It's Never Enough: Book 1 in the Never Series (5 page)

“Army.”

“Cool.”

Awkward silence.

“He’s killed people for our country. He’s a hero!” Kyle shouted again. It was obvious he was repeating things he’d heard other grown-ups say about his big brother.

“Kyle,” Devin’s voice was stern. “We don’t shout out things like that. We don’t talk about what happened when we’re not at home, okay?” He laid a hand on Kyle’s shoulder.

Kyle looked hurt. “But you did. You did good things. You killed the bad people. That’s what Dad says.”

“Kyle!” Devin’s voice escalated from stern to angry, and at the sound of it, my own heartbeat began to rise.

Kyle looked down at the table. “Fine. But you are a hero,” he said meekly.

My purse strap had become a necessary distraction as I wrapped and rewrapped it around my hands. Devin gave me an
I’m sorry
look as he tossed some cash down on the table. “Let’s go,” he said.  And we all silently slid out of the booth and headed towards the doors. For some reason, the song
Taps
was playing on a loop inside my head.

The warm summer air felt good on my skin after being inside the air-conditioned restaurant. Devin asked Kyle to sit on a nearby bench for a minute.

“So,” he said while placing his hands in the front pockets of his loose jeans. “That was fun.” He plastered on a big smile, the kind that reminded me of an overzealous third grader on picture day, and it made me laugh.

“Yeah, it was.” The corners of my mouth lifted in a flirtatious grin.

He smiled even bigger, completely over-exaggerated and comical. “And awkward and uncomfortable too.”

“Yeah, it was.” We both broke into a laugh, and the air carried our laughter into a cyclone around us.

He stepped closer to me, bridging the space between us, and my pulse quickened. His chest slowly raised and lowered as he took in a deep breath. “Damn, you’re beautiful.”

My chest constricted and I couldn’t breathe for a minute. “Wh-what?” I stammered from being completely thrown off guard. Unsure of what to do, I awkwardly touched my face. Nose, eyes, mouth—yup, they were all where they were supposed to be.

“Sorry, but there’s one thing I’ve learned from what I’ve been through, and it’s to never hold back from saying something in the moment because you never know if that moment will ever come around again.”

Wow
. I knew exactly what he meant. I’d wished one-hundred thousand times over that I’d spoken up to Haley. That I’d been more forceful with her about getting better. That I’d been around more to save her. There must have been a way for me to save her. But it was all too late.

“So I was just thinking that over and over again in my head and I had to say it,” he said.

My feet shuffled slightly closer to him. I wanted to press my chest against his. I wanted him to run his strong fingers through my hair. “Thank you.” My eyes caught his, and I had to fight with every hormone I had to refrain from leaning in and kissing him right at that very moment.

“Can we go home now?” Kyle yelled.

Devin looked at him and held up the one-minute sign. Then he turned back to me. “So, do you think we could do this again sometime? Maybe with a less awkward finale?”

“Definitely.” There was a lilt in my voice that made me sound like a little girl, but it made him smile.

We exchanged cell phones and entered each other’s contact information. “So I’ll talk to you soon then,” he said as Kyle, who had obviously grown impatient, bounded up to him.

“I hope so.” My voice oozed with flirtation.

As he walked away, I opened the camera on my phone and called out to him. When he turned around, I snapped a photo. He waved back to me and continued his stride. After cropping out the distractions around him, I saved the photo. Nothing like a little eye candy to curb my sweet tooth.

CHAPTER FIVE

“So what type of hot is this guy?” Fiona asked as she curled her hair. She had an afternoon shift at Burgers and Buns, and I still detested that she worked there.

“He’s the type of hot that makes me want to do naughty things to him.” It had been one day since I’d had pancakes with Devin. He texted me and we’d made plans to hang out. I’d been trying to pick my outfit for over an hour when Fiona helped me settle on a pair of white capris and a pink V-neck, which was fitted but not too fitted.

Fiona unplugged the curling iron from the wall. “That’s the best kind of hot. So where are you two going tonight?”

“We only talked about going to dinner, so I don’t know if we’ll do more than that.” I’d hoped we would, but I didn’t want to come across as overeager.

Fiona applied some cherry red lipstick to her full lips. “Well, be sure if you wear a bra that clips in the front, you give him a heads up. Guys hate to be fiddling around back there only to be denied entry.”

“Fiona!” I smacked her arm as she sashayed past me to grab her purse.

“I’m kidding! Hey have you talked to your dad yet?”

“Nice segue.” I sat down on a stool at the breakfast bar.

“I only ask because I’ve talked to my mom, and your dad is on her case about you not talking to him. So have you talked to him?”

I made tiny circles on the countertop with my index finger. “No.”

Fiona grunted before putting a hand on my shoulder. “Talk to him.”

“Whatever. Don’t you have some ass, oops, I mean burgers to sell?”

Her blue eyes beamed at me and she put a big cherry stained kiss on my cheek. “Remember what I said about the bra!” she yelled as she walked out the front door. If I’d had something within easy reach to throw at her, I would have.

It was twenty minutes before I was due to walk Casper’s dogs when I got a text message from Devin.

So what are the chances we can hang out?

I thought we already were?

True. I meant earlier.

How early?

Now’s good
. He added a winking emoticon.

My insides flared
Well I have to walk some dogs first
.

Guys or animals?

Ha! Animals
. I wanted to see him though. I wanted to see him immediately. And the fact that he wanted to see me only made that feeling more intense. But I couldn’t bail on Casper.
You wanna come along?

Tell me where and when. And if I should bring treats.

I texted him back and told him I’d meet him outside Perked, since it was around the corner from my house, in twenty minutes. This meant I’d have to decide on a slightly different outfit. White capris wouldn’t work while walking the dogs. Especially since two of them had black fur that shed constantly. After ransacking my closet, I came up with a pair of flattering but not slutty jean shorts and the same hot pink V-neck I’d already planned on wearing. My brown hair was looking decent after I twisted it into a sleek side braid, and I applied neutral makeup with a slight wing to my eyeliner and double coats of mascara. But I was anxious. I did laps in the kitchen around the breakfast bar.
It’ll be fine
. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. But anxious little minions kept poking pitchforks in my stomach. Remembering the calming breathing techniques I’d done at yoga, I began to focus on the three-part breath. Breathe in, one, two, three; breathe out, one, two, three. It wasn’t helping.

There was one thing I was trying to keep my mind off of. The ice cream pie I’d made the night we found out about my dad and Fiona’s mom having a baby. I’d done the right thing though. I’d made the pie, took my big spoonful and then brought the rest over to Mr. Dobson’s house so he could enjoy the pie and I’d be free of it. Only I’d saved one slice that I wrapped three times in tinfoil and placed deep in the back of the freezer. As I unwrapped the foil and exposed the pie, the knots in my stomach began to loosen, and my heart rate began to rise. Without thought, I lifted the piece of pie and took one large bite of it. As I chewed, not even taking the time to enjoy the taste, I shoved the remainder of the piece down the garbage disposal. It was stupid to save that piece. Why did I think I could just leave it in there? After scanning the time on my phone, I realized it was time for me to pick up the dogs. And a hot guy.

***

The dogs pulled me towards the entrance of Perked where I frantically glanced around for Devin. No sign of him. Had he changed his mind? Come to his senses? Gotten hit by a bus? As I tried to steady myself and the dogs, while debating the protocol of what to do if he were hit by a bus, I was taken aback when I heard his voice behind me.

“Whoa, those aren’t puppies.”

I spun around and saw him standing there. He had a coffee in hand, and he wore green cargo shorts and a black t-shirt that hugged his chest ever so slightly. I had a feeling all of his t-shirts hugged his chest and biceps. I couldn’t blame them. I’d hug them, too.

“Hey there, pups,” he said as he bent down to pet them.

Yanking on the leashes, I pulled the dogs back from his hand. “Oh, you don’t want to do that. Casper has a rule. Always let the dogs smell you before you try to make contact with them.”

“Casper? You don’t mean Casper, the kindred spirit of dogs guy?”

“You know him?” The dogs pulled me closer to Devin so they could get a good whiff of him. He smelled like marshmallows and cedar wood. It was intoxicating.

Devin kept his eyes on me while the dogs sniffed him. “My mom loves his show. Watches it every Friday night.”

“Do you have dogs?”

“Nope. She’s just fascinated by the control Casper has over the dogs he works with. I think she tries to use some of the tactics on Kyle sometimes. She has all of his books and everything. I can’t believe you work for him. That’s too funny.”

Vixen made a mad dash and circled around the back of Devin, causing me to be pulled forward directly into Devin’s chest. In a split second, he was able to take his free hand—thankfully, because the other hand was holding scalding hot coffee—and stop my face from smashing into him. Somehow I was left gently pressed against him.

“Hello there,” he said as I looked up at him. I was so close to his mouth, his lips, his tongue.

“Sorry,” I muttered and returned myself to a standing position. “The dogs aren’t super great with me.” I shortened the lead on their leashes and pulled them to me. “I’m nothing like Casper.” Which was stating the obvious.

Devin’s eyes scanned my face and held his stare on my lips for a moment before returning to my eyes. “Well good. I don’t care much for short, bald men.”

He took the leashes of Vixen and Prancer and we began to walk side by side with the dogs pulling us all the way. I could still smell the sweet musky scent of Devin. I’d have to give Vixen an extra treat later for pulling me into him. Maybe it was a trick I could train her to do more often.

***

We’d dropped the dogs off at Casper’s place—I’d stopped at home super quick to change from my jeans to the white Capri pants—and walked back to Perked since that was where Devin’s car was parked. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going. For a brief moment, I thought about how it probably wasn’t smart heading off to an unknown destination with a guy I barely knew. But something about Devin felt so safe. Like when you’re little and just learning how to swim, and your parents are holding onto you and you feel like nothing could hurt you. That’s how it felt with him. I hadn’t felt that safe in a long time, and I didn’t want the feeling to go away. I didn’t want him to go away. The last person I’d felt safe with was Haley. Never for a moment had I ever thought that she might leave me one day. We were each other’s best friends. And best friends don’t leave. Best friends don’t die. Especially when you don’t know how to heal without them.

Through the window, I could smell the ocean. I’d been spending most of the drive looking at Devin’s profile. My eyes studied his sharp jawline, his strong, straight nose, his short-lashed green eyes focused sharply on the road. When I looked out the window, I saw the soft sand of Hodgekin’s Beach.

“Do you feel like a picnic?” he asked after popping the trunk and waving his hands towards a picnic basket.

I laughed. “What would you do if I said no?”

He took my hand in his. “I’d ask you where you’d like to go.”

Flares shot off in my body from my toes all the way up to the top of my head. A fusion of heat and electricity warmed every part of me. He kept hold of my hand and grabbed the basket with the other. Then we walked to a quiet spot on the beach set back from the ocean.

“So is it less awkward now to ask about you being a hero?” I’d been thinking of a way to bring it up for almost twenty minutes. Since finding out Devin was a veteran at our pancake breakfast the other day, I’d been super curious but worried to ask since it seemed to make him uncomfortable.

He turned his face from me and stared out to the ocean. “As long as you don’t keep saying the word hero.”

My hands crumbled the last bit of a wheat roll I had in my hand. “Scout’s honor, I won’t.” I held up three fingers in the air to give my best scout salute. “So.” I picked up a pile of grapes to have something to fiddle with. “What branch of the military again?”

“Army.”

“Did you like it?”
What a stupid question
. Does anyone come back from war and say they liked it?
Idiot
. I popped two grapes in my mouth and hoped that the time it took me to chew them would spark something more intelligent for me to say.

A side smile lifted his lips. “I think I was expecting something different.”

“What do you mean?”

After taking in a large breath, he paused and seemed lost in thought. “I was just really naive. I mean, I enlisted right out of high school. And that was mostly because my mom was hassling me about college, and I really had no clue where I wanted to go or even
if
I wanted to go. So after a recruiter came to the school and gave me the low down on the Army, it sounded like a good plan at the time. And if I decided to go to school after I was done, the Army would help pay for it.” He took a napkin and began twisting it in his hands.  “I just never thought that I’d be sent off to war.” He stopped and looked at me. His eyes seemed far off. “I mean
war
, you know? I went through boot camp, had my nineteenth birthday, and then got shipped out to war.” His gaze returned back to the ocean. “I had no clue what the hell I was in for. What the hell I’d see there.” He took a minute to look down and shake his head. “I didn’t have a real understanding of things I’d have to do.”

“How long were you there for?” I was afraid to ask but for some reason I needed to know.

“Nine months.” His voice was hollow. “After that, I stayed back on the base for six months, and then my brigade got sent back to fight again for
another
nine months.” There was defeat in his voice. He seemed lost in thought, and I wondered if scenes and images were playing out in his head as the silence dragged on for some time.

“Wow. Well I just want to say thank you, you know, for serving.” I’d been told since I was little to always thank a soldier. Plus, I had no idea what else to say.

He looked at me again, eyes almost glassy. “The thing is, I had no idea I’d be sent over there.” He held my eyes for a moment then looked away. “The shit that stays with you after that is just…I don’t want to get into it. Not here. Not now.” Without looking at me, he took my hand in his. “Not when I’d rather be focusing on one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met in my life.”

Again, the flares shot off inside me. This time with a side of firecrackers. When he tilted his head up and leaned closer to me, I instinctively drew myself to him. To his waiting mouth. When my lips touched his, the warmth from his entire body radiated through me. He kissed my top lip, then my bottom lip, then devoured both my lips with his. When his mouth parted, I was the first to slip my tongue inside and I flicked and tasted his sweetness. His hands cupped my face and I wanted to melt.

After a trio of soft kisses, we separated. “You’re a really good kisser,” he said before planting another trio of soft kisses on my lips.

“Thanks,” I said returning the kisses. No way would I tell him I used to practice on melons when I was a freshman in high school!

He traced a line across my chin. “You’re not afraid of heights are you?”

The question set me back. “Not that I’m aware of,” I replied raising an eyebrow at him.

“Great. Grab your stuff.” He stood and held out a hand to help me up. “Because your future is now.”

Intrigued, I grabbed my things and helped him clean up the food all the while wondering if I really was afraid of heights now that he mentioned it.

After dropping off the stuff at the car, Devin took my hand and we walked along the boardwalk. The air was filled with the scent of salt water and seafood. We passed the homemade fudge shop and my mouth began to water. He continued to guide me straight ahead, and I realized where we were headed. The sounds of laughter and chaos along with the scent of fried dough was enough to clue me in. That and the giant Ferris wheel shimmering in front of me let me know we’d arrived at the fair. It was an annual event at Hodgekin’s Beach. The Ferris wheel was also boasted as being one of the largest in the east coast. My stomach flip-flopped as we walked closer to it.