Iridescent (Ember 2) (25 page)

Candra stood brusquely and swept her hands over her skirt, knowing the smears of mud and grime weren’t the reason she felt dirty. She’d freely given herself to Sebastian, mind, body, and heart. Her soul too. She had handed it over, gift-wrapped in a nice, tidy package. She’d believed they’d found something special in each other. She’d been a fool.

“How do I get out of here?” she demanded flatly.

Sebastian turned on his heels with the smoking cigarette still in his mouth and ribbons of swirling smoke blowing upward and to the left before vanishing. His unguarded expression gave him away instantly—shock. Candra derived a wicked pleasure from it. Clearly, he’d expected her to beg. On the contrary, with the vision of Sebastian’s fingers gliding over pale flesh and winding into masses of red hair, she stalked toward him.

Chapter Nineteen

“Y
OU
T
HINK
Y
OU
P
ROBABLY
D
ESERVE
I
T
?
Probably?”
She jabbed her index finger viciously into his ribs. “You don’t.” Candra forced out an incredulous laugh, unsure of how sincere it sounded and so loud she could have sworn the trees laughed too, mocking her innocence.

Sebastian’s eyes narrowed on her hand still poking into his chest.

“You don’t deserve for me to hate you. You don’t deserve anything from me at all. You brought me here, to an idyllic spot, to a place I will never forget, to clear your own conscience.” Her fury was intoxicating, a curious light-headed sensation she felt utterly unapologetic for.

Sebastian’s lips puckered with the visible effort he applied to not reacting. It was his nature to react. Candra watched the flush spread over his cheeks and the quick movement of his shoulder when he discarded the used cigarette, just as he was discarding her. She couldn’t even console herself by saying he had moved onto something better or someone she couldn’t compete with. He’d moved onto Ananchel, pure trash by anyone’s standards.

“I brought you here so you wouldn’t have to look around every day for the rest of your life and be reminded of me.”

“My life? Oh, please, don’t try to make this about me,” she sneered. “We have no idea what my life will be tomorrow, never mind further down the road. This is about you. Maybe you were running out of reasons to hate yourself, I don’t know. I do know this is not about what’s best for me. Nothing is ever about what’s best for me.”

“Okay, I don’t want you to be reminded of me like
this
. I don’t want you to think about me as some pathetic, weak creature.” His eyes darted between hers, and his head inclined so they were practically nose to nose and the scent of smoke and spices wafted over her face.

She wanted to hit him for the sheer mindless audacity of his ego. He’d taken her into the middle of nowhere so she wouldn’t have to relive the moments he’d kissed her and then shredded her heart into a million tiny pieces…not to mention showing her wings to her. He reminded her of everything she would never have. From day one, they were relentlessly marching to the end, but this wasn’t how it was meant to be. She should be the martyr, giving up everything for those she loved. Being dumped like yesterday’s garbage was never part of the plan.

Everything stopped. Candra visualized her heart racing so hard and her body driving forward on so much adrenaline that everything seemed to freeze, leaving her unable to move at all. Her voice came out in a deadly calm even she didn’t recognize.

“Trust me, Sebastian. You do not have to worry about me thinking about you ever again, for any reason. In fact, the only thing I want from you is for you to tell me to my face. I deserve that much.”

“Why?” he asked stiffly.

“Because I love you and I don’t want to.”

Sebastian flinched, and one side of his lips twitched. The muscles in his tight jaw trembled. He took a deep breath and held it, locking her in his gaze. She couldn’t have looked away if she’d wanted to. She’d been lying when she’d said she would never think of him again. She didn’t want to be tossing and turning in bed later, trying to convince herself this had all been a big misunderstanding. She couldn’t exist on doubt, not with everything else going on.

“I went to Ananchel.”

Candra’s hand lifted of its own volition and made contact with a resounding crack across Sebastian’s face. The force made his head turn sharply and his blond hair swish across his forehead. Candra’s hand throbbed instantly, and she encircled her wrist with her fingers, giving it support.

“Take me home,” she roared at him. “Take me home right now. I can’t bear to look at you.”

“Let me see—” He reached for her hand, but Candra withdrew from him, catching a stone with her heel. The sharp pebble bounced up and smacked her ankle with force, reminding her of Sebastian’s words: Nothing is ever enough. It didn’t matter what they gave up or what efforts any of them made to move on; the past weighed down inextricably on every single one of the Watchers. None of them could move on until this was finished one way or another.

“You don’t get to touch me.” Candra’s voice was higher and more panic-stricken than she’d intended to sound. The truth was she couldn’t let him touch her—touching would remind her that he had touched Ananchel again, and that would simply break her apart. She was determined to remain strong until she could break down in private. What good would it do, sniveling like a child?

The color drained from Sebastian’s face, and his expression hardened. “I’m going to take you out of here now. So I will need to put my arms around you.”

“No,” Candra spat out, horrified and inching backward away from him.

“Candra, I—” he began to scold, his posture regaining some of his usual swagger.

“I said no,” Candra interrupted and glowered at him irately for suggesting it. Her eyebrow arched in question, wondering what he could be thinking. There was no point in that train of thought since what Candra imagined Sebastian thought and what he actually did seemed to be two drastically distinctive roads. No way on heaven, Earth…or anywhere else for that matter, would she ever take off into the air with him. “You are just going to have to call someone to fly me out of here or find another way to get me back to the car. Surely someone is watching. It’s what you all do, isn’t it?”

“No one is watching,” he responded coldly, “and there is no signal here.”

Candra rooted through her pockets and located her phone. Sure enough, there were no bars, even when she held it up in the air, twisting this way and that. She cursed low and resisted the urge to fling the useless piece of hardware into the murky waters of the lake. Darkness was spreading, and only a hint of light over the trees remained.

“There is no one around. I was careful to make sure we were alone.” Sebastian’s eyes roamed over the surrounding area. He combed his hair away from his face with his fingers and scratched his head. Vertical lines formed over his nose as he attempted to come up with a feasible solution.

“You really thought this through, didn’t you? Bringing me here to pour your precious heart out,” Candra mocked with a caustic sarcasm. She wanted to hurt him, as childish and spiteful as it was.

He sighed. “I’ve thought of nothing else for weeks.”

“Weeks?” On reflex, Candra bent down and picked up a large flat stone, tossing it hand to hand, measuring it, running her thumb over its smoothness.

“Throw it at me.”

Candra’s eyes lifted at Sebastian’s suggestion.

“Hurt me. I don’t care. It won’t change anything, but do it if it makes you feel better.”

She dropped the stone at her foot with a clank.
Find some other way to punish yourself
.

Just under an hour later, they emerged from the trees to find Lofi lying on the hood of Sebastian’s car with her head resting against the windshield. Candra had refused to acknowledge him for the duration of their trek through the forest. It took much longer under the cover of night and because of Candra’s unwillingness to keep up with him, despite her desire to get back to civilization. She enjoyed parks and sitting or lying on the grass. She did not relish the noises of the wild creatures filling the forest, squawking birds, rodents, and small creatures that rustled leaves and scurried out of disturbed brush and mounds of molding leaves. The forest was alive at night, and Candra had no aspiration to be inside anything living for any length of time.

The silence also meant she’d had time to think. She’d tortured herself wondering what she might have done differently to make Sebastian happy and then mentally berated herself for taking any culpability—fault rested solely on his shoulders. She reminded herself this had nothing to do with Lilith or the truths she had so far kept to herself. As much as she hated Ananchel, Candra knew Ananchel held no loyalty to her. Why should she care that her actions would devastate Candra? That was exactly how she felt—devastated.

She raced forward toward the car and Lofi, practically flying into her arms.

“Whoa. What’s going on here?”

Candra couldn’t find the words. Despite her bravado, she didn’t want to make it real by telling anyone else. Lofi swayed a little, patting Candra’s back for comfort.

“How did you find us?” Sebastian asked as if there was nothing wrong at all and he hadn’t been crying on and off all day. It was dark out. For all Candra knew, he was still crying.

“GPS is a wondrous thing,” Lofi replied. “Your phone is in the car.”

Candra couldn’t see what his reaction was to being tracked. She knew he wouldn’t like it, but because the tracker was Lofi, he would keep it to himself. There were no other vehicles around, but Candra really hoped Lofi had driven. She didn’t relish the idea of traveling back to the city with Sebastian. Lofi’s appearance had caught her off guard and caused her to let down her façade for a moment. The other option was flying with Lofi—Candra never wanted to take to the skies again.

“So you told her?” Lofi asked curiously and smoothed Candra’s hair down her back.

Candra froze, not trusting her own hearing and unsure she could handle another betrayal. It was unimaginable that Lofi would let her walk into this situation, and still, it seemed to be exactly what had happened. Again, she didn’t hear Sebastian’s response and presumed he’d nodded in reply.

“I know it’s a shock. I bet it’s really overwhelming, given the circumstances, but you had to have seen this coming a mile off.”

Candra staggered back a step, glaring at Lofi, her mouth slack. The darkness closed in around her like a giant inkblot, seeping into everything she could see around her. The black consumed everything, including everyone she trusted. Who else did she have now with Ivy gone? Certainly no one at school understood her life; the friends she did have before had drifted off like dandelion seeds on a breeze.

Lofi blinked and narrowed her eyes quizzically, holding onto the arms of Candra’s jacket.

“You knew?” Candra accused, grimacing and backing away. She caught Sebastian edging nearer in her peripheral view, hand aloft in front of his torso. She began to feel like a caged animal, and a streak of something dangerous slithered down her spine. She was ready to attack either of them if they came any closer.

Lofi’s head tilted to the side in confusion, her empty hand just sort of hanging there limply, leaving her like a posed china doll. Candra wondered if this was their thing. Was it a case that angels lived so long, monogamy didn’t mean anything to them? Was this kind of incident acceptable behavior?

“Well, I told him he needed to speak to you,” Lofi offered brightly with a satisfied smile, although with each word, her smile faded. “I said this is something you need to work through together.”

“Work through?” Candra echoed, scrunching up her face. “Are you insane? Why would I want him at all after this?”

She opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

“Candra, wait,” Sebastian implored, reaching out to her.

Candra’s hand rose up in a stop motion halting his movement. “No. You stay away from me. I don’t even know who you are.”

“Now just wait—” Lofi started, hands on her hips and ready to tell Candra off.