It's a Guy Thing (7 page)

Why Do I Enjoy Having Many Men Friends?

The energies of sexuality are such that if you are not receiving masculine energy from your chosen partner you will try to receive it from someone else. Some women aren’t with a man, and others don’t get enough masculine energy from the man they are with. These women often cultivate male friendships in order to receive masculine energy.

Don’t feel guilty for feeling sexually attracted to these men, as well as just wanting to spend time with them. When you are with a man, any man, who is full of masculine energy, you’ll feel it. You may be sexually turned on, or maybe just open, happy and receptive. This response is natural.

Men have the same response to women. When men are not receiving enough feminine energy from their partner, or when they are not in an intimate partnership, their sensors automatically open to feminine energy in all its forms. They become healed, turned on and enlivened by women who radiate feminine energy.

The giving and receiving of polarized sexual energy happens naturally. Sexual energy transmits itself naturally, like a flower’s perfume carried by the wind. By becoming conscious of the way we give and receive sexual energy even with our friends, we can enjoy each other’s gifts of masculine and feminine energy without confusion.

How Does Housework Relate to Passion?

Our intimate relationships have become ambiguous. We expect our partners to be our best friends, able to listen to our
emotional pain. We expect them to be our business colleagues, helping us with finances and decisions. We expect our partners to be housekeepers, childrearers, sex experts and conversationalists. Our intimacies have become a catch-all for all of our needs. These unreasonable expectations may inevitably lead to failure.

If we expect our relationships to work, we must define what makes our emotional and sexual intimacy unique. I want my partner to love me, but I also want love from my close friends, my children and my parents. So what is unique about the kind of love I want from my intimate partner? How do I want my intimate partner to touch me, as opposed to the ways that I want my child or close friends to touch me? We must define our priorities in intimacy, and stop demanding that our partner be everything for us.

In general, if you want a good sexual partnership, you cannot expect your partner to be like your same-sex close friends. As women, you can share your emotions with other women, truly understand one another, and be healed by such sharing. But if you try to do the same with your male intimate partner for too long, you are treating him like a woman friend, and he may become depolarized. Share your emotions with your women friends who can more easily resonate with you, and bring yourself to your intimate partner already healed by such sharing. Let him heal you and love you in
his
unique way. Let him heal and love you in the masculine style, as the most intimate man in your life.

Discover what supports the unique love between you. When he takes out the garbage and you sweep the floor, can you embrace each other in love? How about when you take out the garbage and he sweeps the floor? Find out the details of a life of love together. As a man, certain activities will
empower him and support his loving and certain activities will weaken him and diffuse his masculine energy. Likewise, as a woman, you may be able to maintain an open heart and body while cooking, but not while arranging payments with the landlord. Who knows? Be sensitive to the effects each activity has on you and your partner. Divide the household activities in a way that supports emotional fullness, sexual polarity and love.

You and your man are much more than housemates. As lovers, the gifts you give to each other are unique.

The way you divide the day-to-day chores between the two of you is one part of the unique way you gift one another, skillfully magnifying your love, sexual polarity and mutual respect.

Isn’t It Better to Be Balanced Than All Masculine or All Feminine?

A whole person is able to express both the masculine and feminine, in action and emotion. Such a person can focus and accomplish something without distraction but is also able to relax and engage fully in emotion, feeling and intimacy.

A balanced individual can exercise both masculine and feminine energy. However, for two people to come together as lovers rather than simply business partners or friends, it’s good for the man and woman to relax into their masculine and feminine energies, respectively, so that there is a polarity between them.

Culture determines the value placed upon masculine and feminine energy. In our present cultural climate, the masculine
is valued more compared to the feminine. Even in our body, in the way we move, we are expected to be more masculine than feminine.

When we are in our feminine there is a kind of relaxed, open, sensual and connected-to-the-elements way of moving. When we are in our masculine there is a kind of angular, on-the-way-to-a-meeting way of moving.

It’s much more accepted in our culture to move with purpose and focus. Otherwise it looks as though we’re too relaxed, too sensual, too happy. Society determines which style is most accepted, but the style itself is just an expression of the natural masculine or feminine energy. Both styles are necessary for wholeness, but in moments of sexual intimacy, partners need to relax into reciprocal styles if sexual polarity and attraction are to remain alive.

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Ungiven Sexual Gifts

Why Are Men Afraid of Women?

The feminine is the ocean, and the masculine is a boat on the ocean. The masculine navigates from one point to another. It takes the ocean currents, the wind and the shifting tides into account in order to reach its destination. The strength of the feminine could crush the masculine at any time. But with skill, the boat can joyfully ride with the ocean’s power and achieve a goal. The ocean is all motion, all energy, but doesn’t go anywhere specific. The boat can be devoured by the ocean, but it can also move with currents toward a specific place, whereas the ocean flows in many directions at once.

The immensity of feminine energy coupled with the direction of masculine vision result in fullness and balance. Yet the unpredictability and sheer power of feminine energy is daunting to a man who is weak in his vision.

That’s why some men say about women, “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” To many men, women are the most attractive thing in the world, like a deep blue ocean glistening in the sun. And women are also the most frightening and dangerous, especially when a man feels weak.

The delightfulness of the ocean and its wildness arise from the same vast source of energy. They are both part of the same feminine force. Men are attracted to the spontaneous freshness, the vast, radiant, always changing, unpredictable force of femininity. But they are also repulsed by this force in its wilder form. It requires a strong man, sure of his direction, to embrace a strong woman, full of energy, spontaneity and wildness.

Can a Man Be Strong and Also Feminine?

The whole spectrum of masculine and feminine qualities exists in all of us. On one side of the spectrum is the extreme feminine. It is like walking out in the dew of the garden and dancing in ecstasy, connecting with nature, connecting with life. But it may also be wild and unpredictable.

The extreme masculine, on the other hand, can concentrate on a task to the point of perfection, with no disturbance whatsoever and complete self-discipline. The extreme masculine, in a man or woman, cuts through obstacles and penetrates to the core of the issue, persisting until the final goal is reached.

In between the extreme masculine and extreme feminine is a full spectrum of being. Some of us are comfortable in certain parts of the spectrum but not in others. Very few of us have a free rein throughout the entire spectrum because we may be embarrassed by some aspect of our masculinity or femininity. All of us can learn to be full and whole throughout the spectrum.

For instance, when a man is really enjoying sex, he has a definite directional quality (masculine) as well as a real sensitivity to his partner (feminine). Men who are able to embrace both their feminine and masculine during sex are able to enjoy the sensual as well as the physical experience.

By freeing ourselves to express the entire spectrum, we become more whole as a man or woman. Even so, each of us will find our favorite place in the spectrum. And, each of us will be turned on most by a man or woman who expresses a unique “flavor” of masculine or feminine love.

It’s good to be free in our masculine and feminine expression. It’s also good to know what we want. Then, we can choose a partner who will not frustrate our desires to imbibe
of the more masculine or feminine flavors of loving. We can choose a man or woman who is able to love us in the way that fulfills the yearning in our heart.

Why Don’t I Trust My Man When He Just “Hangs Out”?

When the masculine is whole in men or women, they love what they are doing with their lives. They do it with integrity.

When the feminine is whole in men or women, they overflow with love. Their radiance transforms their life and their partner’s life. They uninhibitedly give and receive love.

When the masculine is whole, a person becomes a master of conscious doing, a master of vision and direction in life. When the feminine is whole, a person becomes a goddess of love, radiating love into life. Since all of us are both masculine and feminine, we can all become masters of conscious doing and radiant loving.

The feminine part of each of us feels supported when the masculine part of our partner is taking care of life business with clarity and integrity. In the dynamics of a man-woman relationship, if the man hasn’t mastered conscious, masculine doing, then the woman has to master it. Because he hasn’t cultivated his masculine, his partner may have to overcultivate her own.

When I lived on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, there were quite a few men who were beach bums with very little money. There was a strong tendency for men to be undisciplined in their lives and not master conscious doing because they could just hang out, enjoying the sensuality of Hawaii
and remaining in their feminine energy. Therefore, the women on this island became proficient at taking care of themselves quite successfully. Many women on this island had highly developed masculine energy because no man had come into their lives who was trustable.