Island Rush (79 page)

“Tell me. What is it?” he whispered, rubbing his thumb over my hand.

I sat up, knowing I needed to tell him.  He wouldn’t want me after this. He would see I was right and that he needed to move on without me for a better life. Straightening myself against the side of the barn, I tilted my head towards him, forcing my tears to stop. His legs outstretched before him, I watched his worried and sad face as he waited, watching me. 

“I know I would get over what happened if I stayed with you. Some things won’t fade, though.  Some damage is permanent.”

His eyes widened with realization, shock crawling over his face.  He looked deeper into my eyes as if he needed to search for an answer there.  “What is it?” he asked, voice so quiet that I barely heard.  It was as if he was afraid to ask and I could tell he was.  Even though he asked, I could tell he was quite sure of what I meant.  He just couldn’t bring himself to say it.

I squeezed his hand in mine. “I can’t reproduce. I can’t have children.”

His face broke as he bit his lip, moving his gaze away from me for a small second, just looking out in front of him.  He looked at nothing in particular as he stared to the other side of the barn.  He clenched his teeth, tears forming around his eyes. I felt his bandaged hand shake in mine.  His breath turned fast and hard, uneven. His mechanical hand moved up, running it through his hair as he closed his eyes tightly.  Breathing harder, he slammed his head back in anger.  It hit the wood of the barn but didn’t seem as if it hurt. 

Looking back up at me, eyes burning themselves in mine, he asked gently.  “Are-Are you sure?”

Pursing my lips, I looked away from his painful gaze as I nodded.  Glancing back to this poor man, I said, “My doctor told me that if I tried hard enough, I might be able to.  The chances aren’t great.”

He took a deep breath, eyes closed and trying to stay calm and in control.  A second later, he opened them, and a tear slowly fell. No matter what, it always seemed as if I was hurting him. He was silent for a long moment, processing it. I knew there was no point in trying to be together.  We both wanted to have children, and since I can’t, there was no reason he had to suffer too. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he said softly.

My eyes widened. “It doesn’t matter?  Casey, you want kids. I can’t give that to you. The world just doesn’t want us to be together.  Maybe we should start listening to it.”

He shook his head with purpose, sighing. “Do you remember what I said before on the island?”  I shook my head, waiting.  “I told you, with absolute certainty, that I would always be with you, no matter what.  No matter what. Got it?  Janice, we have a lot of time to think.  You are so young and don’t need to worry about that until you are older.  Once we get through the reporters and avoid attention, once you are old enough, and once we don’t need to hide our relationship, then we will worry about it.  When we are ready for that, we will try.  I promise you, we will try as hard as we can when we are ready.  And if it doesn’t work, we could always adopt.” He lifted my shaky hand, kissing it before he continued. “Okay?  It will be okay.”

I nodded.  I understood that and loved that about him. He was willing to wait until I was ready… until I was old enough.  But I still didn’t like the fact that we would have to try extra hard. He shouldn’t have to. 

“You could do better. You shouldn’t have to try harder with me. You also shouldn’t have to be reminded of why it will be harder.  And you will be reminded every time you look at me.”  At that thought, I dropped my head slightly and recalled my scars that covered me. I allowed my hair to fall forward slightly as cover.  I could feel my scars, knew they were there and visible on my face. “I hate knowing you can see the reminder on my face.  My face and my whole body.  I feel… tainted and marked with what he did to me.”

I felt him sit up, dropping my hand as he moved before me.  I saw from the corner of my eye that he turned in front of where I was sitting against the barn.  On his knees before me, his hand moved forward, and fingers brushed my cheek.  He tilted my face up so I was forced to look at him.

“I guess you forgot what else I said on the island about the scars on your back.” He looked hard at me, waiting for a response.

I sighed, recalling his words. “I remember. You said that my scars were beautiful because they were marks of my past that showed I was strong enough to have them. A reminder of what I have been through and what I have experienced to become stronger.”  I took a deep breath.  “These are all over me though and deep.”

“That doesn’t change anything.  Like I said before, it proves you were strong enough to go through it.”  He leaned forward, tilting my cheek up more.  “You are just as beautiful as you were before.  The most beautiful woman I have ever met. I look at you, and I see a bride every day.  You are so beautiful.  You have no idea how true that is.”

I felt another tear fall. Him kneeling before me like he was… I mean… dear god, what a wonderful man.  “Even if you are accepting and okay with me,” I said, voice cracking. “I can’t control how much pain I inflict on you.  I mean, you heard… everything.  I can’t imagine the pain it brought you.”

His face broke at the thought, and he looked away, pursing his lips. “It killed me.  Just like it killed you,” he said, a few tears crawling slowly down his face at just the memory. “But it killed me, it gave me pain because I love you. You have no blame in that I love you. My love for you was just natural, and that is that.”  He swallowed, and his face somehow showed more pain. He paused before continuing on.  “I… I promised you something.  And I broke it.  I told you that you would never have to worry about your father again or getting hurt like that.  Because I would always be there for you.  I told you that shit wouldn’t happen again.  Not only did it happen again, but it was also worse.  It was… god, baby it was pure hell for you,” his voice cracked.  “I can’t get past the disgust I see in myself for letting that happen.”

“You couldn’t help it,” I said, begging.

“And neither could you,” he said.  I pursed my lips, looking down for a moment as I held back my cry.  Dear god, he just wasn’t giving up on me.  He just wouldn’t and I never felt so loved because of that. 

My breath shaky, I felt his hand rest on my arm.  He pulled me to my knees, grasping my arms and holding me in place before him. “I don’t want to hear any more about me being too good for you. No more about you dragging me down if you stayed with me or about living my life without you. No more about you causing me pain.  I can make my own decisions.  The biggest one of my life is made with no hesitation.  I want to spend my life with you and only you. I want to go through everything with you. No matter the challenges we face, I want to do it with you. I love you, Janice Reeves.  Please. Let me be with you, let me help you, and let me love you like I know you love me.”

My lips broke its quivering stance into a light cry, tears streaming. “Casey,” I sighed. “I…”

“I’m not leaving you.  I’m not leaving here without your hand in mine,” he cried out to me, his lips an inch from mine. “I am not leaving here to face a future without you. I won’t. And even if I somehow wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to.  I love you… so damn much. I’m not leaving my girl. Ever.”

With his hands on my arms, he brought me the inch closer and kissed me, passionately and with so much love.  He slid his hands back and around me until I was surrounded in his grasp.  Tears still streaming, I kissed him back just as hard.  I felt his shaky fingers sprawl across my back and hold me tightly.  Oh, my God… I was home.  He was my home.

Breaking away slowly, his hands moved up to cup both of my cheeks, and he gave me soft kisses again, continuously across my lips in overwhelming warmth.  I wrapped my arms up and around his neck, holding him to me. 

“I missed you so much,” I said, kissing him back just as quickly and with just the same amount of urgency.  When we stopped long enough to take a full breath, I caressed his slightly wet cheeks as I nodded.  “I love you so much, Casey. I will never leave you.” I hugged him to me, and I felt him tilt his head to the side, kissing my cheek softly.  I smiled through my tears and knew we could do this.  We could get through all the problems we still were to face.

Chapter 80

“When will we be able to see each other?” I asked, knowing that was one thing that we would — or rather
are
— facing as of now.  We had to meet out at this barn for a reason, and that was because the people couldn’t see us together.  They would draw stupid conclusions of us being together.  They had no evidence even though it was true.  But if Casey wanted to keep his job and if we wanted the future we dreamed of together, we would have to keep our distance this next year.  I could get expelled, and he could be fired and go to jail if they found out we were together.  That was something we couldn’t let happen.

We were driving back in his car since Brad had to get back to work and was gone when we left the barn.  We knew we talked for quite a while since the sun was setting and it was close to dusk.  Now in the car, I looked at him for an answer as his hand rested on the wheel as he drove, his mechanical hand holding mine.  I saw him purse his lips and sigh, glancing at me. 

“Not often.  I will be going back to work in a few days, and you will be going back to school.  We will see each other around the school but I’m going to be teaching the juniors, and you will be a senior.  We will see each other in the halls, but we really should avoid speaking during school, especially since people will be watching us.  The new principal even questioned me about it, and I told him there was nothing between us.  I know he and the students will be watching regardless.  We are infamous unfortunately so it will be hard.”

“So… what does that mean?  How are we going to make this work?” I asked, not liking that.  We were together all the time on the island.  The last two months without him were hell.  But a year?  It would be hard, but it would be worth it if it meant spending the rest of our lives together. 

“I’ll give you my number, and we will talk all the time.”  He sighed, turning down my aunt’s street after I told him where to go.  He didn’t look happy about not being able to see me, and I felt the same.  Looking back to me, he went on.  “Every once in a while, we can meet at the barn so we will be able to see each other sometimes, but not often.”

I sighed as he pulled into my aunt’s driveway.  By now, it was close to dark, but I could still clearly see her small house with two stories.  It was worn down a bit.  The dark green paint on the side seemed to be chipping, and the porch looked worn.  With a few trees around the small front yard, the neighboring homes were close by.  Stopping, he parked the car on the small driveway of my new home and looked over to me.  He smiled sadly at me, waiting for a response. 

“What about Jill?  Won’t she know who you are talking to?”

He smiled, showing his perfect white teeth.  Squeezing my hand in his, he said, “Jill broke up with me.”

My eyes widened, and I wasn’t sure what to say.  “What?” I asked, feeling a smile spread across my lips.  It did make me a little uneasy as to why she would.  Was it because she saw Casey cared about me more than he should? Did she find out?

“That day in the hospital, she told me it was okay if I went and helped you because she said it was obvious you needed it.  Later, after I was rechecked into the hospital, I never saw her.  She ended up leaving a note.  It said she couldn’t handle ‘the new me’ and that she was upset about me going to help you, even when she wanted me to.  It was funny because ‘the new me’ was someone she experienced for barely an hour.  The note also said she couldn’t handle all the rumors about you and me, even though I knew she would have loved all the attention.  It said she might take me back if I changed and became the better man she knew me to be.  I never got back to her.”  He chuckled at that.  “I can’t believe I didn’t see how much of a bitch she changed into before.  Anyway, that’s one less thing we need to worry about.” 

I was shocked.  I knew she loved him, but I guess not much since she dumped him after an hour of seeing him.  It pissed me off.  Not that she was gone but that a woman would think of Casey like that.  They were together for a few years and engaged!  Though I knew with complete certainty that Casey didn’t love her anymore, I was shocked Jill was willing to give it all up like that.  In the hospital room, she seemed determined to stay with him despite being upset over irrelevant things.

“She just dumped you like that?  What a bitch,” I said in anger.

I saw Casey’s lips tilt into an amused smile and saw him hold in a chuckle.  “You aren’t happy she broke up with me?”

“Doesn’t she know how awesome you are?  She just up and left like you meant nothing to her!  Honestly, I don’t know how you didn’t see that she was an awful person!  How she doesn’t like you for how you are now, I don’t know.  I’d like to just punch her!”

Shaking his head, his lips broke open and showed me a huge grin.  “And I thought you wanted me all to yourself,” he said.

I smiled and scoffed.  “Oh shut up.  You know what I mean.  I’m just saying, if she didn’t like you for who you are, she is crazy and blind especially for leaving you only after an hour of seeing you.”  Sighing, I smiled as I met his eyes with mine.  Taking a breath, I said, “Still, that is a huge relief.”

After his chuckle had died down, I looked forward and out the dark tinted windshield to the house surrounded by the night.  The house was empty.  My aunt told me over that brief phone call that she had all my stuff shipped over here, and it was all waiting upstairs in my new room.

I groaned, knowing I needed to leave.  We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.  I didn’t want to leave him yet, didn’t want to say goodbye since we wouldn’t see each other for a while. 

Looking back to him, I saw a sad look cross his face.  He sighed as he reached over to the glove box, opening it.  He found a scrap piece of paper and a pen.  Grabbing it, he handed me the piece of paper with the pen.  “Here, write down my number as I say it,” he said.

I realized why he needed me to write it.  He wasn’t used to doing things that required the work of his right hand.  He still had to get used to the fact that he now had a mechanical hand and would most likely try to become left handed instead.  Even his left hand was tied with a bandage at the moment.  It left me wondering why.

After he told me his number and I wrote it down on the piece of paper, he went on.  “Call me every night, every day, and anytime at all.  I will answer.  You are the only one with this number because this phone will be on me all the time, unlike my other cell phone.  I want to hear your voice whenever I can.  Do you have a new cell phone yet?”

“No, not yet.”

He smiled at me as he turned his head back, looking behind him and in the backseat.  Shifting his body around slightly from where he was sitting, he leaned back in between his seat and mine, grabbing something.  Moving back into his seat fully, he smiled and handed to me what he grabbed.  It was a cell phone.

“Well, now you do.  I got this for you so we can talk.”

My hands taking the phone, I looked down and shook my head.  “Casey, you didn’t have to get this for me.  I could have picked one up in a few days.”

He smirked.  “I know, but I’m serious when I said call me anytime.  I want to hear you.  I couldn’t wait a few days for you to get a phone to talk to you.  So, to make sure I talk to you as soon as possible, I got you this.  That is if you decide you want to talk to me,” he said, teasing me by referring to the times he would call me in the hospital, and I wouldn’t answer.

“I will call you, and you better call me too,” I said to him as I flipped the phone open.  Seeing the screen light up, I smiled.  Though we couldn’t see each other, we could talk to each other whenever we wanted.  And I knew that would be all the time.  Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as I figured.  I knew it would suck not seeing him, but at least I could talk to him.  I put the phone in my pocket, looking to him.

“I already looked through the phone, and I got your number so expect a call soon from yours truly,” he said smiling.  He turned back forward, looking out the window as he ran his hand through his hair, smile dropping.  I knew, he didn’t want me to go.  Looking at him for a second longer, I noticed it was his bandaged hand that was running through the thick brown strands.

“What happened to your hand?” I asked.

He looked a little guilty and sighed, but a minute later, he hid it under an obvious mask.  “You see, this rat decided he was hungry and took a bite out—”

“You know I mean your other hand,” I said, scoffing.

He licked his lips, leaning back into his seat and groaning.  “I lost my temper and punched a hole through a wall of my house.  Turns out, the spot I decided to punch wasn’t as hollow as I thought.”

Feeling my eyebrows dip, I was instantly worried and more curious.  “Why did you lose your temper?”

He looked uncomfortable, not meeting my eyes for a moment.  He sat there for a minute, thinking through something as I watched him.  After putting together the fact that he was tense and not saying anything, not meeting my eyes, I realized a possible reason.

“Because of me?” I asked, voice out of rhythm.  Casey looked back to me, eyes telling me he was sorry.

“Yeah.  I lost my temper a few days ago after calling your hospital room for maybe the hundredth time, and you didn’t answer.  I just got out of the hospital, and Brad was with me.  I was determined to go talk to you, but he wouldn’t let me, telling me there was a reason you wouldn’t answer.  After nearly two months without hearing your voice, I snapped at that minute and punched a wall.”

Oh man, why did I have to be that way?  I knew he wanted to talk to me, and I wanted to talk to him.  But I was determined to stay away because I didn’t want to hurt him any more than I already did.  Obviously, all I did was hurt him more.

Leaning closer towards him in the car, I cupped his cheek, turning him closer to me.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t answer because I felt that I needed to stay away from you and I needed to let myself suffer.  I thought at the time that you needed to let me go and talking to me wouldn’t help.  I was stupid and should have figured I couldn’t hide from you forever.”

“How do feel now?” he asked, worry crossing his face.

“I feel… right.  There is no point in trying to keep us apart.  I get it now even though it will still take a while to process everything.  I feel I am in the right place.  I’m here with you, and we will get through everything if we are smart.  I’m so sorry I put you through so much.”

“Don’t apologize.”  He took a hard breath.  “When I went into your room and saw your brother… I broke and pulled him off you.  But the damage was done in the hours prior.  I know it’s something you couldn’t get over and still won’t be able to for a while.  I just was so frustrated at the moment, at remembering your screaming voice.  At recalling seeing him over you in that second.  All that was running through my mind was that I needed to hear your voice.  Because the last I had heard you, it was of you screaming and crying.  I wanted to hear you were okay.  I’m sorry.”

I scoffed, shaking my head.  “There is nothing to be sorry for.  I get it, I really do.”  Knowing darkness covered us, I moved forward and brought his lips to mine.  I kissed him softly, moving my lips against his before we slowly broke apart.  My hands still cupping his smooth cheeks, lips barely an inch from him, I ran my thumbs over the smooth surface of his cheeks.  I felt something within me spark as I was so close to him.  I knew this would be the last time I would see him for a while. 

At that, I pressed my lips harder into him and moaned, my arms moving up and around him as best as I could from where the belt was holding me back.  Wanting to hold him, I unbuckled quickly as he did as well, our lips never breaking.  When the belts were off, I felt his hands go around me, maneuvering me.  He pulled me to him, his arm on my back as his other helped moved my legs towards his side until I was straddling his lap in the small space we had.  My back nearly against the wheel, I kissed him with all I had, loving him so much.  My arms wrapping around his neck, I felt his hand clasp my neck as he kissed me.  With his other, he pushed the small lever on the side of his seat, making his seat recline back with a quick and loud jerk.  It surprised us both at the abrupt moment of us falling back.

Our lips broke slightly with laughter.  It gave us a little more room, though.  Pushing our lips back together, he opened his mouth, running his tongue along my stubborn closed lips.  His attempt made me smile.  I wouldn’t let him in as I shook my head playfully against his mouth.  I chuckled slightly through my closed lips at hearing him groan.  A second later, he broke away from me.

Through the dark, I could still see him well enough. His eyebrows were dipped, mouth frowning too.  “Miss Reeves, I think cooperation would be best to keep you out of detention.”

I bit my smiling lips, searching his face.  Once he said that and knew I heard it, he tightened his grip on me.  He pulled me back down against him, kissing me again and seeing if I would cooperate this time.  His tongue pushed against my closed lips, and I smiled again.  I teased him by keeping my mouth closed. 

When he realized this with a groan, he broke away again, giving me a fake glare.  “Detention for you then, Miss Reeves.”  He stared up at me with a blank and expressionless face, though his eyes laughed with the small act.  Sitting there, not doing or saying anything, I smiled.  I wanted to laugh but held it in as I saw he wasn’t going to kiss me again, which was my detention.  I stared back down at him in silence, loving this.  Loving him.