It Ends with Revelations (15 page)

‘There was a wedding group. You looked so young. How old were you?’

‘Twenty-two. So was she. We met when I was stationed at an airfield near here. Of course I’d no idea then – But I’m not going to tell you the story of my life; anyway, not now. Probably not till we’re safely married.’

‘Geoffrey, for pity’s sake! You’re not still counting on that, not after all I’ve told you about Miles?’

He said calmly, ‘My dear love, you’ve told me many things about yourself that I didn’t know, all of them valuable to me. But, as regards Miles, I’d already guessed he was a nice man, a good man, and nothing you’ve said has convinced me that you ought to stay married to him. Now stop worrying and let things sort themselves out. Either you’ll give in and marry me, or I shall give in and have an affair with you – but I’m ninety-nine percent certain I shan’t do the giving in.’

‘And if I won’t either? Do we just say goodbye for ever?’

‘It’s conceivable, I suppose. No, I refuse to consider it. Anyway, whatever the future brings, let’s just be happy for the rest of our evening. Please! Will you try?’

She said, ‘Try? God help me, I’m practically delirious already.’

10

A Teddy Bear and the Kama Sutra

When they were on their way he said, ‘You’d probably like us to stop somewhere for a drink, wouldn’t you?’

Something in his tone made her say, ‘Not unless you particularly want to.’

‘Me? I loathe drinking in pubs, even in so-called cosy village inns. As a matter of fact, I seldom drink anywhere unless it seems to me a social necessity.’

‘You gave us a very good hock, that night we had supper with you.’

‘Which my daughters eyed as if it were prussic acid. They have a real horror of alcohol. I’m not as bad as that so do say if you’d like us to call in somewhere.’

She said she was none too fond of pubs herself. ‘I suppose they’re most people’s idea of heaven, judging by the dozens of pub scenes in television plays. But they’re apt to make me feel gloomy, on or off the screen.
Anyway, I’m at present doing very nicely on auto-intoxication.’

He laughed. ‘So am I. And I’d hate to associate this evening with that faintly sour smell so many pubs have. But I’ll feed you on the way home, in a place I associate with happiness.’

‘Heavens, I don’t think I can eat after all that tea.’

‘Well, we’ll see.’

The sun was almost down now and a large, pale moon was rising. It gave her pleasure to see sun and moon together. But everything she now saw gave her pleasure. Every village they drove through looked enchanting – she refrained from mentioning that the lit-up bars of inns now struck her as fetching. The hedgeless fields had become delightful. The vast, cloudless sky shared by sun and moon seemed to her so beautiful that she longed to look up at it unobstructed by the car roof. At last she said, ‘Oh, please stop a minute. Let me out so that I can get the
feel
of everything.’

He drew up, helped her from the car and across a ditch into a stubble field. There was no cottage in sight and, even in the distance, only a square church tower indicated a village. She said, ‘You wouldn’t believe how seldom I get into the country. Comes of having no car. Well, Miles thinks he’ll drive again.’

‘Good for Miles. But it’s no concern of yours – sorry I said that; we’re not going to argue this evening.’

She said earnestly, ‘But, Geoffrey, there are some things I must get into your head – now, before we go any further.
Surely everything I’ve told you today must have made you see I’m unsuitable to be your wife?’

‘Don’t repeat yourself. You’ve already mentioned that you’ve no politics.’

‘There’s more to it than that. My upbringing, lack of education –’

‘Don’t be snobbish.’

‘Me, snobbish? I’m being the reverse.’

‘You’re being snobbish towards yourself, which is one of the worst forms of snobbishness.
And
you’re trying to make a snob of me. I shall be extremely proud of you as a wife. And if it’s any comfort to your snobbish soul you speak far better English than my children and I do. You don’t – to use Robin’s phrase for it – “mince deplorably”.’

‘That comes of living with Miles. I’ve always imagined it was because of Miles your children made friends with me.’

‘Well, you’re a half-wit if you still think that. The girls adore you. Even Julian fell for you – though he did have an idea, before he met you, that you might be what he calls a “cover woman”.’

‘Blast Julian!’ Then she added soberly, ‘But it’s true in a way. I’ve always done everything I can to safeguard Miles’s reputation. That’s one reason why I’ve avoided making real women friends; one gossips to women friends. And it’s an extra reason why I’ll never divorce him.’

‘Is there anything I can do to stop you arguing?’

She looked around. ‘Not here. There isn’t any cover. Not so much as a haystack.’

‘Well, I don’t know what your plans for the far side of a haystack were but at least, in a good cause, I’ll risk a kiss.’ After a moment, he added, ‘And my God, kissing you
is
a risk. I’m thankful there isn’t a haystack.’

She said weakly, ‘I’ve never felt like this before. It’s frightening.’

‘It certainly frightens me, in view of my honourable intentions. We’re going back to the car, my girl.’

They drove on through the gathering dusk. At last Thornton said, ‘This is where we leave the real country. From now on I shall be chaperoned by civilization.’

‘Did you say something about eating? Not that I’m ravenous but I daresay I could manage something. And it ought to be fairly soon if I’m to work up another appetite for supper with Miles.’

‘Why not tell him you’ve had supper with me?’

‘I’m not going to let him know I’ve been out with you for so long. You’re supposed to be a casual acquaintance – well, almost – and I shall have been with you’ – she counted up – ‘it’ll probably be eight hours. That might make him suspicious. Oh, not resentfully suspicious. But I don’t want him to be any kind of suspicious.’

‘I do – though I really want him to be certain. Anyway, the place I’m taking you isn’t far off. You may hate it. Perhaps I only like it because I went there with the girls, the last time they came to Hallows with me. They hated coming but there were things we had to decide about the house; it was a few weeks after their mother died. We were absolutely flattened by memories, regret, pity – though Kit
says she can’t feel pity for her mother; I think she would if she’d seen her during her last illness. When we were on our way back to London she said, “Well, now it’s ended. And we’re all going to admit that we’re relieved. In spite of everything, you’ve managed to give us a pretty happy childhood but we couldn’t be really happy when we knew all the horror you had to cope with. From now on we’re all going to be
madly
happy. And I should like
my
equivalent of getting dead drunk. Let’s go to an Espresso.” And we went.’

‘And that’s where you’re taking me now?’

‘If you’re willing. I suppose it’s sentimental of me but somehow the girls are so much involved with what you and I feel for each other. Aren’t you conscious of that yourself?’

She nodded and said – but this time without rancour – ‘The great Thornton take-over bid. If only you’d chosen someone who was free.’

‘I’m afraid the thought of rescuing you added to our zest. And it’s no use saving you’re not in need of rescue. Any right-minded person –’

‘Don’t talk to me of right-minded persons. Masses of them would like to jail Miles for life.’

‘Surely not nowadays?’

‘Yes, indeed. I’ve heard them on television,
screaming
with indignation.’

The café, which they shortly reached, was in a small town which resembled an overgrown village and still belonged more to the country than to London, though the wide High Street was garishly lit. The café, by contrast,
was a dim, smoky cave. There was barely enough light to reveal the tropical decorations on the walls, which contrasted oddly with the pink and white striped awning over the counter. Except behind the counter Jill could see only young people, all of them talking with surprising quietness, or not talking at all. The only raucous sound came from the juke box, which was blaring out a rhythm rather than a tune.

‘I’m afraid it’s rather full,’ said Thornton. ‘Of course, it’s Saturday night. If you’d rather not –’

‘Looks gorgeous to me,’ said Jill, though it was the clientele rather than the café that she liked. The boys and girls in their very ‘with-it’ clothes looked untidy and none too clean and yet somehow attractive. And each group seemed to her perfectly composed. ‘See, there’s a free table.’

They managed to slide into it. The clientele took not the slightest notice of them but a woman from behind the counter came to get their order.

‘The girls and I had some good toasted sandwiches,’ Thornton told Jill. ‘There were cheese, and bacon and tomato.’

‘Sounds wonderful.’

He ordered – ‘And coffee now, and more when the sandwiches are ready. Shall I come over for the coffee?’

The woman smiled (sweetly, Jill thought). ‘Well, it’d be a help. We’re busy tonight.’

Left momentarily to herself she gazed around. Every face she studied struck her as beautiful. She did not usually
admire long-haired young men but she thought those she now saw resembled Renaissance Italians painted by Old Masters. As for the girls, most of them were pale and even sickly-looking yet even so had a wan beauty. She wondered about them. The eyes peering from beneath long fringes were waif-like, vulnerable, and not at all innocent. One girl was cuddling a snow-white teddy bear; another was flicking over the pages of the
Kama Sutra
. Well, she hoped they were all happier than she had been at their ages but doubted if they were as happy as she was now … just for tonight, anyway.

Thornton returned with the coffee. She said, ‘I love this place.’

‘I don’t suppose you often go to Espressos now. And they’d hardly be in when you were young.’

She stared at him with mock-indignation. ‘They certainly were. I once worked in one, between stage jobs. Anyone would think I was Methuselah.’

He laughed and apologized. Then, after stirring his coffee, remarked, ‘While we’re on the subject of age, do you mind clearing something up for me? Kit told me Miles married ten years ago – she looked it up in some reference book – but from various things you said today it seemed you were only in your middle twenties when you married.’

‘That’s right. I was twenty-five.’

‘Then you are now thirty-five?’

‘I shall be, soon. What’s so funny?’

He had started to laugh. ‘Oh, my God!’ He passed his hand across his brow, still laughing. ‘I thought you were
much older. I thought you might even be older than I am. I’m forty-two.’

‘
Geoffrey!
’ She gasped, between laughter and outrage. ‘Surely I don’t look – I suppose it’s my grey hair.’

‘Your hair’s lovely and so are you. It’s simply … I must explain this carefully, it’s important.’

‘I’ll say it is,’ she said ruefully.

‘It has nothing to do with your looks. It’s more … I will
not
use that awful word “poise”. The nearest I can get to what I felt is that you have too much dignity for a woman of the age you really are. And the day we first met you spoke of yourself as having been plain as a girl in a tone which implied that your youth was long ago. Even the way you dress … Do you always wear shades of grey?’

‘I suppose I do now, unless I wear black.’ She looked at her summer suit. ‘But this is quite a
light
grey.’

‘It’s charming – all your clothes are beautifully chosen. But I’d like to see you in flaming scarlet – or better still, chalk-white; a long Grecian evening dress. I’d love that.’

‘So would I, now you mention it. I wonder why I’ve bowed out of, well, noticeable clothes. Perhaps it’s because of my height.’

‘Your height’s a great asset. The real reason is … Do you remember when we looked at that hat together? You said something about women who were old enough not to compete. Well, you unconsciously joined them. You stopped competing.’

If that was true – and she instantly felt it was – why and
when had she stopped? She said slowly, ‘That needs thinking about.’

‘And give some thought to the fact that your life with Miles is plunging you into middle age years and years too early.’

‘What a ghastly thing to say to a woman! You’ll have me taking to thigh-high skirts.’

‘All you need is to take to me. Oh, my dear, if you knew what joy it is to know that you’re still so young. And of course, it makes me all the more determined to have my way.’

‘But it’s my way too, if only you wouldn’t insist on marriage.
Why
can’t we …’ She lowered her voice and the juke box chose that moment to erupt into a record of unbelievable stridency. Thornton, leaning closer, said, ‘I didn’t quite catch …’ Jill, feeling that even a shout would be inaudible at the next table, said loudly into his ear, ‘
Why
can’t we just be lovers?’ – and looked up to find that the woman from behind the counter had brought their toasted sandwiches and more coffee.

‘Do you think she heard?’ said Jill, when the woman had gone.

‘Of course,’ said Thornton cheerfully. ‘But never mind, this isn’t my constituency. Though perhaps she’ll now take up her ballpoint and write to the National Press.’

‘Oh, God, do you really think she recognized you?’

‘It seems a bit much to expect of her, as I only appeared once on television and it’s months ago. But seriously, my dear girl, and you are only a girl, at thirty-four, I’m not
going to be your lover. Neither my constituents nor my daughters would like it.’

‘Need any of them find out?’

‘My daughters find out everything. They didn’t at all like it the last time I had a mistress. Kit said they understood and even wished me joy but she thought it a very un-family thing. I found that distinctly off-putting. Now eat your sandwiches and give the juke box best for a while.’

She did as he told her, until the juke box, having achieved an ear-splitting volume of sound, stopped playing altogether.

‘Odd, one quite misses it,’ said Jill. ‘Can these sandwiches really be as good as they seem to me?’

‘Have another.’