It's All About Him (31 page)

'But I thought he left you,' Vi said.

'He came back to our room and found me packing and persuaded me to wait until morning. He was remorseful, kind, tender, and he held me in his arms as I went to sleep. When I woke he was gone.'

'With the money.'

'And a couple of other things too.'

'You poor thing, you must have been devastated.'

'Shocked more than anything,' Dee said as she remembered the trance-like state she was still in when she'd landed in Dublin airport. 'I had realized he had a problem although I tried to ignore it for a long time but I still thought that he was basically a good person. The fact that he had sunk so low that he would actually rob from me I found astounding.'

'When did you first realize his gambling might be a problem?' Vi asked.

Dee winced. 'Within the first year,' she admitted. 'We went to Las Vegas and we had great fun in the casinos but I soon realized that he was too turned on by the whole experience.'

'And did you say anything then?'

'Oh, yes, absolutely; we talked, then we quarrelled, and then I insisted we left. I was hoping it was just the atmosphere of the place and that he would be fine once we moved on but it wasn't that simple. He just went underground and lied to me.'

'He may have started gambling when he was still in Ireland,' Vi mused. 'It would have been easier to hide from you when you weren't living together.'

Dee shook her head. 'I don't think so. He seemed to change personality after Vegas and he was often very high or very low. I should have left as soon as I noticed but,' she smiled sadly, 'I so wanted it to work.'

'That's completely understandable; you loved him.'

Dee nodded, tears in her eyes. 'Yes, I did. The thought of losing Neil was a devastating one; worse in a way than losing Daddy. And the thought of coming home to live in that house alone . . .' Dee shivered.

'Those first few weeks in Dublin must have been hard,' Vi said softly.

'Awful,' Dee admitted. 'Lisa was wonderful but I just couldn't seem to get my act together. She got me information on different courses, on part-time jobs and on what benefits I might be entitled to, but I wasn't interested. And then I discovered I was pregnant. Once I'd decided to keep it – him,' she smiled, 'I decided to forget about university.'

'There are plenty of single mothers who go on to third-level education,' Vi pointed out.

'Yes, I know, and I thought I would return to it some day, but it just didn't work out like that. Once Lisa opened Happy Days and I got into cooking I realized I didn't have to. I still might do an advanced cookery course after Sam starts school.'

Vi smiled. 'You could probably teach it!'

Dee shook her head. 'No, believe me, I've still got a lot to learn.'

'But you'd found your niche.'

Dee nodded. 'Yes, I had.'

'Did you ever hear from Neil once you got home?'

'No, nothing, and even though I was furious and hurt over what he had done, I still worried about him. I thought about contacting Peggy but I didn't want her to know about the baby. Then we bumped into each other at the airport one day.' Dee laughed. ' "Bumped" being the word. I was eight months pregnant! She begged me to keep in touch, to let her know when the baby was born, and I agreed. She had always been kind to me and it wasn't her fault that Neil had behaved the way he did.'

'Did he keep in touch with her?'

'He phoned occasionally over the years but once she started asking him questions about where he was and what he was doing, he would hang up.'

'And then, out of the blue, he walks through the door, what, five years later?'

Dee frowned. 'Yes, he came back a couple of months ago, apparently. I don't think he had any intention of getting in touch with me until he saw the picture of Sam and I in the newspaper.'

'And his mother hadn't told you he was home?'

She shook her head. 'I think she was afraid too.'

Vi pondered all of this for a second. 'So why did he come home?'

Dee shrugged. 'That's what I don't understand and it's one of the things that makes me suspicious; why now? I can't help feeling there's a hidden agenda.'

'And what does Peggy think?'

'She's happy to have him back, obviously, but I think she has a lot of questions herself—'

Vi nodded. 'And she's probably afraid to ask them in case she loses him again.'

'Probably,' Dee agreed. 'They had a row when he found out she knew about Sam; he couldn't believe she'd kept it from him, especially since he's been home.'

'It must be a difficult situation for her; she's torn between her son and her grandson.'

'Yes, and she adores Sam. I am so glad now that I let her be a part of his life, she's very important to him.'

'Which brings us neatly back to your predicament. Do you think that maybe Neil could become important to Sam too?'

'I've no doubt that he would, Vi, that's what worries me. Sam is a loving and giving little boy but what if Neil just takes and leaves?' Dee nibbled her thumb anxiously.

Vi shrugged. 'I'm no expert, Dee, but don't they say you should always give children as much information as they can handle?'

'What are you saying?'

'Just that you don't have to tell Sam everything in one go, but feed it to him a little bit at a time. Neil turning up like this is a shock, and I can understand your anxieties, but Sam would have started asking questions sooner or later and you would have had to tell him something.'

'I already have,' Dee assured her. 'I told him that his daddy and I broke up before he was born and that it had nothing to do with him. I've never bad-mouthed Neil and I always told Sam that I was sure his daddy would never have left if he'd known I was going to have a baby. I told him I didn't know where Neil was which was true, of course, but by not explaining who Peggy was I lied to him and deprived him from talking to her about his father. She could have told him what Neil was like as a child and shown him photographs.' Tears started to fall again and Dee didn't even bother trying to check them. 'I deprived him of that.'

'Yes, you did,' Vi acknowledged, 'but you were just trying to protect him. Anyway, it's not too late. Neil is alive; he's here, as is Peggy. You can change all of that, it's within your power to fix.'

'But how can I trust Neil? What if I make this big announcement to Sam that his dad's back and they get to know each other, they start to build a relationship and then Neil bugger's off again? Or worse, he starts to gamble again and Sam gets to witness his downfall first-hand?'

Vi sighed. 'You can't protect him from everything, Dee. Other children grow up with parents' failings, some get through it okay and some don't. At least he'll always have you. By all means, keep a tight leash on Neil until you feel you can trust him again but maybe it's time for Sam to know the truth. And I think at some stage he should know exactly what his father did and Neil should be the one to tell him that.'

Dee looked vaguely shocked. 'I think that's a bit much, Vi, he's only four!'

Vi smiled. 'Yes, you're probably right, but like I said, he will ask questions and I think that you should feed him the truth in bite-size pieces.'

Dee absorbed these words in silence.

'You must remember, Dee, that this is very big in your head. Neil coming back into your life has been a huge shock, but as far as Sam is concerned, nothing has changed. He's still little more than a baby and you have plenty of time to get this right. Having said that, please don't let me or anyone else pressure you into doing something you're not ready to do.'

'Neil has suggested that I introduce him to Sam as Peggy's friend and then, if that works out, we can tell him the truth at a later stage.'

'It's an option,' Vi agreed, 'but it is also adding to the lies.'

'Yes, that's what I thought. Oh, Vi, I just don't know.' Dee dropped her face into her hands. 'It's all too much responsibility and I'm not sure I can handle it.'

'You can,' Vi said fiercely, 'you know you'd walk over hot coals for that child.'

Dee let her hands fall into her lap and she nodded slowly, suddenly drained. 'I would, Vi, I really would.'

'Then that's all you have to remember.'

In Vi's bathroom, Dee splashed water on to her face and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like she'd run a marathon or climbed a mountain; her eyes were red, her skin blotchy and with her new hairstyle she looked more like a waif and stray than ever. Burying her face in one of Vi's soft towels, Dee took a moment before going back outside.

'I'm out here,' Vi called and Dee made her way out to the small, cluttered, crazy kitchen that she always thought oozed Vi's personality.

'I thought you might be ready for some tea,' Vi was saying as she cut two pieces from a large chocolate cake, 'and a sugar hit. It's shop-bought, I'm afraid – my talents don't run to baking – but it's delicious, none the less.'

Dee sat down at the table and smiled. 'You are amazing, you know that? I would never think of feeding someone chocolate cake when they're going through a crisis but you know what? It's just exactly right.' Greedily, she bit into the cake and closed her eyes as she savoured it. 'Gorgeous. You know, you're totally wasted. You should be the mother of a huge brood of children.' She eyed Vi curiously as the woman nibbled delicately on her own piece of cake. 'Wouldn't you have liked that?'

Vi didn't meet her eyes. 'You can't have everything you want, life isn't that simple.'

'Tell me about it,' Dee laughed.

'And you didn't have a child alone, not in my day. If you got pregnant you went away until you had the child and then gave it up for adoption.'

Dee shook her head. 'I was shocked when I found out I was expecting Sam and I admit I thought about my options, but I can't imagine what it must have been like not to
have
any options.'

'It was hard,' Vi agreed.

Dee paused, her cake halfway to her lips. 'Vi?'

Their eyes met and Vi smiled slightly. 'What can I say?'

'You had a child?'

Vi nodded. 'He'd be thirty-six now, my baby.'

'My God, what happened?'

Vi shrugged. 'I got into trouble. The father was, let's say, already involved and there was only one thing for me to do. I was working as a florist at the time, here in Banford, and it would have been a terrible scandal if it had got out.'

'The father was a local too?'

'Yes, and it was a much smaller community back then; you couldn't do anything without everyone talking about it. My parents were devout Catholics and very involved in the parish and I knew they'd be devastated to find out that their only daughter had got herself into trouble.'

Dee stared. 'You never told them?'

Vi shook her head. 'I never told anyone. I said that I was fed up with life in a small town. I was twenty-two and all of my girlfriends were either married or engaged and I was starting to get these pitying looks.' She swallowed hard, her eyes suspiciously bright. 'I told Mam and Dad that I'd had enough of being the town spinster and I was off to the bright lights of London to find myself a man and/ or a career.'

'They must have been upset.'

She shrugged. 'Maybe, I don't know. I never really fitted in and they were never quite sure what to do with me. It was probably a relief when I left.'

'And did you go to London?'

Vi shook her head. 'Lord, no, for all my weird ways, city life never held any attractions for me. First I went to Bournemouth and I got a job working in another florists'. I told them I was a widow and they were very sympathetic. I had a good pregnancy and I was able to work right up until I went into labour. I had already made arrangements for the child to be adopted and they came to the hospital for him three hours after he was born.'

'Three hours,' Dee gasped, 'Oh, Vi, you poor thing. I can't imagine having to hand over Sam just like that.'

Vi stared into the fire, obviously reliving the moment. 'That was the hardest part,' she said, her voice barely audible. 'I had never considered keeping the child, I knew it would be better off in a proper family, but I never realized that I would have some time with it, with him.' She sighed. 'He was so beautiful he took my breath away. I couldn't stop looking at him and I inspected him from head to toe trying to memorize every precious inch. The nurses wanted to take him away but I wouldn't let them. I had only this small amount of time with him and I wasn't going to give up any of it.'

'Do you have a photo?'

Vi shook her head as she reached into her sleeve for a lacy handkerchief. 'I never even thought of it, but I wouldn't have been able to afford a camera even if I had. But it's okay because I have a picture right in here.' She smiled at Dee as she tapped her finger on the side of her head.

After allowing Vi a moment Dee asked the question. 'Do you know what happened to him?'

Vi nodded. 'He went to a lovely family in the locality; they already had two young sons so I'm sure he must have been very happy.'

'But he's never tried to contact you?'

Vi shook her head. 'No.'

'How would you feel if he did?' Dee persisted.

'I have no idea, but it's hardly likely at this stage.'

'Did you leave Bournemouth after you—'

'Gave him away?' Vi said, her voice sharp.

'Vi! I'm not judging you!' Dee looked shocked and hurt.

Vi patted her hand. 'No, darling, I know you're not. I suppose I'm still a little sensitive on the subject, even after all these years. I moved to the Isle of Man and got a job—'

'In a florists'?'

Vi nodded, smiling. 'Indeed. I worked for this lovely lady for fifteen years, Daphne Valentine, and when she died she left the shop to me. I had started to paint in my spare time and I decided to take her name; it seemed a much more appropriate artist's name than McDonald!'

Dee laughed.

'I struck up a friendship with a local artist, John Drake,' Vi continued. 'He taught me a lot and we had some good times together.'

Dee raised an eyebrow. 'Oh, yes?'

Vi smiled. 'It was a very casual, relaxed sort of friendship and yes, we became lovers, but it was out of loneliness more than anything else. He died five years ago and that was when I decided to sell up and come home. And' – she smiled at Dee – 'here I am.'