It's a Green Thing (6 page)

C
aitlin and I met at the Paradiso Café this morning. To start with, I told her about the completion of the mural project. I also told her a bit about the little “sermons” that Brooke and Amanda seemed to enjoy sharing with the others and how others didn't particularly enjoy hearing them. “It was getting a little combative. Although we did establish an armistice yesterday.”

“An armistice?”

“Yes, we declared the work site a no-battle zone.” I sighed. “The fighting was really slowing down the mural.”

“I see…” Caitlin pushed a silky strand of blond hair behind her ear and smiled. Not for the first time, I was struck by how attractive she is. Not in that flashy, Hollywood blue-eyed-blonde way, although I think she could pull it off if she wanted to. But Caitlin has a softer, classier, quieter kind of prettiness. She just seems to radiate an honest sort of beauty. I suspect it comes from within.

So then I told her how Brooke fell off the ladder and coated herself in lime green paint and how we called 911. Caitlin's eyes got wide with concern, and I hurried to the end of the story.
“Fortunately, Brooke was just fine. She got up and walked around, and the paramedics didn't even make her go to the ER.”

“Oh, that's a relief.”

“Of course Marissa had to remind Brooke that it
was
Friday the thirteenth.”

Caitlin laughed so hard that she almost choked on her latte.

“Anyway, all that interaction with Brooke and Amanda has made me question some things.” I actually opened up my notebook. Caitlin has encouraged me to keep a notebook for our meetings—for questions or Bible verses or whatever. I glanced down at my rapidly growing list and shook my head. “I have a lot of questions.” I held up my list, and Caitlin's eyebrows lifted.

My Questions (as of June 14)

1. Are Christians really supposed to love
   everyone?
   

2. Why do some Christians seem kind and loving while others seem mean and critical?
   

3. What does God think about how we eat? Does He have a preference whether we're vegans, vegetarians, or meat eaters?
   

4. And what about the planet? Surely God must care for the planet since He made it. Shouldn't Christians care a lot? Why don't they?
   

5. Are Christians supposed to hang with people who aren't Christians? Sometimes I like nonbelievers better.
   

6. Like Marissa. I want to be her friend. And I almost
   wanted to go with her to the keg party last night—just to make sure she got safely home.
   

“Wow, this is a great list,” Caitlin said as she scanned it. “And just so you know, I won't have all the answers. But God does. Do you want to start with the questions that concern you most just in case we run out of time?”

I laid the list on the table and studied it. “Well, the first one seems pretty important. Are Christians supposed to love everyone?”

“That's actually an easy one.” Caitlin opened her Bible. “In Mark 12:31, Jesus says, ‘Love others as much as you love yourself.’” She smiled. “Doesn't get much clearer than that, does it?”

“That seems pretty straightforward.” I wrote down the Bible verse. “And kind of what I expected too.”

“Before that verse about loving others, Jesus tells us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Then He says that these are the two most important commandments.”

“And I assume when Jesus says others, well, He probably means everyone, right? Not just to love other Christians.”

“Absolutely. My Bible is the Contemporary English Version. But in other versions it reads, ‘Love your
neighbor
as you love yourself.’ You've probably heard that before.”

I nodded. “From my grandmother.”

“So a religious guy asked Jesus to define the word
neighbor
, and Jesus told a parable to explain. Have you heard of the good Samaritan?”

“Yeah, I kind of remember that from my grandmother too. Although I don't recall what the story meant specifically.”

“Well, it's in Luke chapter 10. It's a story about this guy who's been mugged and left for dead. And when some religious Jewish guys see him on the side of the road, they don't even stop to help.”

“Real nice.” I shook my head. “And yet they were supposed to be religious?”

“Exactly—that's Jesus's point. So this Samaritan guy comes along. And you need to get that the Jewish people felt superior to the Samaritans, and they put them down on a regular basis.”

“But the Samaritan helps the hurt dude, right?”

“Yes. And Jesus used that story to show what it means to be a neighbor. The Samaritan, even though he's been put down, turns out to be the good neighbor.”

Now I was trying to wrap my head around this, which led me straight to my next question. “Okay, if Christians are supposed to love everyone, why do some Christians treat some people poorly? Why do some act like they're better than others? Why do some Christians hurt others?”

Caitlin grew thoughtful. “Just because we're Christians doesn't mean we're perfect, Maya.”

“I know, but some Christians aren't as nice as some people who aren't Christians.”

“You mean the girls who helped with the mural, right?”

“Well, I didn't want to get specific. But I guess I already let that cat out of the bag.”

“My best answer is that some Christians aren't very mature in their faith.”

“Then why do they go around preaching at everyone else? Why do they act like they know it all and anyone who doesn't agree with them is a stupid sinner?”

“Sometimes it seems that the Christians with the smallest faith have the biggest mouths.”

“But that's so wrong.”

Caitlin gave me a half smile. “Sad, isn't it?”

“It's even worse than sad. I mean, here I am with Marissa and some others, and we're just trying to get this mural done, and these two heartless Christian girls are dogging on us and arguing with us and making everyone miserable. Why is that? And how is it okay?”

“Like I told you, I don't have all the answers. But I will tell you this. Brooke has gone to church most of her life. But it's only been recently that she started coming to youth group again. And I think she's trying to make up for lost time.”

“How's that?”

“Oh, it's hard to explain. But ever since Brooke and Amanda went on a weekend camping retreat and Amanda made her first commitment to Christ…well, I think Brooke feels responsible, like she had something to do with Amanda becoming a Christian.
And now she's on some kind of crusade.” Caitlin laughed uncomfortably. “If you know anything about history, you know the real Crusades got a little bloody.”

I nodded, taking this in. “So what do you do? What can you say when people like Brooke and Amanda act like that?”

“I try to speak the truth…” Caitlin sighed. “In love.”

“But how? How is that even possible?” Then before she could answer, I laid my cards on the table. “I mean, you talk about the Crusades being bloody. Well, the truth is, there were a couple of times I wanted to smack both Brooke and Amanda. I am not a violent person. I don't even eat animal products. But those girls made me so mad, I felt like I could've shed some blood. At times I think I hated them both. To be honest, I wasn't that sad when Brooke fell off the ladder. Oh, when it first happened, I was worried she'd been hurt. But when we knew she was okay, I thought she kind of deserved it. I didn't show it, but I was glad when they both left.”

Caitlin didn't say anything, and I was pretty certain she was ready to give up on me completely. In fact, I was ready to give up on me too. I was ashamed for confessing to all that. And yet it was the truth. The ugly truth.

“Seriously,” I said, “what kind of Christian does that make me?”

“A human one.”

“But you said that we're supposed to love everyone. And that everyone is our neighbor. But I didn't feel any love toward
Brooke and Amanda. I like Marissa more than them, and she's not even a Christian.”

Caitlin slowly nodded. “I have a hard time loving some Christians too.”

“You do?” Now this caught me totally off guard. “But you come across as the most loving person I know. You're like the perfect Christian.”

She laughed. “Then you don't know me well enough.”

“But I've seen you at youth group. You are sweet and kind to everyone—even kids who are totally obnoxious.”

“Then it's God in me.”

“But how?”

Caitlin flipped to another part of her Bible. “Second Corinthians 12:9 is one of my favorite promises. You want to hear it?”

“Sure.” I wrote this reference in my notebook too.

“Okay, this is like Jesus speaking to us. ‘“My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am.’” She looked up at me. “That's how God works. When we come to Him with our inability to do something—like being kind or loving when we don't feel like it—He can help us do it with His power.”

“But what if I really don't want to be loving? Okay, I'm trying to be honest here, and it's not going to sound very nice. But what if I really didn't give a flying fig about Brooke and Amanda? What if I just wanted them to go away and leave me alone?”

“Well, that's always our choice, Maya. God won't force us to do anything. He wants us to come to Him for help. But He's not going to shove it down our throats.” She closed her Bible. “But you know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you didn't like that about yourself. I think that's why we're talking about it now.”

I considered this. “I suppose that's true. I mean, I want to be a good Christian. I want to care about people. And I suppose I want to love everyone. At least a part of me does. Another part of me gets fed up.”

“That's understandable. If it's any consolation, Jesus got fed up too.”

“Huh?”

“Jesus stood up against a lot of the religious leaders of His day. He called them hypocrites and snakes.”

“Really?” Now this surprised me. Not that I claim to know a lot about Jesus or Bible history. But I did not know this.

“Absolutely. Jesus had zero tolerance for the leaders who used religion to beat people up. He knew that kind of religion only separated people from God.”

“So what about religious people who do that now? People who call themselves Christians? How does Jesus feel about that?”

“It must make Him truly sad.”

Then instead of focusing on Brooke and Amanda, I focused on myself. “So if I don't allow Jesus to love others through me,”—
I paused to really consider my words—“then I probably make Him sad too.”

Caitlin smiled. “Yes, but if you can admit to it, like you just did, there's still hope.”

“I guess I really do want Jesus to help me love everyone.”

“And maybe Jesus is going to use you to help girls like…well, like Brooke and Amanda.”

I couldn't help but wince at this. “Yeah, maybe…”

“And maybe Marissa too.”

Okay, that was a little more encouraging.

“I'm worried about her.” So I told Caitlin about Marissa going to that stupid drinking party last night.

Caitlin nodded sadly. “Those lake parties have been going on for years. I could tell you lots of stories about kids who got hurt up there.”

“I almost wanted to go with her. Just to help her stay out of trouble.” I frowned. “Do you think that would've been wrong? I mean, since I'm a Christian and it was a drinking party?”

“My first reaction is to say yes. That's because I wouldn't want to see you in a bad situation. But there are some questions without real black-and-white answers. That's why we need to keep going to God on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Sometimes He might show you that it's right to do a certain thing. Yet another time He might show you just the opposite. If we don't stay tuned in to Him, we could become like those stodgy old religious people who relied on their made-up rules rather than God's leading.”

That reminded me of Brooke and Amanda, but I didn't say so. I'd probably dissed those two enough for one day. Okay, more than enough.

Of course we had run out of time by then. I was partly disappointed since I had more questions but partly relieved because that was a lot to take in. Fortunately, I had taken notes and had written down those Bible references. I thanked Caitlin for meeting with me. “I know I've got a lot to learn. I'm glad you're patient.”

She just laughed. “Hey, I love meeting with girls like you, Maya. You've got a whole lot more going on than you realize.”

“How's that?”

“You seem genuinely hungry for God.” She nodded. “Nothing beats that.”

Of course, her “hungry” comment made me realize it was almost noon and I really was hungry, which reminded me of my third question on the list, one that would have to wait until next week—vegan versus vegetarian versus meat eater. Which is right? Or does it even matter? Or maybe, like Dominic had recommended, I just need to approach God directly on this one.

So as I left the Paradiso, I shot up a quick “Show me the way” kind of prayer. And it seemed God led me. Or maybe it was my stomach doing the leading. I'm not sure. But as I walked down the street, I smelled something delicious coming from the little pizzeria a few doors down, so I went inside.

That's when I realized I was actually craving cheese. Go figure!
So I ordered a green tea and an enormous slice of cheese pizza and snarfed down the whole thing. I think that settled it. Bye-bye, vegan. Hello, vegetarian. As far as meat goes…I don't think so.

And here's the honest-to-goodness truth: I don't feel the least bit guilty about making this change. I still have a real sense of peace. I think that might be God's way of saying I'm on track.