arms made me forget how cold I felt. I was mesmerized by the play of light on his chest muscles. Jax stepped out of his jeans and pulled down his boxers, reaching for a dry pair of sweatpants. I couldn’t look away. He looked up at me and grabbed my hand, smiling as soon as he realized that I was staring.

“God, Lainie, you’re freezing.”

He unzipped and removed my jacket and then slowly unbuttoned my shirt. When the air hit my bare skin, I began shivering again. Once my shirt was gone, he unzipped my jeans and pulled them down. I jumped as his cold fingers reached for the waistband of my underwear. He used a towel and started rubbing warmth into my chilled skin. In one smooth motion, he dropped the towel and lifted me into his arms, carrying me to the bedroom.

“Get in bed, Lainie. We’ve got to get you warmed up; your lips are blue.”

Jax pulled off his sweats and crawled into the bed with me, pulling me to him and wrapping his arms around me. God, he was already generating heat like a furnace. I snuggled closer and let his warmth engulf me. When I stopped shaking, I wrapped my right leg around him to bring his body closer. He smiled as my finger traced the tattoo on his chest. I started to get emotional as I thought about his doing that because of what I went through that night.

I pulled his lips to mine, inviting him in.

“Are you sure, Lainie?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

That was all he was waiting for. His hands pulled me on top of him and framed my face as he kissed me long and deep. His feelings for me were obvious as his length got harder against my leg. Starting with my forehead, he ever so slowly kissed his way down my body, letting his hands lead the way. When they got to my left leg, I gasped as he traced the scars. I knew he’d seen them already, but it was a gut reaction. Within a few minutes, I was able to relax and let him fully into my heart. Our bodies were in sync, and every movement was as natural as breathing.

Jax was so tender as he made love to me. He knew it was my first time and wanted it to be perfect, taking extra care to make sure I was ready for him. As he brought me to the brink of climax, I thought I might explode with happiness while he enmeshed our bodies together in a slow, deliberate rhythm. He reached my barrier and looked into my eyes. “This may hurt, baby. I’ll try to be gentle, but I don’t know if I will be able to control myself. You feel so good.” His hands and tongue found all the right spots as I panted from wanting him. When he filled me completely, I convulsed around him, coming apart in his arms. His slow, smooth strokes became powerful thrusts as the waves of incredible sensation rippled through me. After a final, hard drive, he lowered himself to the bed beside me, his breathing erratic as if he had just run a marathon.

A lazy grin spread across his face as he brushed the hair off of my forehead. “I hope that last bit didn’t hurt. It felt so incredible being inside you, I just couldn’t help myself.”

“It was perfect. I think the reason I never pushed it to work on having other relationships was I was waiting for you to come back into my life.” With a yawn, I snuggled into him as my eyelids drifted shut.