Authors: C.E. Hansen
He
patted my ass as he passed me to grab his keys from the breakfast bar behind me. I went back into the bedroom to get my clutch. I threw my blush and lipstick inside then snapped it closed. I grabbed my coat from my closet.
The loud screeching of tires outside the apartment rocked me to the core and a cold chill
shot up my spine. I ran to the front door and looked across the boulevard. People in cars were stopping; a crowd started forming. I was in a daze, everything in slow motion. I was breathing rapidly. I pulled my coat on and ran outside, no longer caring if the rain got my hair wet.
I looked in the direction of
the gathering group. A man was screaming into his cell phone; the woman standing next to their car vomited. I looked down the street trying to see what they were looking at. It looked like someone had run over a dog. I turned my head, nauseous myself. The man’s terrified voice got my attention and I turned in his direction.
“
He’s still breathing! Grab something to cover him, he’s going into shock!”
T
hat was a strange thing to say about an animal, but I still couldn’t look. I searched the street for Craig, knowing if an animal were hurt, he was definitely right there helping. We were going to be late anyway.
Damn
.
I called his name
, but there was so much auxiliary noise I could hardly hear myself; I was positive Craig couldn’t hear me. An ambulance siren in the distance was getting closer. Again, odd.
“I’m losing him!
Where the hell is that ambulance?” The man started panicking.
I
forced myself to walk closer, pushing through the crowd. I avoided looking in the area the dog was; it would make me sick and ruin my night if I saw it dying, my heart already breaking.
Our neighbor Joey walked
over to me, grabbing me to him in a hug. He was holding me so tightly he was hurting me. I pushed against his chest and looked up into his face. He was clearly in shock, tears running down his face.
“What’s the matter
, Joey, what’s going on over there?”
“Jesus Christ
…Grace, it’s Craig. Someone hit him, and kept driving. It looks bad, really bad.”
My legs gave out under me and I slid along Joey’s body to the ground.
My head swimming in fear and shock, I blacked out. When I opened my eyes, Joey was kneeling next to me holding my hand. An ambulance attendant was talking to me. I couldn’t follow what he was saying. I just sat and shook my head. A woman was screaming, so anguished, so sorrowful I was deeply saddened for her.
That woman was me.
I sat up in my bed; sweat covered my body, soaking my sheets and pajamas. I was crying uncontrollably. My heart hurt so much I felt like I was having a heart attack. My mother ran into my room and held me, rocking me. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping to push the vision away.
I opened my eyes
. My bedroom looked exactly the same as when I left for college. It didn’t bring me comfort, didn’t stop the pain.
When I woke the
next morning, the emptiness pushed through every cell of my body. I had to find a place of my own to live. Make new memories.
I
picked the phone on my bed table and called Michelle Maloney.
“
Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Grace?”
The tears blurred my vision
. I swiped at them.
“I hurt so bad
, Shelle. It hurts to just breathe.”
“I’m
coming.”
I thanked whatever God there was for Michelle.
She was my rock, my touchstone. She knew me so well I didn’t have to talk, or explain; she would lift me up, get me moving again.
Michelle
and Craig were very close, and his death devastated her. She put her own pain aside to be strong for me and I loved her for that, I needed her for that.
“
Please.” Agony must have been apparent in my voice.
Michelle
, like me, knew a shrink and some soup wasn’t going to make me “all better.” I needed to let go of the depression that controlled my life. It was time I started to live. I had to let Craig go…he would want me to be happy.
That was
five years ago, and I’m far from
over
Craig’s death, but I have learned to live again. I will never love that way again.
I
moved out of my mother’s home and purchased my own apartment on the upper West Side, overlooking Central Park, and Michelle moved into the space created when I split the large penthouse loft in half to make two apartments. I run my own very successful business, an upscale boutique, that I bought with the inheritance left to me by my father. It feels good being on my own, not depending on my mother for anything. Except to drive me crazy, that I
can
depend on.
My mother, Katherine Worthington Preston Chancellor, is a spoiled
, stubborn woman. Trying to get along with her is an exercise in futility. We disagree on everything, except fashion and the love we share for my father. I look like my father, and in her mind if I am with her then he is too. She is overbearing, constantly worrying about me. If it were legal to lock me in a tower, she would.
“So much like your father.”
If I had a dime for every time my mother said that, I wouldn’t need my father’s money. Okay, that was an exaggeration. She is right, but I am my own woman. I’m smart. I’m successful. I am my father’s daughter.
They had a marriage most people would envy.
My father loved her and she him unconditionally. I was twelve when my father died. My heart is still broken.
Less than six months after
my father died, she married Franklin Chancellor. I’ll never forgive her for it.
“Karen, I
’m going to need you to stay a little later tonight,” I said, more of a demand than a request.
“Sure
, no prob.”
“G
etting a big delivery today. I need you to take inventory and price the items,” I directed. “Also, if you could make the PO, that would be great. I’ve got to leave.” I turned to go back into my office when I remembered more. “Oh, and there will be a separate order for me, at least it better be separate, just put that aside. I’ll go through it tomorrow when I get in.”
“Everything
okay?” She had a strange look on her face. “I don’t want to pry, but...I mean you seem a bit off today.”
“I
’m meeting Jonathan. He doesn’t have a clue,” I went on, “but I’m breaking it off with him. I’m just a little antsy, I guess.”
“I hear that
.” Her look was quizzical. “Like I said, no prob. I’ll take care of everything here. Don’t give it a second thought.”
Karen
looked at me like I’ve lost my mind. Because he is very good looking, people seem to believe I should kiss the ground Jonathan walks on. They don’t know what an ass he can be, how sneaky he is. How aggravating he is. Keeping that male model as an attractive escort to functions is just not worth the bother anymore. Weeks I have invested in this man who still won’t touch me. And he’s not gay, either—that’s been proven. If she wants a go at him herself…she is more than welcome to him.
“Thanks.”
“Should I take lunch now then?”
“Sure.”
As she went to get her jacket and pocketbook from the hooks behind the office door, I fumbled around in mine looking for my cell phone. I walked into the office, passing Karen on my way in.
“Be back in a bit.
Do you want anything from Jeremy’s?” she called over her shoulder.
“Nah.
I’m not hungry. Too much coffee.” Probably why I’m so antsy.
“
Okay, I’ll be back in a half hour.” The chime on the door echoed her exit.
I walked behind my desk and sat down.
Lying right there on the desk in full view was my cell phone.
I am a jackass.
I truly am.
I
pushed the invoices to the side and opened my laptop. Opening my email, I scanned the inbox for anything new. There was one from my mother, one from Michelle, and six from Jonathan. I check marked all six and put them directly in the trash. Next I opened the email from my mother.
Let’s get the aggravation over first; I haven’t called her in a while, she was probably worried
.
Grace Elena,
We haven’t heard from you in
days. We’re just checking in. We miss you. Love, Mom.
I loved when my mother included my stepfather into her conversations with me, like she conveniently forgot I disliked him immensely. I shook my head and typed back a quick response.
I’m fine, hope you are too. We’ll have lunch later this week. Miss you too. Me
I opened the email from Michelle next. Michelle was my best friend since first grade. She and I have been attached at the hip ever since. Michelle is the cool, calm and collected one and I am more the fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. She keeps me in check. A job I would never want
.
She is staying with me while her apartment is being painted.
Grace,
Plug your
cell into the charger; after you find it of course, it’s dead.
Call me.
Clear your voice mails. You have no room on your phone for my new voice mails until you clear all the old voicemails you never listened to.
CALL ME!
I shook my head and lifted the cordless off the base
then dialed Michelle as I plugged my cell into the charger.
“Hey.”
“Plug your phone in?”
“Yup.
What’s up?”
“You
up for this? Are you sure you want to do this alone? I’ll sit at the bar. Jonathan can be really intense when it comes to you.”
“
I need to get this over with. I’m at the point where I don’t even care that he had sex with some other chick. I just want out of this relationship, if you can even call it that. He fucked her but ignored every signal I threw him? And still he’s always watching me, stalking me, always lurking. It’s weird. Besides I think he would be even angrier if he saw you there. Especially with you obviously knowing what I was about to do. ”