Irresistible Fear (7 page)

Of course they both knew she never had. Emily worked when she had a 101 degree fever. “Your work ethic is so inspiring.” Sasha remarked sarcastically. Emily threw a handful of popcorn at her friend. “Hey, if mom gets mad about the mess, I’m telling her you did it.” Sasha complained, stooping to pick up the pieces.

“She’ll never believe you.” Emily giggled. Sasha groaned. “The sad thing is you’re right. Poor little Emily can do no wrong.” Emily just laughed and helped her pick up the mess.

When they were done, they sat back on the couch, arguing about some trivial plot point in the movie they were watching. Emily’s hand lay lightly on her book bag, wanting to look at those pictures again, but not wanting to call attention to the fact that she was obsessing about it.

“Earth to Emily.” Sasha waved her hand in front of Emily’s face. Emily blinked and looked at Sasha. Had she missed something? “Sorry, what were you saying?” Sasha’s face showed her irritation but she went on anyway. “I SAID, so did you hear that Jeremy was taking Liz to the movies tonight?” Emily gave Sasha a double take. “Really?” She asked incredulously, eyes wide. She was shocked considering the conversation she had with him just the other day.

Sasha was watching Emily’s face closely, looking for a sign of a response. “Stop staring at me like that.” Emily told her irritably. “Wow that bugged you huh?” Emily’s good mood snapped. “Will you stop looking for signs that I’m jealous? I’ve told you that I hate the thought of Jeremy being hurt but it has nothing to do with wanting to get back together. Why are you so fixated on me being with Jeremy? Maybe you should be a little more concerned about your own love life, or lack of one.” Emily knew she was being nasty and the second the words were out of her mouth, she felt horrible.

Sasha looked taken aback and didn’t say anything for a moment. “Sash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Emily said quickly, trying to repair the damage. Sasha looked at her blankly, but then gave her a small smile. “No, I actually think I deserved that. I just want you to be happy Em and you just never seem to be happy anymore. Apart from your million physical ailments, you just seem depressed and I don’t know how to help you is all. I guess in my shallow mind I think a boy could fix it all.” Sasha smiled at her and Emily felt even worse about snapping at her.

“I get it Sasha, but going out with Jeremy won’t solve any of my problems. You don’t need to worry about me so much. I’ll be fine.” Even as Emily said the words, she could hear how false they rang. She didn’t know if that was true or not. Sasha seemed reassured, however.

“Okay, well, why don’t we find something ridiculously girly to waste the afternoon with?” Sasha jumped up and began to go through the rows upon rows of movies sitting on the shelf. “Sounds good, just not the Notebook, I can't deal with that one again.” Emily remarked just as Sasha pulled it from the pile. Well maybe she would just take a nap instead. Settling down into the warmth of the couch, she felt the familiar tingles of sleep over take her and pull her into the dark.

********************

Snap. Snap. Picture after picture fell to the ground. Almost like Polaroid’s. Trees, a river, a rock formation that resembled a small Stonehenge.

Snap. Snap. Snap. She was in frenzy. Picture after picture. Image after image developed on the celluloid at her feet. The air was warm, balmy almost and she wasn’t able to determine exactly where she was. It was a strange mixture of several places she had been at different points in her life. There was the river that looked remarkably like the one next to the camping spot she used to frequent with her childhood friend, Meaghan and her family when she was in elementary school. Meaghan had moved away when they turned ten and so those great camping trips had ended.

Yet there was that very identifiable river, drifting lazily along. Then to her left was a grove of trees that were obviously the little orchard of apple trees that grew behind Jeremy’s house. She and Jeremy had spent several weeks out there as she had photographed every possible apple and branch. It looked exactly the same as she remembered it.

Then directly in front of her was a small graveled path, the same one that connected her Nan's house to the beach. If she listened hard enough, Emily could almost hear the pounding surf.

The blend of images was unsettling and made it hard for her to get a handle on herself. And she was compulsively taking picture after picture, capturing everything as if that were the last time she’d ever see them. But of course, this wasn’t real. This was a dream, one that would inevitably become something else.

Emily went through the motions, feeling no control over her movements. She was a puppet on a string, no thought or clear purpose. She felt herself moving along the graveled path. Snap. Snap. Taking pictures of the funny little formations the rocks made on either side of the walkway. Funny… that one looked like an outline of Mickey Mouse. And that one, that looked like the Eiffel Tower.

There was no sun, no sky, but the world around her was awash in a strange, fuzzy light. Things began to slow down and she felt her feet thicken as if she were walking through mud. Her palms became damp around her camera and her fingers slid along the smooth surface, making it slip out of her grasp so that it hung limply around her neck.

Here it begins. Emily thought to herself. The horror was overwhelming as she anticipated the change. The moment when an otherwise pleasant dream became a soul sucking nightmare. Soul sucking. That’s exactly what it felt like. As if she were being drained dry and she was left with nothing.

At first it was the noise. A high-pitched scream. More of a squeal really. It hurt her ears and she tried to cover them with her hands, but found she was unable to move her arms. The sound intensified until it jarred her insides.

What was it? She could feel the weight of her camera around her neck, feeling more like a ball and chain, choking her. She rounded a bend in the trail and stopped short. Lying along the path were pigs; pigs everywhere. Pigs in different stages of decay and decomposition. Some were freshly butchered and it was then that she realized this is where the noise was coming from. Several appeared to still be alive, despite the decay. Well, there went any desire to eat pork ever again. She shuddered, feeling sick to her stomach yet again.

Emily closed her eyes and began to run. She held her breath against the smell. She ran like this, blindly, for what felt like an eternity. Finally, when she couldn’t run any more, she stopped. She opened her eyes and was thankful that the only sights before her were grass and trees.

She collapsed on the ground, breath coming in short, painful gasps. Then it started again; the sound. The horrible, penetrating sound that seemed to come from all sides. Not the damn pigs again! She stood up and looked around, not seeing anything. But the sound continued. The high pitched squealing that was like nails on a chalk board.

The sound was too much, and this was in some ways worse than the actual images from before. “I can’t take this.” She thought to herself as it reached a fevered pitch. Then just as quickly as it began, it stopped. Emily breathed in a sigh of relief and touched her camera reassuringly. She just wanted to wake up. Why couldn’t she ever make herself wake up?

Then she saw it again. The shadow, the one that looked like a man. It stood in the dark of the trees, concealed from her by several low lying branches.

Then the smell took over. The heady scent of cinnamon that was almost intoxicating. Emily felt a warmth brush her skin like a thousand finger tips. She closed her eyes again, but this time because she was overcome by such a comforting sensation that was completely out of sync with her recent experience.

“Emily.” She heard her name, whispered in an almost reverent tone. The voice was so soft she could have imagined it. Her eyes flew open and she looked for the shadow and realized it was gone. She was alone and she felt utterly empty.

Chapter 6

He didn’t know why he chose her. He wasn’t drawn to things for aesthetic reasons, so the fact that she was overall lovely to look at had very little impact. But he had been compelled by this quiet, reserved girl. He had focused his attentions on her. Her memories, her thoughts were potent. He was heady from the energy he had taken from her.

His actions since marking her surprised him. He had found himself “hanging around” her, watching, waiting. Her mind was a beautiful place of shadows and light. He felt almost that he belonged in this place; that he was meant to find her. But when his mind went there, he quickly dismissed these ideas. He tried not to focus on his motives too closely because he suspected he would be unhappy with them.

He was strangely enjoying himself. He hadn’t felt anything resembling pleasure, well, ever.

She
often chided him for his fascination with humans. But he couldn’t help it. They were so inherently different than his kind. Their feelings and behaviors were mesmerizing. And this girl seemed to embody so much of what made them interesting.

His curiosity had definitely been piqued. He knew he was playing a dangerous game; standing precariously close to that forbidden precipice. But his reckless nature made it difficult to care.

He would anger
her.
But she would get over it. She always did. She allowed him his indulgences and when it was over she was confident in his return. It was a pattern they had played out over thousands of years. An endless cycle and they each had their parts to play. This was no different, or at least this is what he told himself repeatedly. Because if he allowed himself to be brutally honest, he felt a difference this time and he couldn’t grasp the sense of it.

He put aside his wariness and gave into the hedonistic need to immerse himself. He wanted it, he needed it. His very being required that he indulge in it. He still tasted her in the back of his throat. That rich, pungent taste mixed with the inexplicable smell of cinnamon. He had used that smell to comfort, to make it easier for her. Why had he done it? It wasn’t in his nature to make it easier for them. But he had bathed himself in the scent. He had done it…for her.

For her. For her. For her.

It rang through his mind like a bell. Echoing in his ears, tolling his doom. But he crushed that momentary weakness. Annihilated it into oblivion.

Chapter 7

Emily sat in the waiting room of her doctor’s office. She had her legs crossed and nervously bobbed her foot up and down. She made a pretense of reading the Cosmo magazine in her lap, not remotely interested in the ten tips for better skin. She didn’t know why she was so anxious about the doctor’s visit. It was just a checkup, an inquiry mission really. She was feeling progressively worse and she wanted to know if there was something she could do to feel better. A better diet? A multi-vitamin? Emily crossed her fingers that it would be that easy.

But her stomach rolled with nervousness. She was tired, bone achingly so and she was having a hard time thinking clearly. Emily had read the same sentence about a new moisturizing face cream at least a dozen times.

Emily glanced at the clock on the wall and realized she’d only been waiting for ten minutes, but it already felt much longer. Finally after another five minutes she was called back into the office. She followed a nurse who made small talk about the weather and discussed how forecasters predicted a rough winter.

After standing on the scales and having her blood pressure checked, she was left waiting again. Emily studied the generic pictures on the wall. A reprint of a classic Monet painting and a photograph of a bridge in the summer. Probably the same thing in every waiting room. No originality, kind of disappointing, though expected.

After a few minutes Dr. Hammond came bustling in. Emily had always liked the female physician. A lot of people thought she was curt and gruff but Emily appreciated her short and to the point manner. The doctor’s frizzy brown hair stuck out on all ends as if she had anxiously pulled her fingers through it over and over again. Despite her frazzled appearance, when she spoke she instilled immediate confidence in her patients.

“Hello there Miss Emily. What can I do for you today?” Her easy smile reached her eyes. Emily found herself smiling back but was hesitant to share what was going on with her. But this is why she was here. If there was something Dr. Hammond could do to help her, then she needed to get it out there.

“Well. I’m having trouble sleeping.” She took a deep breath. Dr. Hammond began taking notes on her clip board. “Okay. How are you having trouble sleeping? Is it insomnia? Trouble going to sleep? Looking at your blood pressure I’m noticing some elevation there. Are you stressed out? A lot going on at school?” She fired question after question at Emily at an overwhelming rate.

“Well, no it’s nothing like that. I’m just having these horrible nightmares. I just don’t ever feel like I’ve slept at all. I’m exhausted all the time and I just feel so run down.” Emily clenched her shaky hands in her lap and made eye contact with the doctor. Dr. Hammond peered at her with analytical eyes. “Nightmares? Tell me a bit more about them.” The doctor pulled up her chair and sat down.

Dr. Hammond was aware of Emily’s history with her mother. The kind physician had called social services herself on several occasions after seeing odd burns and abrasions marking Emily’s body. So by the doctor’s expression, Emily could already see where her mind was going.

“Well, they’re pretty horrible.” Dr. Hammond gave a humorless chuckle. “Well I’ve never heard of a 'pleasant' nightmare.” Emily smiled weakly. “They’re so vivid, Dr. Hammond. But when I wake up, it’s like I just went to sleep. I feel terrible and it just seems to be getting worse. And I’m so paranoid all the time. I think it’s because of the nightmares. And I think I’m seeing things and I just feel like I’m being watched constantly. I know it’s probably because I’m so tired. I guess I just want confirmation that I'm not a couple cans short of a six pack, you know.” She finished in a rush.