It Always Rains on Sundays (40 page)

Not to mention Cynthia's reaction. Then there's my mother (ye Gods!), this is the Salvation Army don't forget – hell and damnation forever at least.

Start packing now – I'll be run out of town.

Okay, time to lay my cards out on the table.

Our eyes kind've bumped, ‘Look here' I said, adding ‘this is all in the strictest confidence I take it?'

The big man nodded, certainly his face said. So far so good, easier said than done. ‘This is all rather' – I paused. ‘Okay, right at this moment in time. What's happened … Unfortunately Mrs. Quirke and I … that is to say, sadly, she and I are estranged, for the time at least.'

He nodded ‘Hah, estranged' he repeated ‘now there's an old-fashioned word – you don't hear that word a lot nowadays.'

‘We've both decided to split for a bit, does that help?'

He nodded affirmative, then resumed drumming his fingers. ‘Fine' I said. ‘However, sad though the situation may be. Even so I have to inform you that, for the time being at least we are no longer co-habiting under the same roof as husband and spouse, and in point of fact residing at separate abodes. However, strictly on a temporary basis I hasten to add. Indeed, I'm very much living in hopes that we can resolve our marital spats very shortly.'

‘Hah, you've moved – we have this information I take it?' he enquired grim-faced.

I stared (is he serious) ‘WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE LISTEN?' I said.

He flashed me a look, he folded his arms (okay, maybe I shouted). ‘I am listening. That I can assure you' the policeman said.

I took it one step at a time. ‘This is what I'm trying to tell you. Now, about the knickers. Okay, let's get those out of the way shall we. These are in fact the sole property belonging to my small daughter Lucy. Lucy' I repeated. ‘O.K. Not mine, Lucy's okay.'

He nodded like a donkey. ‘Uh uh. Little Lucy's knickers' he repeated, then added, ‘which were discovered inside your raincoat pocket?'

I nodded. ‘Right, precisely, now we're getting somewhere – left hand pocket of my raincoat, the same pocket in fact where your good officer found the roll of wine-gums if I'm not mistaken. Okay, so far so good.'

‘Hah yes' he said. ‘That's right, kiddies sweeties. I was forgetting those.'

He was twisting everything I said. What a crumb, right.

‘Wait, hold it a sec. Look, Lucy is … she happens to be a very sensitive child. She's what you might describe as of a nervous disposition, very in fact. It's just, well, sometimes she kind of … has the odd, shall we say accident. Okay, not all the time, but …'

Again he nodded. ‘Hah, wets herself you mean?' the policeman offered.

‘Eh, well, yes I suppose. It has happened on very rare occasions I suppose.'

His head shook slowly, he nodded.

‘What happens is sometimes she gets herself all upset.
Then, well, what with all this going on too, all this domestic upheaval and what have you. Then, when she heard about Ben dying so suddenly too. It's only to be expected I suppose.'

His face went really sad. ‘Hah. Oh dear' he said. ‘So, you've had a family bereavement. Sorry to hear that. Um. It's never a good time is it?' We both nodded.

‘No well, I suppose you're right, bad enough' I said. ‘They were both
very
close – upsetting to say the least. Then, when we had the little funeral service round the back of the garage …' I trailed off.

He stared ‘You're telling me, you buried little Lucy's brother behind the garage – are you mad?' he cried incredulously.

‘Huh? Nooooooo! Ben was Lucy's pet rabbit, stupid.'

His face got even redder. ‘Stupid?' he repeated.

He sighed deeply, then heaved himself out of his chair. He started spraying his geraniums, I said ‘She wasn't too happy about it that's for sure.' He turned from the window ‘Look here' he says ‘some valuable advice for you Mr. Quirke, kiddies playgrounds I'm meaning, keep well clear if I was you – get my drift?'

Nobody ever believes you, even when you try to explain.

Again he broke off, he gave me a long look, his eyebrows lifted ‘You see where I'm coming from, schools in general, dangerous places – quicksands in fact.' He stared out at the cement wall, then added ‘More for some than others.' He sat down, tapping his pen, his face went serious, then mused aloud ‘Does your name go down in the register, or what?'

He looked up ‘Along with all the other oddballs.'

He was talking about me, it's just dawned on me.

Is he serious? ‘Register?' I repeated. ‘You can't be serious?' I exclaimed. Hard to imagine, right, a Quirke on the sex offenders list – what next? ‘Most certainly, very serious' he assured me. He let it sink in, leaning forward, he said ‘Take this as a warning. Keep well away from school property in future' he advised, adding ‘or, next time who knows.'

Oh superb. That's wonderful – now he's giving me ultimatums.

We exchanged looks. ‘You mean, now I can't even pick up my own kids?' He shook his head, he opened his hands. ‘No, no, not at all – not entirely.' He went over to fetch a couple of chairs, placing them carefully, each behind the other. He sat down on the front seat, as if he was driving a car, both hands holding this imaginary steering-wheel.

‘Car' he said. ‘Parp, parp! Parp, parp!' he repeated.

I'd all on trying to keep a straight face I'll tell you.

He said ‘Now Mr. Quirke – I am now approaching little Lucy's junior school, bell goes.' Interrupted, there's a light tap on the door, a young female junior officer put her head around the door. ‘Excuse me sir. Chief Super intendant Hollingsworth, he's waiting upstairs.' She was dying to laugh you could tell – ‘Will you be long?' He acknowledged her with a curt nod of the head. She closed the door looking at her feet.

Meantime Sinfield kept both hands firmly on the wheel. He picked up where he'd left off, he looked at his watch. ‘Home time, bell goes, ding-ding, ding-ding (he
cupped one ear) – this is when you arrive savvy – got that? So where's your problem?'

I nodded like a donkey.

He went through it all again, just to make sure. He jerked up his hand, looking at his watch. ‘Not a minute before, okay. Home time, you with me – got that? Okay. Home time, school's out! Hurrah! “Hello little girl, had a nice day? Oh, wonderful!” – one quick smooth operation. In future this is exactly what you do, right. She climbs into the motor-vehicle. Brrrrrrm, brrrrrrm, brake off, we check our mirror.. all clear … Then, off we go – what could be simpler?'

‘Seatbelt' I reminded him.

He glared ‘We then fasten our seatbelts.'

He retook his seat, squaring up several files on top of his desk, he let it sink in. ‘Is that perfectly clear. No loitering, after that you then scarper – got it, one smooth, sharp operation. You then depart school premises in an orderly manner, bloody pronto – you with me?'

I nodded affirmative, by now I'd've agreed to pretty much anything.

Then, all of a sudden it was all over, at long last – he'd insisted on escorting me off the premises. Nobody spoke. We marched in step listening to our footsteps resounding hollowly, the whole length of the corridor.

We shook hands gravely out on the front steps of the Townhall. It felt good just to smell the fresh air once again. He stood stiffly, legs apart with his hands clasped behind his back. ‘Nice day' he commented, appraising the busy street scene, then added. ‘We don't see much of
you down at the Rotary these days?' I shook my head, ‘No, you know how it is' I replied. He nodded.

Too late, next moment he was gone. ‘How's old Barbara's Argetina Tango?' Maybe I should've said.

I steered myself in a bee-line towards Tony's Tavern.

After what I'd just been through what I needed right now is a stiff drink, namely a couple of shots of Jack D.. I'd a lot to think about. Right now I needed some space, time on my own to think things out. One thing for sure if any of this lot leaks out I'm a goner for sure.

Mind you I'm as good as dead anyway.

Just my effing luck, the first person I run into is Gabriel (gobby) Biggar-Titte, him and his gang of stupid, guffawing cronies I'm meaning. Everybody laughing like drains at things that aren't even funny.

That's all I need, you could hardly move, the whole place is crowded right to the brim. It turns out there's this big race meeting, they're all ‘shooting off' to Wetherby race-course. Too late I'd already ordered my drink.

‘My God, if it isn't the man himself' he bellows across the bar. Everything went quiet, they all turned at once – it's as if they know already. ‘NOT AT WORK TO-DAY? NOTHING WRONG I HOPE?' he says.

What's it to you anyway I thought. I took a big drink from my glass.

‘Bit of business on that's all' I said in a low voice.

Mind you, he was well away already you could tell.

He stared, his arm settled heavily over my shoulders, he leaned in closer ‘By Jove pilgrim you're as white as a bloody ghost. NOTHING WRONG I HOPE?' he repeated.

He was just dying to get to know something you could tell. ‘Wrong, why – should there be?' I made a big thing of looking at my watch. ‘God, is that the time – time I was making tracks.' Think what you like I thought.

If he thinks I'm buying a round in for all that tribe he can bollocks.

He grabbed my arm, his voice went secretive, his mouth came close to my ear ‘No, I thought I'd just seen you coming out of the
police station
?' he hissed.

I slid his arm off my shoulder. I nodded. ‘Um, you probably did squire.' I said the first thing that came into my head. ‘I'd heard a report about a black Labrador-cross without a collar that'd been picked up' I lied easily.

He stared, his glass stayed in mid-air ‘That's moons ago man.'

I nodded. ‘Um, I know – two years to the very day. We were all very fond of old Skippy, especially the kids. Just on the off-chance I thought I'd better check it out.'

Soon after that I finished off my drink, then left..

All this happening, that meant I didn't pole into work until almost lunchtime. No wonder I was dreading it. Old Docket for one, I'd let him down big time (he's bound to get to know sooner or later). What'd made it even worse, I'd just remembered, he's a long standing
fellow member of the same Rotary as my old adversary Inspector Sinfield. No wonder my nerves are in shreds – I'll say. I could just imagine it, ‘
Hello Wally, so what's new brother?'
(‘You mean you haven't heard the latest?') Wait till Cynthia gets wind of it – I'm dead as a doornail for sure.

Oh, the shame, arrested in public too, I'll never live I down.

Same at work – it's as if they know already.

Somehow you could sense it. Rightaway Kirsty comes up to me, she's looking very worried. ‘ARE YOU ALRIGHT?' (It's the way she said it). ‘Fine' I said. ‘I'm hunky-dory as a matter of fact' I assured her. Next thing you know, two minutes later it's Shiraleen's turn, she's as bad. She looked at me a bit strangely too come to think, she stared. ‘ARE YOU ALRIGHT?' ‘FINE WHY – why shouldn't I be? I'm bloody cock-a-hoop' I declared.

Both girls looked at one another, then burst out laughing for no reason.

Something's going on you can tell.

One thing for sure, I know I can count on one person at least. Thelma who else, she sensed my mood rightaway of course, before you know it, I'm sat down with a nice cup of tea and an Eccles cake – hardly a question in sight. Well, maybe the odd one or two. Who can blame her, then when I told her about what had happened. About getting myself arrested, outside Lucy's school I'm meaning. Her face dropped a mile.

Rightaway she let out a big groan ‘Oh nooooooo!' she cried out. ‘POLICE STATION – ARRESTED?' she
yelled. You'd've thought I was Public Enemy Number One at least. ‘Don't tell me you've missed you're important meeting with H&H over at County Hall too?'

‘Fuck it – who cares, it's only a job anyway.'

‘Try not to swear Colin, it doesn't become you.'

I nodded. ‘Sorry for my profanity.' She gave me a tight smile.

She shook her head, ‘Golly' she kept saying. ‘Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear' she repeated three times in a row. Somehow or other i'd expected more, you think you know people, right. Suddenly the phone rang, we both jumped a mile. She handed me the phone, her eyes were like saucers. ‘
Cynthia
?' she mouthed. They'd phoned her from the school (quicker than I thought). She sounded pretty angry you could tell, calling me bad names. ‘You stupid idiot – how could you be so bloody stupid' (etc, etc). I'd to hold the phone away from my ear.

Finally I said ‘Look, I'll speak to you later, okay' I hung up. Turning to Thelma, I asked her point blank – I threw my cards down on the table. ‘Do I look like a pervert?' I said.

‘Well, no' she answered in a slow either way kind of voice. It's the way she had to think about it, this is what got me.

No lady I thought, it was me all alone in that cold prison cell,
my hands gripping those cold steel bars
, not you.

Even her, her of all people. ‘I'm at my wits-end' I said.

Thelma sighed, then shook her head. She turned to serve a customer.

At lunchtime the sun came out, really hot, we went out onto the roof. Thoughtful as ever, Thelma had brought a big bag of fresh fruit off the market. ‘There's apples, pears, bananas, pomegranates or plums' she offered. She shook up the bag, then added ‘I'll warn you now, the pears are as hard as bricks.'

‘Banana, I think – have you got a small one by any chance?'

All of a sudden, then came the announcement I'd been dreading, distantly I could hear Eveline Walker's high-pitched voice coming over the Tannoy – telling me I was wanted urgently.

She repeated it twice. ‘Colin Quirke. Mr. Docket's office rightaway – at once please.'

Time to face the music.

Thelma swallowed. ‘Right then' I said, I handed her my partly eaten banana (suddenly I wasn't very hungry). ‘Right then' I repeated. Her eyes watered, she handed me a Kleenex to wipe my mouth. She gave me a tight smile.

I tried making a joke of it ‘Promise you'll write' I said.

She straightened my bow tie. ‘Good luck' she whispered. I tried to smile, I felt more like weeping.

Docket's door loomed large in front of me. I knocked, ‘IN' he yelled (he sounded rather angry you could tell). What else did I expect, I'd let him down badly – myself included come to that. He was over by the pool-table, lining-up a shot. I waited. He stooped, then sighted down the cue, going for the yellow. How I kept my mouth shut I don't know (
drop the blue then go for the red I'm thinking
), (he missed by a country-mile). He shook
his head, he scowled. Finally he looked up, he pointed to a chair. You could tell he wasn't best pleased.

I plonked myself down, then let out a big sigh.

He sat down at his desk without speaking, his face impassive. He brought out a part bottle of whisky and two glasses out of the bottom-drawer.

He splashed out two stiff drinks (he must've been reading my mind). He took a gulp, then winced.

I did the same.

He went straight into it, his face said it all ‘What in God's name happened to you? That bloody phones red-hot. Moldgreen especially' he said sharply. He stared, our eyes kind've bumped. ‘Sorry Aubrey' I said in a low voice.

‘What in God's name happened man?' he repeated. ‘You held up the whole bloody committee man. Harry Heptenstal's been of that chuffing phone three times. Nobody arses Harry Moldgreen about I'll tell you that now.'

He's right, if there'd've been a stone handy I'd've crawled right under it. Mind you, his look was enough. You'd've thought I'd kicked over the piss-pot.

Where to start – I even thought of telling him the truth for once. Oh sure, promotional suicide more like. I could just imagine it, pictures flashed through my mind:

‘As a matter of fact Aubrey, I've been stuck in a bloody police-cell.'

‘Well, we did wonder old chap.'

‘Um, suspected paedophile.'

‘You don't say.'

‘Don't worry – no actual proof, of course.'

‘Atta-boy – that's the ticket. Well done Colin.'

The older man's water-blue eyes remained steadfast, he was waiting for some answers. I owe him that at least. Where to start? I shook my head, I looked at my hands.