Island Girls (and Boys) (17 page)

�Y
ou
what
?!� Chelsea asked.

I was in my bedroom, wiping my eyes, trying to regain my composure after making a mad dash into the house. So much for remaining calm and cool. I�d run off like a total lunatic.

Chelsea had followed close on my heels. Noah had actually blocked Dylan from following me. His protective stance just made me cry harder. I�d been so unfair to him all summer. Once inside, Chelsea had yelled, �Emergency, Amy!�

And Amy had stopped whatever she was doing.

Now they were both sitting on my bed, holding me, comforting me. Being there like they hadn�t been all summer. Or maybe they had
been, and I just hadn�t noticed.

I sniffed, wiped my eyes, and rasped, �I fell in love with him.�

�Why didn�t you tell us?� Amy asked.

�What could you have done about it?�

�Been a little more sympathetic?�

�Bought lots of chocolate ice cream!� Chelsea said. �We could have been there for you.�

�I felt so stupid. You warned me that he wouldn�t stay. I knew he wouldn�t stay��

�But your heart isn�t your brain,� Amy said. �You can�t control it.�

I started crying again. Not just because Dylan had shown up, but for everything.

�I didn�t know y�all anymore,� I confessed. �We had no harmony. We each had our own problems, troubles�we didn�t seem to care about each other anymore.�

�We always cared,� Chelsea said. �Maybe we got bad about showing it, but we always cared.�

�What are you going to do now that he�s back?� Amy asked.

�I don�t know. My first thought was this enormous gladness because he was here�and
then I thought what a pathetic loser I was. To be so glad when he�d hurt me so much. He didn�t even say good-bye.�

�Did you think I was pathetic when I got back together with Noah after he kissed that slut?� Chelsea asked.

I was embarrassed to admit it, but I was ready for honesty between us again. �Yeah, I did.�

�I love him, Jen. He�s not perfect, and the truth is, sometimes guys are totally stupid.� She shrugged. �But he came back.�

�I know that Noah came back��

�Not Noah.� She laughed lightly, the kind of laugh that we used to share when one of us was being silly, and we thought it was funny but didn�t want the person to feel like an idiot. �Dylan. Dylan came back.�

�So what do I do about it?�

�What do you want to do about it?�

I shook my head, majorly embarrassed.

�Tell us, Jen,� Amy urged.

I bit my lip and took a deep breath. �I lay here every night in the dark, alone, wishing he�d climb onto the balcony like Noah had�I
thought that was so desperately romantic, Chels. I think it made me a little jealous that night�that he�d risked his neck like that. And I wished Dylan would come into the house, and up the stairs, and open the door to my room and smile at me the way Alex smiles at you, Amy. When Alex smiles at you, it�s like his whole face lights up, like you are the most important thing in his life. And he doesn�t want to be anywhere else, except with you. And that made me jealous, too.

�And maybe that�s why I couldn�t tell you guys the truth about Dylan. Because you had what I wanted�and when I�d had it, I couldn�t hold onto it. And this summer wasn�t supposed to be about us falling in love, or having crushes, or broken hearts. It was about us saying good-bye to each other.�

Chelsea hugged me tightly. �Oh, Jen, we�re never going to say good-bye to each other. Don�t you get it? We�re friends for life. And it doesn�t matter if we�re sleeping in the same house or sleeping hundreds of miles apart�we�ll always be there for each other. No matter what.�

�Exactly,� Amy said. �So you want me and Chels to go beat up Dylan?�

Laughing, I shook my head. These were my best friends. My very best friends. I�d lost sight of that for a while. I wasn�t going to lose sight of it again.

�No, I don�t want you to beat him up. I know I planned this party, but will you understand if I don�t hang around?�

�Depends on where you�re going,� Chelsea said.

�I�m going sailing.�

 

Dylan and I didn�t talk. I didn�t want to talk. I wanted to be with him, I couldn�t deny that. And I wanted to talk to him eventually. Just not at first. Because I didn�t know what to say, and I was afraid if we started talking, I�d start crying again. I�d find myself in his arms, his mouth on mine�just like Chelsea and Noah that night he climbed onto the balcony. I wanted to be a bit stronger than Chelsea. I wanted Dylan to crawl a little.

Okay. I wanted him to crawl a lot. It was a delicate balance, because I wanted him to crawl,
but not so much that he left again.

I thought about all this as I sat on the back of his motorcycle, hugging him, trying to convince myself that I didn�t like the strength I felt in him as we traveled over the road toward the campground. He was so fit, so warm, so sturdy.

I had my face pressed to his back. I could smell his spicy soap, and I wondered if he was camped at the campground, if he�d arrived after I left work. I wondered if Zach was here as well, visiting whatever island girl he�d hooked up with when they were here before.

An awful thought struck me like a bolt from the sky. What if Dylan was here not because of me as I�d hoped, but because of Zach? Because Zach was missing someone?

I had a hundred questions but only one that needed answering. The rest were just a delay tactic, a way to postpone getting to the heart of the matter�which was exactly that. Our hearts.

He parked on the asphalt. I climbed off the bike and handed him his helmet.

�Jennifer��

�Let�s get to the sailboat. I called. Mr. Plackette will have it ready for us. It�ll be dark
soon. I�d like to be on the lagoon when the fireworks go off.�

�Okay.�

He loosened the restraints on a backpack that was tied to the back of his bike and carried it with him. I led the way toward the dock where lights glittered pale in the waning light of day. The sailboat was there, tied to the dock, bobbing in the water. It was small, nothing fancy. Room enough for two.

I sat on the edge of the dock, then lowered myself into the boat. �Get in, and then untie it.�

Dylan did as I ordered. He moved to the middle of the boat.

�We�ll use the paddles to get us out into the lagoon. Then we�ll hoist the sail,� I said.

�You sound like a sailor.�

�A fake sailor. I don�t know all the terminology. I just know how to get the sails up, how to catch the wind, and guide the boat.�

�Okay.�

We were as quiet making our way out into the center of the lagoon as we�d been on the motorcycle, but here I was more aware of the silence stretching between us. When we were
far enough out, I raised the sail, watched the wind billow the cloth, took hold of the rudder, and steered us around the lagoon.

Occasionally a motor boat passed by us, on its way back to shore. But for the most part, it was just the two of us on the smooth water between the island and the mainland.

�Are we ever going to talk?� he asked, his voice low, as though he was hesitant to disturb the hush of night falling.

The sun was setting, night easing in, and I felt safe. If I started crying, he�d never see the tears now.

�You just left without a word. Now you show up, and you think everything is going to be okay?�

�I know it�s not okay.�

�We had plans to spend the day together.�

�I know that. I was scared, Jennifer.�

I looked at him then, really looked at him. He was sitting in the center of the boat, bent over slightly, his elbows planted on his thighs, his gaze on me.

�Of what? Of going into the army?�

�Of you. Of what I was feeling.�

My heart thudded against my chest. �What were you feeling?�

�I was falling for you. Hard. I didn�t want that. I had these plans, I�d been making them for two years. I wanted to camp all along the coast. I wanted to meet girls��

�Did you?� I asked, hating the hurt that echoed in my voice. �Did you meet girls?�

�I met some, but I didn�t get close to them. I kissed a couple. But I compared everyone to you. And I lay awake every night thinking about you, wishing I was with you. Can you stop this boat?�

�Yeah, we just have to take down the sail.�

We did. Then we were in the middle of the lagoon, the boat bobbing gently on the water, staring at each other, not talking.

�Dylan��

�Jenni��

We both released a nervous laugh.

�You first,� I said.

�No, you go ahead.�

�Just talk to me.�

�I brought you something.�

He grabbed his backpack, unzipped it,
reached inside, pulled out a wooden box, and handed it to me. It was beautiful. Dark wood. Dolphins carved on the lid.

�Look inside,� he said, his voice low.

I raised the hinged lid. The box was filled with sand dollars. Perfect, white, complete sand dollars.

Tears stinging my eyes, I lifted my gaze to his.

�I couldn�t stop thinking about you,� he said. �I tried, I really did. Zach would want to go to the beach to meet girls. I�d go, and then I�d start searching for a sand dollar. And every time I found one, I�d think of your smile or how confident you were when you thought you�d beat me at pool or the smell of chocolate chip cookies in your hair.�

He took the box from me, set it aside, and wrapped his hands around mine. His were trembling slightly. He�d said he was scared back when he first left. Was he scared now, too?

�I think I fell in love with you, Jennifer.�

Joy surged through me. This was better than him climbing onto the balcony.

�That wasn�t supposed to happen,� he
continued. He released what sounded like a nervous, self-conscious laugh. �This was supposed to be my summer of girls. Flings. One-nighters. I don�t know. And then I met you and I wasn�t thinking about my fantasies anymore. You were my fantasy.�

�Only I wouldn�t sleep with you.�

He shook his head. �It wasn�t that. You would have eventually.�

�Ha! A lot you know!�

�Tell me you weren�t thinking about it. That last night. You almost came back to the tent with me.�

�I would have hated you so much if I had and then you�d left��

�I wouldn�t have left. Which is the reason I left.� He groaned. �It�s so hard to explain. I knew if I stayed any longer, if I had another day with you that I wouldn�t want to leave with Zach. All my careful planning would have been for nothing.�

I thought of the party I�d planned, the summer I�d planned. �Maybe when we make our plans, we need to allow for the unexpected.�

�Then things wouldn�t be planned, would they?�

�Where is Zach now?�

�Last I saw him, he was on his way down to Padre Island.� In the encroaching night, I could see his familiar smile, one corner of his mouth hitching up. �With our tent.�

�Where have you been sleeping?�

�I have a sleeping bag.� He shook his head. �But none of that�s important. What�s important is you. And I�m taking a lot for granted. Did you meet someone while I was gone?�

�I met a lot of people while you were away.�

�That�s not what I meant. Did you meet someone special? I mean, should I jump out of this boat, swim back to shore, and just keep going?�

�No.�

I heard a loud whistling, then a pop echoed around us. I looked up as the sky burst into color. �Oh, the fireworks!�

�Come here.�

We shifted around in the boat until I was sitting with my back to his chest, his arms around me, the boat gently rocking.

More fireworks lit up the sky.
Pop!
Red.
Pop!
White.
Pop!
Blue.

�I love fireworks,� I said.

�I love you.� He kissed my neck. �I missed you so much.�

I was as weak as Chelsea when it came to being with the guy I loved. I twisted around and faced him. �How long are you staying this time?�

�Until the end of summer�if that�s what you want.�

It was so what I wanted. �I have tomorrow off.�

�Great. I�ll be around. We can do whatever you want.�

Whatever I wanted. Right now I only wanted one thing, what I�d wanted the first second I laid eyes on him again, what I�d been denying myself because I wasn�t going to be pathetic like Chelsea.

I wound my arms around his neck and took exactly what I wanted. A kiss. Sweet, slow, perfect.

It was exactly as I remembered. The taste of him, the feel of him. Wonderful and right.
I thought I�d never get tired of this. I wanted it every day, all day.

He broke away, pressed his face against my hair.

�Ah, Jennifer, I was crazy to leave. I was just insanely scared, because I knew I�d have to leave sometime. And I didn�t want to fall for you any harder than I�d already fallen. It was so hard to pack up and leave, but I thought if I stayed it would be worse by the end of summer. Because I do have to leave, you know. Eventually, I
have
to go into the army at the end of the summer. I�ve already enlisted.�

I heard the desperation in his voice, the worry, the trying to spare us both a world of hurt that only caused more hurt.

�We�ll worry about that at the end of the summer,� I said.

Then we were kissing again, creating our own fireworks.

I
t was almost two in the morning when we returned to the beach house. No evidence that there had been a party there. Everything had been cleaned up. We�d learned our lesson last time. The place was deserted. Empty. And I hoped that everyone had as grand a time as I did.

Dylan and I had watched all the fireworks, then sailed around the lagoon for a while longer before finally pulling the boat to the dock and heading back to the house.

�Guess you won�t be sleeping in my tent with me,� he said, as we stood outside the door.

�Didn�t think you had a tent.�

�I don�t.�

�Where are you going to sleep then?�

�If it�s okay, I might just roll my sleeping bag out here.�

�We have an extra bedroom,� I offered. �Alex used to sleep there, but he got lucky with Amy.�

�Any chance I�ll get lucky with you?�

I smiled shyly, secretively. �There�s always a chance.�

We went inside and said good night outside my bedroom. And then I lay in the dark with the wind blowing in through the window and the ocean singing a lullaby in the distance. The house grew quiet. The way it did when everyone inside was drifting off to sleep, and I thought I was probably the only one still awake.

Then I heard a noise, like someone trying so hard to be very quiet that he really wasn�t. My bedroom door opened. I wasn�t frightened. And I realized that I wasn�t even very surprised that he�d come.

I was glad actually. Happy. He was there. Just like I�d imagined for so many days.

He didn�t say a word. Just came inside, closed the door behind him, and got into bed with me. He put his arms around me, and we
snuggled close beneath the sheets. That was all. Just holding each other, wondering what tomorrow might bring.

 

Dylan was still asleep when I woke up the next morning. It seemed no matter what time I went to bed, I�d developed the habit of waking up just before dawn so I could have that alone time in the kitchen. Just me and my green tea and the smell of cinnamon rolls baking. I watched him for a while. There wasn�t much light, so a lot of shadows still hovered around us. I couldn�t see him clearly, but it was more his presence that I watched. The wonder of his coming back.

What did it mean really? He�d deserted his best friend, abandoned his plans to camp along the coast. He�d come back to me, for me. That was a scary thought. A wonderful realization. It made everything seem bigger than either of us.

I eased out of bed, not wanting to wake him. Wanting my alone time to try to figure out exactly how I felt about him, about our situation. He�d told me that he loved me. My heart
expanded now as it had when he�d first spoken the words. I hadn�t given them back to him. I�d been too scared, too doubtful, too unsure of what would happen if I opened my heart completely to him. Was he here to stay as long as he could? He�d said he was, but did I trust him? How could I even consider that I loved him if I didn�t trust him?

Because I loved him, too. And that was crazy. To fall in love so fast and so hard. With someone who would only leave me again, eventually. He had no choice. So his leaving would be different then. He�d leave because he
had
to. The question was: Could I accept and live with that?

I crept down to the kitchen, made my tea, put the cinnamon rolls into the oven, and sat on the bench seat by the window and looked out on the bay. I could hear the dolphins yakking to each other. An occasional foghorn. It was serene here. And I realized that I felt more tranquil at that moment than I had since Dylan had left, maybe even since the summer had begun. Because he�d returned, and it was like he belonged here. Like the house and I and everything were back in harmony.

I heard a whisper of a sound and turned to see Amy coming into the kitchen. �Hey,� she whispered. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and joined me at the table. �How did it go with Dylan?�

�He said he loves me.�

�That�s great, Jen.�

�I�m going to let him stay here with us.�

�That�s cool. I�m glad actually. Now I won�t feel so guilty about having someone while you don�t.�

That was so typical of Amy. When Dylan had been here before, it had never occurred to me to worry that Amy might be feeling left out. But Amy did worry about things like that. It was part of the reason that she had such an affinity for strays. She wanted to give everyone a home in her heart.

�I thought I heard you two.�

With a yawn, Chelsea dropped down onto the bench beside Amy.

�Dylan is going to move in with us,� Amy told her.

�So you decided to forgive him,� Chelsea said.

�I don�t know if there was really anything to forgive, Chels. He had his plans, I had mine. We hadn�t planned on each other. I don�t know if we were really ready for each other at the beginning of the summer. I think we are now.�

�Love is so totally scary,� Chelsea said. �How do you know if he�s the right guy for forever?�

�Maybe you don�t,� I said. �Maybe you just know that he�s the right guy for now.�

The timer went off. I got up and took the cinnamon rolls out of the oven, placed them on the table along with the icing. We all sat there, slathering on gobs of icing and eating the warm rolls. It was strange that the summer wasn�t turning out to be anything like I�d planned, and yet at this moment, it was exactly how I�d always envisioned it.

The three of us sitting in the kitchen at dawn, watching the sunrise, while we ate warm cinnamon rolls. Friends again, friends forever. Always there for each other.

I couldn�t figure out why I thought I�d lost this. Because here it was. As natural as anything.

Chelsea chewed on her roll, a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she swallowed and asked, �I�ve had the main bedroom longer than I was supposed to, and Amy doesn�t want to move into it, so did you want to go ahead and swap rooms today? You know, since Dylan is here, and it is bigger, romantic with the balcony and everything. I don�t mind if you want to have it now, since I�ve had it for so long.�

I slowly shook my head. My grandparents� bedroom. I had wanted it so badly, and now, I thought that I didn�t want a room that would have their presence in it. It was funny, but I wanted a room that had become mine. A room that would become ours. Last night we�d only held each other, but tonight�well, tonight there might be more. Yes, tonight there would almost certainly be more.

�No,� I said, �but thanks for offering.�

�No big deal.�

But it was. Because we were all friends again. Thinking of each other and what each of us needed more than we were thinking about ourselves and what each of us wanted.

When I�d come up with this brilliant plan for
us to spend the summer together, I�d done it partly because I was terrified of a future that didn�t have Chelsea and Amy in it. If I was honest with myself, that was the real reason that I wanted us to have this time together. Because I was scared. Scared of what my life would be like without them in it.

But now I understood that they would always be in it. No matter how far away from each other we were, we�d always be together. That�s what friendship and love were all about. Distance and time couldn�t touch them.

�I love you guys,� I said suddenly. �I really do. This is going to be the best summer ever.�

�It already is,� they said at the same time, smiling at me.

Like they knew what it was I was trying to say, like they felt the same way and understood. Everything would change in the fall, but so many things would remain the same.

I remembered my horoscope that first day when we�d come to the island. I�d taken an unexpected journey, after all.

�Later,� I said.

I went back to my bedroom. The morning
sunlight was filtering in through the window. Dylan opened his eyes and smiled at me. �Hey.�

�I love you,� I said.

His crooked grin grew. I loved his smile and the way he held me when I climbed back into the bed, and the way that he kissed me. I was scared, I couldn�t deny that I was scared. He�d be going away, but for now he was with me. And that was all that mattered.

And we�d make the most of every minute of every day. And when he left�well, my love would go with him�and his would stay behind with me.

But until then, we had memories to make.