Italian Marriage: In Name Only (16 page)

‘Yes. I’m glad to say.’

She watched as he put his jacket down on the bed and unfastened his tie. She could almost see the muscles rippling under his white shirt as his powerful body flexed.

No man had a right to be that good-looking, she told herself fiercely. She wished she didn’t feel this pull of attraction for him, wished that her body would stop betraying her. She needed to be sensible.

‘So how did it go?’ she asked quietly.

He flicked her a quizzical look. ‘Much the same way as it usually goes with him. He talked in riddles.’

‘He was making perfect sense when he spoke to me. And I don’t think he’s very well.’

‘Why, what’s the matter with him?’ Antonio looked over at her sharply, surprise in his dark eyes.

‘I don’t know, he didn’t say.’

Antonio shook his head. ‘He plays games, Victoria. He always has—don’t be fooled.’

‘So when he told me about the deal he drew up to give you his last remaining shares in the company if you married and had a child, he was lying?’

Antonio had been in the process of unbuttoning his shirt but he stopped now and looked over at her. ‘He told you that?’

She nodded.

‘He’d no right to do that!’ He sounded blazingly angry suddenly.

‘Why? Because it’s not true?’

‘It is true—’

‘Oh, so it’s because you consider this none of my business, I suppose?’ she cut across him angrily and angled her chin up as she remembered him telling her that once.

‘No. He shouldn’t have told you because it wasn’t his place to tell you!’ His eyes narrowed on her. ‘As I said, he plays games, tries to cause trouble, tries to force people to his way of thinking.’

She shrugged. ‘Well, whatever he was doing, you’ve got your precious shares now, so I suppose that’s all that matters.’

Was that all that mattered?
Antonio stared at her, trying to get a handle on his thoughts. When he’d first started out with this he had certainly believed that. But he suddenly felt as if he was in uncharted territory now, and he really didn’t like the feeling.

‘So I’ve just been looking at flights to Australia on the Internet,’ she continued.

‘You haven’t wasted much time!’

‘Well, what did you expect me to do?’ She forced herself to shrug. ‘I mean, now that you have what you wanted, our business deal is at an end…isn’t it?’

She waited for his reply, her heart thudding painfully hard against her chest.

Antonio thought about the question for a few moments. ‘I guess it is,’ he said slowly.

The answer hurt. But somehow she kept her head held high, kept her dignity. But it was a struggle.

‘I’ve found a flight that leaves at eight-thirty tonight.’ She swallowed hard, wanting him to tell her not to go, wanting this to be all right and for him to realize that really he couldn’t live without her.

‘Tonight?’ He looked shocked and she felt a stab of hope.

‘Yes, it’s the earliest one I could find. It goes via Rome.’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he said firmly. ‘And anyway, you don’t have to rush off so quickly.’

‘Don’t I?’ She raised her eyes to his. ‘Is there any reason why not?’

It was the nearest she could manage to asking him how he felt about her, without actually saying the words.

The question seemed to burn between them.

For a few precious heartbeats she hoped he was going to come closer, that he wanted to take her into his arms.

His dark eyes seemed to pierce through her.

‘Things are okay the way they are.’ He shrugged. ‘I think we could let the situation continue for a while.’

Was that it? she wondered angrily. Was that the best he could do? Well, she thought she deserved more than that. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Antonio.’ Her voice trembled. ‘It’s the opening night for my new restaurant next week and I would like to be there for it.’ She started to turn away from him but he caught her wrist suddenly and pulled her back.

‘The staff can see to that. You don’t need to be there.’

The touch of his hand made her senses ache. She wanted to fold into his arms. She wanted to just say,
Yes, yes, OK, I’ll stay here with you.
Wanted to take any scrap of affection that he could spare for her.

‘We’ve been having a good time, haven’t we? Why end it so abruptly?’ he asked her huskily.

Their eyes locked.

It would be so easy to just agree. She wanted to so much…but then she remembered Nathan, remembered the joy in his eyes whenever he saw Antonio, remembered the way he looked for him and ran into his arms. The longer she stayed here the more attached her son would get to him. It wouldn’t be fair. She had to put Nathan first. At least now he was still so young that he would forget Antonio relatively quickly—the older he got, the harder it would be.

‘Yes, we’ve had a good time.’ Her eyes were filled with the intensity of her emotions. ‘But a good time isn’t enough for me, Antonio. I have a child—I need to think sensibly about where this is going…for both of our sakes.’

He frowned and allowed his hand to drop from her wrist. ‘You know I can’t make you promises, Victoria….’

‘I know.’ She looked away from him and swallowed on the tears that wanted to rise in her throat. ‘And I have to go home, Antonio.’

A
S
V
ICTORIA
made her way across the crowded restaurant, people stopped her to congratulate her on the evening. The food was fabulous, they said, and the ambience perfect.

‘We’ve done it,’ her head chef, Berni, gushed in delight as she walked through to the kitchen. ‘We’ve pulled it off. The opening night is a complete success and we are now on the map as the place to dine in Sydney.’

‘Well…let’s not get too carried away, Berni,’ she said cautiously. ‘It’s just the first night.’

‘No, you don’t understand.’ He caught her by the hand and led her towards the doorway. ‘Do you see that man sitting over by the window—that’s Paul Scott, one of
the
most revered food critics in the business. And he just called me over to tell me he loved everything about his dining experience here tonight and for us to read his review in the
Daily Journal
tomorrow.’

‘Really!’ Victoria turned wide eyes on her chef and he laughed.

‘Yes, really. We are absolutely made!’

She smiled, and tried to get some real enthusiasm into her voice. She should be thrilled. What the hell was the matter with her? she wondered angrily. ‘Well, listen, I’m just going to go and take a break and check with the babysitter that all is fine with Nathan. I won’t be a minute.’

‘It’s OK, you don’t need to rush. The crowd is thinning out now. It’s all under control here.’

‘Thanks, Berni.’ She headed out of the side door and up the steps to the terrace of her apartment.

It was a relief to be outside in the warmth of the evening air. And for a moment she stood looking down at her restaurant. She could see the candlelight flickering on the tables, could hear the faint strains of music from the quartet she’d hired for the evening. They were playing Puccini, and she had a sudden memory of that night in Venice when Antonio had kissed her.

She should have told them not to play that! She’d been trying so hard not to think about Antonio. She didn’t need or want him in her life, she told herself staunchly.

The distant lights of Sydney Harbour glittered and blurred against the velvet darkness of the sky and she blinked furiously. She wouldn’t cry; he wasn’t even worth that—and besides, she’d lose her contact lenses.

A warm breeze rustled through the bougainvillea and the jasmine that covered the terrace where she and Nathan sat to have their breakfast.

She took a deep breath of the scented air and gathered herself back under control.

She should be happy her new restaurant was a success; she was a woman of independent means. OK, Antonio had bankrolled her but it was only what he owed her after ousting her from her last property. And she’d pay back the money that he’d advanced to get her going. Would pay it back with interest because she really didn’t want to be beholden to him.

She was going to be able to run her own life efficiently from now on, she reminded herself firmly. She and Nathan didn’t need Antonio Cavelli.

From now on there would be no regrets. She couldn’t allow herself to remember the wonderful times in his arms. Or the way he’d swung Nathan into the air and laughed with them.
It hurt too much. Instead she needed to remember that warm Italian evening when he had calmly let her go.

‘You know I can’t make you promises, Victoria….’

The words echoed through her mind angrily now. He’d sent Sarah up to help her pack and then he had calmly gone out.

Sarah had been distraught. ‘Why are you going, signora?’ she had asked her. ‘You will be coming back?’

‘I don’t think so, Sarah… This marriage was never meant to be. You know that.’

‘No! You and Antonio are perfect together and if he lets you go it’s because he’s too stubborn and afraid to admit it.’

‘Antonio isn’t afraid of anything. He just doesn’t want me. If he did he would be here with me now. He wouldn’t have sent you.’

The woman hadn’t been able to say anything to that. Because deep down she must have known Victoria was right. Sarah had cried when the limousine had arrived to collect her. Had hugged Nathan fiercely.

Just thinking about it now made Victoria’s eyes fill with tears again.

So no, she wasn’t going to remember Antonio with sentimental thoughts. She was going to stay angry. He was cold and emotionless. He thought by throwing money at a problem it made everything all right.

When she’d arrived at the airport she’d found he’d upgraded her to first class. She supposed he thought that made everything better!

Well, it didn’t.

He’d also sent a magnificent bouquet of flowers for her tonight. With a card that read,
Thinking of you tonight. Good luck. Antonio.

She was filled with a furious stabbing pain now as she thought about it. How dare he send her flowers and wish her well so…flippantly!

He was patronizing, arrogant—hateful!

She’d thrown the bouquet out in a fit of temper. He could keep his damn flowers!

Hurriedly she turned and went up and into her apartment. Margaret, her babysitter, was sitting watching TV in the open-plan lounge.

‘Is everything OK?’ She jumped up as Victoria came in.

‘Yes, you relax. I’m just having a quick break and I thought I’d check on Nathan.’

‘He’s fast asleep.’

‘I’ll just pop my head around the door anyway.’

The only time she felt happy these days was with her son. She leaned against the cot and looked down at the sleeping child, gathering her strength.

Even he had missed Antonio. She’d taken him to the park yesterday and they’d eaten ice cream and then Nathan had turned and said Antonio’s name. He couldn’t quite pronounce it and it had come out as Anio.

‘Anio is not here, darling,’ she’d told him softly. ‘He’s at his house in Italy.’

Nathan had looked upset—and that had torn her apart even more.

But it just went to show that she’d done the right thing in coming back here. The longer she’d stayed with Antonio, the harder this would have been.

She pressed a kiss on his forehead and told herself it was time to get back to work.

It was late and there were only a few diners left in the restaurant when she returned.

She allowed her receptionist, Emma, to go home and took over at the desk.

About another half an hour and she reckoned the place would be empty and she could turn in. The front door opened. ‘Sorry, we’re closed,’ she said regretfully and looked up.

For a moment she thought she was dreaming.

Antonio was standing in front of her. He looked as he
always looked, too handsome for words, and yet different in some way.

Maybe he wasn’t really here; maybe she’d dreamt him up. Maybe she’d worked far too many hours and was hallucinating.

‘Hello, Victoria.’

The deep Italian tones were real enough!

‘What on earth are you doing here?’ she whispered as the colour drained from her face.

‘Now that’s not a very welcoming line.’ He admonished and gave her a half-smile. His manner was as arrogantly confident as always and yet… There was something different in the darkness of his eyes. ‘Surely you can do a bit better than that?’

‘I don’t think I can,’ she said stiffly. Yet every instinct was telling her to forget her pride and just go around the counter and fall into his arms. But she couldn’t. He’d hurt her too much and she couldn’t put herself through that again. And anyway, he was probably only here because he was at a loose end. ‘I take it you are just passing through the city on business?’

He nodded. ‘Yes, very important business.’

‘It always is important business with you, isn’t it?’ She looked away from him and pretended to be continuing on with her work, putting the tabs for the remaining tables in order. But in reality she couldn’t concentrate on anything except him.

‘I found this, and needed to return it.’ He placed a little red toy car down on the desk. It was the car that Nathan had loved so much that he’d run around with it clamped tightly in his hand all the time.

She looked at it in surprise and then raised her eyes to his.

‘I found it in the lounge after you’d left and just the sight of it did something very strange to me.’

‘What do you mean?’ Her heart was starting to beat with hard uneven strokes against her ribs.

‘I mean—it made me feel like someone had wrenched out my insides.’ For a second he sounded angry. ‘Is that clear
enough for you? I’m saying that my house is unbearably quiet, that my life is unutterably lonely. And that I want you and Nathan to come home.’

She stared at him in astonishment. ‘You miss Nathan?’

‘Only every minute of every day.’ He gave a depreciating shrug. ‘Funny, isn’t it? I’m the guy who didn’t want children, and I thought I was being oh, so clever when I married you. And now look what you’ve done to me!’ He raked a hand through the darkness of his hair impatiently. ‘You’ve turned my life upside down! I used to be happy working long hours in the office. My home life was unimportant. And now…’ He trailed off. ‘Now I’m not happy anywhere.’

She didn’t answer him; her mind was racing in circles of confusion. There was a part of her that was thrilled beyond belief that he was saying these things—this was good,
wasn’t it
?

Berni came up to the desk and looked from one to the other of them in bafflement. They were just staring at each other across the counter, neither speaking.

‘Is everything all right?’ he asked.

Neither answered.

‘Victoria, do you want me to take over here and lock up for you so that you can talk properly to Signor Cavelli?’

She shook her head uncertainly, but Antonio answered for her. ‘Thanks, that would be appreciated.’

‘Antonio, I—’ But she didn’t get a chance to say anything else because he was heading towards her with a look of determination in his eyes.

‘We need to talk,’ he said, reaching for her hand.

The touch of his skin against hers opened up so many memories in her heart…memories of his caresses, his kisses. The long hot nights of pleasure, entwined with him in satin sheets.

Fiercely she pulled away from him, trying to close the thoughts out. But she walked with him towards her apartment.

He was right—they did need to talk.

‘So how is Nathan?’ Antonio asked softly as they walked along the balcony towards the sliding glass doors.

‘He’s OK.’ She shrugged. ‘Fast asleep right now.’ She didn’t tell him that her son had missed him, too. She needed to tread carefully. How did she know that Antonio meant what he was saying? OK, maybe he missed Nathan now but it could just be a fleeting emotion. What if Antonio changed his mind? What if after a few months he no longer wanted them again?

What had really changed?

And he hadn’t said anything about his feelings for her. Hadn’t said he’d missed her, had never told her he loved her.

But of course he couldn’t love her—if he had he wouldn’t have let her go.

She dealt with Margaret as Antonio looked around.

‘Do you want me the same time tomorrow night?’ the woman asked, flicking a curious and appreciative glance towards the handsome Italian.

‘Yes, please.’ She tried to smile and to sound briskly businesslike.

She accompanied the woman to the front door and saw her out. And when she returned to the lounge it was empty.

She found Antonio in Nathan’s nursery. He was putting the model car down beside him in the cot.

‘So he sees it when he wakes up,’ he told Victoria as he glanced over at her.

She nodded. For a moment they stood next to each other, looking down at the sleeping child, then he turned to her, his gaze sweeping over her, taking in the perfect curves of her body in the attractive blue dress, and the fact that she’d had her hair restyled into structured layers that suited her classical features. ‘Your hair is lovely,’ he said. ‘But I’m glad you didn’t have too much cut off.’

‘I thought you didn’t like it all loose and untidy.’ She felt a little self-conscious for a moment. How was it he was always able to make her feel like that? she wondered angrily.

‘Oh, I liked it all right—that was the problem. I liked it too much,’ he said huskily. ‘I liked your prim and proper ways and even your damn stubbornness.’

‘I don’t have prim and proper ways.’ She arched her head up, and he smiled.

‘I should have known I was in trouble the first time you looked at me like that.’

He reached out a hand and touched her chin, then traced his hand upwards along the side of her face. His eyes were on her lips.

‘Don’t, Antonio.’ She stepped away from him.

‘I want you and Nathan to come home with me, Victoria, and…’ He trailed off suddenly as his gaze narrowed on her left hand. ‘You’re not wearing your wedding ring!’

‘I didn’t see the point.’ Her voice trembled. ‘Our marriage was just a business deal, and you said it was over.’

He said something in Italian, his eyes fierce. ‘I shouldn’t have let you walk away, Victoria. It was a big mistake.’

‘No, it wasn’t—it was how you felt!’

‘I was fighting against how I felt, Victoria, trying to pretend that I was in control. I didn’t want to fall in love with you.’ He moved closer to her. ‘But I did…And I’m sorry but I can’t let you go without a fight! I’ve torn up the contract we made—it’s in shreds in my office!
You are my wife, Victoria—you belong to me.
’ The rough uneven edge to his voice tore into her. ‘And I want you back!’ His eyes were on her mouth. ‘I want you now.’

Her body sizzled with fire as he reached for her, pulling her into his arms, crushing his lips against her. The kiss was filled with brutal angry need. ‘I want you in a way that I swore I would never want anyone—with a deep aching need that fills every part of me.’

She looked up at him in wonder as he pulled back from her.

‘I know I forced you into this marriage, Victoria,’ he grated roughly. ‘I know you can probably never feel the same way
about me. And I’ve tried to stay away—tried to let you get on with your life and have your precious restaurant opening—but I can’t bear it! I can’t live without you. I want you in my bed. I want to have more children with you. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Please be my wife.’